Okuqukethwe
U-Lilia akakamshiyi u-Ophélie selokhu abuyela engxenyeni encane “ ngoba bobabili bathanda izingubo zokuphotha, iphazili kanye noshokoledi oshisayo! ”. U-Gaspard no-Théo banqume ukuhlangana ekupheleni kwentambama esigcawini ukuze badlale futhi babelane ngesnakhi sabo. “ Ngoba kwakunguye, ngoba kwakuyimi! Lo musho omuhle ovela ku-Montaigne ekhuluma ngobungane bakhe obukhulu ku-La Boétie uyasebenza nasebudlelwaneni bobungane abancane abakha phakathi kwabo. Yebo ubungane bezingane buzalwa cishe iminyaka emi-3 ubudala, inhlabathi abazochuma kuyo ilungiswe kahle ngaphambili, ngoba yonke into iqala kusukela ezikhathini zokuqala zokuphila komntwana ngenxa yokuxhumana anakho nabantu abadala abamnakekelayo, abazali, abakhulisi, abadala - abazali ... UDaniel Coum uyachaza: “Phakathi nokushintshana kwezwi, imidlalo, abathintwayo, ukubuka, ukunakekelwa, ingane iqongelela ekuhlangenwe nakho kwayo kwenkumbulo ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo yokuxhumana okuzobeka ubuhlobo bayo nabanye. Uma lobu budlelwano bumnandi futhi bumnika ukwaneliseka, uyobufuna. Uma lezi zigigaba zingezinhle futhi zimbangela ukungakhululeki, ukungezwani noma ukukhathazeka, uzogwema ukuxoxisana, ngeke abe nobudlelwane futhi angakushiyi neze ukufinyelela kwabanye.“. Yingakho ke amazwi, izingoma ezipholile, ukwanga kubaluleke kakhulu okwengane yakho. Cishe ezinyangeni eziyi-8-10, ingane iqaphela i-ego kanye nongeyena, iyaqonda ukuthi enye, ikakhulukazi umama wayo, ingase iphuthelwe, izwa lokho okubizwa ngokuthi ama-shrinks "Ukukhathazeka kwenyanga yesi-8”. Futhi ukuze anqobe lobuhlungu bokuhlukana, uqala ukucabanga othandekayo engekho ekhanda lakhe, ukuze akhe isithombe sengqondo ngakho. Ngemva konyaka wokuqala, ingane ebekwe eduze kwenye ingane izoba nesithakazelo kuye, izame ukumbamba ngezandla zayo, ngokunokwenzeka imlume ukuze ibonise ukuthi iyayithanda enye futhi ayifuni. akahambe.
Ubudlelwano phakathi kwezingane: ukushintshana kwemisipha yokuqala
Ilukuluku lakhe lihambisana nesihluku ngoba akakabi nawo amandla okuthwala “into ayithakaselayo”. Ukusunduza, ukushaya, ukudonsa izinwele zakho… Le mibukiso “enodlame” yonke iyimizamo yokungena ebudlelwaneni, ukuvusa ukusabela.
Kusukela ezinyangeni ze-18, uba yi-psychomotor autonomous futhi ekwazi ukuphila ngokuhlukana ngokuphepha okwanele ukuze akwazi ukuqala ukuthanda omunye. Okokuqala, ihlatshwe umxhwele yilolu hlobo lokuziphindaphinda kabili, ingane iyambheka, iyibuke idlala, ikopishe ukunyakaza kwayo. Ukudlala eceleni kuvumela wonke umuntu ukuthi anothise futhi athuthukise umdlalo, ngokubamba imibono emisha ngokubuka kafushane umakhelwane. Kuyisiqalo nje semidlalo phakathi kwezingane kanye ne-cronyism. Igama lomuntu omdala libalulekile ukuhambisana nale mizamo yokuqala ngezinye izikhathi ukuthintana kwemisipha kakhulu, kuyadingeka ukuchaza, ukubiza igama ngalinye ngegama lakhe nokuchaza ukuthi omunye ufuna ukudlala naye, kodwa akazi ukuthi Mtshele. Uma ungakabi neminyaka emi-2 ubudala, ukuhlaba ithoyizi lesoka lakho kuyindlela evamile yokulibonisa isithakazelo onalo kulo. TUma nje ingekho ingozi, kungcono ukuthi umuntu omdala abukele ekude futhi "umhlukumezi" kanye "nohlaselwe" baye ekupheleni kokuhwebelana, ngoba yile ndlela bobabili abazofunda ngayo ukucabangela okunye, ukuqinisa, ukubeka imingcele yabo, ukuxoxisana, ngamafuphi, ukuxoxisana. . Siyaqaphela futhi ukuthi isikhashana senhlekelele ngokuvamile siholela ekucushweni. Izinguquko zokuqala zizalwa ngokuzenzakalelayo, zikhula ngokushesha ngamandla kodwa zigcina kancane. Lena akuyona imidlalo eminingi, enemithetho, isiqalo nesiphetho. Lokhu kuhlangana kwenhlanhla lapho, kancane kancane, ingane ngayinye izothola injabulo phambi kontanga yayo. Kodwa eminyakeni emi-2, izikhathi zokunaka komunye zihlala zidlula. Ngemva kweseshini yokuqhuma kokuhleka noma ukungqubuzana, ngaphandle kwesixwayiso, bobabili bayahamba bayodlala bodwa, ngamunye ephupha ngebhamuza lakhe. Njengoba uDaniel Coum ephawula: “ Ingane kufanele izizwe ivikeleke ngokwanele ukuze ithuthukise ukuhlalisana okunokuthula, ubuhlobo obunomusa, obunokuthula nokuthula nomunye, hhayi ukumbheka njengosongo. Izingane ezikhathazeke kakhulu ngokuhlukana zizoziphatha kabi komunye ukuze zimgcine futhi zizokhetha ukucekela phansi omunye kunokuba zilahlekelwe nguye. Yilokhu okwenza ukuziphatha kwabantu abadala kube nomthelela. »
Kusukela eminyakeni emi-2, izingane zizothola injabulo “yokudlala ndawonye”. Ubuchule bolimi buzobavumela ukuthi balungise indlela yabo yokusebenzelana nabanye. Kunokuba bamsunduze noma bamdonse ngomkhono, manje bathi: “Woza! “. Lapho ulimi luthuthukiswa kakhulu, kuyanda ukuxhumana kuguqukela endleleni eningilizayo yokudlala, lapho ukusungulwa, umcabango kanye “nokuzenzisa” kuthatha indawo eyengeziwe.
Iminyaka engu-2-3: isikhathi sobungane bangempela ezinganeni
Lapho ingane enezinyanga eziyi-18 ifika enkulisa ekuseni, iya kumuntu omdala ongumethenjwa wayo ... Lapho eneminyaka engu-2-3 ubudala, uqonda ngqo kubangane bakhe, noma kunjalo, ukuba khona komuntu omdala kuhlale kuyisisekelo sokuphepha, okubaluleke kakhulu kuye, yimidlalo azoyisungula nontanga yakhe. Weqe ingqophamlando! Lapho ingane ikhula, yilapho ukuziqaphela kwayo kanye nenye kuyacwengwa, yilapho ihlukanisa kangcono ingane ngayinye futhi bukhula ngokwengeziwe ubungane buba ubungane beqiniso.
Ubungane, obuyiqiniso, bukhona ezinganeni ezineminyaka emi-3 ubudala. Ukungena esikoleni se-nursery yisikhathi esibalulekile, lapho izingane zesikole zifunda ukudansa nokucula, kodwa ngaphezu kwakho konke ukuzijabulisa. Ingane ngayinye ifuna kuqala ukuba intandokazi kathisha, kodwa njengoba lokhu kungenakwenzeka, iphendukela kubangane bakhe nezintombi, futhi ibone izingane ezimbili noma ezintathu athanda ukudlala nazo. Ubungane bokuqala bakheka futhi ukwenqatshwa kokuqala kohlobo " Yena, angimthandi, angifuni ukudlala naye! ” futhi. Ngezinye izikhathi abangani bazikhethela bona esithombeni sesibuko, ngokusekelwe kokufana kwabo.
Kwesinye isikhathi, wukweqisa okuhambisanayo okuhehayo, onamahloni kanye nochasayo, ophuphile omnandi nohambayo, okhulumayo nohlakaniphe kakhulu… Lezi zivumelwano ezimangalisayo zivula umbono futhi abazali kufanele bamukele ukukhetha kwabo kobungane. izingane, hhayi ukunquma ukuthi ubani isoka elilungile noma intombi efanele ngoba banesitayela esifanele nokubukeka okulungile! Inkululeko yengane ekilasini ihlukana nemibandela yomkhaya wayo, ngaphandle kokucwasa, futhi yilokho kanye okuthakaselayo!
Kusukela eminyakeni emi-4 kuye kweyisi-6, ubungane bucebile futhi bucebile. Izingane ziba nezingxoxo zazo zangempela zokuqala nabangane. Bashintshana ngezinto abazithembayo, babelana ngemibono yabo ngothando, abazali, ukufa… Imidlalo inothiswa ngezimo eziyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu! Phakathi kweminyaka engu-5 nengu-6, imidlalo yokulingisa ivumela amantombazane nabafana ukuthi bathole ubudlelwano bomphakathi abazobamba iqhaza kubo kamuva. Sidlala unkosikazi, umama / ubaba, udokotela, inkosana nenkosazana, amaqhawe amakhulu, ukuya emsebenzini ... Abangane baba ngamaphuzu abalulekile okubhekiselwa kuwo kanye nesiqiniseko. Basiza ukungena ezindaweni lapho umuntu engeke alinge ukuwela ngaphandle kwabo, avumele ukushiya i-cocoon yabazali, azikhulule futhi athole enye. Kukulokhu emuva naphambili phakathi kwekhaya nangaphandle, izinkomba zomndeni kanye nezontanga, lapho ingane ngayinye izakhela eyakhe imibono, indawo yonke kanye nobuntu bayo. Kule minyaka, abancane basebenza kakhulu ngokubambisana kunamaqembu ngoba kunzima kubo ukwakha ubuhlobo bangempela nabantu abambalwa. Bavame ukwenza ubungane nezingane zobulili obufanayo ngoba umngane omkhulu (umngane omkhulu) uyeza ukuzoqinisa ubunikazi babo bobulili. Ngakho-ke ukubaluleka kokuphindwe kabili, kwe-alter ego, lowo engimethembayo, ongaphindi izimfihlo, ohlinzeka ngezinsizakalo futhi oqine kakhulu. Kuyiqinisa idolo enganeni ehlale izizwa isengozini kancane ezweni labantu abadala.
Thuthukisa ubuhlakani bakho bobudlelwano
Lapho likhula, ingcebo yakho ifuna kakhulu ukudlala nabanye, nokuba nabangane nezintombi. Ukwazi ukwakha ubudlelwano nabanye, izingane noma abantu abadala, yilokho abahlehlayo abakubiza nge-relational intelligence noma ubuhlakani bomphakathi. Lolu hlobo lokuhlakanipha, olubalulekile ukuze uphile kahle nabanye futhi uphumelele lapho usumdala, luncike ezimfanelweni ezihlukahlukene ongazikhuthaza. Okokuqala, ikhono lokubona nokuqonda imizwa yabanye nokuyihlukanisa kweyabanye. Ukuze usize ingane yakho ithuthukise i-QS (i-quotient yomphakathi), yifundise ukucacisa izenzo zabanye. Xoxa naye kaningi, mkhuthaze ukuba alalele futhi abuze imibuzo efanele, ahlukanise ukusabela nokwahlulela kwabanye, amukele ukuthi ahlukile kweyakhe. Uma ingane enjalo naleyo ihlekisa ngayo, mchazele ukuthi kungani abanye abantu behlekisa ngabanye, ngoba besaba ukuhlekwa, ngoba abaqinisekanga ngokwabo ...
Futhi mfundise ukubekezela, ahlehlise ukwaneliseka kwakhe esikhundleni sokufuna “konke njengamanje”! Izingane ezikwaziyo ukulinda futhi ezingavumeli ukuthambekela kwazo ziyakwazi ukuxhumana nabantu futhi ziyazethemba kunabanye. Uma ingane enjalo naleyo ifuna ukumphuca ithoyizi layo, mtshele ukuba alishintshisane nelakhe esikhundleni sokwenqaba ngaso leso sikhathi futhi azifake engozini yokulwa. Ukuhwebelana kuyindlela engcono kakhulu yokwenza abangani. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ungamenzi abolekise ngamathoyizi akhe, wabelane futhi ube nomusa kwabanye ngoba ucabanga ukuthi kulungile! Usemncane kakhulu ukuthi angazwela! Ukuze uhlobane nomunye futhi ukwazi ukwenza umusa, kuyadingeka ukuba umuntu ngamunye ngokwenele angesabi ukumuncwa omunye. Kumele ulinde kuze kudlule isikhathi esithi CHA ngaphambi kokuthi ucele ingane ukuthi iboleke amathoyizi ayo, kungenjalo izwa sengathi ilahlekelwa ingxenye yayo. Umntwana akayena umuntu omdala omncane, futhi akukuhle ukuphoqelela ukuziphatha okuhle kuye esivame ukungazihloniphi thina!
Njengoba uDaniel Coum echaza: “ Ngaphambi kweminyaka engu-3-4, ukuphepha okuyisisekelo kwengane yakhelwe embonweni wokuthi uhlukile emehlweni abazali bakhe, ukuthi nguye kuphela obalulekile. Noma nini lapho ecelwa ukuba azikhohlwe ukuze kuzuze omunye, unomuzwa wokuthi akathandwa futhi omunye ubaluleke kakhulu emehlweni abazali noma othisha. Ngokusho kwakhe, ubhekana nomonakalo omkhulu kakhulu lapho lowo okuthiwa akhiphe amathoyizi akhe, emncane kunaye. Akuqondayo ukuthi kuyathakazelisa ukuba yingane kunokuba mkhulu, okuyinto abantu abadala abakhetha amancane. Nakuba, okuxakayo, abantu abadala bamcela ukuba abe mude ngaphandle kokumbonisa ukuthi ukuba mude kunezinzuzo namalungelo azomenza afune ukukhula. »
Imfundo ngokwabelana ayiphoqelelwa ngamandla. Uma siphoqa ingane ukuba ibe nomusa komunye kusenesikhathi, uma siyitshela ukuthi ayilungile noma, okubi nakakhulu, uma siyijezisa, izohambisana nemithetho ukuze ijabulise abazali bayo, ngoba iyazithoba. I-altruism, uzwela lwangempela, okungukuthi ikhono lokuzibeka esicathulweni somunye umcabango futhi uvumelane nalokho abakulindele, akukona. akunakwenzeka ngaphambi kweminyaka engu-6-7 ubudala, iminyaka yesizathu. Ingane inezindinganiso zomzali ezididiyelwe, iyazi ukuthi yikuphi okuhle nokubi, futhi nguye onquma ukuba muhle nokwabelana.
Ubungane ebuntwaneni: kuthiwani uma ingane yami ingenabo amasoka?
Ngokushesha nje indodakazi yakho ingena ekilasini lapho uyibuza imibuzo eminingi: “Unabo abangane?” Obani amagama abo? Abazali bafuna izingane zabo zibe inkanyezi yasenkulisa nezinsuku zokuzalwa noma umfana omncane odume kakhulu ngesikhathi sokuphumula. Kuphela lapha, zonke izingane azihlalisani ngendlela efanayo, ezinye zizungezwe kakhulu, ezinye zingenangqondo. Esikhundleni sokufaka ingcindezi, kubalulekile ukukhomba “indlela yokuxhumana nabantu” yengane yakho, uhloniphe izinga lokukhula kwayo kanye nesimo sayo sengqondo. Uma kungenjalo, sizifaka engcupheni yokuthi singakhiqizi kahle futhi sidale ukuvimba.
Kubaluleke kakhulu namuhla ukuthandwa, kodwa kukhona nabanamahloni, abagodliwe, abaphuphayo, abahlakaniphe kakhulu futhi abathanda ukudlala bodwa noma ngababili. Manje ? Umngane noma umngane kwanele! Mema umngani wakhe omkhulu azodlala ngezimpelaviki. Khuthaza umoya weqembu lakhe ngokumbhalisa emisebenzini yangemva kwesikole (umdanso, i-judo, ithiyetha, njll.), okubalulekile ukuze avumele izingane ezinamahloni ukuba ziphile ngesigqi esingesona sesikole. Imithetho ihlukile, amaqembu mancane… Imidlalo yebhodi mihle yokufunda ukulahlekelwa, ukuba phakathi kwabanye, nokwenza iqembu lakho liwine! Futhi qaphela amanxeba okuqala obungane angabalimaza ngempela. Ngoba inkathi yobungane bokuqala beqiniso futhi yileyo yosizi lokuqala lobungane. Ungabathathi kancane, lalela izikhalo zabo futhi ubathokozise. Hlela ukudla okulula ukuze umsize enze abanye abangani ...