Okuqukethwe
Bakhomba abantu besifazane ngeminwe. Kusolwa zonke izono ezifayo. Bayalahla. Bakwenza ungabaze wena. Kungacatshangwa ukuthi isabizwana esithi “bona” sibhekisela emadodeni, kodwa cha. Imayelana nabesifazane ababa yizitha ezimbi kakhulu komunye nomunye.
Ezingxoxweni ezimayelana namalungelo abesifazane, ubufazi kanye nokucwasa, ingxabano eyodwa kanye efanayo ivame ukutholakala: «Angikaze ngicasulwe ngamadoda, konke ukugxeka nenzondo empilweni yami kwasakazwa ngabesifazane futhi abesifazane kuphela. Le mpikiswano ivamise ukuqhubekisela phambili ingxoxo esiphethweni esingesihle, ngoba kunzima kakhulu ukuyibekela inselele. Futhi yingakho.
Iningi lethu linakho okuhlangenwe nakho okufanayo: kwakungabanye besifazane abasitshela ukuthi “yithina esinecala” ngokunukubezwa ngokocansi, kwakungabanye besifazane abasigxeka kabuhlungu futhi besihlazisa ngenxa yokubukeka kwethu, ukuziphatha kwethu ngokobulili, ukukhulisa izingane “okungagculisi”, kanye nokukhulisa izingane. njenge.
Le mpikiswano ibonakala ibukela phansi isisekelo senkundla yokulwela amalungelo abantu besifazane. Uma abesifazane becindezela bodwa, kungani kukhulunywa kakhulu ngobukhosi nokucwasa? Kuthiwani ngamadoda ngokuvamile?
Nokho, konke akulula kangako, futhi kukhona indlela yokuphuma kulo mbuthano ononya. Yebo, abesifazane bayagxekana futhi “baminza” ngonya, ngokuvamile ngonya kakhulu kunanoma yinini eyake yenza amadoda. Inkinga iwukuthi izimpande zalesi simo azikho nhlobo kumvelo «yemvelo» oxakayo wobulili besifazane, hhayi «umona wabesifazane» kanye nokungakwazi ukubambisana nokusekelana.
Isigabe esilandelayo
Ukuncintisana kwabesifazane kuyinto eyinkimbinkimbi, futhi isekelwe kuzo zonke izakhiwo ezifanayo zezinzalamizi ezikhuluma kakhulu ngabesifazane. Ake sizame ukuthola ukuthi kungani kungabantu besifazane abagxeka kakhulu imisebenzi, ukuziphatha kanye nokubukeka kwabanye besifazane.
Ake siqale kusukela ekuqaleni. Noma siyathanda noma singathandi, sonke sakhulela emphakathini ocwile ezakhiweni nasezimisweni zezinzalamizi. Yiziphi izimiso zezinzalamizi? Cha, lokhu akuwona nje umqondo wokuthi isisekelo somphakathi siyiyunithi yomndeni eqinile, ehlanganisa umama omuhle, ubaba ohlakaniphile kanye nezingane ezintathu ezinezihlathi ezinama-rosy.
Umqondo oyinhloko wesimiso sezinzalamizi ukuhlukaniswa okucacile komphakathi ngezigaba ezimbili, "amadoda" kanye "nabesifazane", lapho isigaba ngasinye sinikezwa isethi ethile yezimfanelo. Lezi zigaba ezimbili azilingani, kodwa zibalwa ngokohlelo. Lokhu kusho ukuthi omunye wabo unikezwe isikhundla esiphezulu, futhi ngenxa yalokhu, ungumnikazi wezinsiza ezengeziwe.
Kulesi sakhiwo, indoda "inguqulo evamile yomuntu", kuyilapho owesifazane akhiwa ngokuphambene - njengokuphambene ncamashi nendoda.
Uma indoda inengqondo futhi inengqondo, owesifazane akanangqondo futhi unomzwelo. Uma owesilisa enquma, ekhuthele futhi enesibindi, owesifazane akacabangi, wenza izinto futhi ubuthakathaka. Uma indoda ingaba yinhle kakhulu kunenkawu, owesifazane ubophekile ukuba "ahlobise umhlaba ngokwakhe" kunoma yisiphi isimo. Sonke siyazazi lezi zinkolelo-ze. Lolu hlelo luphinde lusebenze ngokuphambene: ngokushesha nje lapho ikhwalithi ethile noma uhlobo oluthile lomsebenzi luqala ukuhlotshaniswa nendima "yowesifazane", ilahlekelwa kakhulu inani layo.
Ngakho, ukuba ngumama nokunakekela ababuthakathaka kunesimo esiphansi kune-«umsebenzi wangempela» emphakathini kanye nemali. Ngakho-ke, ubungane besifazane buyi-twittering eyisiphukuphuku kanye nezingxabano, kuyilapho ubungane besilisa buwukuxhumana kwangempela nokujulile, ubuzalwane begazi. Ngakho-ke, "ukuzwela nokuzwela" kuthathwa njengento edabukisayo futhi engafaneleki, kuyilapho "ukucabangela nokucabangela" kubhekwa njengezimfanelo ezitusekayo nezifiselekayo.
Inkohlakalo engabonakali
Kusukela kulezi zinkolelo-ze, kuyacaca ukuthi umphakathi wezinzalamizi ugcwele indelelo ngisho nenzondo ngabesifazane (ukungaziphathi kahle), futhi le nzondo ayivamisile ukuthi ikhulunywe ngemiyalezo eqondile, isibonelo, “umuntu wesifazane akayena umuntu”, “kubi. ukuba ngowesifazane”, “owesifazane mubi kunendoda” .
Ingozi yokungahloniphi abesifazane ukuthi icishe ingabonakali. Kusukela ekuzalweni, kusizungezile njengenkungu engenakubanjwa noma ukuthintwa, kodwa noma kunjalo esithonyayo. Imvelo yethu yonke yolwazi, kusukela emikhiqizweni yesiko elikhulu kuya ekuhlakanipheni kwansuku zonke kanye nezici zolimi ngokwalo, igcwele umlayezo ocacile: "owesifazane ungumuntu wesigaba sesibili", ukuba owesifazane akuzuzisi futhi akufuneki. Yiba njengendoda.
Konke lokhu kubhebhezelwa yiqiniso lokuthi umphakathi uphinde usichazele ukuthi izimfanelo ezithile siziphiwe “ngokuzalwa” futhi azinakushintshwa. Isibonelo, ingqondo yesilisa edume kabi kanye nokuhluzeka kwengqondo kubhekwa njengento engokwemvelo nengokwemvelo, eboshwe ngokuqondile ekucushweni kwezitho zangasese. Kalula nje: akukho pipi - akukho ngqondo noma, isibonelo, i-penchant yesayensi eqondile.
Sifunda kanjena thina bantu besifazane ukuthi asikwazi ukuqhudelana nabesilisa, uma kuwukuthi kulo mbango kuzothiwa sihlulwe zisuka nje.
Okuwukuphela kwento esingayenza ukuze ngandlela thize siphakamise isimo sethu futhi sithuthukise izimo zethu zokuqala ukufaka ngaphakathi, ukufaneleka le nzondo nendelelo yesakhiwo, sizonde thina nodadewethu futhi siqale ukuncintisana nabo ngokuthola indawo elangeni.
Ukungathembeki kwabesifazane okungaphakathi—inzondo efanele ngabanye besifazane kanye nathi ngokwethu—kungavela ngezindlela ezihlukahlukene. Kungavezwa ngezitatimende ezimsulwa njengokuthi “angifani nabanye abantu besifazane” (funda: Nginengqondo, ngihlakaniphile futhi ngizama ngawo wonke amandla ami ukugqashula endimeni yobulili ebekwe kimi ngokugibela emakhanda abanye besifazane) futhi "Ngingabangane namadoda kuphela" ( funda: ukuxhumana namadoda ngendlela enhle kuhluke ekukhulumisaneni nabesifazane, kubaluleke kakhulu), futhi ngokugxeka okuqondile nobutha.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngokuvamile kakhulu ukugxekwa nenzondo eqondiswe kwabanye besifazane ukunambitheka «impindiselo» futhi «abesifazane»: ukuthatha phezu ababuthaka zonke lezo zinhlamba ezazibangelwa enamandla. Ngakho-ke owesifazane osevele ekhulise izingane zakhe ngokuzithandela "ubuyisela" zonke izikhalo zakhe "kuma-rookies", abangakabi nolwazi olwanele nezinsiza zokumelana.
Ukulwela amadoda
Esikhaleni se-post-Soviet, le nkinga ibhebhethekiswa nakakhulu umbono obekiwe wokushoda njalo kwamadoda, kuhlanganiswe nombono wokuthi owesifazane akakwazi ukujabula ngaphandle kobudlelwane bobulili obuhlukile. Ikhulu lesi-XNUMX, kodwa umqondo wokuthi "kunabafana abayisishiyagalolunye emantombazaneni ayishumi" usahlezi uqinile ekuqulekeni kweqembu futhi unikeza isisindo esengeziwe ekuvunyelweni kwabesilisa.
Inani lendoda ezimeni zokushoda, nakuba kuyinganekwane, liphezulu ngokungenangqondo, futhi abesifazane baphila esimweni esiqhubekayo sokuncintisana okunamandla kokunaka nokuvunyelwa kwabesilisa. Futhi ukuncintisana ngensiza elinganiselwe, ngeshwa, akukhuthazi ukusekelwana kanye nobudade.
Kungani ukungahloniphi kwabesifazane kwangaphakathi kungasizi?
Ngakho-ke, ukuncintisana kwabesifazane kuwumzamo wokuphuca izwe labesilisa imvume, izinsiza kanye nesimo kunalokho okufanele sibe yikho "ngokuzalwa". Kodwa ingabe leli su liyasebenza ngempela kwabesifazane? Ngeshwa, cha, uma kuphela ngenxa yokuthi kukhona ukuphikisana okujulile kwangaphakathi kuyo.
Ngokugxeka abanye abantu besifazane, thina, ngakolunye uhlangothi, sizama ukugqashula emigomeni yobulili esibekelwe yona futhi sifakazele ukungangeni kwethu esigabeni sabesifazane, izidalwa ezingenalutho neziphukuphuku, ngoba asinjalo! Ngakolunye uhlangothi, sikhuphuka phezu kwamakhanda ethu, ngesikhathi esifanayo sizama ukufakazela ukuthi singabesifazane abalungile nabalungile, hhayi njengabanye. Sibahle impela (abancane, abalungiswe kahle), singomama abahle (amakhosikazi, omalokazana), siyazi ukuthi kudlalwa kanjani ngemithetho — singabahle kakhulu kwabesifazane. Siyise eklabhu yakho.
Kodwa, ngeshwa, umhlaba wesilisa awujahile ukwamukela "abesifazane abavamile" noma "abesifazane baseSchrödinger" ekilabhini yabo, abathi bayingxenye kanye nokungeyona ingxenye yesigaba esithile. Umhlaba wamadoda muhle ngaphandle kwethu. Yingakho okuwukuphela kwesu lokusinda nempumelelo elisebenza kwabesifazane iwukukhipha ngokucophelela ukhula lokungathembeki kwabesifazane ngaphakathi futhi kusekelwe udadewabo, umphakathi wesifazane ongenakho ukugxekwa nokuncintisana.