Usinde isiphepho: kanjani ukuqonda ukuthi akuyona yonke into elahlekile umbhangqwana wakho?

“Ngosizi nenjabulo,” sonke siziphatha ngendlela ehlukile. Kodwa ukuziphatha kwethu okunqumayo ukuthi umbhangqwana wethu uzohamba ngakuphi. Uma sihlangana ukuze sixazulule izinkinga, maningi amathuba okuthi sigcine ubuhlobo buqhubeka futhi bujule kunangaphambili. Kodwa uma kufanele silwe cishe njalo, uma izilonda zijule kakhulu futhi ziningi kakhulu, ngisho nenhliziyo enamandla nenothando kakhulu ifaka ingozi yokuphula ubunzima.

Imibhangqwana eminingi inenkinga yokubhekana nezinkinga zayo. Futhi ngisho nalapho sebekhathele, bazama ukungalilahli ithemba lokuthi umuzwa owake wabavakashela uyophinde ubuyele kubo.

Izifo zezingane, ukulahlekelwa umsebenzi nezingxabano zemisebenzi, ukulahlekelwa izingane ezikhulelwe, ubunzima nabazali asebekhulile - kungase kubonakale kithi ukuthi lokhu ngeke kuphele. Ubunzima bungabamba umbhangqwana ndawonye, ​​kodwa uma impilo yakho iwuchungechunge lwezinselele ezinjalo, ungamane ukhohlwe ngomunye futhi ubambe kuphela lapho isikhathi sesihambile.

Imibhangqwana ehlala ndawonye, ​​naphezu kweqiniso lokuthi kukhona amandla amancane futhi amancane okugcina ubudlelwano, yibo abagqugquzelwa kakhulu. Abakwazi ukushiya izinto zinjengoba zinjalo, kodwa abacabangi ngisho nokuqeda ubudlelwano, kusho uchwepheshe wezengqondo nobudlelwano uRandy Gunther.

Ukuqonda ukuthi sebesondela kowamanqamu kubonakala kubanikeza amandla okokugcina, kukholwa lo ngoti. Futhi lokhu kukhuluma ngamandla abo angaphakathi nokuzinikela komunye. Kepha singaqonda kanjani ukuthi singabusindisa ubudlelwano futhi siphume ochungechungeni lwezinguquko, noma sekwephuze kakhulu?

U-Randy Gunther unikeza imibuzo engu-12 okufanele uyiphendule ukuze ubone ukuthi umbhangqwana wakho unalo yini ithuba.

1. Ingabe uyazwelana nesithandwa sakho?

Ungazizwa kanjani uma oshade naye egula? Kuthiwani uma inkosikazi iphelelwa umsebenzi? Okufanelekile, bobabili abalingani, lapho bephendula lo mbuzo, kufanele bakhathazeke ngomunye ngokucabanga nje okuthile okunjalo.

2. Uma umlingani wakho ekushiya, uzozisola noma ukhululeke?

Kwesinye isikhathi kithina kubonakala sengathi ngeke sisakwazi ukubekezelela konke okubi esikuthola ebudlelwaneni. Mhlawumbe, bephendula lo mbuzo, abanye ekugcineni bavuma ngokwethembeka: kuyoba lula kubo uma umlingani ngokuzumayo "enyamalala". Ngesikhathi esifanayo, uma ubacela ukuba bacabange ngekusasa elikude, indawo yokuphumula izothathwa ubuhlungu obuqotho bokulahlekelwa othandekayo.

3. Ingabe uzozizwa ujabule uma ushiya ngemuva kokuhlangana okudlule?

Umbuthano womphakathi, izingane ndawonye, ​​izinto ezithengwayo, amasiko, izinto zokuzilibazisa… Kuthiwani uma kufanele uyeke yonke into “ebenibambe iqhaza” kukho njengombhangqwana eminyakeni edlule? Uzozizwa kanjani uma uqeda okwedlule?

4. Ucabanga ukuthi kungaba ngcono ngaphandle komunye nomunye?

Labo asebezohlukana nozakwethu ngokuvamile abakwazi ukunquma ukuthi babalekela impilo endala, enyanyekayo noma basaphokophele kokuthile okusha nokukhuthazayo. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuphendula lo mbuzo uma ungazi ukuthi "uzomfaka kanjani" umlingani omusha empilweni yakho.

5. Ingabe akhona amabala amnyama esikhathini sakho esidlule angeke apendwe ngaphezulu?

Kwenzeka ukuthi omunye wabalingani wenze into engavamile, futhi naphezu kwemizamo yomlingani wakhe noma umkakhe yokukhohlwa ngokwenzekile futhi aqhubekele phambili, le ndaba ayisulwa ekhanda. Lokhu, okokuqala, mayelana nokuvukela umbuso, kodwa futhi ngezinye izithembiso eziphukile (ukungaphuzi, ukuyeka izidakamizwa, ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi nomndeni, njll.). Izikhathi ezinjalo zenza ubuhlobo bungazinzi, bunte buthaka isibopho phakathi kwabantu abanothando.

6. Ingabe uyakwazi ukulawula ukusabela kwakho lapho ubhekene nezinto ezibangela ukwenzeka esikhathini esidlule?

Imibhangqwana ebhekene nezinkinga ezingathi sína futhi echithe isikhathi esiningi ilwela ubudlelwano ingase isabele ngokweqile ngamazwi nokuziphatha. Uvele wakubuka ngokubukeka "okufanayo" - futhi uvele uqhume, nakuba engakasho lutho okwamanje. Amahlazo avela ngaphandle, futhi akekho omunye ongalandelela ukuthi enye ingxabano yaqala kanjani.

Cabanga ukuthi awukwazi yini ukusabela ngendlela evamile kulezo «zimpawu»? Awukwazi yini ukubaleka ekhaya ngokushesha nje lapho amahlazo asemoyeni? Ingabe usukulungele ukufuna izindlela ezintsha futhi uzibophezele ngezenzo zakho, ngisho noma kubonakala sengathi umlingani wakho "ukucasula"?

7. Ingabe ikhona indawo yokuhleka nokuzijabulisa ebudlelwaneni benu?

Amahlaya ayisisekelo esiqinile sanoma ibuphi ubuhlobo obuseduze. Futhi ikhono lokuhlekisa "liwumuthi" omuhle kakhulu wamanxeba esiwabangela komunye nomunye. Ukuhleka kusiza ukubhekana nanoma yisiphi, ngisho nesimo esinzima kakhulu - yebo, inqobo nje uma singaklolodeli futhi singenzi izinkulumo ezibhuqayo ezilimaza omunye.

Uma nisahleka amahlaya eniwaqondayo nobabili, uma nikwazi ukuhleka usulu lwamahlaya ahlekisayo, ningase nithandane.

8. Ingabe unayo «enye inkundla yezindiza»?

Ngisho noma nisakhathalela imizwa yomunye nomunye futhi nithanda umlingani wakho, ubuhlobo bangaphandle buyingozi ngempela ebuhlotsheni benu. Ngeshwa, ububele, umkhuba kanye nenhlonipho akukwazi ukubekezelela uvivinyo lwentshiseko yomuntu omusha. Ubudlelwano bakho besikhathi eside bubukeka bufiphele ngenxa yokulindela ezothando ezintsha.

9. Ingabe nobabili ninecala ngalokho okungahambi kahle?

Uma sisola omunye futhi senqaba isabelo sethu somthwalo wemfanelo ngalokho okwenzekayo phakathi kwethu, "sigwaza ummese ebuhlotsheni," uchwepheshe uyaqiniseka. Ukhumbuza ukuthi ukubheka ngobuqotho igalelo lakho kulokho okulimaze inyunyana yakho kuyadingeka ukuze igcinwe.

10. Ingabe unalo ulwazi lokuphila phakathi nenhlekelele?

Ingabe uke wabhekana nobunzima ebudlelwaneni obudlule? Ingabe ubuyela emuva ngokushesha ngemva kokuhlangenwe nakho okunzima? Ingabe uzibona uzinzile ngokwengqondo? Lapho omunye wabalingani ebhekene nezikhathi ezinzima, ngokwemvelo "uncika" engxenyeni yakhe. Futhi uma unolwazi oludingekayo futhi ulungele ukuboleka ihlombe esimweni esibucayi, lokhu kakade kuqinisa kakhulu isikhundla somndeni wakho, uRandy Gunther ukholelwa.

11. Ingabe zikhona izinkinga empilweni yenu enilungele ukuzixazulula ndawonye?

Kwesinye isikhathi ubudlelwano benu buhlushwa izehlakalo zangaphandle okungenacala kuzo wena noma umlingani wakho. Kodwa lezi zenzakalo zangaphandle "zinganciphisa ukungatheleleki" kokuxhumana kwakho, uchwepheshe uyaxwayisa. Izinkinga zezimali, ukugula kwabathandekayo, ubunzima nezingane - konke lokhu kusicindezela ngokomzwelo nangokwezimali.

Ukuze ulondoloze ubuhlobo, udinga ukucacisa ukuthi yiziphi izenzakalo ezingasebenzi kuwe nomlingani wakho, nokuthi yini nobabili eningayenza ukuze nithuthukise impilo yenu. Umkhuba wokuzibophezela ngokugcwele ekuxazululeni izinkinga ungakuholela enkingeni enkulu - hhayi nje umndeni kuphela, kodwa futhi nomuntu siqu.

12. Ingabe nibheke ngabomvu ukuhlangana?

Impendulo yalo mbuzo ivame ukwembula kakhulu. Lapho sisezinhlungwini, siyofuna ukusekelwa nenduduzo kulabo abaseduze nabathandekayo kithi, kusho uRandy Gunther. Futhi noma, njengoba isikhathi sihamba, siphinde sisuke komunye, kungenzeka ukuthi ngesinye isikhathi sisazoqala ukuthukuthela futhi sibheke inkampani yakhe.

Ungabuza imibuzo engenhla hhayi kuwe kuphela, kodwa nakumlingani wakho. Futhi lapho umentshisi owengeziwe ezimpendulweni zakho, ayanda amathuba okuthi nina njengombhangqwana, akulahleki konke. Phela, umbuzo ngamunye we-12 usekelwe emlayezo olula noqondakalayo: "Angifuni ukuphila ngaphandle kwakho, ngicela ungayeki!", U-Randy Gunter uqinisekile.

Mayelana Nochwepheshe: U-Randy Gunther uyiClinical Psychologist kanye Nochwepheshe Bobudlelwane.