Okokuqala, izinto ezisobala. Uma izingane sezikhulile, kodwa zingakazisekeli, isiphetho sabo sinqunywa abazali babo. Uma izingane zingakuthandi lokhu, zingabonga igalelo labazali bazo ezilithole kubazali bazo zihambe zizenzele ezazo impilo, zingabe zisafuna usizo lwabazali. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma abantwana abadala bephila ngendlela ehloniphekile, bethwele amakhanda abo emahlombe abo futhi behlonipha abazali babo, abazali abahlakaniphile bangadlulisela kubo isinqumo sezindaba eziyinhloko zokuphila kwezingane zabo.
Konke kufana nebhizinisi: uma umqondisi ohlakaniphile elawula izindaba zomnikazi, kungani umnikazi kufanele angenele ezindabeni zakhe. Ngokusemthethweni, umqondisi uthumela kumnikazi, empeleni, unquma yonke into ngokuzimela. Kunjalo nangezingane: lapho zibusa ukuphila kwazo ngokuhlakanipha, abazali abagibeli ezimpilweni zabo.
Kodwa akuzona izingane kuphela ezihlukene, abazali nabo abafani. Cishe azikho izimo ezimnyama nezimhlophe ekuphileni, kodwa ukuze kube lula, ngizoqoka amacala amabili: abazali bahlakaniphile futhi cha.
Uma abazali behlakaniphile, uma bobabili abantwana nalabo ababazungezile bebabheka kanjalo, khona-ke abantwana bayohlale bebalalela. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi badala kangakanani, njalo. Kungani? Ngoba abazali abahlakaniphile abasoze bafune kubantwana babo asebekhulile ukuba kungenzeki ukuba bafune kubo njengabantu abadala, futhi ubuhlobo babazali abahlakaniphile nezingane esezikhulile kakade buwubuhlobo bokuhloniphana. Izingane zibuza umbono wabazali bazo, abazali ekuphenduleni lokhu babuze umbono wezingane - futhi babusise ukukhetha kwabo. Kulula: lapho izingane ziphila ngokuhlakanipha nangesithunzi, abazali abasagxambukeli ezimpilweni zabo, kodwa bajabulela izinqumo zabo kuphela futhi bazisize zicabange ngayo yonke imininingwane kangcono ezimweni ezinzima. Kungakho abantwana bahlale belalela abazali babo njalo bevumelana labo.
Izingane ziyabahlonipha abazali bazo futhi, lapho zakha owazo umkhaya, zicabanga kusengaphambili ukuthi ukukhetha kwazo kuzofanela nabazali bazo. Isibusiso somzali siyisiqinisekiso esingcono kakhulu samandla omndeni wesikhathi esizayo.
Nokho, ngezinye izikhathi ukuhlakanipha kukhaphela abazali. Kunezimo lapho abazali bengasalungile, futhi izingane zabo, njengabantu abakhule ngokugcwele futhi abanomthwalo wemfanelo, zingakwazi futhi kufanele zenze izinqumo ezizimele ngokuphelele.
Nali icala elivela emsebenzini wami, incwadi:
“Ngangena esimeni esinzima: Ngaba isithunjwa sikamama wami engimthandayo. Kafushane. NgingumTatar. Futhi umama uphikisana ngokuphelele nomakoti wama-Orthodox. Ayibeki injabulo yami kuqala, kodwa ukuthi kuzoba njani kuye. Ngiyamqonda. Kodwa nawe awukwazi ukutshela inhliziyo yakho. Lo mbuzo uphakanyiswa ngezikhathi ezithile, emva kwalokho angijabulile ukuthi ngiphinde ngiwuphendule. Uqala ukuzihlambalaza ngakho konke, ezihlupha ngezinyembezi, ukuqwasha, ethi akasenayo indodana, nokunye kulowo moya. Uneminyaka engu-82 ubudala, uyi-Blockade yaseLeningrad, futhi ebona indlela azihlupha ngayo, esaba impilo yakhe, umbuzo ulenga emoyeni futhi. Ukube wayemncane ngangizozibelesela, mhlawumbe ngigaklaze isicabha, wayezovuma noma kanjani esebona abazukulu bakhe. Kukhona amacala amaningi anjalo, futhi endaweni yethu, okuyinto futhi akuyona isibonelo kuye. Izihlobo nazo zathatha isinyathelo. Sihlala ndawonye efulethini elinamagumbi amathathu. Ngingajabula uma ngihlangana nomTatar, kodwa maye. Ukube, bekungaba nemvume evela ohlangothini lwakhe, uma nje indodana ijabule, ngoba injabulo yabazali yilapho izingane zabo zijabule, mhlawumbe lapho ngiqale "ukusesha" umphefumulo wami womphefumulo, ngabe ngihlangane nomTatar. Kodwa njengoba ngiqale ukusesha, mhlawumbe amehlo ami ngeke ahlangane neTatar ... Yebo, futhi kukhona amantombazane angama-Orthodox, ngingathanda ukuqhubeka nobuhlobo, ngakhetha omunye wabo. Awukho umbuzo onjalo ohlangothini lwabo. Ngineminyaka engu-45 ubudala, sengifinyelele lapho angisakwazi ukubuya, ukuphila kwami kugcwele ubuze obuningi nsuku zonke ... Yini okufanele ngiyenze?
Abazali akufanele bagxambukele ezindabeni zothando lwezingane!
landa ividiyo
Isimo akulula, kodwa impendulo iqinisekile: kulokhu, udinga ukwenza isinqumo sakho, futhi ungalaleli umama wakho. Umama unephutha.
Iminyaka engu-45 ubudala lapho indoda egxile emndenini kufanele ibe nomndeni. Sekuyisikhathi. Kusobala ukuthi, ezinye izinto ziyalingana, uma kukhona ukukhetha phakathi kweTatar (ngokusobala, lokhu kusho intombazane ekhuliswe kakhudlwana emasikweni amaSulumane) nentombazane yama-Orthodox, kungcono kakhulu ukukhetha intombazane ohlangana nayo. abe namagugu asondelene nemikhuba. Okusho ukuthi, umTatar.
Ngintula uthando kule ncwadi - uthando ngentombazane umbhali wencwadi azohlala nayo. Indoda icabanga ngonina, inamathele kunina futhi inakekela impilo yakhe - lokhu kulungile futhi kuhle kakhulu, kodwa ingabe ucabanga ngentombazane engase ibe umkakhe kakade, imzalele izingane? Ingabe ucabanga ngezingane okungenzeka ukuthi kakade sezigijima futhi zigibela emathangeni akhe? Kudingeka uthande umkakho wesikhathi esizayo nabantwana bakho kakade kusengaphambili, ucabange ngabo ngisho nangaphambi kokuba uhlangane nabo bukhoma, ulungiselele lo mhlangano kusasele iminyaka eminingi.
Abazali bezingane ezindala - ukunakekela noma konakalisa ukuphila?
khipha umsindo
Ingabe abazali bangakwazi ukuphazamisa ukuphila kwezingane zabo? Uma abazali nezingane behlakaniphe kakhulu, kungenzeka kakhulu, futhi kudingeka kancane. Abazali abahlakaniphile banesipiliyoni sokuphila esanele sokubona izinto eziningi kusengaphambili, kusenesikhathi, ukuze bakwazi ukukutshela ukuthi uzofunda kuphi, uzosebenza kuphi, nokuthi ubani okufanele uxhume naye isiphetho sakho nokuthi ungaxhumani nobani. Izingane ezihlakaniphile ngokwazo ziyajabula lapho abazali abahlakaniphile bebatshela konke lokhu, ngokulandelana, kulokhu, abazali abaphazamisi empilweni yezingane, kodwa bahlanganyele ekuphileni kwezingane.
Ngeshwa, lapho abazali nezingane beba nenkinga enkulu futhi abayiziphukuphuku, abazali abanjalo akufanele bagxambukele ezimpilweni zezingane, futhi kudingekile kakhulu ... bona! Kodwa usizo oluyisiphukuphuku nolungenangqondo lwabazali lubangela ukubhikisha kuphela futhi ngisho neziwula (kodwa ngaphandle kokwesaba!) Izinqumo zezingane.
Ikakhulukazi lapho izingane ngokwazo sekuyisikhathi eside zaba abantu abadala, zithole imali futhi zihlala ngokuhlukana ...
Uma owesifazane osekhulile ongenangqondo ekhaliphile eza endlini yakho futhi eqala ukukufundisa ukuthi ifenisha yakho kufanele ibe kanjani nokuthi ubani okufanele uhlangane naye nokuthi ubani okungafanele uhlangane naye, ngeke umlalele ngokungathí sina: uzomamatheka, ushintshe. isihloko, futhi ngokushesha nje ukhohlwe ngale ngxoxo. Futhi kufanele. Kodwa uma lona wesifazane osekhulile engumama wakho, khona-ke ngesizathu esithile lezi zingxoxo ziba zinde, zibe nzima, ziklanywe futhi zihlengezele izinyembezi ... “Mama, lokhu kungcwele!”? - Yebo, kungcwele: izingane kufanele zinakekele abazali bazo asebekhulile kakade. Uma izingane sezihlakaniphe kunabazali bazo, futhi lokhu, ngenhlanhla, kuvame ukwenzeka, khona-ke izingane kufanele zifundise abazali bazo, zibavimbele ekungeneni kwe-senile negativism, zibasize bakholelwe kuzo, zenze injabulo kubo futhi banakekele izincazelo zabo. izimpilo. Abazali kudingeka bazi ukuthi basadingeka, futhi izingane ezihlakaniphile zingaqiniseka ukuthi zibadinga ngempela abazali bazo iminyaka eminingi ezayo.