Mhlawumbe usunesikhathi eside welashwa noma usebenza ngokuhlukumezeka kwakho kanye nobunzima futhi uzwa sengathi usushintshile. Kodwa-ke kukhona okubuhlungu okwenzekayo, futhi ubonakala uphonswa emuva - ukuziphatha okudala, imicabango nemizwa kuyabuya. Ungakhathazeki, kujwayelekile.
Asikwazi ukukushiya ngemuva unomphela. Ngezikhathi ezithile izosikhumbuza yona ngokwayo, futhi mhlawumbe hhayi njalo ngendlela ejabulisayo. Ungasabela kanjani nokuthi yini okufanele uyenze lapho uphindiselwa emuva kokuhlukumezeka okudala?
Uzifundile izikhalo zobuntwana, uyazazi izinto ezikubangelayo, ufunde ukulungisa kabusha imicabango emibi. Uyaqonda ukuthi okuhlangenwe nakho okudlule kukuthinta kanjani ukuziphatha kwanamuhla, imicabango nemizwa, uhlanganyele njalo ekuqeqeshweni kwengqondo futhi uzinakekele. Ngamanye amazwi, ukude ngokwanele endleleni yakho yokwelapha ukuze unqobe ubunzima obudlule.
Waqala ukuzizwa ungcono ngawe futhi uyaziqhenya ngokuthi ekugcineni uziqonda wena. Futhi kungazelelwe kwenzeka okuthile okungajabulisi futhi kuphazamiseke futhi. Uyakhathazeka ngendlela obukeka ngayo, ukhathazeke ngokuthi awukwazi ukuchaza indlela ozizwa ngayo. Imicabango yakho iphithene. Izinto ezincane ziphuma kuzo.
Kwesinye isikhathi okwedlule kuyabuya
Usebenze kanzima ukuze unqobe ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni. Watadisha ngenkuthalo izindlela zokuphefumula futhi wazisebenzisa ezimweni ezinzima. Kodwa manje nibhekene ubuso nobuso nomuntu osekunesikhathi eside ekhohliwe. Uzibuka esibukweni futhi ukucabanga kwakho kuthi, "Angikabi muhle ngokwanele." Kwenzenjani?
Kunzima ukushintsha izinkolelo ngawe futhi ukhulise ukuzethemba. Lokhu kungathatha izinyanga noma ngisho neminyaka. Kodwa ngeke ukususe unomphela okwedlule okukulolonge njengomuntu. Futhi ngezinye izikhathi izinkumbulo ziyabuya futhi ukhumbula imizwa owakhohlwa isikhathi eside.
Umngcwabo ungakukhumbuza othandekayo ongasekho. Iphunga lotshani obunqunyiwe limayelana nobuntwana obukhumbulayo. Ingoma ibuyisa izinkumbulo ezibuhlungu zodlame noma ukuhlukumezeka. Ubuhlobo obuphelile bungaveza umuzwa ojulile wokulahlwa. Uzakwenu omusha noma umngani angakwenza uzingabaze.
Uyakhungatheka, ukhathazeke, ungene ekucindezelekeni. Ngokungazelelwe uzithola usubuyela ezindleleni zokuziphatha zakudala, imicabango nemizwa oke wasebenza kuyo futhi wayishiya ngemuva. Futhi futhi uzizwa sengathi uyazilahlekelwa okwamanje.
Yamukela wena wangempela
Yini okufanele uyenze lapho okwedlule kuzikhumbuza? Yamukela ukuthi ukuphulukiswa kuyinqubo enokwehla nokwenyuka. Uma uzwa sengathi uyethuka, ukhathazekile, futhi awukwazi ukubhekana nemizwa ekuhluphayo futhi, yima futhi uhlaziye ukuthi yini ebangele lokho nokuthi usabela kanjani esimweni. Uzizwa kanjani? Usabela kanjani umzimba wakho? Mhlawumbe unesisu esisontekile noma isicanucanu. Ingabe lokhu kuye kwenzeka kuwe ngaphambili? Uma kunjalo, nini?
Zikhumbuze ukuthi imizwa ebuhlungu nemicabango izodlula. Khumbula ukuthi usebenze kanjani nabo kwezokwelapha. Hlola ukuthi okwedlule kukuthinta kanjani manje. Ingabe uzizwa ngendlela efanayo nangaphambili? Ingabe lezi zigigaba ziyefana? Ingabe uzizwa kabi, ungakufanelekeli ukuthandwa? Yiziphi izigigaba ezedlule eziholela kule micabango? Kwenzekani manje kubakhulisa kanjani?
Khumbula ukuthi yimaphi amakhono okuzisekela onawo manje: ukucabanga kabusha ngemicabango engalungile, ukuphefumula okujulile, ukwamukela imizwa ebuhlungu, ukuzivocavoca.
Awukwazi ukushiya okwedlule ngemuva unomphela, noma ngabe ufuna kangakanani. Izokuvakashela ngezikhathi ezithile. Mbingelele ngala mazwi: “Sawubona, mngane wakudala. Ngiyakwazi ukuthi ungubani. Ngiyazi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani. Futhi ngingasiza."
Ukuzamukela, okwedlule kanye namanje, nawo wonke amaphutha akho, kuyisihluthulelo senqubo engapheli yokwelapha. Zamukele manje. Futhi wamukele ukuthi wawungubani.
Mayelana nombhali: UDenise Oleski uyi-psychotherapist.