Umngane wami wahlala yedwa iminyaka embalwa, kwaze kwaba yilapho saba nengxoxo ejulile naye futhi sathola ukhiye wesimo esikhethekile sowesifazane … Kusukela lapho, impilo yakhe yenziwe ngezinsuku, amanoveli kanye nezigigaba zothando. Isiphi lesi simo ovuleleke kuso ebudlelwaneni obusha obungakugcina ulindile?
Cishe uhlangane nabesifazane abangakwazi ukuhlala inyanga yonke ngaphandle kobudlelwane - kubonakala sengathi bayazingelwa. Futhi kufanele kuqashelwe ukuthi laba akubona ubuhle abasha njalo. Yini abanayo abanye abangenayo?
Abesifazane abaphumelelayo, abanamandla, abathakazelisayo bavame ukushiywa bodwa futhi abakwazi ukuqonda ukuthi kungani lokhu kwenzeka. Ngokumelene nesizinda salokhu kuhlukaniswa ngenkani, izinkolelo-ze ezinjengokuthi «awekho amadoda angempela asele», «amadoda awathandi abesifazane abanamandla - adinga abangenakuzisiza nabalalelayo», "owesifazane kumele akhethe: umsebenzi noma umndeni" uyachuma. .
Kubonakala kimi ukuthi le ndaba ayiyona nje kuphela futhi ayiningi kakhulu emadodeni: isisombululo semfumbe sisesigabeni samakhemikhali.
Valence ebudlelwaneni
Khumbula igama elithi «valency» elivela kukharikhulamu yesikole kukhemistri: leli yikhono lesici ukwenza amabhondi. Ukubonwa kwabangane kanye nabantu engibaziyo nje kwangiholela embonweni wokuthi endleleni eya empumelelweni, abesifazane bavame ukuhlakulela ukuzimela, ukuzimela ngokwabo.
"Ngizozakhela eyami impilo eyimpumelelo, ethokozisayo nejabulisayo!" - isikhundla esinjalo singadala inhlonipho kuphela: lena inselele enikeza isisusa sentuthuko. Ku-psychology, lokhu kubhekwa njengento ebalulekile empilweni yengqondo futhi kubizwa ngokuthi isimo sengqondo sombhali. Ngeshwa, inesici esincane.
Noma ungumdlali we-volleyball omkhulu kakhulu, awukwazi ukudlala wedwa! Kunemisebenzi eminingi nemidlalo ethokozisayo edinga uzakwethu noma iqembu - futhi lokhu akuhlobene nhlobo namandla noma ubuthakathaka bomuntu.
Thola indawo yendoda
Mina nabangane bami sabuza la madoda, sibonisa abantu esasibajwayele: “Kungani ningasondeli kulo wesifazane okhululekile, omuhle nothakazelisayo?” Impendulo yayihlale ifana: “Angiboni ukuthi angase angidinge okuthile.”
Abesilisa empeleni babazisa abesifazane abanamandla nabaphumelelayo. Vele ukhulume nabo, ubuze imibuzo. Kodwa ukuze asondele kowesifazane, ukungena empilweni yakhe, indoda idinga ukubona ukuthi kukhona indawo yakhe, ithuba lokumenzela okuthile.
Mhlawumbe wenza imali enhle, uyakwazi ukushintsha amasondo emoto, ushise amashidi kagesi ukuze umbhede uhlale usezingeni lokushisa elifanele ... I-Valence ayikona ukungabi nakuzisiza noma isidingo. I-Valence yisimo lapho, ngaphandle kokululaza impumelelo yakho kanye nezimpumelelo zakho, unomuzwa wokuthi kukhona okunye empilweni okudingeka indoda kukho. Khona-ke futhi kuphela lapho ungabonisa khona kwabanye ezingeni le-chemistry.
Lokhu ukuhumusha okungokwemvelo kakhulu: "Ngifuna okwengeziwe ekuphileni", "Nginesithakazelo", "Ngivulekele imicimbi emisha".
Ukuzivocavoca "Xhumana nomngane"
Ikhwalithi eqeqeshwe kahle yokuzimela ingadlala ngokumelene nomnikazi wayo. Isibonelo, owesifazane uphupha ubuhlobo, kodwa lapho ehlangana nendoda okokuqala, uziphatha ngendlela yokuthi afune ukuwela emhlabathini: uyahlekisa, ubuza imibuzo engakhululekile, uvivinya amandla: "uma angangimela, ngakho uyangifanela.”
Lokhu noma okufanayo, kodwa iqhinga lokukhulumisana elingekho ngaphansi kokuhlukumeza lingaqalwa ngokuzenzakalelayo, ngolwazi oluncane noma lungekho ngowesifazane ngokwakhe. Futhi akumangazi ukuthi le ndoda isheshe inqabe ukumqoma.
Ungayakha kanjani kabusha indlela evamile yokusebenzisana? Lapho uya othandweni, zicabange uzohlangana nomngane. Futhi xhumana nomuntu ongase ukhethwe ngendlela obungaxhumana ngayo nomngane: ukumsekela, ukuzitika ngamahlaya nobuqotho. Ukuxhumana ngokocansi akuyona imfihlo! - kuqala ngokuxhumana. Futhi, kancane kancane uhamba kule ndlela, ujabulele isigaba sobungane sokuxhumana.
Lena inketho yokuwina ekuvumela ukuthi ube nesikhathi esimnandi, wazane nomuntu ongase ube uzakwethu — futhi ayikuphoqi ukuthi wenze izinqumo ngokushesha.
Uke waphawula ukuthi abantu abagcina sebethandana baqala ukubukeka ngendlela ehlukile? Zikhanya ngokuthamba okwengeziwe, ukwaneliseka nenjabulo. I-Valence iyisimemo sokuphemba ukukhanya kothando kuwe, ukulungela kanye nekhono elithuthukisiwe lokungena othandweni. Yebo, lokhu kuwumsebenzi oyingozi, kodwa masivume ukuthi lobu bungozi buwufanele umphumela - ubudlelwano nokusondelana ofuna ukukugcina.