Uhlu lwabo lwezinto abazilindele bona kanye nomhlaba lukhulu. Kodwa into eyinhloko ukuthi iphikisana kakhulu neqiniso futhi ngenxa yalokho ibavimbela kakhulu ukuba baphile futhi bajabulele zonke izinsuku ezichithwa emsebenzini, ekukhulumisaneni nabathandekayo futhi bebodwa. Umelaphi we-Gestalt u-Elena Pavlyuchenko ubonisa indlela yokuthola ibhalansi enempilo phakathi kokufuna ukuphelela kanye nenjabulo yokuba.
Kuya ngokwandayo, abantu abanganelisekile ngabo kanye nezigigaba zempilo yabo beza bezongibona, bephoxekile nabaseduze. Sengathi yonke into ebazungezile ayilungile ngokwanele ukuthi bajabule ngayo noma babonge. Lezi zikhalo ngizibona njengezimpawu ezicacile zokuthanda ukuphelela. Ngeshwa, le mfanelo yomuntu siqu isibe uphawu lwesikhathi sethu.
Ukufuna ukuphelela okunempilo kuyaziswa emphakathini ngoba kuqondisa umuntu ekuzuzeni impumelelo eyakhayo yezinhloso ezinhle. Kodwa ukuphelela ngokweqile kuyingozi kakhulu kumnikazi wayo. Phela, umuntu onjalo unemibono eqinile mayelana nokuthi kufanele abe kanjani, imiphumela yemisebenzi yakhe kanye nabantu abaseduze kwakhe. Unohlu olude lwezinto ezilindelwe yena kanye nomhlaba, okuyinto ephikisana kakhulu neqiniso.
Umelaphi ohamba phambili waseRussia we-Gestalt u-Nifont Dolgopolov uhlukanisa izindlela ezimbili eziyinhloko zokuphila: "indlela yokuba khona" kanye "nendlela yokuphumelela", noma intuthuko. Sobabili siyawadinga ukuze silinganisele kahle. Umuntu othanda ukuphelela utholakala kuphela kumodi yokuphumelela.
Yiqiniso, lesi simo sengqondo sakhiwa abazali. Kwenzeka kanjani lokhu? Cabanga ngengane yenza ikhekhe lesihlabathi bese ilinikeza unina: “Bheka ukuthi uphaya kanjani engiwenzile!
Mama ngendlela yokuba: "O, yeka uphaya omuhle, yeka ukuthi unginakekele kahle, ngiyabonga!"
Bobabili bajabule ngabanakho. Mhlawumbe ikhekhe «ayiphelele», kodwa ayidingi ngcono. Lokhu kuyinjabulo yalokho okwenzekile, kusukela ekuxhumaneni, kusukela empilweni manje.
Mama kumodi yokuphumelela/yentuthuko: “O, ngiyabonga, kungani ungawuhlobisanga ngamajikijolo? Futhi bheka, uMasha unophaya owengeziwe. Okwakho akukubi, kodwa kungaba ngcono.
Ngabazali balolu hlobo, yonke into ingahlala ingcono - futhi umdwebo unemibala eminingi, futhi amaphuzu aphezulu. Abalokothi baneliswe yilokho abanakho. Bahlale besikisela ukuthi yini enye engathuthukiswa, futhi lokhu kushukumisela ingane emncintiswaneni ongapheli wempumelelo, endleleni, imfundisa ukuba anganeliseki ngalokho anakho.
Amandla awekho ngokweqisa, kodwa asesilinganisweni
Ubudlelwano be-pathological perfectionism nokucindezeleka, ukuphazamiseka okuphoqelelayo, ukukhathazeka okuphezulu kuye kwafakazelwa, futhi lokhu kungokwemvelo. Ukungezwani okuqhubekayo ekuzameni ukuthola ukuphelela, ukwenqaba ukuqaphela ukulinganiselwa kwabo siqu kanye nobuntu kuholela ngokungenakugwenywa ekukhathaleni ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba.
Yebo, ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukuphelela kuhlotshaniswa nomqondo wentuthuko, futhi lokhu kuhle. Kodwa ukuphila ngendlela eyodwa kuphela kufana nokugxuma ngomlenze owodwa. Kungenzeka, kodwa hhayi isikhathi eside. Kuphela ngokushintshanisa izinyathelo ngezinyawo zombili, siyakwazi ukugcina ibhalansi futhi sihambe ngokukhululeka.
Ukuze ugcine ibhalansi, kungaba kuhle ukukwazi ukuphuma emsebenzini kumodi yokuphumelela, uzame ukwenza konke okusemandleni akho, bese ungena ekubeni yimodi, uthi: "Wow, ngikwenzile! Kuhle!» Futhi zinike ikhefu futhi ujabulele izithelo zezandla zakho. Bese wenza okuthile futhi, ucabangela ulwazi lwakho namaphutha akho angaphambilini. Futhi thola isikhathi sokujabulela okwenzile. Indlela yokuba khona isinika umuzwa wenkululeko nokwaneliseka, ithuba lokuhlangana nathi kanye nabanye.
Umuntu oshisekela ukuphelela akanayo indlela yokuba ngayo: “Ngingathuthuka kanjani uma ngivumelana nokushiyeka kwami? Lokhu ukwehla, ukuhlehla.” Umuntu ohlale ezisika yena nabanye ngenxa yamaphutha enziwe akaqondi ukuthi amandla awakho ngokweqisa, kodwa alinganiselwe.
Kuze kube seqophelweni elithile, isifiso sokuthuthukisa nokuzuza imiphumela iyasisiza ngempela ukuthi sinyakaze. Kodwa uma uzizwa ukhathele, uzonda abanye kanye nawe, kusho ukuthi kudala uphuthelwe isikhathi esifanele sokushintsha amamodi.
Phuma kwabafileyo
Kungaba nzima ukuzama ukunqoba ukuthanda kwakho ukuphelela ngokwakho, ngoba ukuthanda ukuphelela kuholela ekugcineni lapha. Abantu abathanda ukuphelela bavame ukushiseka kakhulu ekuzameni ukusebenzisa zonke izincomo ezihlongozwayo kangangokuthi nakanjani basuke benganeliseki ngokwabo kanye neqiniso lokuthi abakwazanga ukukufeza ngokuphelele.
Uma uthi kumuntu onjalo: zama ukujabula ngalokho okuyikho, ukubona izinhlangothi ezinhle, khona-ke uzoqala "ukudala isithombe" ngesimo esihle. Uzobheka ukuthi akanalo ilungelo lokucasuka noma ukucasuka umzuzwana. Futhi njengoba lokhu kungenakwenzeka, uzozithukuthelela nakakhulu.
Ngakho-ke, indlela ephumelela kakhulu yokuphuma kwabafuna ukuphelela iwukusebenza ngokuthintana nodokotela wezifo zengqondo, okuthi ngokuphindaphindiwe, abasize babone inqubo - ngaphandle kokugxekwa, ngokuqonda nokuzwelana. Futhi kusiza ukwazi kancane kancane indlela yokuba khona futhi uthole ibhalansi enempilo.
Kodwa kukhona, mhlawumbe, izincomo ezimbalwa enginganikeza.
Funda ukuzitshela ukuthi «kwanele», «kwanele». Lawa ngamazwi omlingo. Zama ukuzisebenzisa empilweni yakho: "Ngenze konke okusemandleni ami namuhla, ngizame kanzima ngokwanele." Udeveli ucashile ekuqhubekeleni phambili kwalomusho: “Kodwa ubungazama kakhudlwana!” Lokhu akudingekile ngaso sonke isikhathi futhi akulona iqiniso ngaso sonke isikhathi.
Ungakhohlwa ukujabulela wena kanye nosuku ukuthi waphila. Ngisho noma manje udinga ngempela ukuzithuthukisa wena kanye nemisebenzi yakho, ungakhohlwa ngesikhathi esithile ukuvala lesi sihloko kuze kube kusasa, ngena kumodi yokuba futhi ujabulele injabulo yokuphila ekunika yona namuhla.