Izingane kufanele “zinganakwa,” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseSwitzerland u-Allan Guggenbühl. Ukhuthaza ukutotoswa kwezingane kancane futhi uzinike inkululeko eyengeziwe. Kunzima kakhulu kubazali abaningi ukunquma ngalokhu, ngoba umphakathi ucindezela yonke indawo. Ukwesaba ukuba mubi, ukunganaki, ukunganaki kukhulu kakhulu, futhi akucaci kahle ukuthi kungasuswa kanjani.
I-psychotherapist yaseSwitzerland, ngokungafani nabanye ababhali abaningi, iyazi ngomkhuba wayo wokwelapha ukwesaba kobaba nomama abaningi. Kubo kubonakala sengathi abayikhulisi kahle ingane yabo futhi bayiqaphelisise ukuze ibe khona buthule “emphakathini wethu we-neoliberal”.
U-Allan Guggenbühl ku-The Best for My Child. Indlela esiziphuca ngayo izingane zethu ubuntwana” imema omama nobaba ukuthi babonise isibindi futhi balimelele ngokuqinile ilungelo lezingane lezingane ezidlalayo kanye nentsha ezenzakalelayo, enesiphithiphithi lapho evunyelwa khona ukuzizama futhi yenze amaphutha.
Uphikelela ekuxegiseni ukulawula futhi atshele abantu abadala: isikole esincane, izithiyo ezincane, indawo ekhululekile, ukunganakwa kwabazali okunomusa, kanye "nokuzulazula" okungenanjongo yengane. Phela, abazali, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwakubuhlungu kangakanani ukufunda lokhu, akusho ukuthi bazi kangcono kunomntwana wabo isinqumo esifanele sokuphila kwakhe kwekusasa.
“Intsha ayisafuni ukuthi ikusasa layo lakhiwe futhi lakhiwe ngabantu abadala, ifuna ukuziklama yona,” kubhala umbhali.
Ukuntula inkululeko kwezingane
Kuzokwenzekani ezinganeni esezinakho konke manje? Ingabe bayoba abantu abazicabangela bona ngokwabo noma abantu abadala abangenakuzisiza? Okokuqala, umuntu kufanele esabe ukwehluleka kwabo, i-psychotherapist iyaqiniseka.
“Uphatha kabi izingane uma ususa noma yiziphi izithiyo endleleni yazo futhi uhlale uhlangabezana nazo zonke izidingo zazo. Baqala ukuba nomuzwa wokuthi indawo ezungezile kufanele ifeze izifiso zabo, futhi akunabulungisa uma ingakwenzi lokho. Kodwa impilo ingaba nzima futhi iphikisane.”
Kodwa akukhona yini ngemuva kwesenzo esithi «abazali abanophephela emhlane» (leli gama lazalwa njengesithombe somama nobaba bezungeza kuze kube phakade phezu kwengane) umzamo wokuvikela ingane kuleli zwe elingenabulungiswa? Kuyacaca ukuthi abazali bayifunela okungcono kakhulu ingane yabo.
Sehlile isibalo sezingane emindenini, neminyaka yabazali inyukile. Abazali asebekhulile bayesaba kakhulu izingane zabo - lokhu kuyiqiniso. Ingane engashadile izifaka engozini yokuba iphrojekthi egcwele imizwelo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, abazali abanjalo banesikhathi esengeziwe somntwana, futhi lokhu kuvame ukuhamba eceleni kwakhe.
Izingane zayeka ukudlala ngokukhululeka emgwaqweni. Omakhalekhukhwini babo banele ukuxhumana nontanga. Indlela eya esikoleni manje yenziwa izinkonzo «mom-taxi». Amaswing namaslayidi ezinkundleni zokudlala agcwele izingane ezihlala zilawulwa abazali noma abazanyana.
Ukuzilibazisa kwengane - kusukela enkulisa kuya kweyethweswe iziqu - kuhlelwe ngokuqinile, noma yimuphi umgilingwane noma ukulinga kwentsha ngokushesha kuba okungamukeleki emphakathini futhi kuhunyushwa ngokuthi isifo sokugula ngisho nokuphazamiseka kwengqondo.
Kodwa-ke umbuzo uphakama: ingakanani inkululeko edinga ingane futhi ingakanani ukunakekelwa? Iphi incazelo yegolide? “Izingane zidinga abanakekeli ezingathembela kubo,” kusho u-Allan Guggenbühl. — Nokho, abadingi abantu abadala abababekela izinhlelo ezihlukahlukene. Vumela izingane zizikhethele izinto ezizithandayo.
Sebenza, hhayi nje ukufunda
Yini abantwana abayidingayo ukuze bajabule? Ngokuka-Allan Guggenbühl, badinga uthando. Uthando oluningi nokwamukelwa okunezimiso kubazali. Kodwa futhi badinga abantu abangabazi abazokhuluma nabo futhi kancane kancane bazethule emhlabeni. Futhi lapha isikole sidlala indima ebalulekile. Nokho, nalapha isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sinokubhuka.
Udinga ukufunda, kodwa uthathe ikhefu ukuze wenze ezinye izinto eziwusizo. Ukusetshenzwa kwezingane? Lokhu kungaba yisixazululo! kuthumela i-psychotherapist yaseZurich. “Kusukela ngineminyaka eyisishiyagalolunye ushicilela amaphephandaba kanye ngesonto esikhundleni sokuya esikoleni. Ngakho kwahamba izinyanga ezimbalwa.” Lokhu kuzokwandisa amathuba omntwana.
Ungayisebenzisa emsebenzini we-warehouse, ukusebenza ensimini noma emacaleni amancane okuhweba - isibonelo, itoho esitolo lapho ubeka izimpahla kuma-racks, usiza ekuphumeni, ukuhlanza izinsizakalo kanye nokubonisana namakhasimende. Izindawo zokudlela zinikeza amathuba amaningi okuzuza imali.
Umholo, ngokusho komlobi wencwadi, akufanele uhambisane nezinga labantu abadala, kodwa ngokombono wengane, kufanele kube okuphawulekayo. U-Guggenbühl uyaqiniseka ukuthi lokhu kuzonikeza izingane ukuqwashisa ngomthwalo wemfanelo wangempela nokusebenza kahle emhlabeni wabantu abadala.
Kodwa-ke, inkinga ngencwadi kaGuggenbuhl, kanye nezincwadi eziningi ezifanayo zabazali, ukuthi iziphetho zayo zisebenza kuphela kwiqoqo elincane labantu, kusho abagxeki. Uma ebheka amashalofu ezitolo zezincwadi, umuntu angase acabange ukuthi ukulawula nokukhuthazwa kwabazali baseYurophu kuyinkinga enkulu yomphakathi.
Eqinisweni, kusekude ukuba kube njalo. Udaba olucindezela kakhulu ukuthi, ngokwesibonelo, eJalimane, ama-21% azo zonke izingane aphila ngobumpofu unomphela. EBremen naseBerlin yonke ingane yesithathu impofu, ngisho naseHamburg ecebile yonke ingane yesihlanu iphila ngaphansi komugqa wobumpofu. Futhi izibalo ezinjalo zizobukeka kanjani uma ubheka eRussia?
Izingane ezihlala ngaphansi komugqa wobumpofu zihlala zicindezelekile ngokwengqondo, izimo zokuphila ezimpintshana, abazali bazo abanayo imali yokudla okunempilo, imfundo, izinto zokuzilibazisa kanye namaholidi. Nakanjani abesatshiswa ngokonakala nokuzitika ngezifiso. Kungaba kuhle uma abeluleki phakathi kodokotela bengqondo yezingane nentsha benganikela ngesikhathi sabo nokunaka nalesi sici sobuntwana.