Umama nengane: imizwa kabani ebaluleke kakhulu?

Emashalofini

Ngaphambi kokuzama ukuqonda ukuthi imizwa kabani ibaluleke kakhulu, umama noma ingane, udinga ukuphendula umbuzo wokuthi kungani sidinga imizwa nhlobo. Zivela kanjani futhi zenza muphi umsebenzi?

Ngolimi lwesayensi, imizwa iyisimo sokuzithoba somuntu esihlotshaniswa nokuhlolwa kokubaluleka kwezenzakalo ezenzeka eduze kwakhe kanye nokubonakaliswa kwesimo sakhe sengqondo kubo.

Kodwa uma sishiya imigomo eqinile, imizwa iyingcebo yethu, iziqondiso zethu emhlabeni wezifiso nezidingo zethu. Isibani esikhanya ngaphakathi lapho izidingo zethu ezingokwemvelo—kungaba ezengqondo, ezingokomzwelo, ezingokomoya, noma ezingokwenyama—zingahlangatshezwana nazo. Noma, kunalokho, banelisekile - uma sikhuluma ngezenzakalo «ezinhle».

Futhi uma kwenzeka okuthile okusenza sidabuke, sithukuthele, sesabe, sijabule, asisabeli ngomphefumulo wethu kuphela, kodwa nangomzimba wethu.

Ukunquma ngenqubekelaphambili futhi sithathe isinyathelo sokuhlangabezana nezidingo zethu, sidinga “uphethiloli”. Ngakho-ke, amahomoni akhishwa umzimba wethu ekuphenduleni "isisusa sangaphandle" yiwona kanye uphethiloli osivumela ukuthi senze okuthile ngandlela thile. Kuvela ukuthi imizwa yethu ingamandla aphusha umzimba nengqondo yethu kuhlobo oluthile lokuziphatha. Yini esifuna ukuyenza manje - ukukhala noma ukuklabalasa? Baleka noma yiqhwa?

Kukhona into enjengokuthi "imizwa eyisisekelo". Okuyisisekelo - ngoba sonke siyahlangabezana nazo, kunoma iyiphi iminyaka futhi ngaphandle kokukhetha. Lokhu kuhlanganisa ukudabuka, ukwesaba, intukuthelo, ukunengeka, ukumangala, injabulo, nokudelela. Sisabela ngokomzwelo ngenxa yendlela esazalwa nayo enikeza «impendulo yama-hormone» kusivunguvungu esithile.

Uma kungekho imibuzo ngenjabulo nokumangala, khona-ke isabelo semizwa "emibi" ngezinye izikhathi siphakamisa imibuzo. Kungani sizidinga? Ngaphandle kwalolu hlelo "lwezimpawu" isintu besingeke siphile: nguyena ositshela ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle futhi kudingeka sikulungise. Lusebenza kanjani lolu hlelo? Nazi izibonelo ezilula ezihlobene nempilo yencane kakhulu:

• Uma umama engekho isikhathi eside kunokuvamile, umntwana uba nokukhathazeka nokudabuka, azizwe ephephile.
• Uma umama ehwaqabala, ingane "ifunda" isimo sayo sengqondo ngalesi sibonakaliso esingakhulumi, futhi iyasaba.
• Uma umama ematasa nezindaba zakhe, umntwana uyadabuka.
• Uma ingane esanda kuzalwa ingaphakelwa ngesikhathi, iyathukuthela futhi iklabalase ngakho.
• Uma ingane inikezwa ukudla engakufuni, njenge-broccoli, ithola ukunengeka nokunengeka.

Ngokusobala, ngosana, imizwa iyinto engokwemvelo futhi eguquguqukayo. Uma umntwana ongakakhulumi engazange abonise unina ngentukuthelo noma ngokudabuka ukuthi akanelisekile, kungaba nzima ngaye ukumqonda futhi amnike lokho akufunayo noma aqinisekise ukuphepha.

Imizwa eyisisekelo isize isintu ukuba siphile amakhulu eminyaka. Ukube bekungekho ukunengeka, besingadliswa ushevu ngokudla okonakele. Uma kungekho ukwesaba, singagxuma sisuka eweni eliphakeme siphahlazeke. Uma bekungekho okuhlangenwe nakho okuhlotshaniswa nesizungu, ukube kwakungekho ukudabuka, besingeke sakha izizwe futhi ngeke siphile esimweni esibi kakhulu.

Mina nawe siyefana!

Ingane ngokucacile, ngokucacile futhi ngokushesha imemezela izidingo zayo. Kungani? Ngenxa yokuthi i-cerebral cortex yobuchopho bakhe iyakhula, isimiso sezinzwa sisesimweni sokungavuthwa, imicu yezinzwa isambozwe i-myelin. Futhi i-myelin iwuhlobo "lwe-tape tape" evimbela umfutho wezinzwa futhi ilawule ukusabela kwemizwa.

Yingakho ingane encane ingakubambezeli neze ukusabela kwayo kwamahomoni futhi isabela ngokushesha futhi ngokuqondile ezisusa ezihlangabezana nazo. Ngokwesilinganiso, izingane zifunda ukulawula ukusabela kwazo lapho zineminyaka engaba yisishiyagalombili.

Izidingo zomuntu omdala ngokuvamile azihlukile kakhulu kwezosana. Kokubili umntwana nonina “bahlelwa” ngendlela efanayo. Banezingalo ezimbili, imilenze emibili, izindlebe namehlo - kanye nezidingo ezifanayo eziyisisekelo. Sonke sifuna ukulalelwa, ukuthandwa, ukuhlonishwa, ukunikwa ilungelo lokudlala nesikhathi samahhala. Sifuna ukuzizwa sibalulekile futhi sibalulekile, sifuna ukuzwa ukubaluleka kwethu, ukuzimela kanye nekhono lethu.

Futhi uma izidingo zethu zingatholakali, khona-ke thina, njengezingane, "sizokhipha" amahomoni athile ukuze ngandlela-thile sisondele ekufezeni lokho esikufunayo. Umehluko kuphela phakathi kwezingane kanye nabantu abadala ukuthi abantu abadala bangakwazi ukulawula ukuziphatha kwabo kancane ngenxa yesipiliyoni sokuphila esiqoqiwe kanye "nomsebenzi" we-myelin. Ngenxa yenethiwekhi ye-neural ethuthuke kahle, siyakwazi ukuzizwa ngokwethu. Futhi ungakhohlwa ngamakhono omlomo womuntu omdala. Silulumagama siyisihluthulelo sempumelelo!

Umama angalinda?

Njengezingane, sonke siyazizwa futhi siqaphele imizwa yethu. Kodwa, ekukhuleni kwethu, sizwa ukucindezelwa komthwalo wemfanelo kanye nemisebenzi eminingi futhi sikhohlwe ukuthi kunjani. Sicindezela ukwesaba kwethu, sidela izidingo zethu - ikakhulukazi lapho sinezingane. Ngokwesiko, abesifazane bahlala nezingane ezweni lakithi, ngakho bahlupheka kakhulu kunabanye.

Omama abakhononda ngokutubeka, ukukhathala, neminye imizwa “engathandeki” ngokuvamile batshelwa: “Yiba nesineke, usumdala futhi kufanele ukwenze lokhu.” Futhi, yiqiniso, i-classic: "Ungumama." Ngeshwa, ngokuzitshela ukuthi "Kumelwe" futhi singanaki "ngifuna", sishiya izidingo zethu, izifiso, izinto zokuzilibazisa. Yebo, senza imisebenzi yomphakathi. Siwulungele umphakathi, kodwa ingabe siyazisiza thina? Sifihla izidingo zethu ebhokisini elikude, sizivale ngengidi bese silahlekelwa ukhiye walo ...

Kodwa izidingo zethu, empeleni, ezivela ekungazini kwethu, zifana nolwandle olungenakutholakala ku-aquarium. Bazocindezela ngaphakathi, ukufutheka, futhi ngenxa yalokho, i-«dam» izophuka - ngokushesha noma kamuva. Ukuhlukaniswa nezidingo zomuntu, ukucindezelwa kwezifiso kungaholela ekuziphatheni okulimazayo kwezinhlobo ezihlukahlukene - isibonelo, kube yimbangela yokudla ngokweqile, utshwala, i-shopaholism. Ngokuvamile ukwenqatshwa kwezifiso nezidingo zomuntu kuholela ezifweni nasezimweni ze-psychosomatic: ikhanda elibuhlungu, ukungezwani kwemisipha, umfutho wegazi ophakeme.

Ukuvala izidingo zethu nemizwelo enqabeni, ngaleyo ndlela sizinikela, kusukela ku-"I" yethu. Futhi lokhu akukwazi ukukhiqiza umbhikisho kanye nentukuthelo.

Uma kubonakala kithi ukuthi umama unomzwelo kakhulu, inkinga ayikho emizweni yakhe futhi ayikho ngokweqile. Mhlawumbe wamane wayeka ukukhathalela izifiso nezidingo zakhe, wazwelana naye. Yebo "izwa" ingane, kodwa yazilahla ...

Mhlawumbe lokhu kungenxa yokuthi umphakathi usugxile kakhulu ezinganeni. Ukuhlakanipha kwemizwa yesintu kuyakhula, ukubaluleka kwempilo nakho kuyakhula. Abantu babonakala bencibilikile: sinothando olukhulu ngezingane, sifuna ukubapha okungcono kakhulu. Sifunda izincwadi ezihlakaniphile zendlela yokuqonda hhayi ukulimaza ingane. Sizama ukulandela ithiyori yokunamathisela. Futhi lokhu kuhle futhi kubalulekile!

Kodwa i-attachment theory ayidingi ukuthi omama bazinikele futhi bazinikele. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uJulia Gippenreiter sakhuluma ngento enjalo ngokuthi "ujeke wentukuthelo." Lolu wulwandle oluchazwe ngenhla abazama ukulugcina ngaphakathi ku-aquarium. Izidingo zomuntu azeneliswa, futhi intukuthelo iyanqwabelana ngaphakathi kithi, okuthi ngokushesha noma kamuva ichitheke. Ukubonakaliswa kwayo kwenziwa iphutha njengokungazinzi ngokomzwelo.

Izwa izwi lokuba sengozini

Singabhekana kanjani nemizwelo yethu futhi siyilawule? Inye kuphela impendulo: ukuzizwa, ukubona ukubaluleka kwazo. Futhi khuluma wedwa ngendlela umama ozwelayo akhuluma ngayo nezingane zakhe.

Singakhuluma kanje nengane yethu yangaphakathi: “Ngiyakuzwa. Uma uthukuthele kangaka, mhlawumbe kukhona okubalulekile okwenzekayo? Mhlawumbe awukutholi okudingayo? Ngiyazwelana nawe futhi nakanjani ngizothola indlela yokuhlangabezana nezidingo zami.”

Sidinga ukuzwa izwi lokuba sengozini emphefumulweni. Ngokuziphatha ngokunakekela, sifundisa izingane ukulalela izidingo zazo eziyisisekelo. Ngesibonelo sethu, sibonisa ukuthi kubalulekile hhayi ukwenza umsebenzi wesikole kuphela, ukuhlanza nokuya emsebenzini. Kubalulekile ukuzizwa futhi wabelane ngemizwa yakho nabantu obathandayo. Futhi sibacele ukuba baphathe imizwa yethu ngokucophelela, bayihloniphe.

Futhi uma uhlangabezana nobunzima ngalokhu, ungafunda ukuthi ungakhuluma kanjani ngemizwa eyisisekelo ehhovisi lesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, ezimweni zokuxhumana okuyimfihlo okuphephile. Futhi kuphela lapho, kancane kancane, ukuze wabelane ngazo nomhlaba.

Ubani owokuqala?

Singaveza imizwa yethu ngamagama, sisebenzise iziqhathaniso nezingathekiso ukukhombisa ukujula kokuhlangenwe nakho kwethu. Singawuzwa umzimba wethu uma sikuthola kunzima ukunquma kahle ukuthi sizizwa kanjani.

Futhi okubaluleke kakhulu: lapho sizizwa ngokwethu, akusadingeki sikhethe ukuthi imizwa kabani ebaluleke kakhulu - eyethu noma izingane zethu. Phela, ukuzwela omunye akusho neze ukuthi siyeke ukulalela izwi lethu elingaphakathi.

Singazwelana nengane enesizungu, kodwa futhi sithole isikhathi sokuzilibazisa.

Ibele singalinika umuntu olambile kodwa futhi singaliyeki lilunywe ngoba liyasilimaza.

Singambamba umuntu ongakwazi ukulala ngaphandle kwethu, kodwa ngeke siphike ukuthi sikhathele ngempela.

Ngokuzisiza, sisiza izingane zethu ukuba zizwe kangcono. Phela, imizwa yethu ibaluleke ngokufanayo.