Okuqukethwe
Umbono wokuthi umzimba womunye wabashadile, ngemva kokwenza izifungo zomshado, uba yimpahla yomunye, ugxile kakhulu emiqondweni yabantu kangangokuthi uma sikhuluma ngokwethembeka, sivame ukusho ukwethembeka komzimba, hhayi kwenhliziyo. Kodwa-ke, namuhla, lapho abantu bezama ukuzitholela bona nendawo yabo emhlabeni, kufanelekile ukuhlukana nomqondo wokwethembeka njengenkambiso yezenhlalo futhi ukhulume ngakho njengesivumelwano phakathi kwabantu abadala abanqume ukuthi inyunyana yabo iyinhlangano. inani eliyinhloko, lihlukile futhi akufanele bafake ubungozi. .
Emakhulwini eminyaka, kwakukholelwa ukuthi ukwethembeka emshadweni kuwumthetho oqala ukusebenza ngokushesha lapho abashadile befaka izindandatho zomshado. Kusukela kuleli phuzu kuqhubeke, abalingani bayingxenye yomunye nomunye. Kodwa, ngeshwa, ukwethembeka ngokwakho akuwenzi umshado ujabule. Kodwa ukungathembeki cishe kuzobhubhisa inyunyana: ngisho noma umlingani okhohlisiwe engase athethelele okwenzekile, izimo zengqondo zomphakathi ziphoqeleka ukuphatha noma yikuphi ukuphambuka kokujwayelekile kabi. Ukukopela kungenye yezinto eziyingozi kakhulu emshadweni.
Kodwa mhlawumbe kufanele sibheke ukwethembeka nokukhaphela ngelinye iso. Sondela lesi sihloko ngokucophelela, yeka ukuthembela emikhubeni nemikhuba yakudala futhi ukhumbule ukuthi uma kuziwa othandweni nokwethembana, ayikho indawo yama-cliches nama-clich.
Izinkolo eziningi ziphikelela ekuthembekeni emshadweni, kodwa okwamanje, izibalo zibonisa ukuthi izindinganiso zokuziphatha nemithetho yenkolo iyodwa ayikuqinisekisi lokho.
Indlela entsha yomshado idinga incazelo yokuthi "okusha" kokushada nomuntu oyedwa. Kusekelwe embonweni wokuthi ukwethembeka kuwukukhetha esikwenzayo ndawonye nomngane wethu womshado. Ukushada komuntu oyedwa kufanele kuxoxiswane ekuqaleni kobudlelwane futhi lezi zivumelwano kufanele ziqinisekiswe kuwo wonke umshado.
Ngaphambi kokuthi singene kulokho ukwethembeka okuvumelanayo kuyini, ake sicacise ukuthi kwakusho ukuthini ukwethembeka ku-"old" monogamy.
I-Psychology ye-"old" monogamy
Umelaphi womndeni u-Esther Perel ugomela ngokuthi ukuba nomfazi oyedwa kusekelwe ekuhlangenwe nakho kwasendulo. Ngaleso sikhathi, ngokuzenzakalelayo, kwakukholelwa ukuthi uthando lunikezwa inhloko yomndeni ngokuzidela - ngaphandle kokunye nokungabaza. Lokhu okwenzeka kwasekuqaleni "kobunye" kwakusho ubunye obungenamibandela.
UPerel ubiza i-monogamy endala ngokuthi "monolithic", ngokusekelwe esifisweni sokuba yedwa, okuwukuphela komunye. Kwakucatshangwa ukuthi kukhona umuntu onjalo emhlabeni oqukethe konke okufunwa umlingani wakhe. Komunye nomunye, baba abangane, abangane abakhulu, izithandwa ezishisekayo. Imiphefumulo enomusa, isigamu sayo yonke.
Noma ngabe sikubiza ngani, umbono wendabuko wokuba nomfazi oyedwa usuwumfanekiso wesifiso sethu sokungabi nandawo, sihluke.
Ukuhluka okunjalo kudinga ukuhluka, futhi ukungathembeki kuthathwa njengokukhaphela. Futhi njengoba ukukhaphela kweqa imingcele yobuntu bethu, akunakuthethelelwa.
Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, isimo siye sashintsha. Njengamanje, into engcono kakhulu abashadile abangayenza emshadweni ukwamukela ukuthi ukwethembeka kuyinkolelo, hhayi isiko noma indawo yomphakathi. Ngakho uyavuma ukuthi ukuba nomfazi oyedwa akusabuswa izinkambiso zomphakathi nokuthi ukwethembeka kufanele kubhekwe njengesinqumo wena nomngane wakho womshado enisenza ndawonye kuwo wonke umshado.
Isivumelwano "esisha" sokuba nomfazi oyedwa
Isivumelwano sokuba nomfazi oyedwa omusha sivela ekuqondeni ukuthi umbono wokuba nomfazi oyedwa omdala usekelwe esifisweni sasendulo sokuhluka esizama ukusidala kabusha emshadweni wethu. Kungcono kakhulu ukuxoxisana ngokwethembeka njengophawu lwesibopho sabashadile komunye nomunye.
Isifiso sokuhluka ebudlelwaneni kufanele sithathelwe indawo ukuqonda ukuthi wena nomlingani wakho ningabantu abazimele ababheka umshado njengenqubo yenkontileka. Ukwethembeka ebuhlotsheni kubalulekile, hhayi kubantu ngabanye.
Yini edingekayo ukuze kufinyelelwe esivumelwaneni
Lapho uxoxa ngokuba nomfazi oyedwa, kunezinto ezintathu okufanele nivumelane ngazo kuqala: ukwethembeka, ukuvuleleka ebudlelwaneni, nokwethembeka ocansini.
Ukuthembeka kusho ukuthi ukhululekile ngobudlelwano nabanye - okuhlanganisa neqiniso lokuthi ungathanda omunye umuntu futhi ungase ube namaphupho ngaye.
inyunyana evulekile isikisela ukuthi uxoxe ngemingcele yobuhlobo bakho nabanye. Ingabe kulungile ukwabelana ngolwazi lomuntu siqu, imicabango ejulile, ukuhlangana nozakwethu, nokunye.
ukwethembeka ocansini - kusho ukuthini ngempela kuwe. Ingabe uyamvumela umlingani wakho ukuthi afune omunye umuntu, abuke izithombe zocansi, abe nobudlelwano ku-inthanethi.
Isivumelwano sokwethembeka kwezocansi
Ngamunye wenu kufanele acabangele indlela azizwa ngayo ngokwethembeka emshadweni. Hlola umbono wakho siqu mayelana ne-monogamy yocansi. Ngokunokwenzeka, yakhiwa ngaphansi kwethonya lezindinganiso zomndeni, izinkolelo zenkolo, izindima zendabuko zobulili, izimo zengqondo zokuziphatha komuntu siqu kanye nezidingo zokuphepha komuntu siqu.
Izilungiselelo zangaphakathi zingaba kanje:
«Sithembisa ukwethembeka kuze kube yilapho omunye wethu ekhathala ngomunye»;
“Ngiyazi ukuthi ngeke ushintshe, kodwa nginelungelo elinjalo”;
“Ngizothembeka, kodwa uzokopela ngoba uyindoda”;
"Sizothembeka, ngaphandle kwamaholidi amancane."
Kubalulekile ukuxoxa ngalezi zimo zengqondo zangaphakathi esigabeni sezivumelwano zokuba nomfazi oyedwa.
Ingabe ukwethembeka ocansini kungenzeka emshadweni?
Emphakathini, ukwethembeka kwezocansi emshadweni kushiwo, kodwa ekusebenzeni, imihlahlandlela yezenhlalo neyokuziphatha ivame ukuphulwa. Mhlawumbe manje yisikhathi sokuqonda ukuthi uthando, umthwalo wemfanelo, kanye “nobunye” bobulili kuxhumene kanjani.
Ake sithi bobabili abalingani bavumelana ukwethembeka komunye nomunye, kodwa omunye wagcina ekhohlisa. Ingabe bangajabula?
Eziningi azikhelwanga ukushada nomuntu oyedwa. Kukholakala ukuthi amadoda ajwayele ukukopela. Bajabulela ubulili ngaphandle kokuhileleka ngokomzwelo, bazama izinto ezintsha. Amadoda amaningi ashadile athi ayajabula emshadweni, kodwa ayakopela ngoba efuna ukuzama into entsha, entula ukuzijabulisa.
Abanye ososayensi basakholelwa ukuthi amadoda awakwazi ngokwemvelo ukwethembeka kumlingani oyedwa. Noma sicabanga ukuthi kunjalo, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi njengoba abafana bekhula, bafundiswa ukuthi kufanele baye ocansini njalo futhi bahlale bekulungele ithuba lokuzibonakalisa.
Ngakho-ke akukacaci ukuthi yini ebaluleke kakhulu - biology noma imfundo.
Indoda elala nabesifazane abehlukene iyahlonishwa, ithathwa ngokuthi «indoda yangempela», «macho», «womanizer». Wonke lawa magama anomphumela omuhle. Kodwa owesifazane olala nenqwaba yamadoda uyalahlwa futhi abizwe ngamagama anencazelo ebukhali embi.
Mhlawumbe sekuyisikhathi sokuyeka izimo ezimangalisayo lapho umlingani ehlehla ezifungweni zomshado futhi efuna ucansi eceleni? Mhlawumbe sekuyisikhathi sokuqala ukuxoxa ngocansi nabanye njengendlela yokuxazulula izinkinga zocansi kwabashadile?
Kuyadingeka futhi ukusho kusengaphambili imingcele yalokho okuvunyelwe futhi kungafaki ukuhileleka ngokomzwelo. Ngokuyinhloko sikhuluma nge-monogamy yenhliziyo. Kulolu suku, umuntu kufanele acabangele ukuthi uma kuziwa othandweni, ukwethembana, kanye nezintandokazi zocansi, ayikho imithetho efanela wonke umuntu.
Isivumelwano, hhayi isiko
Ukwethembeka kufanele kube ukukhetha okuqaphelayo okuzokukhuthaza ukuba nibe ndawonye iminyaka eminingi. Kusho ukuzethemba, uzwela nomusa. Ukwethembeka kuyisinqumo okufanele nixoxisane ngaso ukuze uvikele ubudlelwano obubalulekile kuyilapho nobabili niqhubeka nikhula futhi nithuthuka njengabantu ngabanye.
Nazi izimiso ezimbalwa ze-monogamy entsha okufanele izamukele:
Ukwethembeka emshadweni akubona ubufakazi "bobunye" bakho.
Okubalulekile ukwethembeka ebudlelwaneni, hhayi kuwe njengomuntu.
Ukwethembeka akuyona inkokhiso emasikweni, kodwa ukukhetha.
Ubuqotho yisivumelwano eningasixoxisana nobabili.
I-monogamy entsha idinga isivumelwano sokwethembeka, ukuvuleleka ebudlelwaneni nokwethembeka kwezocansi. Ingabe usukulungele lokhu?