Bangaba abantu esibajwayele, baphumelele ngaphandle futhi baphumelele. Kodwa asazi ukuthi kwenzakalani emzini wabo. Futhi uma benesibindi sokukhuluma, akekho othatha amazwi abo ngokungathi sína. Ingabe indoda iyisisulu sobudlova? Ingabe umkakhe uyamshaya? Akwenzeki!
Kwakunzima kimi ukuthola izindaba zomuntu siqu zalo mbhalo. Ngabuza abangani bami ukuthi bayazi yini ngemindeni enjalo lapho unkosikazi eshaya umyeni wakhe. Futhi cishe njalo babengiphendula ngokubhuqa noma babuze: “Mhlawumbe, laba ngabesifazane abaphelelwe ithemba abashaya abayeni babo abaphuzayo nabasebenzisa izidakamizwa?” Angeke kwenzeke ukuthi kube khona ozocabanga ukuthi ubudlova buvumelekile, ikakhulukazi njengoba bungahlekwa.
Kusukaphi-ke lokhu okuhlekisayo okucishe kufane? Mhlawumbe sasingakaze sicabange ukuthi ubudlova basekhaya bungaqondiswa endodeni. Kuzwakala kuxakile… Futhi kuphakama imibuzo ngokushesha: kungenzeka kanjani lokhu? Obuthakathaka angamshaya kanjani onamandla futhi kungani oqinile ekubekezelela? Lokhu kusho ukuthi unamandla ngokomzimba kuphela, kodwa ubuthakathaka ngaphakathi. Wesabani? Akazihloniphi yena?
Amacala anjalo awabikwa emaphephandabeni noma kumabonakude. Abesilisa bathule ngakho. Ngabe ngidinga ukuchaza ukuthi abakwazi ukukhononda kwabanye, abakwazi ukuya emaphoyiseni. Phela bayazi ukuthi bafanelwe ukulahlwa nokuhlekwa. Futhi cishe, bayazilahla. Kokubili ukungathandi kwethu ukucabanga ngabo kanye nokungafuni ukukhuluma kwabo kuchazwa ukuqaphela kokhokho osasilawula.
Akunakwenzeka ukuphindisela: kusho ukuyeka ukuba yindoda, ukuziphatha ngokungafanele. Isehlukaniso siyethusa futhi sibonakala siwubuthakathaka
Ake sikhumbule i-flash mob #angesabi ukusho. Ukuvuma izono kwabesifazane abahlukunyeziwe kwabangela ukuzwelana nabanye nokuphawula okucasulayo kwabanye. Kodwa-ke asizange sifunde ezinkundleni zokuxhumana ukuvuma izono zamadoda ayeyizisulu zamakhosikazi awo.
Lokhu akumangazi, kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo senhlalo uSergei Enikolopov: “Emphakathini wethu, cishe amadoda athethelelwa ngobudlova obubhekiswe kowesifazane kunokuba aqonde owesilisa ohlukunyezwa ekhaya.” Indawo kuphela lapho ungasho khona lokhu ngokuzwakalayo yihhovisi le-psychotherapist.
I-Stalemate
Ngokuvamile, izindaba eziphathelene nenkosikazi eshaya umyeni wakhe zivela lapho umbhangqwana noma umndeni ufika endaweni yokwamukela izivakashi, kusho udokotela wezifo zengqondo u-Inna Khamitova. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi amadoda ngokwawo aphendukela kusazi sokusebenza kwengqondo ngalokhu. Ngokuvamile laba abantu abaphumelelayo, abaphumelelayo okungenakwenzeka ukusola izisulu zobudlova. Bona ngokwabo bachaza kanjani ukuthi kungani bebekezelela ukuphathwa okunjalo?
Abanye abazi ukuthi benzeni. Akunakwenzeka ukuphindisela: kusho ukuyeka ukuba yindoda, ukuziphatha ngokungafanele. Isehlukaniso siyethusa futhi sibonakala siwubuthakathaka. Futhi enye indlela yokuxazulula le ngxabano ehlazisayo, akucaci. “Bazizwa bengenamandla futhi bephelelwe yithemba ngoba ababoni ukuthi izophuma kanjani,” kusho umelaphi womkhaya.
Owesifazane ongenanhliziyo
Kukhona inketho yesibili, lapho indoda isaba ngempela umlingani wayo. Lokhu kwenzeka kuleyo mibhangqwana lapho owesifazane enezici ze-sociopathic: akaqapheli imingcele yalokho okuvunyelwe, akazi ukuthi yini ububele, isihawu, uzwela.
U-Inna Khamitova uyachaza: “Ngokuvamile, isisulu sakhe yindoda engalondekile ezisola yona ngokuphathwa ngale ndlela. "Engqondweni yakhe, ngumuntu omubi, hhayi yena." Lena yindlela labo ababecasulwe emndenini wabazali abazizwa ngayo, okungenzeka ukuthi babeyizisulu zobudlova ebuntwaneni. Lapho abesifazane beqala ukubalulaza, bazizwa bephukile ngokuphelele.
Izinto ziba nzima nakakhulu lapho umbhangqwana unezingane. Bangase bazwelane nobaba futhi bazonde umama. Kodwa uma umama enganaki futhi engenasihawu, ngezinye izikhathi ingane ivula indlela yokuzivikela ye-pathological njengokuthi "ukuhlonza umhlukumezi": isekela ukushushiswa kukababa-isisulu ukuze angabi isisulu ngokwakhe. "Kunoma yikuphi, ingane ithola ukuhlukumezeka kwengqondo okuzothinta impilo yakhe yesikhathi esizayo," u-Inna Khamitova uqinisekile.
Isimo sibukeka singenathemba. Ingabe i-psychotherapy ingabubuyisela ubudlelwano obunempilo? Kuya ngokuthi owesifazane kulo mbhangqwana uyakwazi yini ukushintsha, ukholwa ngumelaphi womndeni. I-Sociopathy, ngokwesibonelo, ayelapheki, futhi kungcono ukushiya ubudlelwano obunobuthi obunjalo.
“Okunye uma owesifazane ezivikela ekulimaleni kwakhe, okufake kumyeni wakhe. Ake sithi wayenobaba owayemhlukumeza owayemshaya. Ukuvimbela lokhu ukuthi kungenzeki futhi, manje uyashaya. Hhayi ngoba ethanda, kodwa ukuzivikela, nakuba kungekho omhlaselayo. Uma ekubona lokhu, ubuhlobo obufudumele bungavuselelwa.
Ukudideka kwendima
Amadoda amaningi ayizisulu zobudlova. Isizathu sisekutheni indima yabesifazane neyabesilisa ishintsha kanjani kulezi zinsuku.
"Abesifazane bangene ezweni lamadoda futhi benza ngokuvumelana nemithetho yawo: bayafunda, basebenze, bafinyelele izinga eliphezulu lomsebenzi, bahlanganyele emncintiswaneni ngokulinganayo namadoda," kusho uSergey Enikolopov. Futhi ukungezwani okuqoqiwe kukhishwa ekhaya. Futhi uma ulaka lwangaphambili kwabesifazane luvame ukuzibonakalisa ngendlela engaqondile, yomlomo - inhlebo, "izinwele zezinwele", ukunyundela, manje bavame ukuphendukela ekuhlukumezeni ngokomzimba ... abangakwazi ukubhekana nakho ngokwabo.
“Ukuhlalisana kwabantu besilisa bekulokhu kufaka ikhono lokulawula ulaka lwabo,” kuphawula uSergey Enikolopov. - Ngokwesiko lesiRashiya, isibonelo, abafana babenemithetho kule ndaba: "ukulwa negazi lokuqala", "abashayi abalele". Kodwa akekho oke wafundisa amantombazane futhi akawafundisi ukulawula ulaka lwawo.”
Ngabe siyabuthethelela udlame ngoba nje umhlukumezi ungowesifazane?
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abesifazane manje balindele ukuba amadoda akhathalele, azwele, abe mnene. Kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, izinkolelo-ze zobulili azikapheli, futhi kunzima ngathi ukuvuma ukuthi abesifazane bangaba nonya ngempela, futhi amadoda angaba mnene futhi abe sengozini. Futhi singenaluzwela ikakhulukazi emadodeni.
“Nakuba kunzima ukukuvuma futhi umphakathi ungakuqapheli lokho, kodwa indoda eshaywe owesifazane ngokushesha ilahlekelwa isikhundla sayo njengendoda,” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo nesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uSerge Efez. “Sicabanga ukuthi lokhu kuwumbudane futhi kuyinhlekisa, asikholwa ukuthi lokhu kungaba njalo. Kodwa kuyodingeka ukweseka isisulu sodlame.”
Kubukeka sengathi sesibonile ukuthi owesilisa nguyena ohlale enecala ngokuhlukunyezwa kowesifazane. Kodwa kuvela ukuthi uma kuhlukumeza indoda, yiyona enecala? Ngabe siyabuthethelela udlame ngoba nje umhlukumezi ungowesifazane? “Kwangidinga isibindi esikhulu ukuze nginqume ngedivosi,” kuvuma omunye walabo engakwazi ukuxoxa nabo. Ngakho, ingabe futhi indaba yesibindi? Kubukeka sengathi sesifike kwangqingetshe...