Cabanga ukuthi utshelwe ukuthi uhlangothi lwesobunxele lomzimba wakho lubi kakhulu kunesokudla, ngakho-ke kufanele ube namahloni ngengalo yakho yesokunxele nomlenze, futhi kungcono ukuthi ungalivuli nhlobo iso lakho lesobunxele. Okufanayo kwenziwa ngokukhuliswa, okubeka inkolelo yokuthi yini owesilisa nowesifazane. Nakhu okucatshangwa yisazi se-psychoanalyst uDmitry Olshansky ngalokhu.
Ngesinye isikhathi umshayeli weloli “osebenza enyakatho” weza kimi ezobonisana. Indoda enempilo, enkulu, enentshebe ayizange ilingane kusofa futhi yakhononda ngezwi lebhesi: "Abangane bangitshele ukuthi ngingowesifazane kakhulu." Ngaphandle kokufihla ukumangala kwami, ngambuza ukuthi kusho ukuthini lokhu. “Awu, kanjani? Kwabesilisa, ibhantshi eliphansi kufanele libe mnyama; laphaya, nawe unejazi elimnyama elilengayo. Futhi ngazithengela ibhantshi elibomvu. Manje wonke umuntu ungidlalisa ngowesifazane.
Isibonelo siyahlekisa, kodwa abantu abaningi bakha ubunikazi babo bobulili ngokuqondile ngesisekelo somgomo "ophambene".
Ukuba yindoda kusho ukungenzi lokho okubhekwa njengowesifazane. Ukuba ngowesifazane kusho ukuphika zonke izici zakho zobudoda.
Okubukeka kungenangqondo kunoma ngubani ojwayelene ne-psychoanalysis. Kodwa uhlelo lwesimanje lwemfundo lwakhiwe ngendlela yokuthi izingane zithole ubunikazi bobulili ngokuphika: "umfana akayona intombazane", futhi "intombazane ayiyena umfana". Izingane zifundiswa ukwakha isithombe sazo ngokusebenzisa ukunganaki kokuphambene, okungukuthi, ngendlela engalungile kunendlela enhle.
Ekuqaleni, umbuzo uphakama ngokushesha: "hhayi intombazane" futhi "hhayi umfana" - kanjani? Bese kwakhiwa ama-stereotypes amaningi: umfana akufanele athande imibala ekhanyayo, abonise imizwa, akufanele athande ukuba sekhishini ... Nakuba siqonda ukuthi lokhu akuhlangene nobudoda. Ukuqhathanisa onodoli nezimoto kuyinqaba njengoba esiphikisayo «orange» futhi «amashumi amathathu nesithupha».
Ukuphoqelela ukucindezela ingxenye ethile yobukhona bakho kuyefana nokwenqabela umzimba wesilisa ukukhiqiza ihomoni i-estrogen.
Wonke umuntu unazo zombili izici zesifazane nezobudoda. Futhi amahomoni akhiqizwayo ayafana, umuntu nje une-estrogen eningi, othile une-testosterone eyengeziwe. Umehluko phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane ulinganiselwe kuphela, hhayi ikhwalithi, ngisho nangombono we-physiology, ingasaphathwa imishini yengqondo, efanayo kubo bobabili ubulili, njengoba uFreud afakazela.
Ngakho-ke, konke ukuqagela esihlokweni sokusebenza kwengqondo kwabesilisa nabesifazane kubukeka kuyinhlekisa. Uma ekhulwini lesi-XNUMX bekusavumelekile ukusho ukuthi amadoda ngokwemvelo azalwa ngandlela thize ehluke kwabesifazane, namuhla zonke lezi zingxabano azihambisani nesayensi futhi ukuphoqa umuntu ukuthi acindezele ingxenye ethile yobukhona bakhe kuye kufana nokwenqabela umzimba wesilisa ukuba kungabikho muntu. ukukhiqiza i-hormone estrogen. Uyohlala kuze kube nini ngaphandle kwakhe? Ngaleso sikhathi, ukukhuliswa kumane kukuphoqa ukuthi ucindezele, ube namahloni futhi ufihle ukuhlonza nobulili obuhlukile.
Uma owesilisa ethanda into yesifazane, umbala ofanayo obomvu, isibonelo, bambheka ngokushesha njengomuntu ophambene futhi badale izinkimbinkimbi eziningi kuye. Uma owesifazane ethenga ibhantshi elimnyama, akekho umshayeli weloli ozomshada.
Kuzwakala kuyahlanya? Futhi lombhedo izingane ezikhuliswa ngawo.
Okwesibili, zonke izinhlobo zobulili azinangqondo. Ubani owathi ukungabi nemizwa kuwuphawu “lwendoda yangempela”? Noma ukuthanda ukubulala «okungokwemvelo kunoma yimuphi umuntu»? Noma ubani ongathethelela, ngokwesayensi yokwakheka komzimba noma ukuziphendukela kwemvelo, kungani indoda kufanele ihlukanise imibala emincane kunowesifazane?
Umzingeli wesilisa udinga nje ukusabela okusheshayo, intuition ecashile nemizwa ebukhali kunowesifazane, umgcini weziko, ongayidingi nhlobo le mizwa, njengoba impilo yakhe ilinganiselwe kumamitha-skwele amabili omhume obumnyama futhi -ukuklabalasa umhlambi wamawundlu.
Ezimweni ezinjalo, ukuze kulondolozwe i-psyche yesifazane, ukuzwa kufanele kudliwe ukuze ukukhala kwezingane eziningi kungaholeli ekwehlulekeni kwezinzwa, iphunga nokunambitha kwehliswe ukuze kungakhethi kakhulu ukudla, ngoba kuzoba khona. ungabi omunye noma kunjalo, futhi ukubona nokuthinta kowesifazane osemhumeni ngokuvamile akusizi ngalutho, ngoba zonke izinto ezisendaweni yakhe yokuhlala zaziwa futhi zihlala ziseduze.
Kodwa umzingeli kufanele ahlukanise izinkulungwane zamaphunga nemibala yezimbali, abe namehlo abukhali kanye nokuzwa, ukuze abone inyamazane ecashile noma umhlaseli oqhele ngamamitha angamakhulu emahlozini aminyene. Ngakho ngokombono wokuziphendukela kwemvelo, ngamadoda okufanele azwele, acwengisiswe futhi acashe kunabesifazane. Njengoba umlando ufakazela: ngamadoda angamakha angcono kakhulu, abapheki, ama-stylists.
Inganekwane iyadingeka ukuze kuhlukaniswe ngokucacile inkundla yowesilisa nowesifazane futhi kumiswe imithetho yobudlelwano phakathi kobulili.
Kodwa-ke, imibono engokwenhlalo isinika yonke into ye-topsy-turvy: indoda, bathi, kufanele ibe mnene kunowesifazane. Futhi uma elandela isimo sakhe sobudoda sangempela futhi abe, isibonelo, i-couturier, khona-ke abashayeli bamaloli ngeke bakwazise noma bakusekele lokhu.
Ungakhumbula imibono eminingi enjalo ongeke uqhamuke nayo ngamabomu. Isibonelo, eBulgaria ngathola lokhu: ukuphakama kwamadolo kuyimfanelo yezingubo zokugqoka zabesifazane, futhi indoda evamile, yebo, ayikwazi ukuyigqoka. "Kodwa kuthiwani ngabadlali?" Ngibuzile. "Bangakwazi, kufana nendima yeshashalazi udinga ukupenda izindebe zakho futhi ugqoke iwigi." Alikho elinye izwe emhlabeni engake ngabona umbono onjalo ngegalofu.
Konke lokhu okusunguliwe kuvele ngenhlanhla. Kodwa ngani? Ziyadingeka kunoma yiliphi iqembu lenhlalo ukuze kuhlukaniswe ngokucacile inkundla yowesilisa nowesifazane futhi kumiswe imithetho yobudlelwano phakathi kobulili.
Ezilwaneni, lo mbuzo awuveli - imizwa yemvelo iphakamisa indlela yokuziphatha esimweni esithile. Isibonelo, umbala noma iphunga likuvumela ukuthi uhlukanise phakathi kwabesilisa nabesifazane futhi uthole abalingani bocansi. Abantu badinga izibambela ezingokomfanekiso zalezi zindlela (ukugqoka amasokisi amadolo namajakhethi aphansi abomvu) ukuze bahlukanise amadoda kwabesifazane.
Okwesithathu, imfundo yesimanje yakha isimo sengqondo esibi ngamabomu ngabobulili obuhlukile. Umfana utshelwa ukuthi “ungabubuli njengentombazane” — ukuba intombazane kubi, futhi ingxenye yakho evusa inkanuko yobuntu bakho nayo iyinto engeyinhle okufanele ube namahloni ngayo.
Njengoba abafana befundiswa ukucindezela zonke izici okuthiwa zingezowesifazane ngokwabo, futhi amantombazane afundiswa ukuzonda nokucindezela yonke into yobudoda ngokwawo, kuphakama izingxabano. Ngakho-ke ubutha phakathi kobulili: isifiso sabalandeli besifazane ukufakazela ukuthi ababi kakhulu kunabesilisa, nesifiso sama-machistas “sokubeka abesifazane endaweni yabo.”
Kokubili, eqinisweni, izingxabano zangaphakathi ezingaxazululiwe phakathi kwezingxenye zobuntu zesifazane nezabesilisa.
Uma ungaphikisani nowesilisa nowesifazane, kungenzeka ukuthi izingxabano phakathi kwabantu zizoba nzima kakhulu, futhi ubudlelwano buzoba mnandi kakhulu. Amantombazane kufanele afundiswe ukwamukela izimfanelo zobudoda kuwo ngokwawo, futhi abafana kufanele bafundiswe ukuhlonipha izici zabesifazane ngokwabo. Bese bephatha abantu besifazane ngokulingana.