Okuqukethwe
Abesifazane bavame ukusolwa ngokulwa nezindaba ezibonakala zingabalulekile. Ngokwesibonelo, bayenqabela amadoda ukuba akhokhe isikweletu esitolo sokudla, abavulele iminyango futhi babasize bagqoke amajazi abo. Ukubeka eceleni zonke ezinye izindaba ezigxilwa ngabesifazane besifazane, futhi ucabangele umbuzo abantu abaningi abathakazelisa kakhulu kuwo: kungani abanye besifazane bephikisana namadoda abakhokhela?
Inganekwane yokuthi abantu besifazane balwisana ne-chivalry yabesilisa kanye nemidlalo ejwayelekile phakathi kobulili ivamise ukusetshenziswa njengempikiswano yokuthi abalwela amalungelo abesifazane abanele futhi abaxhumene neqiniso. Kungakho, bathi, benikela ukuphila kwabo ekulweni nemishini yomoya, ukumangalela amadoda abanike amajazi, nokukhula izinwele emilenzeni. Futhi ifomula ethi "feminists benqabela" isivele ibe yi-meme kanye ne-classic ye-rhetoric ephikisana nabesifazane.
Le mpikiswano, naphezu kwakho konke ubudala bayo, iyasebenza impela. Ukunaka imininingwane emincane ephazamisa umphakathi, kulula ukuphambukisa ukunaka entweni esemqoka. Kusukela kulokho inhlangano yabesifazane elwa nakho. Isibonelo, kusukela kokungalingani, ukungabi nabulungisa, udlame olusekelwe ebulilini, udlame lokuzala kanye nezinye izinkinga abagxeki bobufazi abangafuni ukuzibona ngenkuthalo.
Kodwa-ke, ake sibuyele kumthethosivivinywa wethu wejazi nerestshurenti futhi sibone ukuthi izinto zima kanjani ngempela nobumnene, okulindelwe ubulili kanye nokulwela amalungelo abantu besifazane. Ingabe sinayo i-solitaire? Bathini ngempela abantu besifazane mayelana nalokhu?
I-akhawunti ekhubekile
Isihloko sokuthi ubani okhokhelwayo ngosuku singesinye sezihloko ezishisa izikhotha kunoma iyiphi ingxoxo yabesifazane, elwela amalungelo abantu besifazane noma cha. Futhi abesifazane abaningi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi iyini imibono yabo, bavumelana ngenqubo eyodwa yendawo yonke: “Ngihlale ngikulungele ukuzikhokhela, kodwa ngingathanda ukuba indoda yenze lokho.” Le fomula ingahluka ukusuka kokuthi “Ngingayithanda” iye kokuthi “Ngeke ngiye ngosuku lwesibili uma engakhokhi ngosuku lokuqala,” kodwa empeleni ihlala injalo.
Abesifazane abanomqondo we-patriarchal kancane kancane bavame ukumemezela isikhundla sabo ngokuziqhenya nangokukhululekile. Bakholelwa ukuthi indoda kufanele ikhokhe, ngoba nje iyindoda futhi ngenxa yokuthi iyingxenye ebalulekile yomdlalo wobulili obuhlukile, omunye umthetho onganyakaziswa wokusebenzelana komphakathi.
Abesifazane abathambekele emibonweni yabesifazane ngokuvamile banamahloni kancane ngemicabango yabo, bezwa uhlobo oluthile lokuphikisana kwangaphakathi futhi besaba ukucasuka - "Yini ofuna ukuyidla futhi udobe, futhi ungangeni emanzini?". Bheka ukuthi umthengisi kangakanani - futhi umnike amalungelo alinganayo, futhi ukhokhe izikweletu endaweni yokudlela, uthole umsebenzi omuhle.
Akukho ukuphikisana lapha, nokho, ngesizathu esisodwa esilula. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi owesifazane unamiphi imibono, iqiniso lethu elinonya likude kakhulu ne-post-patriarchal utopia, lapho amadoda nabesifazane belingana ngokuphelele, banokufinyelela okufanayo ezinsizeni futhi bangena ebuhlotsheni obuvundlile, hhayi obuphezulu.
Sonke, abesilisa nabesifazane, siyimikhiqizo yezwe elihluke ngokuphelele. Umphakathi esiphila kuwo manje ungabizwa ngokuthi umphakathi wezinguquko. Abesifazane, ngakolunye uhlangothi, bazuze ilungelo lokuba izakhamuzi ezigcwele, bavote, basebenze futhi baphile impilo ezimele, futhi ngakolunye uhlangothi, basathwele wonke umthwalo owengeziwe owela emahlombe owesifazane I-classical patriarchal society: umsebenzi wokuzala, ukunakekelwa kokugcinwa kwezindlu kwasebekhulile, umsebenzi wemizwa kanye nemikhuba yobuhle.
Owesifazane wanamuhla uvame ukusebenza futhi anikele ekuhlinzekeni komndeni.
Kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, kufanele abe ngumama oqotho, umfazi onobungane futhi ongenazinkinga, onakekela umuzi, izingane, umyeni nezihlobo ezindala, abe muhle, olungiswe kahle futhi omomothekayo. Ubusuku nemini, ngaphandle kokudla kwasemini nezinsuku zokuphumula. Futhi ngaphandle kweholo, ngoba nje "kufanele". Indoda, ngakolunye uhlangothi, ingakwazi ukuzivalela emsebenzini futhi ihlezi phezu kombhede, futhi emehlweni omphakathi uzobe esengumuntu omuhle, ubaba omuhle, umyeni omuhle futhi oholayo.
"Izinsuku nezikweletu zihlangene ngani nakho?" - uyabuza. Futhi naphezu kokuthi ezimweni zamanje, noma yimuphi owesifazane, owesifazane noma cha, uyazi ngokuqinisekile ukuthi ubuhlobo nendoda cishe budinga ukutshalwa kwezimali okukhulu kwezinsiza kuye. Okuningi kunokuvela kumlingani wakhe. Futhi ukuze lobu budlelwano bube nenzuzo encane kowesifazane, udinga ukuthola isiqinisekiso sokuthi indoda isilungele ukwabelana ngezinsiza, okungenani ngendlela engokomfanekiso.
Elinye iphuzu elibalulekile elibangelwa ukungabi nabulungisa okufanayo okukhona. Indoda evamile inezinsiza eziningi kakhulu kunowesifazane ovamile. Abesilisa, ngokwezibalo, bathola amaholo aphezulu, bathola izikhundla eziphakeme futhi, ngokuvamile, kulula ngabo ukuthi bakhuphule izinga lomsebenzi futhi bathole imali. Amadoda ngokuvamile awahlanganyeli umthwalo wemfanelo olinganayo wezingane ngemva kwesehlukaniso futhi ngenxa yalokho nawo asesimweni esinelungelo elingcono.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, emaqinisweni ethu angewona ama-utopian, owesilisa ongakakulungeli ukukhokhela owesifazane amthandayo e-cafe cishe akunakwenzeka ukuba abe umsekeli osemthethweni wokulingana, ngenxa yomqondo wobulungisa ofuna ukwabelana ngokuphelele. yonke imisebenzi nezindleko ngokulinganayo.
Ama-Unicorns ngokwethiyori akhona, kodwa eqinisweni elinonya, cishe sibhekene nowesilisa oyinzalamizi ofuna nje ukudla inhlanzi futhi agibele ihhashi. Londoloza wonke amalungelo akho futhi ulahle okokugcina, ngisho nemisebenzi engokomfanekiso kakhulu, endleleni «ukuphindisela» kuma-feminists ngenxa yokuthi baze balokothe ukukhuluma ngamalungelo alinganayo. Kuyinto elula kakhulu, emva kwakho konke: empeleni, ngeke sishintshe lutho, kodwa kusukela manje angikukweleti lutho, wena ngokwakho wawufuna lokhu, akunjalo?
Ijazi elingalungile
Futhi kuthiwani ngezinye izibonakaliso ze-gallantry? Nabo, futhi, abesifazane, kuvela, bavuma? Kodwa lapha konke kuyinkimbinkimbi kancane. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, noma yikuphi ukubonakaliswa kokunakekela ohlangothini lwendoda, njengomthethosivivinywa okhokhelwayo ochazwe ngenhla, kungenye isiqinisekiso esincane sokuthi indoda, ngokuyisisekelo, ilungele ukutshala imali ebuhlotsheni, ikwazi ukunakekela nozwela, hhayi yisho ukuphana okungokomoya. Futhi lokhu, yiqiniso, kuhle futhi kumnandi - sonke singabantu futhi siyakuthanda lapho besenzela okuthile okuhle.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, yonke le midlalo yobulili obufanayo, empeleni, iyisiko lezenhlalakahle esiye salijwayela kusukela ebuntwaneni. Saboniswa kumafilimu futhi sachazwa ezincwadini ngaphansi kwegama elithi "uthando olukhulu nothando." Ikitaza imizwa kamnandi, iyingxenye yokushela nokuqoma, ukuhlangana kancane kwabantu ababili abangabazi. Futhi hhayi ingxenye engathandeki kakhulu, kufanele ngisho.
Kodwa lapha, noma kunjalo, kunezingibe ezimbili, okuvela kuzo, empeleni, inganekwane ethi "feminists benqabela amajazi" yavela. Itshe lokuqala - zonke lezi zimpawu ezinhle zokubonisa inhlonipho ziyizinsalela kusukela esikhathini lapho owesifazane ebhekwa njengesidalwa esibuthakathaka nesiphukuphuku, cishe ingane edinga ukunakekelwa futhi akufanele ithathwe ngokungathi sína. Futhi kuze kube manje, kwezinye izenzo ezinesibindi, kufundeka ukuthi: "Ngiphethe lapha, ngizokunakekela kusukela ehlombe lenkosi, unodoli wami ongenangqondo."
I-subtext enjalo ibulala ngokuphelele noma yikuphi ubumnandi benqubo.
Ugibe lwesibili ukuthi amadoda ngokuvamile alindele uhlobo oluthile “lwenkokhelo” ekuphenduleni ukuthinta kwawo kokunaka, ngokuvamile okungalingani ngokuphelele. Iningi labesifazane lijwayelene nalesi simo - wakuyisa ekhofi, wavula umnyango wemoto phambi kwakho, waphonsa ijazi emahlombe akhe futhi ngenxa yesizathu esithile ukholelwa ukuthi ngalezi zenzo usevele "ukhokhele" imvume yokuya ocansini. . Ukuthi awunalo ilungelo lokwenqaba, usuvele “ukwamukele” konke lokhu, ungakwenza kanjani? Ngeshwa, izimo ezinjalo azihlali zingenabungozi futhi zingaholela emiphumeleni engathandeki kakhulu.
Kungakho ukugwema i-gallantry kungeyona isifiso sabesifazane abanolaka, kodwa kuyindlela enengqondo ngokuphelele yokuxhumana neqiniso elikude elilinganayo. Kulula ukuvula umnyango ngokwakho futhi ukhokhele ikhofi kunokuchazela umuntu ongamazi amahora amabili ukuthi awufuni futhi ngeke ulale naye, futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo uzizwe njenge-bitch mercantile. Kulula ukugqoka izingubo zakho zangaphandle bese uhlehlisa isihlalo sakho kunokuba uzizwe ngesikhumba sakho ukuthi uphathwa njengentombazane encane engenangqondo.
Kodwa-ke, abaningi bethu abalwela amalungelo abantu besifazane bayaqhubeka nokudlala imidlalo yobulili ngentokozo (kanye nesexwayiso) - ngokwengxenye beyijabulela, ngokwengxenye bayibheka njengendlela esemthethweni ngokuphelele yokuba khona eqinisweni elikude kakhulu nombono wangemva kokhokho.
Ngingaqinisekisa ukuthi kule ndawo othile uzokrwitshwa ngokucasuka futhi abaze: “Awu, abantu besifazane bafuna ukulwa kuphela lezo zingxenye zombuso wezinzalamizi ezingabasizi ngalutho?!” Futhi lokhu, mhlawumbe, kuyoba incazelo enembe kakhulu yobufazi.