Uthando umuzwa wothando ongaphezu kwamandla engqondo. Lesi simo sengqondo sandile emasikweni ethu, kodwa imishado yokuhlelela iye yenzeka sonke isikhathi, futhi eminye iphumelele kakhulu. Isazi-mlando saseMelika uLawrence Samuel sinikeza ukubhekisisa kahle amaphuzu womabili wokubuka kulo mbuzo waphakade.
Emakhulwini amaningi eminyaka, enye yezimfihlakalo ezinkulu zesintu uthando. Ukubonakala kwalomuzwa kwakubizwa ngokuthi isipho saphezulu noma isiqalekiso, futhi izincwadi ezingenakubalwa, izinkondlo kanye nemibhalo yefilosofi zazinikelwe kukho. Nokho, ngokwesazi-mlando uLawrence Samuel, ekuqaleni kwale nkulungwane yeminyaka, isayensi iye yanikeza ubufakazi obuningi bokuthi uthando luwumsebenzi wezinto eziphilayo, futhi isivunguvungu semizwa ebuchosheni bomuntu sibangelwa i-cocktail yamakhemikhali enamandla ehambisana nalo.
Zithande ngokuthanda kwakho
Ngo-2002, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseMelika uRobert Epstein sashicilela isihloko esakha i-hype enkulu. Umemezele ukuthi ufuna owesifazane azothandana naye esikhathini esithile. Inhloso yalolu cwaningo kwakuwukuphendula umbuzo wokuthi abantu ababili bangafunda ngamabomu yini ukuthandana. Lokhu akuwona umdlalo wokukhangisa, u-Epstein wachaza, kodwa inselele enkulu enganekwaneni yokuthi wonke umuntu umiselwe ukuthandana nomuntu oyedwa kuphela, azochitha naye ukuphila kwakhe konke enjabulweni yomshado.
Esikhundleni sokuthemba ukudalelwa, u-Epstein wathatha indlela yesayensi yokuthola uthando futhi waba ingulube ye-Guinea pig ngokwakhe. Kumenyezelwe umncintiswano lapho abesifazane abaningi bebambe iqhaza. Ngophumelele, u-Epstein uhlele ukuya ngezinsuku, ukuya ekwelulekweni kwezothando nobudlelwano, bese ebhala incwadi ndawonye mayelana nesipiliyoni.
Abaningi ababemazi, kuhlanganise nonina, babezimisele ukucabanga ukuthi usosayensi ohlonishwayo oneziqu zobudokotela eHarvard wayesehlanya. Nokho, ngokuqondene nalo msebenzi ongavamile, u-Epstein wayengathi sína ngokuphelele.
Ingqondo vs imizwa
Umphakathi wezengqondo wawugcwele ingxoxo mayelana nenselelo ka-Epstein emcabangweni oyisisekelo wokuthi uthando aluyona into ekhululekile yokuzikhethela komuntu, kodwa into eyenzekayo kuye ngokumelene nentando yakhe. Inkulumo ethi "wela othandweni" ngokwezwi nezwi isho ukuthi "ukuthanda", ngaleyo ndlela umqondo ubonakala ngolimi. Indlela yokuqaphela nenqubo yokuthola into yalo muzwa iphambene nomqondo wokuthi imvelo yethu eyisisekelo iwukuvumela nje imvelo ukuba yenze into yayo.
Ngemva kwesikhathi esithile, kwahlelwa ingxoxo ngomsebenzi ka-Epstein owawufuna ukwazi engqungqutheleni ye-Smart Marriages. “Ingabe lokhu kuwukuhlubuka okumsulwa, noma kuwumbono ongaguqula ukuqonda kwethu kwamanje ngendlela uthando olusebenza ngayo?” kubuza umongameli u-Jan Levin, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo nobudlelwano.
Ngemva konyaka kushicilelwe isihloko impikiswano, u-Epstein wayesenombono wokuthi "ifomula yothando" yaseMelika ayizange iphumelele kakhulu. Akudingekile ukuba sibheke kude ukuthola izibonelo. Imishado eminingi engaphumelelanga yayiwubufakazi kuye bokuthi umqondo "wokuthola umngane womshado ukuze uphile ngenjabulo kuze kube phakade" kwakuyinganekwane enhle kodwa ekhohlisayo.
Imishado engaphezu kuka-50% emhlabeni wonke ihleliwe futhi ihlala isikhathi eside ngokwesilinganiso kuneyaseMelika
U-Levin wayeqiniseka ukuthi kwakungenakwenzeka ngokuphelele ukuguqula umuzwa wenze isenzo kuleli cala, futhi wamelana no-Epstein: "Uthando luyazenzakalela, alukwazi ukuvuswa ngokuzenzakalelayo."
Nokho, omunye umhleli, uJohn Gray, umbhali wencwadi edayiswa kakhulu emhlabeni wonke ethi Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, wayekholelwa ukuthi u-Epstein unokuthile okubalulekile engqondweni nokuthi kufanele okungenani anconywe ngeqhaza lakhe kwezesayensi. “Sithembele ezinganekwaneni zothando kunamakhono obudlelwano enza umshado ukubambisana okunezithelo,” kusho lo mfundisi wobudlelwano.
Wasekelwa omunye umhlanganyeli engxoxweni enegama «elikhulumayo» elithi Pat Love. Uthando luvumile ukuthi umbono ka-Epstein unengqondo, uma kubhekwa iqiniso lokuthi imishado engaphezu kuka-50% yomhlaba ihleliwe futhi, ngokwesilinganiso, ihlala isikhathi eside kunamaMelika. “Ingxenye yezwe icabanga ukuthi kufanele ushade kuqala bese uthandana,” ekhumbula. Ngokombono wakhe, ukusebenza okuhambisana nokuzwelana kungase kube isisekelo esiphumelelayo sokuthuthukiswa kwesikhathi eside kwemizwa yothando.
Yini eyenza inhliziyo izole?
Ngakho ingabe ukuhlola kwesibindi kuka-Epstein kwaba yimpumelelo? Kunokuba cha, kusho isazi-mlando uLawrence Samuel. Azikho izimpendulo ezingaphezu kuka-1000 ezatholwa usosayensi kubafundi ezamkhuthaza ukuthi aqhubeke nobudlelwano bakhe nabo. Mhlawumbe, le nketho yokuthola umlingani ayizange ibe yimpumelelo kakhulu.
Ekugcineni, u-Epstein wahlangana nalo wesifazane, kodwa ngephutha, endizeni. Nakuba avuma ukuhlanganyela ekuhloleni, izinto zaba nzima ngenxa yezimo: wayehlala eVenezuela nezingane zomshado wangaphambili ezazingafuni ukulishiya izwe.
Engavumi ukuthi unqotshiwe, u-Epstein wahlela ukuhlola umqondo wakhe emibhangqwaneni eminingana futhi, uma imiphumela ibe mihle, athuthukise izinhlelo zobudlelwane obusekelwe othandweni "oluhlelekile". Ngokwenkolelo yakhe eqinile, ukukhetha umngane womshado ngaphandle kwesifiso esimsulwa kufana “nokudakwa nokushada nomuntu eLas Vegas.” Sekuyisikhathi sokubuyisa isiko elidala lemishado ehleliwe, kusho u-Epstein.