“Uthando aluyona yonke into”: 3 amaqiniso ababayo

Ngo-1967, uJohn Lennon wabhala iculo lothando — ingoma ethi Konke Okudingayo Uthando («Okudingayo uthando»). Ngendlela, washaya abafazi bakhe, wayengenandaba nengane, wakhuluma amazwi aphikisana namaSemite kanye nokuzonda ongqingili ngomphathi wakhe, futhi wake walala enqunu embhedeni ngaphansi kwama-lens amakhamera wethelevishini usuku lonke.

Ngemva kweminyaka engu-35, u-Trent Reznor wabhala ingoma ethi "Love is not Enough". UReznor, naphezu kokwaziwa kwakhe, wakwazi ukunqoba umlutha wezidakamizwa notshwala futhi wadela umsebenzi wakhe womculo ukuze achithe isikhathi esiningi nomkakhe nezingane.

Omunye wala madoda wayenombono ocacile futhi ongokoqobo wothando, omunye wayengenawo. Olunye lwalwenza lwaba lufanelekile uthando, omunye aluzange. Omunye kungenzeka ukuthi uke wahlushwa i-narcissism, omunye angeke.

Uma, njengoLennon, sikholelwa ukuthi uthando lwanele, khona-ke sivame ukungazinaki izindinganiso eziyisisekelo njengenhlonipho, ukuhlonipha nokwethembeka kulabo "esibathobile". Phela, uma uthando luxazulula zonke izinkinga, kungani ukhathazeka ngokunye - kusafanele lizilungise ngandlela-thile?

Futhi ngenkathi sivumelana noReznor ukuthi uthando lulodwa alwanele, siyaqaphela ukuthi ubudlelwano obunempilo budinga okungaphezu kwemizwelo ejulile nezinkanuko. Siyaqonda ukuthi kunokuthile okubaluleke kakhulu kunomkhuhlane wokuthandana, futhi injabulo emshadweni ekugcineni incike kwezinye izici eziningi ezingaqoshwanga noma ezingaculwa ngazo.

Nanka amaqiniso amathathu.

1. UTHANDO ALULINGANISISI NOKUHAMBISANA

Ukuthi nathandana akusho ukuthi umuntu ukulungele. Abantu bathandana nalabo abangagcini nje ngokuhlanganyela izithakazelo zabo, kodwa abakwazi ukucekela phansi izimpilo zabo. Kodwa inkolelo yokuthi "chemistry" ekhona iyona nto eyinhloko yenza umuntu adelele izwi lokucabanga. Yebo, uyisidakwa futhi uchitha yonke imali yakhe (neyakho) ekhasino, kodwa lolu uthando futhi kufanele nibe ndawonye ngazo zonke izindleko.

Lapho ukhetha umlingani wokuphila, ungalaleli nje kuphela imizwa yezimvemvane eziphaphazelayo esiswini sakho, ngaphandle kwalokho izikhathi ezinzima zizofika ngokushesha noma kamuva.

2. UTHANDO ALUZIXAZULI IZINKINGA ZEMPILO

Mina nentombi yami yokuqala sasihlanya ngothando. Sasihlala emadolobheni ahlukahlukene, abazali bethu babenobutha, singenamali futhi sasihlala sixabana ngenxa yezinto ezingathi sína, kodwa isikhathi ngasinye sasithola induduzo ekuvumeni okuvuthayo, ngoba uthando lwaluyisipho esiyivelakancane futhi sasikholelwa ukuthi ngokushesha noma kamuva wayezowina.

Nokho, lokhu kwakuyinkohliso. Akukho okwashintsha, amahlazo aqhubeka, sahlushwa ukungakwazi ukubonana. Izingxoxo zocingo zathatha amahora amaningi, kodwa zazingenangqondo. Iminyaka emithathu yokuhlushwa yaphela ngekhefu. Isifundo engasithola kulokhu ukuthi nakuba uthando lungakusiza ukuba ube nethemba ngezinkinga zokuphila, aluzixazululi. Ubuhlobo obujabulisayo budinga isisekelo esiqinile.

3. IMINIKELO YOTHANDO akuvamile ukuba ithethelelwe.

Ngezikhathi ezithile, noma yibaphi abalingani badela izifiso, izidingo kanye nesikhathi. Kodwa uma ngenxa yothando kufanele udele ukuzethemba, isifiso sokuvelela, noma ngisho nobizo, kuqala ukukucekela phansi ngaphakathi. Ubuhlobo obuseduze kufanele buphelelise ubuntu bethu.

Uzokwazi ukuthatha indawo othandweni kuphela uma kukhona okubaluleke kakhulu kunalo muzwa kuvela empilweni yakho. Uthando luwumlingo, isipiliyoni esimangalisayo, kodwa njengazo zonke ezinye, lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho kungaba kuhle futhi kubi futhi akufanele kuchaze ukuthi singobani noma kungani silapha. Ugqozi oludla konke akufanele lukuguqule ube ngumthunzi wakho. Ngoba uma lokhu kwenzeka, ulahlekelwa kokubili nothando.

Mayelana nombhali: UMark Manson uyi-blogger.