Okuqukethwe
Amanoveli abhaliwe kanye namafilimu enziwe ngothando olufanele. Amantombazane aphupha ngaye ... ngaphambi komshado wawo wokuqala. Manje ama-blogger akhuluma ngakho. Isibonelo, phakathi kwabangewona ochwepheshe, umqondo wokwamukelwa okungenamibandela, omuhle kakhulu ekuboneni kuqala, uyathandwa. Yini ukudideka lapha? Ake sikuthole ngochwepheshe bePsychology.
isithombe siphelele
Uyamthanda, naye uyamthanda. Uyamamukela njengoba enguye - ngalokhu kubukeka okuthakathayo, i-cellulite kanye ne-tantrums ngesikhathi se-PMS. Uyamamukela njengoba enguye - ngokumamatheka okunomusa, ubhiya obushunqayo ekuseni namasokisi ahlakazekile efulethini. Hhayi-ke, kungani kungenjalo i-idyll?
Inkinga ukuthi lesi akusona nje isithombe esihle (futhi ngakho-ke esiphambene neqiniso) sobudlelwane. Isithombe esihle kakhulu… sobudlelwane bomzali nengane. Futhi uma kungaba kuhle ukuthi umama noma ubaba bamukele izingane zabo nazo zonke izici zabo, khona-ke ukufisa lokhu kumlingani, uma ucabanga ngakho, kuyinto engavamile. Okuxakayo njengokulindela indoda noma inkosikazi ukuthi iphile ngokuvumelana nalokho esikulindele.
Maye. Akulula ukubala ukuthi mangaki ubudlelwano abuzange busebenze noma balethe ukudumala nobuhlungu kubahlanganyeli babo ngenxa yokuthi othile ubelindele ukwamukelwa okungenamibandela komunye.
indima yomzali
Ngakho-ke, ukwamukelwa okuphelele, uthando ngaphandle kwemibandela - yilokhu, empeleni, yonke ingane inelungelo. Umama nobaba babemlindile, wazalwa - futhi manje bayamjabulela. Futhi bayamthanda, naphezu kwazo zonke izinhlobo zobunzima labo abakhulisa izingane ababhekana nazo.
Kodwa ingane incike kubazali. Banomthwalo wemfanelo wokuphepha kwakhe, ukukhula, impilo engokomzimba nengokwengqondo. Umgomo wabazali ukufundisa nokukhulisa. Ukwamukela kukamama nobaba okungenamibandela kusiza ingane ukuthi izizwe ithandwa futhi ebalulekile. Uthola umlayezo wokuthi ukuba nguwe kulungile, ukuzwa imizwa ehlukile kungokwemvelo, ukufanelekela ukuhlonishwa nokuphathwa kahle kulungile.
Kodwa, ngaphezu kwalokho, abazali kufanele bamfundise ukulandela imithetho yomphakathi, ukutadisha, umsebenzi, ukuxoxisana nabantu, njalonjalo. Futhi lokhu kubalulekile ngokunembile ngoba esikhathini esizayo sakha nabanye hhayi umzali wengane, kodwa obunye ubudlelwano - onobungane, umakhelwane, ukubambisana, ubulili, njalonjalo. Futhi zonke zihlobene nokuthile. Bonke, kuhlanganise nokuxhumana kwezothando, bamele uhlobo "lwenkontileka yomphakathi".
Umdlalo hhayi ngemithetho
Kwenzekani uma wena nozakwenu niqala umdlalo "wokwamukela okungenamibandela"? Omunye wenu uzoba sendimeni yomzali. Ngokwemibandela «yegeyimu», akufanele abonise ukunganeliseki ngenxa yezenzo noma amazwi omunye. Futhi lokhu kusho ukuthi unqatshelwe ilungelo lokuvikela imingcele yakhe uma umlingani ephula, ngoba lo mdlalo awusho ukugxeka.
Cabanga nje: ulele, futhi umlingani wakho udlala «umdubuli» kukhompuyutha — nayo yonke imisindo, ememeza kakhulu into ethile ngenjabulo. Ah, lesi yisidingo sakhe - ngakho yekela ukufutheka! Kuthathe njengoba kunjalo, noma ngabe kufanele usebenze ekuseni, futhi akunangqondo ukulala. Noma umkakho uchithe yonke imali ekhadini lakho ukuze uthole ijazi elisha loboya kuyilapho imoto yakho idinga ukulungiswa.
Kuzo zombili izimo, indaba "yokwamukela okungenamibandela" iphenduka ukungakhululeki komunye, kanye nokuyekelela komunye. Futhi-ke lobu budlelwano buzofana nokuncika ngokubambisana. Lokho akunampilo. Buyini-ke ubudlelwano “obunempilo”?
"Wonke umuntu unelungelo lokuba nguye, futhi lapha isifiso sokwamukelwa singokwemvelo ngokuphelele"
U-Anna Sokolova, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, uprofesa ohlanganyele, iNational Research University Higher School of Economics
Ngamafuphi, ubuhlobo obunempilo buwukuvuleleka kombhangqwana engxoxweni. Ikhono labalingani ukuveza ngokucacile izifiso zabo, ukulalela nokuzwa izidingo zomunye, ukusiza ekwanelisekeni kwabo, ukuhlonipha imingcele yomunye nomunye. Lezi yizikhundla ezimbili ezilinganayo zabantu abadala, lapho wonke umuntu ethatha isibopho ngezenzo zakhe nokuthi zimthinta kanjani umlingani.
Mayelana nokwamukelwa, kubalulekile ukukwehlukanisa emazingeni amabili. Ezingeni lobuntu, ingqikithi yomuntu - futhi ezingeni lezenzo ezithile. Esimweni sokuqala, kubaluleke kakhulu ukwamukela umlingani njengoba enjalo. Lokhu kusho ukungazami ukushintsha uhlamvu lwakhe, indlela yokuphila, izindinganiso kanye nezifiso.
Wonke umuntu unelungelo lokuba ngokwakhe, futhi lapha isifiso sokwamukelwa singokwemvelo ngokuphelele. Isibonelo, umyeni wakho uthanda ukuphumula ngokudlala imidlalo yokudubula, kodwa ucabanga ukuthi lena akuyona indlela engcono kakhulu yokuphumula. Kodwa-ke, leli yilungelo lakhe kanye nokukhetha kwakhe ukuthi uzokhululeka kanjani. Futhi lokhu kukhetha kufanele kuhlonishwe. Inqobo nje uma kungaphazamisi ubuthongo bakho, kunjalo. Futhi-ke, ezingeni lezenzo ezithile, lokhu akuyona neze into okufanele yamukelwe ngaso sonke isikhathi.
Kungenzeka yini ukuthi lezo zici ezingixosha kuye empeleni kunzima kimi ukuzamukela kimi?
Uma izenzo zomlingani wakho zephula imingcele yakho noma zikwenza uzizwe ungakhululekile, udinga ukukhuluma ngalokhu futhi uvumelane ngakho. Lokhu kwenzeka ebuhlotsheni obunempilo, lapho kwakhiwa khona ukuxhumana okuvulekile nokwanele.
Isibonelo, lapho kunokungqubuzana kwezintshisekelo, kubalulekile ukuthi ungahlaseli ubuntu bomunye: "Ungumuntu othanda ukuziqhenya, uzicabangela wena kuphela," kodwa ukukhuluma ngomthelela othize wezenzo zakhe kuwe: " Uma udlala “abadubuli” ngomsindo, angikwazi ukulala.” Futhi ungathanda ukuwuxazulula kanjani lo mbuzo: «Woza, uzofaka ama-headphone ngesikhathi somdlalo.
Kodwa yini okufanele uyenze uma ukuthola kunzima ukwamukela umlingani njengomuntu? Kuyafaneleka ukuzibuza imibuzo embalwa lapha. Uma ngingathandi okuningi ngaye njengomuntu, pho kungani ngihlala naye? Futhi kungenzeka yini ukuthi lezo zici ezingixosha kuye empeleni kunzima kimi ukuzamukela kimi? Ezinye zezimfanelo zakhe zingithinta kanjani? Mhlawumbe kufanelekile ukukhuluma ngezikhathi ezingakhululekile kimi nokuzama ukuxazulula yonke into ezingeni lezenzo ezithile?
Ngokuvamile, kunokuthile okufanele ucabange ngakho futhi uxoxe nomunye nomunye ngaphambi kokwenza izinqumo ezinqala noma ukusola umlingani ngazo zonke izono ezifayo.
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Mhlawumbe sekuyisikhathi sokukhumbula «umthandazo” odumile womsunguli we-Gestalt therapy, uFritz Perls: «Nginguye, futhi wena UNGUWE. Ngenza okwami nawe uyayenza into yakho. Angikho kulo mhlaba ukuze ngifeze okulindele. Futhi awukho kulomhlaba ukufanisa owami. Wena unguwe mina yimi. Futhi uma kwenzeka sitholana, kuhle lokho. Futhi uma kungenjalo, ngeke kusize.”