Ngokuvamile sicabanga ngezingane njengomthombo wokuhlupheka nomthwalo owengeziwe, hhayi njengabasizi bangempela. Kithina kubonakala sengathi ukubethula emisebenzini yasekhaya kudinga umzamo omkhulu kangangokuthi kungcono ukungakwenzi. Eqinisweni, thina, ngobudedengu bethu, silahlekelwa ozakwethu abahle kakhulu kubo. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uPeter Gray sichaza ukuthi singayilungisa kanjani.
Sicabanga ukuthi ukuphela kwendlela yokuthola izingane ukuba zisisize ngenkani. Ukuze ingane ihlanze igumbi, igeze izitsha noma ilengise izingubo ezimanzi ukuze zome, kuzodingeka iphoqelelwe, ishintshane phakathi kokufumbathisa nezinsongo, esingeke sizithande. Uyithathaphi le micabango? Ngokusobala, emibonweni yabo mayelana nomsebenzi njengento ongafuni ukuyenza. Lo mbono siwudlulisela ezinganeni zethu, nazo nakubantwana bazo.
Kodwa ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi izingane ezincane kakhulu ngokwemvelo zifuna ukusiza. Futhi uma bevunyelwa, bayoqhubeka benza kanjalo kuze kube abantu abadala. Nabu obunye ubufakazi.
Umzwelo wokusiza
Ocwaningweni lwakudala olwenziwa eminyakeni engaphezu kwengu-35 edlule, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uHarriet Reingold saphawula indlela izingane ezineminyaka engu-18, 24, nezinyanga ezingu-30 ezazixhumana ngayo nabazali bazo lapho zenza umsebenzi ovamile wasendlini: ukusonga izingubo, ukuthela uthuli, ukushanela phansi, ukususa izitsha etafuleni. , noma izinto ezihlakazeke phansi.
Ngaphansi kwesimo sokuhlolwa, abazali basebenze kancane kancane futhi bavumela ingane ukuba isize uma ifuna, kodwa ayizange ikucele; engafundiswanga, engafundiswanga ukuthi yenzeni. Ngenxa yalokho, zonke izingane - abantu abangu-80 - ngokuzithandela basiza abazali babo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, abanye baqala lokhu noma lowo msebenzi ngaphambi kwabantu abadala ngokwabo. NgokukaReingold, izingane zasebenza “ngamandla, intshiseko, isimo sobuso esinyakazayo futhi zajabula lapho ziqeda imisebenzi.”
Ezinye izifundo eziningi ziqinisekisa lesi sifiso esibonakala sikhona emhlabeni wonke sokuthi izingane ezisacathula zisize. Cishe kuzo zonke izimo, ingane isiza umuntu omdala ngokwakhe, ngokwakhe, ngaphandle kokulinda isicelo. Okufanele umzali akwenze nje ukudonsela ukunaka kwengane eqinisweni lokuthi izama ukwenza okuthile. Ngendlela, izingane zizibonakalisa njengama-altruists angempela - azenzi ngenxa yohlobo oluthile lomvuzo.
Izingane ezikhululekile ukuzikhethela imisebenzi yazo zifaka isandla kakhulu enhlalakahleni yomkhaya
Abacwaningi uFelix Warnecken noMichael Tomasello (2008) baze bathola ukuthi imivuzo (njengokukwazi ukudlala ngethoyizi elikhangayo) inciphisa ukunakekelwa kokulandelela. Kuphela u-53% wezingane eziklonyelisiwe ngokubamba iqhaza kwazo ezisize abantu abadala kamuva, uma kuqhathaniswa no-89% wezingane ezazingakhuthazwa nhlobo. Le miphumela iphakamisa ukuthi izingane zinezisusa zangaphakathi kunokuba zisize ngaphandle—okungukuthi, ziyasiza ngoba zifuna ukuba usizo, hhayi ngoba zilindele ukuthola okuthile njengembuyiselo.
Okunye ukuhlola okuningi kuqinisekisile ukuthi umvuzo ubukela phansi ugqozi lwangaphakathi. Ngokusobala, kushintsha isimo sethu sengqondo ngomsebenzi owawusijabulisa wona ngaphambili, kodwa manje siwenza kwasekuqaleni ukuze sithole umvuzo. Lokhu kwenzeka kokubili abadala kanye nezingane.
Yini esivimbela ukuba sihilele izingane emisebenzini yasendlini kanjalo nje? Bonke abazali bayasiqonda isizathu sokuziphatha okuyiphutha okunjalo. Okokuqala, siyenqaba izingane ezifuna ukusiza ngokuxhamazela. Sihlale siphuthuma endaweni ethile futhi sikholelwa ukuthi ukubamba iqhaza kwengane kuzonciphisa yonke inqubo noma uzokwenza okungalungile, hhayi kahle futhi kuzodingeka senze kabusha yonke into. Okwesibili, lapho sidinga ngempela ukumdonsa, sinikeza uhlobo oluthile lwedili, umvuzo walokhu.
Esimweni sokuqala, simtshela ukuthi akakwazi ukusiza, kanti okwesibili sisakaza umqondo olimazayo: ukusiza yilokho umuntu azokwenza kuphela uma ethola okuthile ngokubuyisela.
Abasizi abancane bakhula babe ama-altruists amakhulu
Ekutadisheni imiphakathi yendabuko, abacwaningi bathole ukuthi abazali kule miphakathi basabela kahle ezifisweni zezingane zabo zokusiza futhi bazivumele ngokuzithandela ukuba zenze kanjalo, ngisho nalapho «usizo» lunciphisa ijubane lazo lokuphila. Kodwa lapho izingane sezineminyaka engu-5-6 ubudala, ziba abasizi abaphumelelayo ngempela nabasebenza ngokuzithandela. Igama elithi "umlingani" lifaneleka nakakhulu lapha, ngoba izingane ziziphatha njengokungathi zinesibopho sezindaba zomndeni ngezinga elifanayo nelabazali babo.
Ngokwesibonelo, nanka ukuphawula komama bezingane zomdabu ezineminyaka engu-6-8 ubudala eGuadalajara, eMexico, abachaza imisebenzi yezingane zabo: “Kunezinsuku lapho efika ekhaya ethi, ‘Mama, ngizokusiza wenze yonke into. .' Futhi ngokuzithandela ukuhlanza indlu yonke. Noma kanje: “Mama, ubuye ekhaya ukhathele kakhulu, asihlanze ndawonye. Uvula umsakazo athi: "Wenza into eyodwa, nami ngizokwenza enye." Ngishanela ikhishi bese yena ehlanza igumbi.”
“Ekhaya, wonke umuntu uyazi ukuthi yini okudingeka ayenze, futhi ngaphandle kokulinda izikhumbuzo zami, indodakazi ithi kimi: “Mama, ngisanda kubuya esikoleni, ngifuna ukuvakashela ugogo, kodwa ngaphambi kokuba ngihambe, ngizoqeda. umsebenzi wami". Aqede bese ehamba." Ngokuvamile, omama abavela emiphakathini yendabuko bachaze izingane zabo njengabalingani abanekhono, abazimele, abasafufusa. Izingane zabo, ingxenye enkulu, zazihlela usuku lwazo ngokwazo, zinquma ukuthi zizosebenza nini, zidlale, zenze umsebenzi wesikole, zivakashele izihlobo nabangane.
Lezi zifundo zibonisa ukuthi izingane ezikhululekile ukukhetha imisebenzi futhi ezingalawulwa kancane "ngabazali" bazo zifaka isandla kakhulu enhlalakahleni yomndeni.
Izeluleko Zabazali
Ingabe ufuna ingane yakho ibe ilungu lomndeni elithembekile njengawe? Khona-ke kufanele wenze okulandelayo:
- Yamukela ukuthi imisebenzi yomndeni yansuku zonke ayiwona umthwalo wakho kuphela futhi akuwena wedwa umuntu onesibopho sokuyenza. Futhi lokho kusho ukuthi kufanele uyeke kancane ukulawula okwenziwa ekhaya nokuthi kwenziwa kanjani. Uma ufuna yonke into ibe ngendlela ofisa ngayo, kuzomele uzenzele wena noma uqashe othile.
- Ake sithi imizamo yengane yakho yokusiza iqotho, futhi uma uzinika isikhathi sokuyenza ithathe isinyathelo, ekugcineni indodana noma indodakazi yakho iyozuza okuhlangenwe nakho.
- Ungalufuni usizo, ungaxoxi, ungagqugquzeli ngezipho, ungalawuli, ngoba lokhu kubukela phansi isisusa somntwana sokusiza. Ukumamatheka kwakho okugculisekile nokubonga kanye nokuthi «ngiyabonga» okuqotho yikho kuphela okudingekayo. Yilokhu okufunwa yingane, njengoba nawe ufuna kuye. Ngandlela-thile, lena yindlela aqinisa ngayo ubuhlobo bakhe nawe.
- Qaphela ukuthi lena yindlela enhle kakhulu yentuthuko. Ngokukusiza, ingane izuza amakhono abalulekile nomuzwa wokuzihlonipha njengoba igunya layo likhula, nomuzwa wokuba ngowomkhaya wayo, okwazi nokuba nengxenye enhlalakahleni yayo. Ngokumvumela ukuthi akusize, awukucindezeli ukuzicabangela kwakhe okungokwemvelo, kodwa uyamondla.