"Insindiso kukho konke ukuthukwa isisekukhohlweni", "Geza inhlamba eyamukelwe hhayi ngegazi, kodwa ehlobo", "Ungalokothi ukhumbule ukuthukwa kwangaphambili" - basho abadala. Kungani kuqabukela silandela iseluleko sabo futhi sisifake ezinhliziyweni zethu amasonto, izinyanga, ngisho neminyaka? Mhlawumbe ngoba kumnandi ukuzondla, ukuzilungisa nokubazisa? Amagqubu amadala angabangela umonakalo omkhulu emzimbeni nasengqondweni, okusho ukuthi udinga ukuthola indlela yokuwaqeda, kubhala uTim Herrera.
Enye yezinto engizikhonzile ephathini ukubuza izivakashi umbuzo olula: “Iyini igqubu lakho elidala, olazisayo?” Yini engingayizwanga ekuphenduleni! Izikhulumi zami ngokuvamile ziqondile. Omunye akazange anyuswe ngokungafanele emsebenzini, omunye akakwazi ukukhohlwa amazwi angenasici. Okwesithathu ukuthola iqiniso lokuthi ubungane bakudala sebuphelelwe yisikhathi. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isenzakalo singase sibonakale sisincane kangakanani, ukucasuka kungahlala iminyaka enhliziyweni.
Ngikhumbula umngane exoxa ngendaba ephendula umbuzo. Wayesebangeni lesibili, futhi engangifunda naye ekilasini - umngane wami usakhumbula igama lakhe nokuthi wayebukeka kanjani - wahleka izibuko umngane wami aqala ukuzigqoka. Akukhona ukuthi le ngane ikhulume into embi kakhulu, kodwa umngane wami ngeke asikhohlwe leso sigameko.
Ukucasuka kwethu kufana neTamagotchi ephaketheni lethu elingokomzwelo: idinga ukondliwa ngezikhathi ezithile. Ngokubona kwami, umlingisi u-Reese Witherspoon ukuveze okuhle kunakho konke ochungechungeni lwe-TV i-Big Little Lies: “Futhi ngiyazithanda izikhalo zami. Bafana nezilwane ezifuywayo kimina.” Kodwa lezi zikhalo zisinikani futhi sizozuzani uma sigcina sesivalelisa kuzo?
Ngisanda kubuza abasebenzisi be-Twitter ukuthi ngabe bake bathethelela amagqubu amadala nokuthi bazizwa kanjani ngenxa yalokho. Nazi ezinye izimpendulo.
- “Lapho ngihlanganisa iminyaka engamashumi amathathu, ngabona sekuyisikhathi sokuthi ngikhohlwe ngezedlule. Ngihlele ukuhlanzwa okuvamile ekhanda lami - isikhala esiningi sakhululwa!
- “Akukhona ukuthi ngizwe okuthile okukhethekile… Bekumnandi ukuthi akukho okusangikhathazayo, kodwa kwakungekho nhlobo impumuzo ethile.”
- “Nami ngandlela thize ngalixolela icala ... ngemva kokuziphindiselela kumoni!”
- "Yebo, kwaba khona ukukhululeka, kodwa kanye nakho - futhi into efana nomonakalo. Kwavela ukuthi kwakumnandi kakhulu ukwazisa izikhalazo.
- “Ngazizwa ngikhululekile. Kuvele ukuthi sengineminyaka eminingi ngibanjwe ukucasuka… «
- “Ukuthethelela kwaba esinye sezifundo ezibaluleke kakhulu ekuphileni kwami!”
- “Ngavele ngazizwa njengomuntu omdala ngempela. Ngavuma ukuthi ngesinye isikhathi, lapho ngicasulwe, imizwa yami yayifaneleka ngempela, kodwa isikhathi esiningi sesidlulile, ngikhulile, ngihlakaniphe ngokwengeziwe futhi ngilungele ukuvalelisa kubo. Ngazizwa ngilula ngokoqobo! Ngiyazi ukuthi kuzwakala njengokusho okuthile, kodwa kwaba njalo."
Yebo, ngempela, kubonakala kuwumbono nje, kodwa kusekelwa ubufakazi besayensi. Emuva ngo-2006, ososayensi baseStanford banyathelisa imiphumela yocwaningo olwaluthi, “ukwazi amakhono okuthethelela, ungakwazi ukubhekana nentukuthelo, unciphise izinga lokucindezeleka kanye nokubonakaliswa kwengqondo.” Ukuthethelela kuhle ezimisweni zethu zokuzivikela ezifweni nezenhliziyo.
Ucwaningo lwalo nyaka ka-2019, lubika ukuthi labo, kuze kube sekugugeni, baba nentukuthelo ngento eyenzeka kudala basengozini yokuthola izifo ezingalapheki. Omunye umbiko uthi intukuthelo isivimbela ukuba sibone isimo ngeso lomunye umuntu.
Lapho singakwazi ukulila nokudedela okwenzekile, sibhekana nentukuthelo, futhi lokhu kuthinta isimo sethu esingokomoya nesingokwengqondo. Nakhu okushiwo umcwaningi wokuthethelela uDkt. Frederic Laskin ngalokhu: “Lapho siqaphela ukuthi akukho esingakwenza ngaphandle kokuqhubeka sibambe igqubu futhi sithwele intukuthelo kithina, lokhu kwenza amasosha omzimba wethu abe buthakathaka futhi kungaba nengxenye ekwakhiweni kwezifo. ukucindezeleka. Intukuthelo iwumuzwa olimaza kakhulu isimiso sethu senhliziyo nemithambo yegazi.”
Yeka ukukhuluma nokuzicabangela wena njengesisulu sesimo
Kodwa ukuthethelela okuphelele, ngokusho kososayensi, kunganciphisa imiphumela emibi ukucasuka okuhlala isikhathi eside kanye nentukuthelo engapheli okuba nayo kithi.
Kulungile, ngeqiniso lokuthi ukususa ukucasuka kuhle futhi kuyasiza, sikutholile. Kodwa kanjani ngempela ukukwenza? UDkt. Laskin uthi ukuthethelela okuphelele kungahlukaniswa ngezinyathelo ezine. Kodwa ngaphambi kokuba uzenze, kubalulekile ukuqonda izinto ezimbalwa ezibalulekile:
- Udinga intethelelo, hhayi lowo okonile.
- Isikhathi esingcono kakhulu sokuthethelela yimanje.
- Ukuthethelela akusho ukwamukela ukuthi akukho monakalo owenziwe kuwe, noma ukuphinde ube umngane nomuntu. Kusho ukuzikhulula.
Ngakho-ke, ukuze uxolele, okokuqala udinga ukuzola - khona manje. Ukuthatha umoya ojulile, ukuzindla, ukugijima, noma yini. Lokhu wukuziqhelelanisa nokwenzekile futhi ungaphenduli ngokushesha nangokuxhamazela.
Okwesibili, yeka ukukhuluma futhi uzicabange njengesisulu sezimo. Kulokhu, yiqiniso, kuzodingeka wenze umzamo. Izinyathelo ezimbili zokugcina zihambisana. Cabanga ngezinto ezinhle empilweni yakho - ongazisebenzisa ukuze ulinganisele umonakalo owenziwe kuwe - futhi uzikhumbuze ngeqiniso elilula: akuyona yonke into empilweni futhi ayihlali iphuma ngendlela esiyifunayo. Lokhu kuzosiza ukwehlisa izinga eliphelele lengcindezi obhekene nayo njengamanje.
Ukukwazi ubuciko bokuthethelela, ukuyeka ukunamathela iminyaka eminingi kuyiqiniso ngempela, kukhumbuza uDkt. Laskin. Kudingeka nje ukuzijwayeza njalo.
Umbhali - uTim Herrera, intatheli, umhleli.