Okuqukethwe
Izithandani zakamuva: Kuliqiniso yini ukuthi ukuhlala ndawonye kubulala uthando kwabashadikazi?
Ubulili
Hhayi ndawonye, hhayi ukuqhudelana, kodwa ngothando. Ifomula ethi «Living apart together» (LAT) iyinto ekhulayo emibhangqwaneni yesibili, yesithathu noma yesine.
Ukuhlala ndawonye (ngokuzwana kwemizwelo) kodwa kungahlangani (ekuhlalisaneni komshado) kubonakala kuwumkhuba okhulayo emkhakheni wobudlelwane bababhangqwana. Yilokho okwaziwa ngokuthi Imibhangqwana ye-LAT (isifinyezo se- "Ukuhlala ngokuhlukana ndawonye", okusho ngokuqondile lokho, ukuhlala ngokuhlukana kodwa ndawonye) futhi kuyisenzakalo esiye sacutshungulwa ngokuhlangenwe nakho kweziguli zakhe yisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Laura S. Moreno, uchwepheshe wobudlelwane bababhangqwana eNdaweni Yengqondo Yabesifazane. Lezi zinhlobo zemibhangqwana yilabo okuthi nakuba begcina ubudlelwano obuzinzile futhi benokuzinikela okuthile, banqume ngokuvumelana ukuthi bangahlali ekhelini elifanayo.
Ifomula ivusa isithakazelo futhi kwezinye izimo ngisho nomona, kodwa futhi izinsolo ezithile ngoba emphakathini ukuqina noma impumelelo yalolu hlobo lwezithandani kuyabuzwa. Sichitha ezinye izinganekwane ezingamanga mayelana nalokho okubizwa ngokuthi “izithandani ze-LAT” nodokotela wezengqondo u-Laura S. Moreno:
Ingabe ukuphilisana kubalulekile ukuze uphumelele kumbhangqwana?
Nokho, abaningi bazokutshela lokho ngokuqondile lokho umbhangqwana othweswe ngakho ukuphilisana. Kuyiqiniso ukuthi abanye abantu bacabanga ukuthi ukuba kumbhangqwana kusho ukwabelana ngophahla olufanayo nokuthi ukuphilisana kwabo kubalulekile. Nokho, le nketho kazakwethu ye-LAT (“Ukuhlala Ngokuhlukana”), okungenye indlela yokuhlala ndawonye, iqinisekisa labo abafuna ukulondoloza izici ezithile zombhangqwana ngokwemibandela ukwethembeka y kuphela, ngokwesibonelo, kodwa ngaphandle kokuba nesidingo sokuhlala ndawonye. Okuvinjelwa yile fomula ukuguga kokuhlalisana.
Kuyinketho engenzeka, yebo, kodwa hhayi wonke umuntu. Abanye abantu bancamela ukulandela umugqa wozakwethu ojwayelekile, othize yamukelwe kakhulu emphakathini. Abanye, nokho, bazizwa bengcono ngokuchezuka kulowo mugqa ojwayelekile kanye nengcindezi yomphakathi. Futhi lokhu kokungalandeli umugqa olandelwa yiwo wonke umuntu kuyinto engenzeka ezindaweni eziningi, kokubili kwabashadile, njengasemsebenzini, endleleni yokuphila noma emndenini.
Yini ebonisa imibhangqwana ethi "LAT" noma "Living Apart Together"?
Nakuba ingacatshangelwa kunoma ibuphi ubudala, kungenzeka ukuthi le ndlela yokucabanga ayiveli noma ayivamile uma umbhangqwana ufuna ukuba nezingane ngokufanayo noma uma ufuna ukuzama ukuphilisana ngoba abakaphilanga lokho okuhlangenwe nakho ... Kodwa empeleni iqembu lobudala kulelo okungenzeka kakhulu futhi okungenzeka ukuthi lolu hlobo lombhangqwana luzophumelela kusukela eminyakeni engu-45. Abantu abaningi bale nkathi sebeye babhekana nokuphilisana kwangaphambilini (okungase kuncishiswe noma kungancishiswa ngenxa yanoma yiziphi izimo) futhi futhi kwezinye izimo sebevele sebedlule ekuhlangenwe nakho kokuba nabantwana ... Nokho, bazizwa bejabule, bemagange, futhi bazimisele ukunikeza uthando ithuba lesibili, lesithathu, lesine, lesihlanu (noma ngisho nangaphezulu). Uthando alunaminyaka. Abangafuni ukuphinde baphile okuhlangenwe nakho kokuhlala ndawonye.
Kungani?
Nokho, ngenxa yezizathu eziningi. Abanye banomuzwa wokuthi “ikhaya labo” “liyikhaya labo” futhi abafuni ukuhlala namuntu. Abanye banezingane ezicishe zibe zeva eshumini nambili futhi ezingafuni ukwenza kube nzima ukuphilisana komkhaya nabanye ngenxa nje yokuthi abaphathekile kahle noma abafuni ukushiya ikhaya labo bayohlala nomunye umuntu noma bengafuni ukuthi omunye umuntu ahlale emzini wabo. Kodwa lezi yizibonelo ezimbalwa nje, kungase kube nezinye izizathu eziningi, ezibaluleke kakhulu.
Kodwa okungenzeka bonke bafana ngakho ukuthi kusukela kule minyaka kukhona ifilosofi noma indlela yokuphila njengombhangqwana ngenye indlela, okungadingeki ukuthi kudlule ukuphilisana, noma kudlule ukwabelana ngezindleko. Bafuna ukulondoloza izimali zabo, izinto zabo, ifa labo… kodwa futhi bafuna ukwabelana ngezikhathi nezinto abahlangabezana nazo nophathina babo (ukuhamba ndawonye, ukuzijabulisa, ukuxoxa, ukuthandana…). Bamcabangela lowo muntu umlingani wakho wempilo, kodwa bakhetha ukungahlali endlini eyodwa usuku nosuku. Isihluthulelo sempumelelo yalezi zinhlobo zezithandani ukuthi zombili zicacile ukuthi azifuni ukuhlala ndawonye.
Ngaphambi kokuthi enze inkomba eyamukelekayo emphakathini kanye nengcindezi yomphakathi yokuba umbhangqwana wendabuko. Akubhekwa njengobudlelwano obungathi sina ngokwenhlalo?
Kukhona okuthiwa umona futhi lokho kungemuva kwakho konke lokhu. Abantu banomkhuba wokwenza wonke umuntu ahambe endleleni efanele. Ngikhumbula eminyakeni edlule ngiye emishadweni yabangane bami futhi lapho babelokhu bengitshela ukuthi kwakumnandi kanjani ukushada nokuba nezingane. Kodwa-ke wawuthi uma ukhuluma nalabo bantu ngenhliziyo evulekile bavume ukuthi ukushada kuyisihluku esibi futhi ukuba nezingane akubanga yinhle ngendlela ababeyipendile ngayo ngoba izingane zathi uma zifika ebusheni ziphenduka abantu abangahlanganise lutho nazo. . . Kodwa nalokhu, okungase kubonakale kudlulele, engikushoyo ngempela ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi kuhloswe ukuthi uphile lokho okuhlangenwe nakho abaye baphila, ngezinto zayo ezinhle kanye nezinto zayo ezimbi, nokuthi awuhlukile.
Ingabe abahlukene bayajeziswa?
Ngingumkhulumeli oqinile abantu abahlukile kwabanye. Ngicabanga ukuthi kufanele uziqinise futhi akekho ongaqondisa impilo yakho. Uma unquma nomlingani wakho ukuthi lolu uhlobo lobudlelwano olubasebenzelayo, bungavele buvuleleke, ngokuhlala noma ngaphandle kokukipita, nomuntu wobulili obufanayo noma obuhlukile, okubalulekile kuphela ukuthi bobabili bayavumelana. Akudingekile ukuba uphile usuku lonke kusalindwe ukwamukelwa abanye.
Ngaphezu kokwamukela kokubili, yiziphi izidingo okufanele zihlangatshezwe ukuze umbhangqwana we-LAT usebenze?
Ukuba nomqondo ofanayo kungenza izinto zibe lula, kodwa futhi ukugcwaliswa ngokugcwele kwezidingo zokuphepha kanye nokuzethemba wena kanye nokunye. Kungani? Nokho, ngoba uma unobuntu obulawulayo noma uma omunye wabo enomona noma enomona, noma ngisho noma uke wakhashelwa noma wakhohlisa ngaphambili, kuba nzima kulowo muntu ukuba acabangele ukulandela ifomula yalezi zici.
Kungasiza futhi ukuqinisekisa ukuthi ngamunye wabo une itulo lochwepheshe lapho behamba kahle, ukuthi bayayithanda futhi lokho kubenza bazizwe begcwalisekile. Kuyiqiniso ukuthi lokhu akubalulekile, kodwa kulula kunalokho uma kwenzeka ukuthi omunye wabo kufanele achithe usuku lonke ekhaya, ngaphandle komsebenzi. Futhi iqiniso lokuba ne-a umbuthano wokuxhumana nabangane nomndeni ukuthi bayayihlonipha leyo ndlela yokuphila njengombhangqwana futhi abayihloli noma bayibuze.
Ngamafuphi, ukuba umbhangqwana we-LAT kuyinto okufanele ixhumane nomuntu kanye nomzuzu wabo obalulekile, ngoba akudingekile ukuba kube yinto enganyakazi futhi ecacile. Ngomuntu oyedwa ungakwazi ukusebenza kahle njengombhangqwana we-LAT futhi ungathandana ngokuphelele nomunye umuntu ofuna ukuhlala naye.
Kusukela kokuhlangenwe nakho nobufakazi beziguli zakho, iyiphi into engcono kakhulu ngokuba umbhangqwana we-LAT?
Bagcina i ukuhlalisana kokugqoka. Futhi lokhu kuyinto eningiliziwe ngokujulile, ngezibonelo ezicacile neziqinile, ngabantu abaningi asebevele bahlala ndawonye futhi kamuva abakhetha le fomula.
Iphuzu liwukuthi nakuba abanye abantu bengafanelana ngokuphelele ezingeni lombhangqwana, khona-ke ukwenza isiteji ekhaya kungaba nzima. Bangathandana ngokuhlanya futhi bangakwazi ukuhlalisana, ngoba abahambisani emicabangweni efana nokuhleleka, amandla okuphilisana, imisebenzi, amasiko, amashejuli ...
Okunye okuhle okubikwe yilabo abake bazama ukuthi bagcina ezabo Inqubomgomo, indlela yakhe yokuphatha umuzi nomnotho wakhe. Futhi lokhu kwakamuva kubalulekile ngoba ezikhathini eziningi iqiniso lokuphila ngokwehlukana lisho ukuba neminotho ehlukene ngokuphelele. Lokho kubenza bahlukanise izindleko lapho bethatha uhambo, lapho beyodla isidlo sakusihlwa noma lapho beyobuka amafilimu. Yilowo nalowo ukhokha okwakhe futhi unonembeza omsulwa wokuthi yini eyomunye nokuthi yini eyomunye.
Futhi yini into embi kakhulu noma yini ongayikhumbula njengombhangqwana we-LAT?
Kunabantu abakudingayo ukuthintana ngokomzimba, lo ethintekile ubukhona… Bangabantu, ngokwemvelo, abathanda ukuthandeka kakhulu, abathanda kakhulu ... Baphuthelwa yilolo thando olusheshayo, lobukhona bemvelo, obuzenzakalelayo futhi ngokushesha okusho ukuphilisana ngoba ngale fomula “yebanga”, ukuxhumana ngokushesha kuyinto elahlekile, yonke imiphumela. Abanye abantu bakujabulela ngempela ukukwazi ukuya kumlingani wabo nganoma isiphi isikhathi, ukukhuluma endlebeni yakhe futhi benze uthando kuye noma ukumlethela inkomishi yetiye noma ukwabelana ngokuzethemba noma umbono. Leyo ngxenye, okungadingeki ukuba ibaluleke kwabanye abantu, ingaba kwabanye. Futhi kujwayelekile ngoba lokho ubunzima yakha izixhumanisi ezibalulekile.
Ukuhlalisana kunezingxenye ezimbi kakhulu, kodwa uma umbhangqwana ufanelana futhi lokho kungaboni ngaso linye okuncane noma ukungezwani okuhlobene nemvelo yokuphila ndawonye kulawulwa, ukuphilisana kungadala. Uxhumano kanye ne-glue umbhangqwana omuhle futhi.
Ucingo olungaphendulwanga, i-WhatsApp engafundiwe, ukukhanselwa kwe-aphoyintimenti ... Ingabe iqiniso lokuba umbhangqwana we-LAT lingadala izingxabano ezengeziwe ezihlobene nokuxhumana?
Angikholwa. Ngikholwa ukuthi lezi zinhlobo zezithandani kufanele zenze amakhodi okuxhumana amukelwa yibo bobabili futhi avumelane nezimo zokungahlali ndawonye. Ukuzamukela kuyingxenye yokuvuthwa komuntu siqu.
Ingabe ukuba umbhangqwana we-LAT kuwumkhuba ovamile?
Ngicabanga ukuthi iseqenjini esikhulume ngalo, abantu abadala noma ngaphezulu abadala, Ake sithi. Incazelo ithi eminyakeni engu-30 edlule bambalwa abantu ababecabanga ukuba nomngane omusha uma beshiywe bodwa lapho beneminyaka engu-50, 60 noma engu-70 ubudala, kodwa manje bayakwenza, ngisho nalapho sebekhulile.
Umbono wehlukile kulokho okuke kwaphilwa nangalokho okusazophilwa. Kodwa kuyiqiniso ukuthi namuhla “abashadikazi be-LAT” abafuni ukunikeza izincazelo eziningi kakhulu ngalokho abayikho noma ngohlobo lobudlelwano abanabo. Kodwa nginomuzwa wokuthi uma lokho kucwaswa noma leyo ngcindezi yomphakathi idlula kancane, bazoba baningi abantu ababheja ngale fomula.