Okuqukethwe
Uma usube umngane nomuntu iminyaka eminingi futhi okuningi kukuxhumanisa, kunzima ukubona ngokushesha futhi wamukele ukuthi ubudlelwano bube yingozi kuphela isikhathi eside. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo kanye nezingxabano uKristin Hammond uhlonza izici zobuntu ezingu-10 okuthi, lapho zibonakaliswa ngokwedlulele, zenze umngane abe nobuthi futhi onakalise ukuxhumana.
Ubungane bunesiqalo esihle. Ukuphambana kwemigwaqo ngengozi kubangela ingxoxo ephenduka imibuthano enkomishini yekhofi nezingxoxo ezijulile kuze kube sekuseni. Niyafana kokuthandwayo nokungathandwa, thola abangani abafanayo futhi nichitha isikhathi ndawonye emisebenzini eyahlukene.
Nokho kukhona okungalungile. Kubonakala sengathi lokhu kukhulumisana kuyisiqalo sobungani obuhle, pho yini inkinga?
“Ngezinye izikhathi isihluthulelo sobuhlobo obuhle siwukuqonda ukuthi yiziphi izinhlobo zobuntu okudingeka sizigweme,” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esilulekayo nesazi sezingxabano zomkhaya uChristine Hammond.
Umngane ongalungile umuntu okungenzeka ukuthi ubuhlobo obulimazayo bukhula noma osebukhula kakade. Kodwa kanjani ukuthola ukuthi ubani ophambi kwethu? Nazi izinhlobo eziyishumi zabangane okufanele uzigweme, ngokusho kochwepheshe.
1. Abashushisi
UPeter akajabule ngokuthenga komkakhe muva nje. Kule minyaka embalwa edlule, isimo sabo sezimali siye saba sibi kakhulu, futhi ubiza umkakhe ngomchithi. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, usanda kuthenga isikebhe esisha sokuvala esidala, kodwa ngeke azithwalele izindleko zakhe. Kunalokho, ubeka umkakhe icala.
"Abashushisi abathandi ukuziphendulela ngephutha ngoba banomuzwa wokuthi libenza buthaka noma babe sengozini," kukhumbula uHammond.
2. Abakhalayo
Cishe kuyo yonke imihlangano, uLisa ukhononda ngomsebenzi wakhe. Futhi ngokuvamile uyakhononda. Leso sikhathi sasingenangqondo. Lelo gumbi lokugezela lingcolile. Okubi nakakhulu, ugxeka noma yimuphi umbono noma isiphakamiso isikhathi eside ngaphambi kokuba sihlolwe noma sisetshenziswe. Ukuhlala eduze kwakhe kuyacisha.
Ngemuva kwesikhalazo empeleni ukomela ukunakwa kanye nesifiso sokuba maphakathi nengxoxo.
3. Abampofu
UVlad wafunda ngendlela entsha eyenza ukujima kwakhe kwejimu kuphumelele kakhudlwana. Kodwa akahlanganyeli ulwazi nabangane, noma utshela ingxenye encane kuphela. Ukuqoqwa kolwazi kuyindlela yokungenzi lutho yokudlula umncintiswano.
“Eqinisweni,” kubhala uChristine Hammond, “ukuhaha okunjalo kuwukubonakaliswa kwentukuthelo.” Manje u-Vlad uyakwazi ukuqonda into abangayiqondi abangane bakhe, ngakho-ke kufanele azuze ulwazi kuphela. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukuntuleka kolwazi olubalulekile kubangela abanye ukuba bathembele kuye njengochwepheshe.
4. Abagxeki
Akubona omama bethu kuphela abathanda ukusithwalisa amacala. UHammond unikeza esinye isibonelo esingokoqobo: U-Anna uzama ukukhuthaza abangani bakhe bomakhelwane ukuba bahlanganyele emqhudelwaneni wamaholide. Ngokukholisa, wenza ingxabano: uma benganqobi ezinye izindawo, khona-ke inani lezindlu ezithengiswayo emgwaqweni wabo lingase lehle.
Udlulela phambili, ebizela eceleni umakhelwane oyedwa ethi imihlobiso yakhe yaleli holide elizayo izoyihlazisa yonke indawo. Ukusebenzisa umuzwa wecala njengesisusa kuyindlela yakhe yobuvila yokukhuthaza abangani bakhe.
5. Abahlakaniphile
Ngesikhathi sesidlo sakusihlwa, u-Alexander akakwazi ukwenqaba ithuba lokukhombisa ulwazi lwakhe ngokuvala abanye futhi anikeze umbono wakhe ngendaba yakamuva yezombangazwe. Uyaziwa njengowazi konke ovame ukucasula labo abaseduze kwakhe ngemininingwane engenamsebenzi namaqiniso aqinile.
Indlela yokubhekana nabangane abacasulayo
“Abantu abahlakaniphe kangaka bavame ukuphenduka abantu abangavikelekile. Bakholelwa ukuthi ulwazi lwabo yilona kuphela olungenza bagqame esixukwini,” kusho uHammond.
6. Amabhampa
U-Maria ubuya eholidini, ejabule ngohambo nohambo. Kodwa lapho ezama ukwabelana nabanye ngendaba yohambo lwakhe, umngane wakhe uyamphazamisa ngezindaba ezimayelana neholide lakhe - okuthakazelisayo, ehhotela elibiza kakhulu nelingcono, kanye nezwe elihle kakhulu.
UMaria udangele ngokugxekwa kwakhe, akuzwa ngesikhathi embonisa izithombe. Ama-bouncers awakwazi nje ukuhlala kude futhi ngokuvamile aphendukela ekuthobiseni abanye.
7. Abakhohlisi
Ukuzethemba nokumamatheka kuka-Ivan kungaqeda izikhali noma ubani. Ubonakala ekwazi ukubalekela icala, ukubalekela umthwalo wemfanelo, futhi akhohlise abanye ngokukhululeka okukhulu.
Lapho inkohliso yokuphelela iqala ukuhlakazeka futhi abangane baqala ukuqonda ukuthi uyini ngempela, kuvela ukuthi usekwazile ukukhuphuka izinga elilandelayo esiteji sobungani.
Lona yindoda ebonakala iyinhle kakhulu ukuba ingaba yiqiniso. Phela abakhohlisi bayathanda ukufihla izinhloso zabo zangempela.
8. Abantu abathule
Ukuthula akuhlali kugolide. ULena uhlala ethule emicimbini, enqaba ukufaka isandla engxoxweni evamile, ngisho nalapho emenywa ukuba enze kanjalo. Kunalokho, ubheka abangane bakhe njengengwe ehlola inyamazane yayo.
Ulinda ngesineke isikhathi esifanele ukuze ahlasele futhi ashaye ngamabomu, ngesikhathi abanye abangasilindele. Ukuxhumana naye kufundisa ukuthi ukuthula kungase kube ukulawula njengokuqinela ngamazwi.
9. Ibhawodi
Okuphambene nomuntu othule ukukhuluma. U-Valentin ngamazwi nangesikhathi eside utshela abangani bakhe ukuthi indima yakhe ibaluleke kangakanani emphakathini nasenkampanini asebenza kuyo. Uhlu lwakhe lokunqoba lukhula njalo ngomzuzu, zonke izibalo ziyihaba.
Noma yimuphi umzamo wokumbuyisela eqinisweni uhlangabezana nezinsolo zomona. Eqinisweni, kubhala uHammond, abakhulumayo bayesaba ukubonakala ukuthi bangobani ngempela, futhi basebenzisa amagama nezinombolo ukwesabisa abangase bancintisane nabo.
10. Ababi
Okokugcina ohlwini, kodwa hhayi okungenani, ababi. UTonya uthukuthele ugane unwabu futhi unamahloni ngokuthi umngane wakhe uxabane naye ngasese ngenxa yamazwi angcolile. Ngakho waphendulela ulaka lwakhe kwabanye abangane, ethuka cishe wonke umuntu owayefika.
Akanayo imingcele ekukhipheni intukuthelo yakhe: uzokhumbula okwenzeka ngonyaka odlule, aziphendulele futhi adlule ngendlela yokugqoka. U-Tony unamakhono ampofu okulawula intukuthelo, okuvamise ukuvala izingqinamba ezijulile zomuntu siqu.
“Ikhono lokubona ngokushesha lezi zinhlobo zabantu embuthanweni wakho wabangane nokuqonda ukuthi ungazigwema kanjani lingakusindisa ebuhlotsheni obunobuthi,” kusho uChristine Hammond. Abangane abahle bayisibusiso, kodwa abangani ababi bangaba isiqalekiso sangempela.
Mayelana Nombhali: U-Kristin Hammond unguchwepheshe wezengqondo owelulekayo, uchwepheshe wokuxazulula izingxabano, kanye nombhali we-Exhausted Woman's Handbook (Xulon Press, 2014).