Okuqukethwe
Ekuqaleni kwenoveli, kubonakala kithi ukuthi injabulo engenamafu iyohlala phakade. Kodwa manje sesiqala ukuhlala ndawonye futhi siqaphela ukuthi eminye imikhuba yomlingani isicasula kakhulu. Seluhambile uthando? Akunjalo neze, kusho umelaphi womndeni uSam Garanzini. Ukuthi nje ubudlelwano buthuthela ezingeni elisha, futhi uma ubonisa ukuhlakanipha, imizwa izohlala iminyaka eminingi.
UMax no-Anna bahambe ngobusuku bomndeni obuthule, kodwa uMax wabe esenquma ukudlala imigilingwane enjengeye. Kwakuyihlaya nje elimsulwa, kodwa u-Anna wahonqa ecasukile. Kuyathakazelisa ukuthi lapho eke wamnqoba ngokunembile ngamahlaya akhe. Ngazo zonke izinsuku, u-Anna wayehleka kuze kufike izinyembezi. Kungani konke kushintshile?
Ingabe ujwayelene nalokhu? Ingabe ubudlelwano bubonakala bulahlekelwe umphetho? Maye, lokhu kwenzeka kaningi. Ungaphuma kanjani kule mpisi?
Kungenzeka yini ukunweba i-honeymoon
Wonke umbhangqwana uhlangabezana nethafa ngokushesha noma kamuva. Yonke into eyayikudala ikujabulisa iba yinto evamile futhi ngezinye izikhathi ikuphatha kabi. Lokhu kungokwemvelo, ngoba ubudlelwano busendleleni evamile. Ilangabi lothando liyacima. Asikuqondi lokhu ngokushesha: sivele sishintshe izingubo ngokuthula phambi komunye nomunye bese silala ngehora leshumi kusihlwa ukuze silale.
Ngokombono wesayensi, isigaba se-honeymoon sihambisana nokukhuphuka okunamandla kwe-dopamine. Le neurotransmitter ihlotshaniswa nemizwa yenjabulo futhi ithonya umvuzo kanye nogqozi. Njengoba umzimba ungakwazi ukugcina izinga eliphakeme ngokwedlulele le-dopamine isikhathi eside, uthando luyaphela nakanjani.
Okubalulekile, izinga elincane lokunganeliseki likhuluma … ngobudlelwano obunempilo
Abacwaningi e-Gottman Institute bathole ukuthi ekuqaleni kwenoveli, isilinganiso semibono emihle nengalungile komunye nomunye singama-20:1. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, izilinganiso ziyehla zibe ngu-5:1. Manje sekuyacaca ukuthi kungani u-Anna ejwayele ukuthola imigilingwane kaMax ihlakaniphile ngendlela emangalisayo, base beqala ukumcasula?
Izinguquko ezinjalo zifika ngokushesha lapho nijwayela ukuhlala ndawonye futhi niqala ukuziphatha ngokukhululeka. Futhi, okubalulekile, izinga elincane lokunganeliseki likhuluma ... ubudlelwano obunempilo.
Indlela yokubuyisela injabulo
Uma ubudlelwano buqala, sikhangwa yikho konke okwenziwa uphathina wethu. Uqoqa izitembu, uthanda ukudoba, udlala okuthandayo - yeka intelezi! Ngemva kweminyaka, sifuna ukubuyisela emuva isikhathi sokukhuluma ngayo yonke into emhlabeni futhi sincishwe umoya wobumnene ebusuku. Ekuqaleni, lapho isifiso sobulili siphakeme, izingxoxo ezingagwegwesi zibhebhethekisa uthando nokuthakaselana. Kodwa uma ukukhulumisana kunqunyelwe ekamelweni, izinhlansi zothando ziyafa ngaphansi kwesembozo.
Inkinga ukuthi ubudlelwano babo buse-autopilot. Ukuphila kuphelelwa umbala
Ibhekene nempilo yansuku zonke, imibhangqwana eminingi izizwa inesikhala esingokomzwelo. Uthando aluzange lwedlule, abantu bavele bathathana kancane.
Futhi kwenzeka ngoMax no-Anna. Kodwa uMax akayena nje ihlaya, kodwa futhi ungumdlali wezindiza othanda amateur. U-Anna uyavuma ukuthi uyakuthanda ukuzwa izindaba ezimayelana nezindiza nokuphupha ngokuthi ngolunye usuku zizohamba kanjani ziye esibhakabhakeni ndawonye.
U-Anna uyayithanda imfashini, uhlale enolwazi lwakamuva ngezitayela zezimpahla zakamuva. Banokuthile abangakhuluma ngakho, ngoba imfashini nokuhamba kuyizihloko ezingapheli. Kodwa inkinga ukuthi ubudlelwano babo buyathuthuka «ku-autopilot». Ukuphila kuphelelwa umbala futhi kuba monotonous.
Kuthiwani uma izithakazelo zihluke kakhulu
Kwenzekani lapho sibheka ezinhlangothini ezihlukene? Kuyenzeka ukuthi sicasulwe ukuthi uzakwethu akaphenduli ngokuphazima kweso emizamweni yethu yokusondelana. Kodwa emva kwakho konke, wonke umuntu unombono wakhe ngezwe kanye nendlela yakhe yokuxhumana nabanye.
Kuba lula ukukwamukela lokhu uma sithatha ngokuthi bonke abantu bahlukene ngezinhlobo ezine ngokwendlela yokuxhumana: Abafunayo, Abagcini, Abahlaziyi kanye namaDiplomats.
- Abafunayo babona umhlaba ngokusebenzisa izinzwa zomzimba nezithombe zezinzwa.
- Kwabanakekeli, amandla othando, ikhwalithi yokuxhumana nezinga lokwethembana phakathi kwabantu kungaphezu kwakho konke.
- Abahlaziyi bayayazisa inkulumo-mpikiswano ekhiqizayo futhi njalo bakhuthaza ukuba nengqondo.
- Osopolitiki bazazi ngokucacile izidingo zabo futhi bayazihlonipha izidingo zabanye.
Ozakwethu abanezitayela ezahlukene zokuxhumana bayaphelelisana, kodwa uma kungekho ukuqonda okuphelele, ubudlelwano buyashabalala. Isibonelo, uMfuni ubona ngokunembile ukuthi uzakwethu ukhathele futhi akafuni ukwenza uthando, kuyilapho umgcini engase enze iphutha lokukhathala ngenxa yokubanda futhi ahlupheke ngokuthula.
Kuyafaneleka ukuqonda ukuthi ngamunye wenu ungowaluphi uhlobo, futhi uzofunda ukubona isimo ngeso lomunye.
Indlela yokulungisa yonke into
Uma ubona sengathi ubudlelwano benu bumile, akukephuzi kakhulu ukushintsha izinto. Nakhu okungenziwa.
- Bhekisisa izithakazelo zomlingani wakho nezinto azithandayo, kodwa khumbula: unesitayela sakhe sokuxhumana, okusho ukuthi udinga ukuthola ukhiye kuye.
- Beka phansi ifoni yakho, susa amehlo akho ku-TV, futhi unake othandekayo wakho. Mnikeze izikhathi zokusondelana kwangempela.
- Zama ukuzigwema izingxoxo ezingenamsebenzi, lwela izingxoxo eziphusile.
- Sebenzisa ibinzana elithi «ngitshele okwengeziwe» ukuze umlingani wakho abone ukuthi yini ngempela onentshisekelo kukho.
Sonke siyakuthanda ukukhuluma ngathi, futhi uma ungasigodli isikhathi nokunaka umlingani wakho, uthando oluhlangene luzohlala iminyaka eminingi.