"Ngiyamthanda ngempela lo muntu?" - umbuzo, ukufuna impendulo ngaphandle kubonakala kungavamile. Kodwa-ke, ngenxa yemithi yeminyaka noma ngenxa yobunzima bobudlelwano, asikwazi njalo ukunquma ukuthi yini ngempela esizizwa ngayo ngomlingani. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Alexander Shakhov sinikeza indlela elula kodwa ephumelelayo yokukusiza ukuthi uyithole.
Ngokuvamile, lapho kuboniswana, amakhasimende ayangibuza: “Ingabe ngiyamthanda umyeni wami? Ngingakuqonda kanjani lokhu? Ngiyaphendula: "Cha, awufuni." Kungani? Othandayo uyazi. Ukuzizwa. Ongabazayo akathandi. Kunoma yikuphi, ngeke kubizwe ngokuthi uthando lweqiniso.
Unganquma kanjani ukuthi kukhona uthando phakathi kwakho? Omunye uzothi: bangaki abantu - imibono eminingi, wonke umuntu unothando lwakhe. Ngingazama ukungavumelani futhi nginikeze incazelo enelukuluku nesebenzayo yothando, eyaqanjwa isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uRobert Sternberg. Indlela yakhe yothando ibukeka kanje:
Uthando = Ukwethemba + Ukusondelana + Isithakazelo
Ukwethemba kusho ukuthi uzizwa uphephile ngalo muntu. Uyakukhathalela futhi uziphatha ngendlela efanele.
Ukusondelana akukhona nje ukuthintana ngokomzimba (ukugona, ucansi), kodwa futhi nokuvuleka ngokomzwelo. Ukuba seduze kusho ukuthi ungayifihli imizwa yakho, uyiveze ngokukhululekile futhi uqiniseke ukuthi izokwamukelwa futhi wabelane ngayo.
Intshisekelo iwukushisekela izwe langaphakathi lomunye umuntu. Uyakuncoma ubuhlakani noma ithalente lakhe, umbono wakhe ngempilo noma ukujabula. Unesithakazelo ekukhulumeni nasekuthuleni, ukufunda izinto ezintsha ndawonye noma nje ulele esofeni. Umuntu nomhlaba wakhe, izinto azithandayo zibalulekile kuwe.
Ingabe ufuna ukuthola ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngomlingani wakho, ukuthi uthando lwakho luqinile futhi, ngokufanele, ubuhlobo?
Linganisa imigomo emithathu yefomula yothando ngesilinganiso samaphuzu angu-10, lapho u-0 engucha futhi u-10 egcwaliseka ngokuphelele.
Unesithakazelo kumuntu, imicabango yakhe, ukuphila, imizwa. Uyajabula uma ukhuluma naye noma uvele uthule
- Uzizwa usondelene nomuntu ngokulondeka okuphelele ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba, ukholelwa ngokugcwele emthwalweni wakhe kuwe, ukuthi uyozifeza izibopho nezithembiso zakhe.
- Ungakwazi ukwabelana kalula ngemizwa yakho, emihle nemibi, uyaqiniseka ukuthi umuntu uzokulalela, ukwamukela, ukuzwelana, ukuqonda, ukusekela. Unemizwa emnandi evela ekusondelaneni ngokomzimba, ukuthintana komzimba kukunikeza injabulo nentokozo.
- Unesithakazelo kumuntu, imicabango yakhe, ukuphila, imizwa. Uyajabula uma ukhuluma naye noma uvele uthule. Unentshisekelo yokwenza izinhlelo ezihlanganyelwe zekusasa, ukhumbula okuhlangenwe nakho okuhlangene okudlule.
Zonke izinkomba kufanele zifinyezwe.
Amaphuzu angama-26-30: Umuzwa wakho wothando ujulile. Ujabulile. Zama ukugcina yonke imigomo isezingeni lamanje.
Amaphuzu angama-21-25: waneliseke impela, kepha kukhona okushodayo. Ungase ulinde ngesineke umlingani wakho ukuthi akunikeze okudingayo noma uzama ngenkuthalo ukuthola okuthile kuye, kodwa kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi wena ngokwakho udinga ukushintsha ukuze ujulise ubuhlobo.
Amaphuzu angu-15-20: uphoxekile ngandlela-thile, awunelisekile ngobuhlobo, uhlangabezana nokucasuka okuncane noma ukucasuka, unezikhalazo ngomlingani wakho. Uyacabanga ukuthi umshado wakho ube yiphutha yini, belukhona uthando phakathi kwenu, niqale ubuhlobo eceleni. Inyunyana yakho isengozini, kudingeka isinyathelo ukuyisindisa. Okokuqala, kubalulekile ukuziqonda wena - kwenzeka kanjani ukuthi ubudlelwano bakho bube kanje.
Amaphuzu angu-10-14: ubuhlobo buseduze nekhefu. Nivame ukuxabana, nisolane, anithembani, mhlawumbe niyakopela. Isimo sibucayi futhi sidinga impendulo esheshayo, sidinga ikhefu ebudlelwaneni, ukwelashwa komndeni kanye nomsebenzi ngamunye nodokotela wezengqondo.
Amaphuzu angu-0-9: awuthandi, kodwa kunalokho uyahlupheka. Kudingeka ukubuyekezwa okujulile kokubuka kwakho umhlaba, usizo lwe-psychotherapeutic luqala ngokubuyisela esimweni, bese lufundisa. Ubudlelwano phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho buyimizwa, buyalutha. Ukuntuleka kosizo olusheshayo kugcwele izifo ezinzima zengqondo.