Okuqukethwe
Emphakathini wanamuhla wemigomo, ukunqoba, imibono, nokufuna ukuphelela, izingane zihlupheka ngaphezu kwabantu abadala ngenxa ye-impostor syndrome. Futhi abantu abadala abanalesi sifo bathi bakweleta ubunzima babo ekukhulisweni kwabazali. Mayelana nokuthi kungani lokhu kwenzeka nokuthi ungakugwema kanjani, kusho uDkt. Alison Escalante.
Njalo ngonyaka abantu abaningi abaphumelele kakhulu bahlushwa yi-impostor syndrome. Njengoba zisafunda amabanga aphansi, izingane ziyavuma ukuthi azifuni ukuya esikoleni ngenxa yokwesaba ukungafundi kahle. Ngesikole esiphakeme, abaningi bachaza izimpawu ze-impostor syndrome.
Abazali abaphethwe yibona besaba ukubangela ngephutha ezinganeni. Lesi sifo saqala ukuchazwa ngawo-80s nguDkt. Paulina Rosa Klans. Wathola izimpawu eziyinhloko ezibangela ukuhlupheka kumuntu futhi ziphazamise ukuphila okuvamile.
I-impostor syndrome ithinta labo abaye bafinyelela ukuphakama okuphawulekayo; abantu abanjalo baphumelele ngokuyikho, kodwa ungazizwa. Bazizwa njengabakhohlisi abangathathi ngokufanelekile indawo yomunye umuntu, futhi bathi impumelelo yabo ihambisana nenhlanhla, hhayi ithalente. Ngisho nalapho abantu abanjalo betuswa, bakholelwa ukuthi lokhu kunconywa akufanele futhi kukushaye indiva: kubonakala kubo ukuthi uma abantu bebhekisisa kakhudlwana, bazobona ukuthi ngempela akalutho.
Abazali babangela kanjani i-impostor syndrome ezinganeni?
Abazali banethonya elikhulu ekubunjweni kwalesi syndrome ezinganeni. Ngokocwaningo lukaDkt. Klance, iziguli zakhe eziningi ezindala ezinalolu phawu zingcoliswe imiyalezo yezingane.
Kunezinhlobo ezimbili zemiyalezo enjalo. Okokuqala ukugxeka okusobala. Emndenini onemiyalezo enjalo, ingane ibhekene nokugxeka okumfundisayo: uma ingaphelele, konke okunye akunandaba. Abazali abaqapheli lutho enganeni, ngaphandle kokuphambuka ezindinganisweni ezingafinyeleleki.
UDkt. Escalante unikeza isibonelo sesinye seziguli zakhe: «Awuqedwa kuze kube yilapho usuwenze yonke into ngokuphelele. UDkt. Suzanne Lowry, PhD, ugcizelela ukuthi i-impostor syndrome ayifani nokuphelela. Ngakho abaningi abathanda ukuphelela abafiki ndawo ngokukhetha imisebenzi enengozi encane yokwenza okuthile okungalungile.
Abantu abanalesi sifo bangabantu abathanda ukuphelela abaye bafinyelela ukuphakama, kodwa basanomuzwa wokuthi abayitholi indawo ngokufanelekile. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo siyabhala: “Ukuncintisana okuqhubekayo nezimo ezibucayi kubangela ukukhohliswa kwabantu abanjalo.”
Abazali bakholisa ingane: "Ungenza noma yini oyifunayo," kodwa lokho akulona iqiniso.
Kukhona olunye uhlobo lomyalezo abazali abawusebenzisayo ukuze benze izingane zizizwe zingafaneleki. Nakuba kungase kuxake, ukudumisa umuntu ongakukholelwa nakho kuyingozi.
Ngokuncoma kakhulu ingane futhi benze ihaba ngezimfanelo zayo ezinhle, abazali bakha izinga elingenakufinyeleleka, ikakhulukazi uma bengagxili ezintweni eziqondile. “Uhlakaniphe kunabo bonke!”, “Unekhono kakhulu!” — imiyalezo yalolu hlobo ibangela ingane ukuba nomuzwa wokuthi kufanele ibe ngcono, iphoqe ukuba ilwele ukwenza okuhle.
“Lapho ngikhuluma noDkt. Clans,” kubhala u-Alison Escalante, “wangitshela: “Abazali bakholisa ingane: “ Ungenza noma yini oyifunayo, ”kodwa akunjalo. Kuningi izingane ezingakwenza. Kodwa kukhona abangaphumeleli, ngoba akunakwenzeka njalo ukuphumelela kukho konke. Khona-ke izingane ziba namahloni.”
Ngokwesibonelo, baqala ukufihla okuhle, kodwa hhayi amamaki amahle kakhulu kubazali babo, ngoba besaba ukubadumaza. Imizamo yokufihla ukwehluleka noma, okubi nakakhulu, ukuntuleka kwempumelelo kubangela umntwana ukuba azizwe engafaneleki. Uqala ukuzizwa engumqambimanga.
Yini abazali abangayenza ukuze bagweme lokhu?
Ikhambi lokufuna ukuphelela liwukuba uphumelele ngokunengqondo kokuthile. Kuyinkimbinkimbi. Ukukhathazeka kuvame ukunikeza umbono oyiphutha wokuthi amaphutha asenza sibe babi nakakhulu. Ukukhathazeka kungancipha kubazali uma bevuma ukuthi amaphutha awasona isiphetho.
“Siza ingane yakho ibone ukuthi iphutha aliyona inkinga; ingalungiswa ngaso sonke isikhathi,” kweluleka uDkt. Klans. Lapho iphutha liwubufakazi bokuthi ingane iyazama futhi iyafunda esikhundleni somusho, i-impostor syndrome ayinandawo yokugxila.
Akwanele ukukwazi ukusinda emaphutheni uwedwa. Kubalulekile futhi ukuncoma ingane ngezinto ezithile. Dumisa umzamo, hhayi umphumela wokugcina. Lena indlela enhle yokukhulisa ukuzethemba kwakhe.
Ngisho noma umphumela ungabonakali uphumelele kakhulu kuwe, thola ukufaneleka, isibonelo, ungabona imizamo ingane eyifaka emsebenzini, noma ubeke amazwana ngenhlanganisela enhle yemibala esithombeni. Lalela ingane ngokungathí sina nangokucabangisisa ukuze yazi ukuthi ulalele.
“Ukulalela ngokucophelela,” kubhala u-Escalante, “kubalulekile ukuze unikeze izingane ukuzethemba ukuze ziqashelwe. Futhi abantu abane-impostor syndrome bacasha ngemuva kwe-mask, futhi lezi zinto ezimbili eziphikisanayo eziphelele.
Indlela engcono kakhulu yokuvimbela lesi sifo ezinganeni iwukuzenza zizizwe zithandwa futhi zidingeka, kusho uDkt. Klans.
Mayelana Nombhali: U-Alison Escalante ungudokotela wezingane kanye nomnikeli we-TEDx Talks.