Indlela yokunqoba ukwesaba ubudlelwano obusha?

Prakthiza ukuvuleleka

Ukukhathazeka nokusondelana kusivimbela ekwabeleni ngolwazi. Izincwadi zezeluleko zinganikeza amasu okuthi ungayiqala kanjani ingxoxo, ihehe oxoxayo futhi ivuse isithakazelo sakhe. Kodwa ubudlelwano bangempela bahlale bakhelwe phezu kokuvuleleka. Ukukhululwa kuyindlela eqondile yokusondelana. Noma kunjalo, into yokugcina umuntu okhathazekile anquma ukuyenza ukwenza buthaka isivikelo. Ukuvula isifuba kusho ukunqoba ukwesaba komuntu ongamazi, ukumazisa ngemicabango yakho nokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho. Kulula ukutshela abantu lokho okucabangayo nokuzizwayo futhi ubavumele babone ukuthi yini ebalulekile kuwe.

Yilwa nokwesaba ukwahlulela

Esinye sezizathu ezenza singabaze ukuhlanganyela nabanye ukwesaba ukwahlulela. Ukukhathazeka okukhulayo kusenza sicabangele kakhulu uzakwethu okhethayo. Uma kukhona okungahambi kahle, sizigxeka ngokuzenzakalelayo. Sithatha ngokuthi uzakwethu ubona amaphutha namaphutha ethu kuphela. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi labo abanenkinga yokukhathazeka bavame ukungazethembi futhi bazizwe kabi ngabo.. Ngenxa yokuthi bazigxeka ngokhahlo, banomuzwa wokuthi nabanye bazizwa ngendlela efanayo. Lokhu kubenza bangazimisele ukwabelana, bakhombise ubuqotho nokuba sengozini.

Thola inani langaphakathi

Kubonakala sengathi lapho siqaphile, siyazwela lapho sibona izimpawu zokuziphatha kwabanye abantu. Lokhu akulona iqiniso ngokuphelele. Ukukhathazeka kusenza siqaphele izimpawu ezingezinhle kakhulu, futhi ngokuvamile sizicabange kusukela ekuqaleni. Ngakho, sizifaka engozini yokulahlekelwa ukulawula ukuphila kwethu futhi sibe izigqila zokwesaba nokucwaswa kwethu.

Ungaphuma kanjani kulo mbuthano ononya? Qinisa ukuzethemba. Uma saneliseka ngokwethu, sazi ukubaluleka kwethu, futhi sikuthatha kalula okuhlangenwe nakho kwethu kokuphila, asithambekele ekuzigxekeni. Ngokuthulisa umgxeki wangaphakathi, siyayeka ukugxila kokuhlangenwe nakho kwethu futhi sithole ithuba lokwenza ngokungavinjelwa.

Gwema ukucabanga okuyinhlekelele

Ukukhathazeka kungabangela ukucabanga okuyinhlekelele. Isici sawo esihlukanisayo: ukuthambekela kokukhuphula noma yikuphi ukuthuthukiswa okungekuhle kwesimo kuze kufike ezingeni lenhlekelele. Uma wesaba njengomlilo ukuthi ngesikhathi esingafanele isithende sakho sizophuka noma ama-tights akho azoklebhuka, uyaqonda ukuthi sikhuluma ngani. Isibonelo esicacile yi-Chekhov's "man in a case". Ufa amahloni nehlazo uma ehla ezitebhisini phambi kwentombazane ekhombisa ukuyithakasela. Ezweni lakhe, lokhu kuyinhlekelele - nakuba eqinisweni engazange anqatshwe noma alahlwe.

Zama ukukhipha kulokho okwenzeka ekhanda lakho, ukuthi lithini izwi lakho langaphakathi (noma amazwi). Khumbula ukuthi ingcindezi, njengokwesaba, inamehlo amakhulu: ihlanekezela izinsongo futhi iveza izimo ezimbi kuphela. Bhala phansi imicabango evezwa yithemba lokuqomisana bese uyihlaziya. Zinengqondo kangakanani? Cabanga ukuthi umlingani wakho naye ukhathazekile. Cabanga nje ukuthi uzihlola kanjani esibukweni futhi unethemba ngasese ukuthi uzokwamukelwa nguwe.

Thuthukisa ukuqwashisa ngokomzwelo

Ukukhathazeka kubhebhezelwa imicabango mayelana nesikhathi esidlule nekusasa. Kuphakathi kokuthi sicabanga ngalokho okungenzeka, noma sihlafuna izimo zesikhathi esedlule ngokuphindaphindiwe: indlela esiziphatha ngayo, imuphi umbono esiwenzayo. Konke lokhu kuqeda amandla futhi kuphazamisa isenzo. Okuhlukile kulokhu kuzulazula komqondo wukunaka. Gxila kulokho okwenzeka lapha namanje. Yamukela imizwa ngaphandle kokuzama ukuyihlola.

Ukuqwashisa ngokomzwelo kuyisici esiyinhloko sokuhlakanipha kwemizwa. Uma abalingani beyazi kahle imizwelo yabo kanye neyabanye abantu, bangabonisa ukuguquguquka nokuqonda ezimweni ezihlukahlukene, kungenzeka ukuthi baneliseke ngokuphila kwabo ndawonye.¹.

Ukuze usebenzise ubuhlakani obuthuthukisiwe bomzwelo, naka amaphuzu alandelayo:

1. Landelela futhi usho imizwa yakho esikhundleni sokuyiziba noma ukuyicindezela.
2. Ungavumeli imizwa engemihle ithathe izintambo. Ziqeqeshe ukuba uzihlaziye ngendlela ongakwazi ngayo futhi ungabuyeli kuzo ngemicabango yakho.
3. Yondla imizwa njengamandla esenzo.
4. Lalela imizwa yomunye umuntu, yiqaphele, sabela.
5. Bonisa ukuthi uyayiqonda imizwa yomunye. Sebenzisa lolu xhumano lwemizwa ukuze udale umuzwa oqinile wobudlelwane.

¹ I-American Journal of Family Therapy, 2014, vol. 42, №1.