Ungazi Kanjani Ukuthi Usukulungele Ukuba Nomntwana

Kusasa? Evikini elizayo? Ngemva kwezinyanga eziyisithupha? Noma mhlawumbe njengamanje? Sidlula imibuzo esezingqondweni zethu futhi sixoxe ngayo nozakwethu, sinethemba lokuthi lokhu kuzoletha ukucaca. Izihlobo zengeza uphethiloli emlilweni ngeseluleko: “Unakho konke, manje usalindeni?” Ngakolunye uhlangothi, "usemncane, kungani uphuthuma."

Ingabe sikhona leso sikhathi "esilungile" lapho ukuphila kwakho kuhamba ngewashi, ugcwele amandla, uthandwa futhi ulungele ukugcwalisa? Kwabanye, lokhu kusho ukuzilalela nje wena. Omunye, ngokuphambene nalokho, akathembi imizwa futhi ufuna ukucabanga ngakho konke okuncane. Bathini ongoti?

Kungani manje? Ngikwenza lokhu ngezizathu «ezizwakalayo»?

Umelaphi womndeni u-Helen Lefkowitz uphakamisa ukuthi kuqale embuzweni oyinhloko: ingabe uzizwa kahle manje? Ingabe wenelisekile ngalokho okwenzayo? Ungasho ukuthi wena (ngokujwayelekile) uyayithanda impilo yakho?

Uyaxwayisa: “Khumbula ukuthi ukuba umzali kuwuvivinyo, futhi konke ukuzisola nokungabaza okushunqayo emphefumulweni wakho kungavuka ngamandla avuselelwe. — Kuba kubi kakhulu uma owesifazane efuna ukuba nengane ngesizathu esithile. Ngokwesibonelo, akakwazanga ukwenza umsebenzi, unesithukuthezi ukuphila. Okubi nakakhulu, abanye besifazane baphendukela ekukhulelweni njengendlela yokugcina yokuhlenga umshado obhidlikile.”

Noma iyiphi indlela, kuzoba lula kuwe ukuthi ulungiselele ukuzibophezela komunye umuntu lapho wena ngokwakho ujabule ngawe, impilo yakho, nomlingani wakho. “Njengoba elinye iklayenti lami lakubeka, “Ngifuna ukuzibona mina kanye nalowo engimthanda kakhulu enganeni yethu njengenhlanganisela yethu sobabili,” kusho umeluleki wemikhaya uCarol Lieber Wilkins.

Ingabe usukulungele ukuvumelana okuzohambisana nakanjani nokuba umzali ngisho nangaphambili? “Ingabe uzimisele ukuhwebelana ngokuzimela nokuzenzela nje ukuze uhlele kanye nesakhiwo? Uma ubukade ungumuntu okhululekile, ingabe usukulungele ukunethezeka ngendima yomuntu wasekhaya? kusho uCarol Wilkins. “Nakuba ukuhlelela ingane ngokuvamile kuhilela ukucabanga ngobungane bakho obukude, khumbula ukuthi lesi futhi isigaba esisha kuwe njengomuntu omdala.”

Ingabe uzakwethu ukulungele lokhu?

Ngezinye izikhathi lapho eyodwa yalezi ezimbili ishaya kancane igesi enye ibhuleka kancane, zingafinyelela isivinini esisebenza kuzo zombili. “Kubalulekile ukuba umlingani ozizwa eqiniseka ngokwengeziwe azi ukuthi kufanele amlalele kanjani omunye futhi abe nozwela kulokho okumkhathazayo nakushoyo,” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uRosalyn Blogier. "Kwesinye isikhathi kuyasiza ukukhuluma nabangani abaseduze asebenezingane ukuze uthole ukuthi bazisingatha kanjani izinkinga - njengokuhlela izinhlelo zabo."

“Imibhangqwana engikhathazeke ngayo ngempela yileyo engazange ikhulume ngempela ngokuba nezingane ngaphambi kokuba ishade futhi kungazelelwe yathola ukuthi omunye ufuna ukuba umzali omunye engafuni,” kuphawula i-Blogger.

Uma wazi ukuthi umlingani wakho ufuna umntwana kodwa akakakulungeli, kuhle ukuthola ukuthi yini embambile. Mhlawumbe uyesaba ukungakwazi ukubhekana nomthwalo wemfanelo: uma uhlela ukuthatha ikhefu labazali, wonke umthwalo wokusekela umkhaya ungase uwele kuye. Noma mhlawumbe wayenobudlelwane obunzima noyise futhi uzophinda amaphutha akhe.

Qaphela ukuthi kungase kube okungavamile ngomlingani ukwabelana ngothando lwakhe, uthando nokunaka nengane. Ngayinye yalezi zinkinga ingaba isenzakalo sengxoxo engagwegwesi. Uma ubona kudingekile, xhumana nomelaphi omaziyo noma ukwelashwa kweqembu labashadile. Ungabi namahloni ngokungabaza kwakho, kodwa futhi ungenzi ihaba nakho. Khumbula: lapho ikusasa lithatha isimo, liba elibambekayo futhi libonakale, ukwesaba kuyahamba. Futhi ithathelwa indawo ukulindela.

Ingabe sikhona isizathu sokulibala?

Eminye imibhangqwana ingase ikhathazeke ngokulondeka kwezimali noma umsebenzi. Kungenzeka ukuthi ubuza imibuzo efana nokuthi «Ingabe kufanele silinde size sithenge indlu futhi sizinze?» Noma kungase kuzwakale kungavamile kuwe: “Mhlawumbe kufanele silinde ngize ngiqale ukufundisa, khona-ke ngizoba nesikhathi esengeziwe namandla okunikela enganeni.” Noma, “Mhlawumbe kufanele silinde size songe imali eyanele ukuze ngibe nesikhathi esengeziwe namandla.”

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, imibhangqwana eminingi ikhathazeke ngokuqondakalayo ngokuzala kwayo. Kungenzeka ukuthi uke wabona abangani bakho noma abantu obajwayele bezama ukukhulelwa iminyaka, bethola ukwelashwa okungapheli kwenzalo, futhi bekhala ngokuthi kungani bengazange bakunakekele ngokushesha.

Ngeshwa, abanye abawunaki umbuzo obalulekile okufanele unakwe: ingabe ubudlelwano bethu bukulungele lokhu? Inketho engcono kakhulu yilapho umbhangqwana unikezela isikhathi esithile ndawonye ukuze uhlole imizwa yabo ukuze bakwazi ukushintshela ekubeni umzali ngaphandle kokuzwa ukuthi ingxenye ethile ebalulekile yobuhlobo babo iyanikelwa.

Njengoba ingxenye enkulu yobuzali bethu inembile, kuyasiza, uma kungenasidingo, ukuba nomuzwa wokuthi ubuhlobo bunesisekelo esiqinile.

Cabanga ukuthi bekungaba njani ukwabelana ngesikhathi sakho somuntu siqu hhayi kuphela nomlingani wakho, kodwa futhi nomunye umuntu. Futhi hhayi nje nomuntu - nomuntu odinga ukunaka kwakho ubusuku nemini.

Uma ubudlelwano bakho bungene shi ezingxabanweni mayelana "nobulungiswa" kanye "nokwabelana ngomthwalo wemfanelo", kusadingeka usebenzele kukho kancane. Cabanga ngalokhu: uma niphikisana ngokuthi kuba yithuba likabani ukubeka ilondolo emshinini wokuwasha noma ukuyisa udoti endaweni yokulahla imfucumfucu, ungaba yini "iqembu" lapho ulale ubusuku bonke futhi umzanyana usenayo. kukhanseliwe, futhi lapho uya kubazali bakho uthole ukuthi uphelelwe amanabukeni.

Wazi kanjani ukuthi uzoba umzali oqotho?

Siphila emphakathini owenza ukuba imibhangqwana ibe umzali ngendlela efanele futhi okwenza imibhangqwana ngezinye izikhathi ibe nezidingo ezinkulu kakhulu ukuze babe nothando futhi bafune ngenkani, bathuthuke futhi baqaphe, bahleleke futhi bavuleleke ekuhlolweni.

Hamba uye kunoma yisiphi isitolo sezincwadi futhi uzobona amashalofu agcwele amamanuwali okukhulisa izingane kusukela kokuthi "indlela yokukhulisa ubuhlakani" kuya "kukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nentsha ehlubukayo." Akumangazi ukuthi ozakwethu bangase bazizwe "bengafaneleki" ngaphambi komsebenzi onzima kangaka.

Akekho kithi ozalwa ekufanele ngokuphelele ukuba umzali. Njengakunoma yimiphi eminye imizamo yokuphila, lapha sinamandla nobuthakathaka. Okubalulekile ukwethembeka nokwamukela imizwa eyahlukene, kusukela ekubeni nokungaboni ngaso linye, intukuthelo nokukhungatheka kuya enjabulweni, ukuzidla nokwaneliseka.

Uzilungiselela kanjani izinguquko ozobhekana nazo?

Ukukhulelwa nokuzalwa kwengane kuhlale "ukubona kunamandla". Ngakho, ngomqondo othile, awusoze wakulungela. Kodwa-ke, uma unokungabaza ngokuthile, kufanele uxoxe ngakho nomlingani wakho. Ndawonye kufanele ninqume ukuthi i-tandem yenu izosebenza kanjani, uma kubhekwa intuthuko ehlukene. Ukukhulelwa kungaba nzima, kodwa ungacabanga izindlela zokwenza impilo ibe lula kuwena.

Kufanele uxoxe ngokuthi ufuna ukutshela abangani nomndeni ukuthi uzama ukuthola umntwana, noma ulinde kuze kube sekupheleni kwe-trimester yokuqala, isibonelo, ngezindaba. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kufanele nixoxe ngokuthi ningakwazi yini ukukhokhela othile ukuze ahlale nengane ekhaya, noma kufanele yini nisebenzise izinsizakalo zomzanyana.

Kodwa ngisho nezinhlelo ezibekwe kahle zingashintsha. Into esemqoka lapha ukuqonda ukuthi izinhlinzeko nezintandokazi ziphela kuphi futhi imithetho eqinile iqala. Ekugcineni, uhlela ukuxhuma impilo yakho nomuntu ongamazi ngokuphelele. Yilokho ubuzali obumayelana nayo: ukweqa okukhulu kokukholwa. Kodwa abantu abaningi bakwenza ngenjabulo.