Umona ufana nenkemba esika nhlangothi zombili, kusho uprofesa wezengqondo uClifford Lazarus. Ngezilinganiso ezincane, lo muzwa uvikela inyunyana yethu. Kodwa lapho nje ivunyelwe ukuqhakaza, kancane kancane ibulala ubuhlobo. Indlela yokubhekana nokuchichima komona?
Ngemuva kwanoma yimiphi imizwa sifihla umona, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi siwuveza kanjani, ngemuva kwawo kuhlale kunokwesaba ukunyamalala kothandekayo, ukulahlekelwa ukuzethemba kanye nesizungu esikhulayo.
“Indida edabukisayo yomona iwukuthi, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ugcwalisa amaphupho avame ukungahlangani namaqiniso,” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uClifford Lazarus. - Umuntu onomona ukhuluma ngezinsolo zakhe kumlingani wakhe, uphika konke, futhi imizamo yokuzivikela emazwini ahlambalazayo iqala ukubhekwa ngummangaleli njengokuqinisekisa kokuqagela kwakhe. Kodwa-ke, ukuguqulwa kwe-interlocutor endaweni yokuzivikela kuyimpendulo yemvelo kuphela ekucindezelweni nasekuhlaselweni ngokomzwelo komuntu onomona.
Uma izingxoxo ezinjalo ziphindaphindwa futhi umlingani "omangalelwe" kufanele abike ngokuphindaphindiwe ukuthi wayekuphi nokuthi ubani ahlangane naye, lokhu kuyamhlukumeza futhi kancane kancane kumqhelelene nomlingani "womshushisi".
Ekugcineni, sizifaka engozini yokulahlekelwa othandekayo nakancane ngenxa yesithakazelo sakhe sothando kumuntu wesithathu: angase angamelani nesimo sokungathembani njalo, isibopho sokuthobisa onomona nokunakekela ukunethezeka kwakhe ngokomzwelo.
Ikhambi lomona
Uma, lapho unomona ngomlingani wakho, uqala ukuzibuza imibuzo, ungakha kakhulu ngemizwa yakho.
Zibuze: yini lena engenza ngibe nomona njengamanje? Ngesaba ukulahlekelwa yini ngempela? Yini engizama ukuyigcina? Yini engenza ngingazethembi ebudlelwaneni?
Uma uzilalela ungezwa lokhu okulandelayo: “Angimfanele (angimuhle)”, “Uma lo muntu engishiya, ngeke ngikwazi ukumelana nalokhu”, “Ngeke ngithole muntu futhi ngizoba asale yedwa.” Ukuhlaziya le mibuzo nezimpendulo kuzosiza ukunciphisa izinga lokusongela okucatshangwayo, ngaleyo ndlela kuqedwe imizwa yomhawu.
Ngokuvamile, umhawu ubangelwa ukwesaba kwethu okungaqondakali okungahlangene nezinhloso zomlingani, ngakho-ke isigaba esilandelayo isimo sengqondo esibucayi kulokho okubonakala kithi njengobufakazi bokungathembeki komuntu othandekayo. Ikhono lokuhlola ngokucophelela ukuthi yini eyaba umsuka wangempela wokukhathazeka yisinyathelo esibaluleke kakhulu ekuxazululeni inkinga.
Kubonakala sengathi othandekayo ungumthombo wemizwa yethu, kodwa thina kuphela sinesibopho sokubonakaliswa komhawu wethu.
Khuluma nomlingani wakho ngenhlonipho nangokumethemba. Izenzo zethu zithinta imicabango nemizwa yethu. Ukubonisa ukungamethembi uzakwethu, siqala ukuzwa ukukhathazeka kanye nomhawu okwandayo. Kunalokho, lapho sivulekele othandekayo futhi siphendukela kuye ngothando, sizizwa singcono.
Gwema isabizwana esithi "wena" bese uzama ukuthi "mina" kaningi ngangokunokwenzeka. Esikhundleni sokuthi, "Bekungafanele ukwenze lokhu" noma "Ungenze ngazizwa kabi," yakha le nkulumo ngendlela ehlukile: "Ngaba nesikhathi esinzima ngempela lapho kwenzeka."
Ukuhlola kwakho isimo kungase kuhluke kakhulu endleleni umlingani wakho asibheka ngayo. Zama ukuhlala unomgomo, ngisho noma ngezinye izikhathi uzizwa ufuna ukumthethisa ngokumbeka icala. Kubonakala sengathi othandekayo ungumthombo wemizwa yethu, kodwa thina kuphela sinesibopho sokubonakaliswa komhawu wethu. Zama ukulalela kakhulu esikhundleni sokuchukuluza umlingani wakho ngezaba ezingapheli.
Zama ukungena esikhundleni somlingani futhi uzwelane naye. Uyakuthanda, kodwa uba isibambi semizwa yakho ephakeme kanye nolwazi lwangaphakathi, futhi akulula kuye ukubekezelela ukuphenywa kwakho ngokuphindaphindiwe. Ekugcineni, uma umlingani eqaphela ukuthi akanamandla okunciphisa imizwa yakho yomhawu, uzoqala ukuzibuza imibuzo ebuhlungu: ubuhlobo bakho buzophendukela kuphi nokuthi yini okufanele uyenze ngokulandelayo?
Yile ndlela umona, ozalwa mhlawumbe kuphela wokucabanga nje, ongaholela emiphumeleni ebesisaba kakhulu.
Mayelana nombhali: UClifford Lazarus unguprofesa wezengqondo.