Ubudlelwano abunakwenzeka ngaphandle kokuyekethisa, kodwa awukwazi ukuzicindezela njalo. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Amy Gordon sichaza ukuthi kunini lapho ungakwazi futhi kufanele wenze khona ukuvumelana, nokuthi kunini lapho kuzolimaza wena kuphela nobuhlobo bakho.
Ucele umyeni wakho ukuthi akuthengele ubisi, kodwa wakhohlwa. Umbhangqwana wakho umenywe esidlweni sakusihlwa ngabangani bakhe ongabathandi. Kusihlwa ngemva komsebenzi, nobabili nikhathele, kodwa umuntu kufanele alalise ingane. Ukungqubuzana kwesifiso akunakugwenywa, kodwa akucaci ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuthi kufanele kuphendule kanjani kuzo.
Inketho yokuqala ukugxila ezifisweni zakho futhi ukhononde ngokuntuleka kobisi, wenqabe isidlo sakusihlwa futhi uncenge umyeni wakho ukuba alalise ingane. Okwesibili okukhethwa kukho ukucindezela izifiso zakho futhi ubeke izidingo zomlingani wakho kuqala: musa ukulwa nobisi, vumelana nesidlo sakusihlwa futhi uvumele umyeni wakho aphumule ngenkathi ufunda izindaba zokulala.
Nokho, ukucindezela imizwelo nezifiso kuyingozi. Lesi siphetho safinyelelwa iqembu lezazi zokusebenza kwengqondo ezivela eNyuvesi yaseToronto Mississauga elaliholwa u-Emily Impett. Ngo-2012, benza ucwaningo: ozakwethu abacindezela izidingo zabo babonisa ukwehla kwenhlalakahle ngokomzwelo kanye nokwaneliseka kobudlelwane. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngokuvamile babecabanga ukuthi kwakudingeka bahlukane nomlingani wabo.
Uma uphushela izidingo zakho ngemuva ngenxa yomlingani, akumzuzisi - uzwa imizwa yakho yangempela, ngisho noma uzama ukuyifihla. Konke lokhu kuzidela okuncane kanye nemizwa ecindezelwe kuyahlanganisa. Futhi lapho abantu bedela izinto abazithandayo ngenxa yozakwethu, kulapho becwila khona ekucindezelekeni - lokhu kwafakazelwa ucwaningo lweqembu lezazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zaseNyuvesi yaseDenver eliholwa nguSarah Witton.
Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi ukuzidela kuyadingeka ukuze kusindiswe umndeni nobudlelwano. Umuntu kumele alalise ingane. Ungakwenza kanjani ukuyekethisa ngaphandle kwengozi yokuwela ekucindezelekeni, ososayensi baseCatholic University of Furen eTaiwan bathola lokho. Baxoxisana nemibhangqwana eshadile engu-141 futhi bathola ukuthi ukuzidela kaningi kubeka inhlalakahle yomuntu siqu neyenhlalo engozini: abalingani ababevame ukucindezela izifiso zabo babenganeliseki kangako ngomshado wabo futhi babevame ukuba nokucindezeleka kunabantu ababengasenamathuba amaningi okuvuma.
Ngeke nixabane ngobisi uma uqiniseka ukuthi umyeni wakho akazange ashaye indiva isicelo sakho futhi empeleni ukukhathalela.
Nokho, ngemva kokubuka imibhangqwana isikhathi esithile, ososayensi babona iphethini. Ukucindezelwa kwezifiso kwaholela ekucindezelekeni nokuncipha kokwaneliseka emshadweni kuphela kuleyo mibhangqwana lapho abalingani babengasekelani.
Uma omunye wabashadile enikeza ukusekelwa komphakathi engxenyeni yesibili, ukwenqatshwa kwezifiso zabo akuzange kuthinte ukwaneliseka kobudlelwane futhi akuzange kubangele ukucindezeleka ngemva konyaka. Ngaphansi kokusekelwa komphakathi, ososayensi baqonda lezi zenzo ezilandelayo: lalela umlingani futhi umsekele, uqonde imicabango nemizwa yakhe, umnakekele.
Lapho ulahla izifiso zakho, ulahlekelwa izinsiza zakho. Ngakho-ke, ukudela izithakazelo zomuntu kuyacindezela. Ukwesekwa kozakwethu kusiza ukunqoba umuzwa wokuba sengozini ohambisana nokuzidela.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, uma umlingani ekusekela, ekuqonda futhi ekukhathalela, kushintsha uqobo lwesisulu. Akunakwenzeka ukuthi nixabane ngobisi uma uqiniseka ukuthi umyeni wakho akazange ashaye indiva isicelo sakho futhi empeleni uyakukhathalela. Kulesi simo, ukubamba izikhalazo noma ukuthatha umthwalo wokulalisa ingane akuyona umhlatshelo, kodwa isipho kumlingani okhathalelayo.
Uma ungabaza ngalokho okufanele ukwenze: noma ngabe ukuxabana ngobisi, noma ukuvuma ukudla kwakusihlwa, noma ukubeka ingane embhedeni - zibuze umbuzo: ingabe unomuzwa wokuthi umlingani wakho uyakuthanda futhi uyakweseka? Uma ungakuzwa ukusekela kwakhe, asikho isidingo sokubamba ukunganeliseki. Izonqwabelana, futhi kamuva izoba nomthelela omubi ubudlelwano nesimo sakho somzwelo.
Uma uzwa uthando nokunakekelwa komlingani wakho, ukuzidela kwakho kuzofana nesenzo somusa. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokhu kuzokwandisa ukwaneliseka kobudlelwane bakho futhi kukhuthaze umlingani wakho ukuthi enze okufanayo kuwe.
Mayelana nombhali: U-Amy Gordon uyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo kanye nomsizi wocwaningo eSikhungweni Sezempilo Yomphakathi eNyuvesi yaseCalifornia.