Ukuhlukana nozakwethu kufana nokuhlinzwa: sinqamula ingxenye ebalulekile yokuphila kwethu kithi. Akumangalisi ukuthi le nqubo inzima futhi ibuhlungu. Kodwa ngokuvamile sikhulisa okuhlangenwe nakho kwethu siqu, kuchaza isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sasemtholampilo uSusan Heitler.
Iklayenti lami uStephanie ushaye ucingo ecela ukubonisana okuphuthumayo. “Ngeke ngisakwazi! ebabaza. “Nganginomshado onzima. Kodwa isehlukaniso singenza ngihlupheke nakakhulu!”
Phakathi neseshini, ngacela uStephanie ukuba anikeze isibonelo lapho ukuziphatha komyeni kaJohn «cishe owake waba khona” kwamenza wazizwa ekhungathekile.
“Ngaya kwakhe ngiyolanda izinto zami. Futhi angizange ngibuthole ubucwebe bami, engangihlala nginabo ekhabetheni eliphezulu lesifuba samadrowa. Ngambuza ukuthi bangaphi. Akazange aphendule nakancane, wavele wanyusa amahlombe, bathi, uzokwazi kanjani!
Ngambuza ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngaleso sikhathi.
“Uyangijezisa. Kwakunjalo sonke isikhathi sishadile. Wayehlale engijezisa.” Ukuhlupheka kuzwakala ezwini lakhe.
Le mpendulo yayiyisihluthulelo sokuqonda isimo. Ukuze ngihlole umbono wami, ngacela uStephanie ukuba akhumbule esinye isiqephu esifanayo.
“Kwaba okufanayo nangesikhathi ngibuza ukuthi ikuphi i-albhamu enezithombe zami zobuntwana, enganikwa ngumama. Futhi waphendula ngokucasuka: "Ngazi kanjani?"
Futhi wasabela kanjani emazwini kaJohane?
“Uhlale engenza ngizizwe ngingelutho, njengokungathi ngenza yonke into engalungile,” ekhononda. “Ngakho-ke ngasabela njengenjwayelo. Ngaphinde ngazizwa ngicindezelekile kangangokuthi lapho ngifika endlini yami entsha, ngalala ngikhathele usuku lonke!”
Ukuziphatha Esikuthuthukisile Emshadweni Kwenyusa Ukukhathazeka Nokucindezeleka
Kungani kokubili ukuphila nomyeni wakhe nenqubo yesehlukaniso kwakubuhlungu kangaka kuStephanie?
Umshado uyinselele njalo. Inqubo yesehlukaniso nayo. Futhi, njengomthetho, lokho okwenza ukuphila emshadweni kube nzima kwenza isehlukaniso sibe buhlungu.
Ake ngichaze ukuthi ngiqonde ukuthini. Yiqiniso, isehlukaniso, empeleni, siyinto ebuhlungu engafaniswa nokuhlinzwa kokunqunywa kwesitho - sinqamula ubuhlobo bethu obukade busho lukhulu kithi. Kufanele sakhe kabusha impilo yethu yonke. Futhi kulesi simo akunakwenzeka, okungenani ngezikhathi ezithile, ukuba ungabi nezikhathi zokukhathazeka, ukudabuka noma intukuthelo.
Kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, amaphethini okuziphatha esiwakhile kulo mshado onzima aqhubekisela phambili imizwa yethu, andise ukukhathazeka nokucindezeleka.
Kuncike ezintweni eziningi, njengezimpendulo zakho emibuzweni efana nalena:
Asekela kangakanani amanye amalungu omndeni?
— Ingabe kukhona okukukhuthazayo ekuphileni kwakho, okuthile okukuvumela ukuba ungahambi ngemijikelezo esehlukaniso?
- Ingabe wena nozakwethu “ocishe wangaphambili” nilungele ukubambisana noma ukungqubuzana?
— Bungakanani ubugovu nokuhaha okungokwemvelo kuwe noma kuye?
Amaphupho vs iqiniso
Kodwa buyela esibonelweni sikaStephanie. Yini ngempela eyenza ubuhlobo bakhe nomyeni wakhe baba buhlungu kangaka futhi yini emvimbela ukuba abhekane nenqubo yesehlukaniso namuhla? Lezi yizici ezimbili engivame ukuhlangana nazo emsebenzini wami womtholampilo.
Esokuqala siwukuchazwa kabi kokuziphatha komunye umuntu ngosizo lwamaphethini akhiwe ngaphambilini, kanti okwesibili ukwenza kube ngokwakho.
Ukungahumushi kahle ngenxa yemicabango emidala kusho ukuthi ngemva kwamazwi omuntu oyedwa sizwa izwi lomunye umuntu — lowo owake wasihlupha.
Ukwenza okuthandwa nguwe kusho ukuthi izenzo nezenzo zomunye umuntu sifaka ku-akhawunti yethu futhi sikubheka njengomyalezo ongemuhle kithi noma ngathi. Kwezinye izimo, lokhu kuyiqiniso, kodwa ngokuvamile, ukuqonda ukuziphatha komunye umuntu kudinga umongo obanzi.
UStephanie ubona ukuziphatha komyeni wakhe “ocishe abe yi-ex” njengesifiso sokumjezisa. Ingxenye yobuntu bakhe yobungane isabela emazwini kaJohn ngendlela efanayo naleyo lapho eneminyaka engu-8 asabela ngayo kuyise owayemhlukumeza lapho emjezisa.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, kubonakala kuye ukuthi nguye ocasula uJohn. Emuva kwalezi zinkolelo-mbono, uStephanie ulahlekelwa umbono wesimo sangempela. Cishe uJohn uphatheke kabi kakhulu ngokuthi umkakhe wanquma ukumshiya, futhi yile mizwa engamcasula.
Zindla ngokuthi amazwi alimazayo nezenzo zomunye umuntu zithini ngabo, hhayi ngawe.
Esiqeshini sesibili, ukucasuka kwezwi likaJohane kuStephanie kusho ukuthi uyamehlisa. Kodwa uma ujula, ungaqonda ukuthi uzwa izwi lokudelela lomfowabo omdala, okwathi ebuntwaneni wambonisa ukuphakama kwakhe ngazo zonke izindlela.
Futhi uma sibuyela eqinisweni, sizobona ukuthi uJohane, ngokuphambene, uthatha isikhundla sokuzivikela. Kuye kubonakala sengathi akakwazi ukwenza lutho ukuze ajabulise umkakhe.
Echaza umbono wakhe walesi simo, uStephanie wasebenzisa ngokuphindaphindiwe inkulumo ethi "wangenza ngazizwa ...". Lawa magama awuphawu olubaluleke kakhulu. Uphakamisa ukuthi:
a) isikhulumi kungenzeka sihumushe lokho esikuzwayo ngesisekelo sesipiliyoni sesikhathi esidlule: ngabe lawa magama angasho ukuthini ngokuphathelene nomunye umuntu;
b) kukhona isici sokwenza umuntu ekuchazeni, okungukuthi, umuntu uvame ukufaka yonke into ku-akhawunti yakhe.
Indlela yokulahla le mikhuba yokucabanga engakhiqizi?
Iseluleko esivamile siwukuzindla ngokuthi amazwi alimazayo nezenzo zomunye umuntu zithini ngaye, hhayi ngawe. UJohn waphendula uStephanie ngokucasuka ngoba wayecindezelekile futhi ecasukile. Inkulumo yakhe ethi "Ngazi kanjani?" ibonisa isimo sakhe sokulahlekelwa. Kodwa akukhona nje ngesehlukaniso.
Lapho sizwela kakhulu abanye abantu, siba namandla kakhulu ngaphakathi.
Phela, ngisho nasempilweni yomkhaya, uJohn wayengazi ukuthi umkakhe wayelindeleni kuye. Wayengaziqondi izimangalo zakhe, kodwa akazange ambuze, akazange azame ukuthola ukuthi ufunani. Wahoxa emizwa yokukhathazeka, eyakhula ngokushesha yaba intukuthelo efihla ukudideka kwakhe.
Ngifuna ukuthini ngalesi sibonelo? Uma kufanele uhlupheke ngenxa yokuziphatha komngane wakho womshado empilweni yomndeni noma kakade inqubo yokuhlukanisa, ungahumushi amazwi nezenzo zakhe, ungathathi imicabango yakho njengeqiniso. Mbuze ukuthi izinto zinjani ngempela. Lapho uqonda ngokunembe kakhudlwana imizwa yeqiniso yozakwethu, yilapho uzobona ngokucacile okwangempela, hhayi isimo esisunguliwe.
Ngisho noma unobudlelwane obuyinkimbinkimbi futhi obudidayo, zama ukubuyela eqinisweni futhi uphathe umlingani wakho ngozwela. Ngemuva kwakho konke, angakubuka nge-prism yobudlelwano bakhe bangaphambilini. Futhi unokulinganiselwa kwakhe, njengawe. Lapho sizwela kakhulu abanye abantu, siba namandla kakhulu ngaphakathi. Izame futhi uzibonele.