Okuqukethwe
Kumnandi kakhulu ukuhlupheka ngenxa yenkampani - ngokusobala, ngakho-ke sihlangana nama-whiners angapheli. Kungcono ukusheshe ubalekele kubantu abanjalo, uma kungenjalo - usuku seluhambile. Izihlobo ezinganeliseki phakade, abangani, ozakwethu abagcini nje ngokufaka ubuthi emkhathini: abacwaningi bathole ukuthi indawo enjalo iyingozi kakhulu empilweni.
Wake wazibuza ukuthi kungani abantu bekhononda? Kungani abanye bebonisa ukunganeliseki ngezikhathi ezithile kuphela, kuyilapho abanye behlale benza kabi? Kusho ukuthini ngempela “ukukhononda”?
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uRobert Biswas-Diener ukholelwa ukuthi ukukhononda kuyindlela yokuveza ukunganeliseki. Kodwa ukuthi abantu bakwenza kanjani futhi kangaki kungomunye umbuzo. Abaningi bethu banomkhawulo othize wokukhononda, kodwa abanye bethu banomkhawulo ophakeme kakhulu.
Ukuthambekela kokukhononda ngokuyinhloko kuncike ekhonweni lokulawula izimo. Lapho umuntu engenakuzisiza, yilapho ekhononda kakhulu ngokuphila. Ezinye izici nazo zithonya: ukukhuthazela kwengqondo, ubudala, isifiso sokugwema ihlazo noma "ukusindisa ubuso".
Kunesinye isizathu esingahlangene nezimo ezithile: ukucabanga okungalungile kunemibala yonke into eyenzekayo emnyama. Imvelo idlala indima enkulu lapha. Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi izingane zabazali abanomqondo ongemuhle zikhula nombono ofanayo wezwe futhi ziqala nokukhala njalo futhi zikhononde ngokudalelwa.
Izinhlobo ezintathu zezikhalazo
Ngokuvamile, wonke umuntu uyakhononda, kodwa wonke umuntu unendlela ehlukile yokwenza.
1. Ukububula okungapheli
Wonke umuntu okungenani unomngane oyedwa onjalo. Abakhonondayo balolu hlobo babona izinkinga kuphela futhi abalokothi baxazulule. Konke kuhlale kukubi kubo, kungakhathaliseki isimo ngokwaso nemiphumela yaso.
Ochwepheshe bakholelwa ukuthi ubuchopho babo buxhunywe ngaphambili ukuze bathole imibono engemihle, njengoba ukuthambekela kokubona umhlaba kuphela ekukhanyeni okumnyama sekukhule kwaba ukuthambekela okuzinzile. Lokhu kuthinta isimo sabo sengqondo nesomzimba futhi kuthinta ngokungenakugwemeka kwabanye. Nokho, abakhonondayo abangapheli ababona abangenathemba. Abantu abanomqondo onjalo bayakwazi ukushintsha - into eyinhloko ukuthi bona ngokwabo bayayifuna futhi balungele ukusebenza ngokwabo.
2. “Setha kabusha umusi”
Isisusa esiyinhloko sabakhonondi abanjalo sisekunganeliseki ngokomzwelo. Bazigxilile kubo kanye namava abo - ikakhulukazi amabi. Ukukhombisa intukuthelo, ukucasuka noma ukucasuka, bathembele ekunakekelweni kwabaxoxisana nabo. Kwanele ukuthi balalelwe futhi bazwelwe - bese bezwa ukubaluleka kwabo. Njengomthetho, abantu abanjalo bachitha iseluleko nezixazululo ezihlongozwayo. Abafuni ukunquma lutho, bafuna ukuhlonishwa.
Ukukhishwa kwe-steam kanye nokukhala okungapheli kwabelana ngomthelela oseceleni ofanayo: kokubili kuyacindezela. Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zenze uchungechunge lwezivivinyo, zihlola isimo sengqondo sabahlanganyeli ngaphambi nangemva kwezikhalazo. Njengoba kwakulindelekile, labo okwakumelwe balalele izikhalo nokukhononda babezizwa benengeka. Ngokuphawulekayo, abamangali abazange bazizwe bengcono.
3. Izikhalazo ezakhayo
Ngokungafani nezinhlobo ezimbili zangaphambili, isikhalazo esakhayo sihloselwe ukuxazulula inkinga. Isibonelo, uma usola umlingani wakho ngokusebenzisa imali ngokweqile ekhadini lesikweletu, lesi isikhalazo esakhayo. Ikakhulukazi uma ubonisa ngokucacile imiphumela engenzeka, gcizelela isidingo sokulondoloza imali futhi unikeze ukucabanga ndawonye ukuthi ungaqhubeka kanjani. Ngeshwa, izikhalazo ezinjalo zenza amaphesenti angama-25 kuphela engqikithi.
Indlela ama-whiners athinta ngayo abanye
1. Uzwela lukhuthaza ukucabanga okungalungile
Kuvela ukuthi ikhono lozwela kanye nekhono lokuzibona usendaweni engavamile kungenza umonakalo. Ukulalela umzwilili, sizizwela imizwa yakhe ngokuzenzakalelayo: intukuthelo, ukuphelelwa ithemba, ukunganeliseki. Lapho sivame ukuba phakathi kwabantu abanjalo, kuqina kakhulu ukuxhumana kwemizwa nemizwa engemihle. Kalula nje, ubuchopho bufunda indlela yokucabanga engalungile.
2. Izinkinga zempilo ziyaqala
Ukuba phakathi kwalabo abahlale bethuka izimo, abantu kanye nomhlaba wonke kuwukucindezeleka okukhulu emzimbeni. Njengoba kushiwo ngenhla, ubuchopho buzama ukuzivumelanisa nesimo somzwelo somuntu okhonondayo, ngakho-ke nathi siyathukuthela, sithukuthele, sithukuthele, sidabukile. Ngenxa yalokho, amazinga e-cortisol, eyaziwa ngokuthi i-hormone yokucindezeleka, ayakhuphuka.
Ngesikhathi esifanayo ne-cortisol, i-adrenaline ikhiqizwa: ngale ndlela, i-hypothalamus isabela ekusongweni okungenzeka. Njengoba umzimba ulungiselela "ukuzivikela", izinga lokushaya kwenhliziyo liyakhuphuka futhi umfutho wegazi uyakhuphuka. Igazi ligijimela emisipheni, futhi ubuchopho bulungiselelwa ukuthatha isinyathelo esiwujuqu. Izinga likashukela nalo liyakhuphuka, ngoba sidinga amandla.
Uma lokhu kuphindaphindwa njalo, umzimba ufunda "iphethini yokucindezeleka", futhi ingozi yokuthuthukisa umfutho wegazi ophezulu, isifo senhliziyo, isifo sikashukela kanye nokukhuluphala iyanda izikhathi eziningi.
3. Ukuncipha komthamo wobuchopho
Ukucindezeleka okuvamile akubi nje kuphela isimo sempilo jikelele: ubuchopho ngokoqobo buqala ukoma.
Umbiko oshicilelwe yi-Stanford News Service uchaza imiphumela yamahomoni okucindezeleka kumagundane nezimfene. Kutholakale ukuthi izilwane zisabela ekucindezelekeni isikhathi eside ngokukhulula ngenkuthalo ama-glucocorticoid, okuholela ekushwabaneni kwamangqamuzana obuchopho.
Isiphetho esifanayo senziwa ngesisekelo se-MRI. Ososayensi baqhathanise izithombe zobuchopho babantu abahambisana ngeminyaka yobudala, ubulili, isisindo kanye nezinga lemfundo, kodwa bahluke ngokuthi abanye kade behlushwa ukucindezeleka, kuyilapho abanye bengakwenzi. I-hippocampus yabahlanganyeli abacindezelekile yayincane ngo-15%. Ucwaningo olufanayo luqhathanise imiphumela yomakadebona beMpi yaseVietnam kanye nangaphandle kokuxilongwa kwe-PTSD. Kuvele ukuthi i-hippocampus yabahlanganyeli beqembu lokuqala incane ngo-25%.
I-hippocampus iyingxenye ebalulekile yobuchopho ebhekele inkumbulo, ukunaka, ukufunda, ukuzulazula kwendawo, ukuziphatha okuqondiwe, neminye imisebenzi. Futhi uma incipha, zonke izinqubo ziyehluleka.
Ezimweni ezichaziwe, abacwaningi abakwazanga ukufakazela noma ukuphikisa ukuthi kwakuyi-glucocorticoids ebangele "ukuncipha" kobuchopho. Kodwa njengoba lesi senzakalo siye saphawulwa ezigulini ezine-Cushing's syndrome, kunezizathu eziningi zokukholelwa ukuthi kwenzeka okufanayo ngokucindezeleka ne-PTSD. I-Cushing's syndrome yisifo esibi kakhulu se-neuroendocrine esibangelwa isimila. Ihambisana nokukhiqizwa okunamandla kwe-glucocorticoids. Njengoba kwenzeka, kungalesi sizathu esiholela ekwehlisweni kwe-hippocampus.
Ungahlala kanjani unethemba phakathi kwama-whiners
Khetha abangani bakho kahle
Izihlobo nozakwethu abakhethwa, kodwa singase sinqume ukuthi sizoba abangane nobani. Zizungeze nabantu abaqondile.
Bonga
Imicabango emihle iveza imizwa eyakhayo. Nsuku zonke, noma okungenani izikhathi ezimbalwa ngeviki, bhala phansi lokho okubonga ngakho. Khumbula: ukuze umcabango omubi ulahlekelwe amandla awo, udinga ukucabanga kabili mayelana nokuhle.
Ungamoshi amandla akho ngama-whiners angapheli
Ungazwelana nawe ngokuthanda kwakho ngabantu abakhala ngempilo yabo enzima, kodwa akusizi ukubasiza. Bajwayele ukubona okubi kuphela, ngakho izinhloso zethu ezinhle zingasijikela.
Sebenzisa "i-sandwich method"
Qala ngesiqinisekiso esihle. Bese uveza ukukhathazeka noma ukukhononda. Ekugcineni, tshela ukuthi unethemba lomphumela ophumelelayo.
Zibandakanye nozwela
Njengoba kufanele usebenze ngokubambisana nommangali, ungakhohlwa ukuthi abantu abanjalo bathembele ekunakweni nasekuqashelweni. Ngentshisekelo yesizathu, bonisa uzwela, bese ubakhumbuza ukuthi sekuyisikhathi sokuqhubeka nomsebenzi.
Hlala Unengqondo
Qaphela ukuziphatha kwakho nokucabanga kwakho. Qiniseka ukuthi awukopishi abantu abanegative futhi awusakazi negativity ngokwakho. Ngokuvamile asiboni nokuthi siyakhononda. Naka amazwi nezenzo zakho.
Gwema Ukuhleba
Abaningi bethu bajwayele ukuhlangana futhi baphikisane ngazwi linye ngokuziphatha noma isimo sothile, kodwa lokhu kuholela ekunganeliseki okwengeziwe nokukhononda okwengeziwe.
Yehlisa ukucindezeleka
Ukubamba ingcindezi kuyingozi kakhulu, futhi maduze kuzoholela emiphumeleni ebuhlungu. Hamba, dlala ezemidlalo, ncoma imvelo, zindla. Yenza izinto ezizokuvumela ukuthi usuke ku-whiner noma isimo esicindezelayo futhi ugcine ukuthula kwengqondo.
Cabanga Ngaphambi Kokukhononda
Uma uzizwa uthanda ukukhononda, qiniseka ukuthi inkinga ingokoqobo futhi ingalungiseka, futhi noma ubani ozokhuluma naye angaphakamisa indlela yokuphuma.
Ukuba phakathi kwama-whiners angapheli akugcini nje ngokukhululeka, kodwa futhi kuyingozi empilweni. Umkhuba wokukhononda unciphisa amandla engqondo, ukhuphule umfutho wegazi kanye namazinga kashukela. Zama ukuxhumana nama-whiners angapheli kancane ngangokunokwenzeka. Ngikholwe, ngeke ulahlekelwe lutho, kodwa, ngokuphambene nalokho, uzoba nempilo enhle, ulalelisise futhi ujabule.
Mayelana Nochwepheshe: URobert Biswas-Diener ungudokotela wezengqondo futhi umbhali wencwadi ethi The Big Book of Happiness and The Courage Ratio.