Ekuqaleni, ubudlelwano obunempilo kanye nobudlelwano bomlutha bungakhula ngezindlela ezifanayo kakhulu. Lapho nindawonye, isikhathi sihamba singanakiwe, kubonakala sengathi uhamba phezu kwamafu, futhi ukumamatheka akusuki ebusweni bakho. Kodwa kubalulekile ukuqonda ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ukuthi iyiphi inkambo "umkhumbi wothando" oqhubekayo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzokwazi ukuhamba ohambweni olujabulisayo noma afe, uphahlazeka emadwaleni emanzini angajulile.
Labo abahlushwa umlutha wothando bahluke kubantu abanempilo ngoba abakwazi ukweqa uthando oluqinile lokuqala, uthando nokuheheka. “Ukulutheka kudinga ukushukunyiswa njalo “kwesikhungo sokuzijabulisa” sobuchopho (esihlobene nemizwa yothando nokuba sothandweni), ngakho bahlale beqala ubuhlobo obusha nobusha, bekhohlwa yonke into ngaphandle kwento entsha yothando,” kuchaza umelaphi womkhaya uGianni Adamo.
Ukulutheka kocansi kwenzeka ngendlela efanayo - labo abaphethwe yikho nabo badinga ukugqugquzelwa njalo "kwesikhungo sokuthokozisa" sobuchopho, abakuthola ngobudlelwano bocansi kanye nemicabango. Abanye abantu bahlushwa yizo zombili izinhlobo zokulutheka ngesikhathi esisodwa. Bathandana kalula kodwa bakuthola kunzima ukugcina ubudlelwano obunempilo. Ukuze ungashayi “umkhumbi wothando” emanzini, uhileleke ebuhlotsheni nomuntu owumlutha wothando, khumbula lezi zimpawu eziyi-13 ezingaba khona zokuluthwa uthando.
Ngakho, umuntu umlutha wothando:
1. Ihlala iqala ubudlelwano obusha obuhlala isikhathi esifushane (kusuka ezinyangeni ezi-3 kuye kwezingama-24).
2. Ngaso sonke isikhathi ufuna "owodwa" noma "owodwa".
3. Uthuthukisa amasu okuthola, ukuyenga nokugcina ozakwethu abasha.
4. Ubamba umlingani ngocansi, ukuyenga, ukukhohlisa.
5. Ihlala ilangazelela ukuba into yokunakwa okukhethekile, izingela imizwa enamandla.
6. Akakwazi ukuba yedwa isikhathi eside - akubekezeleleki kuye.
7. Ngokuphelelwa yithemba uzama ukujabulisa umlingani, wesaba ukushiywa noma ukulahlwa.
8. Ikhetha ozakwethu abangatholakali ngokomzwelo, abashadile, noma abahlukumezayo.
9. Udela abangani bakhe nezinto azithandayo ukuze athole uthando olusha.
10. Uma engekho othandweni, uzama ukubalekela imizwa yesizungu ngocansi, ukushaya indlwabu noma amaphupho. Ngezinye izikhathi ngale ndlela ugwema ubudlelwano.
Ukuba sothandweni kuwumuzwa omangalisayo, kodwa uthando oluningi lungabuye lube uphawu lokuphazamiseka kwengqondo.
11. Ukuhlala uvakashela ubudlelwano obalimaza noma obungalawuleki esikhathini esidlule.
12. Ihola impilo yocansi eyingozi ngaphandle kokucabanga ngemiphumela engaba khona (izifo ezithathelwana ngocansi, ukukhulelwa okungahlelelwe, ingozi yokudlwengulwa).
13. Ayikwazi ukugcina ubudlelwano obuseduze isikhathi eside. Lapho ubusha buphela, uba nesithukuthezi noma esabe ukuvaleleka ebuhlotsheni besikhathi eside nomuntu ongafanele. Ngenxa yalokho, ngokomzwelo uyaqhela kumlingani wakhe noma amxoshe ngamahlazo.
Ukuba sothandweni kuwumuzwa omangalisayo, kodwa uthando oluningi lungabuye lube uphawu lokucindezeleka kwengqondo. “Labo abayimilutha yothando noma yocansi ababheki umthombo wenjabulo kubo, kodwa ezweni langaphandle. Isinyathelo sokuqala esibalulekile ekwelapheni noma yikuphi ukulutheka siwukuyeka ukuphika inkinga futhi uvume ukuthi ukuphila sekuyinto engalawuleki,” kusho uGianni Adamo.
I-Psychotherapy kanye namaqembu okusekela angaziwa angasiza ngokwelashwa. Ukulutha kuvame ukuvela ngenxa yokuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni okuhambisana nokunamathela noma ukunukubezwa ngokocansi. Uma usuqalile ukuthandana nomlingani omusha futhi usola ukuthi ungumlutha wothando, kungcono ukuzama ukuthola omunye umuntu okulungele futhi okwazi ubudlelwano besikhathi eside nothando lweqiniso.
Uma usafuna ukuzama ukusindisa lobu buhlobo, zama ukukhuluma ngokungagunci nomlingani wakho futhi ubone ukuthi ukulungele yini ukuxazulula izinkinga zakhe. Ubudlelwano obuphumelelayo nobuhlala njalo kanye nemishado kudinga umzamo oqotho kubo bobabili abalingani.