Ubufakazi: Ukuba nengane eneminyaka engu-20
“Ukuba nengcosana kwakho kuyindlela yokuphila emphakathini. “
Ngakhulelwa okokuqala ngineminyaka engu-22. Sinobaba, sase sineminyaka emihlanu sindawonye, isimo sasizinzile, indawo yokuhlala, inkontileka yaphakade… kwakuyiphrojekthi eyayicatshangelwe kahle. Lengane, ngangiyifuna kusukela ngineminyaka engu-15 ubudala. Ukube umlingani wami ubevumile, bekungenzeka kahle kakhulu ukuthi kwenziwa ngaphambili, ngisho nangesikhathi sezifundo zami. Iminyaka ayikaze ibe isithiyo kimi. Ekuqaleni, ngangifuna ukuzinza nomlingani wami, ukuze sihlale ndawonye ngempela. Ukuba ngumama kwakuyisinyathelo esilandelayo esinengqondo kimi, kwakungokwemvelo ngokuphelele.
Ukuba nengcosana kuwena kuyindlela yokuphila emphakathini futhi kuwuphawu lokuthi usumdala ngempela. Nganginalesi sifiso, mhlawumbe sokuba nombono ophambene nokamama owayengibambe sekwephuzile, futhi wayehlale engitshela ukuthi uyazisola ngokungakabi nami ngokushesha. Ubaba wayengakakulungeli, wamlinda waze waba neminyaka engu-33 futhi ngicabanga ukuthi wahlupheka kakhulu. Umfowethu omncane wazalwa eneminyaka engu-40 futhi ngezinye izikhathi uma ngibabheka ngizwa sengathi kukhona ukuntula ukuxhumana phakathi kwabo, uhlobo lwegebe elihlobene nokuhluka kweminyaka. Ngokuphazima kweso, ngangifuna ngempela ukuba nomntwana wami wokuqala ngaphambi kwakhe ukuze ngimbonise ukuthi nginekhono, futhi ngazizwa ngiziqhenya lapho ngimtshela ngokukhulelwa kwami. Izihlobo zami, ezazisazi isifiso sami sokuba umama, zonke zajabula. Kodwa kwakwehlukile kwabanye abaningi! Kusukela ekuqaleni, kwakukhona uhlobo oluthile lokungaqondi. Lapho ngiyohlola igazi lami ukuze ngiqinisekise ukuthi ngikhulelwe, angibange ngisakwazi ukulinda ukwazi ukuthi ngangilokhu ngibiza elebhu.
Lapho ekugcineni benginika imiphumela, ngathola ethi, “Angazi noma yizindaba ezinhle noma ezimbi, kodwa ukhulelwe. Ngaleso sikhathi, angizange ngiphahlazeke, yebo kwakuyizindaba ezimnandi lezo, izindaba ezimnandi ngisho. Rebelote ku-ultrasound yokuqala, udokotela wezifo zabesifazane wasibuza ukuthi sijabule ngempela, njengokungathi sisho ukuthi lokhu kukhulelwa kwakungadingeki. Futhi ngosuku engibeletha ngalo, udokotela wangibuza ngokuqondile ukuthi ngisahlala nabazali bami! Ngancamela ukunganaki la mazwi alimazayo, ngaphindaphinda kaningi: “Ngibe nomsebenzi ozinzile iminyaka emithathu, umyeni naye onesimo …”
Ngaphandle kwalokho, ngakhulelwa ngaphandle kokukhathazeka, futhi ngakubeka phansi ebusheni bami. Ngazitshela: “Ngineminyaka engu-22 (maduze engu-23), izinto zingahamba kahle. Ngangingenandaba, kangangokuthi angizange ngizibambele mathupha. Ngikhohlwe ukwenza ama-aphoyintimenti abalulekile. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umlingani wami wathatha isikhathi eside ukuziveza.
Ngemva kweminyaka emithathu, sengizozala intombazane yesibili. Ngicishe ngibe neminyaka engu-26 ubudala, futhi ngijabule kakhulu ukuzitshela ukuthi amadodakazi ami amabili azozalwa ngaphambi kokuba ngihlanganise iminyaka engu-30: iminyaka engamashumi amabili ehlukene, kuyinto enhle ngempela ukukwazi ukuxhumana nezingane zakhe. “
Umbono we-shrink
Lobu bufakazi bumele kakhulu isikhathi sethu. Ukuziphendukela kwemvelo komphakathi kusho ukuthi abesifazane babambezela ukuba ngumama kakhulu ngoba bezinikela empilweni yabo yomsebenzi futhi balinde isimo esizinzile. Ngakho-ke, namuhla icishe ibe nencazelo embi yokuba nengane encane. Uma ucabanga ukuthi ngo-1900, eneminyaka engu-20, u-Angela wayesebhekwa njengomama osemdala kakhulu! Iningi lalaba besifazane liyakujabulela ukuba nengane encane, futhi likulungele ukuba omama. Laba ngokuvamile ngabesifazane ababephupha ngezingane zabo kusenesikhathi njengonodoli, futhi ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka, bayeka. Njengoba kwenzeka ku-Angela, kwesinye isikhathi kuba khona lesi sidingo sokuthi sithathwe ngokungathi sína futhi kuzuzwe isimo sowesifazane omdala ngokuba ngumama. Ngokuba nengane yakhe yokuqala eneminyaka engu-23, u-Angela naye wenza isifiso sikanina sifezeke. Ngandlela thize, imenzela okuhle emuva. Kwabanye abantu besifazane, kukhona ukulingisa ongazi lutho. Kuwumkhuba womndeni ukuba nengane encane. Omama abasebasha abazoba ne-naivety ethile, ukuzethemba ngekusasa elibavumela ukuba bacindezeleke kakhulu kunabanye. Babona ukukhulelwa kwabo ngendlela engokwemvelo, ngaphandle kokukhathazeka.