Ubungane kusho ubudlelwano bokuzithandela phakathi kwabantu abangu-2 okungasekelwe ezithakazelweni zomphakathi noma zezomnotho, ukuhlobana noma ukukhangwa ngokocansi. Ukwamukela okuphindaphindiwe, isifiso sokuqomisana, ukusondelana okubopha abantu abangu-2, ukwethembana, ukusekelwa kwengqondo noma ngisho nezinto ezibonakalayo, ukuncika komunye ngokomzwelo kanye nobude besikhathi yizo zonke izici ezakha lobu bungane.

Kusukela ku-20 kuya ku-65, sizoba nayo abangaba ishumi nanhlanu ongathembela kuyo ngempela. Kusukela eminyakeni engu-70, lokhu kwehla kuya ku-10, futhi ekugcineni kwehla ku-5 kuphela ngemva kweminyaka engu-80.

Noma kunjalo, umuntu ngamunye uzoba nakho kuphela phakathi kwaba-3 naba-4 abangani abaseduze, inani elingakaze lishintshe iminyaka engu-50.

Kodwa-ke, kunohlobo oluthile lwemithetho ethinta inhliziyo ehlanganisa izici ezihlukahlukene ukuze abanye abangani bahlale beshintshwa abasha. Noma kunjalo, abanye bahlala impilo yonke noma isikhathi eside: kubantu abayi-18 abathathwa njengabangane, abathathu bazohlukaniswa ngokuthi ” Abangane abadala ". 

Umakhelwane, ebonisa zonke izindlela zokusondelana emkhathini, inethonya elinamandla ekukhetheni nasebunganini. Ngamanye amazwi, umakhelwane ekamelweni lakho, itafula, i-dorm, ikilasi noma endaweni unethuba elingcono kakhulu lokuba umngane wakho kunomunye umuntu. Ukusondela ngokwendawo, kwesakhiwo noma ukusebenza kuyivekhtha ehlanganisa abantu abanesimo esifanayo, isitayela nobudala futhi edala ubungane.

Ucwaningo olwenziwa esikoleni okuhlalwa kuso lubonise ukuthi u-25% wobungani obakheka phakathi kwabaqeqeshwayo ekuqaleni babuhambisana nendawo emsulwa (isibonelo, omakhelwane bendawo yokulala) futhi baqhubeka ngemva kwezinyanga eziyisithupha. Enye inhlolovo eyenziwa esikhungweni sezempi yaqinisekisa lo mphumela wokusizakala.

Ngokolunye uhlangothi, iminyaka ye-homophilia (okubhekisela ekuthambekeleni kokuba nabangane abaneminyaka efanayo noma iqembu leminyaka efanayo) kusakazeke kakhulu, cishe ku-85% kuzo zonke izigaba zomphakathi. Nokho, liyehla, njengenani labangane, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ... Kubalulekile ukuqaphela lapha ukubaluleka kwezici zesakhiwo ezihlanganisa ndawonye abantu besizukulwane esifanayo noma beqembu leminyaka efanayo (ngokwesibonelo, izikole zokuzwana ezidala ubungane obungase bube khona. phakathi kwemindeni yabazali). 

Uthando nobungane imiqondo efanayo kakhulu, kodwa zihluke kakhulu ngezindlela ezimbili. I sex drive ukuvuselela isifiso nokwangana kothando kutholakala kuphela othandweni, nakuba kukhona ukukhululeka okuthile ngokomzimba phakathi kwabangane: ukubona nezwi labangane bethu kubalulekile kithi. Isimo sokuthatheka okugcwele yonke indawo yokuphila kuwuphawu lothando: luvame ukukhipha noma ukunciphisa ezinye izinhlobo zobudlelwano. Ubungane bubabekezelela nakuba ngezinye izikhathi buyavusa umhawu kulabo abesaba ukubala ngaphansi komunye umngane.

Masingeze futhi ukuthi uthando lungaba uhlangothi olulodwa (ngakho-ke lungajabuli) kuyilapho ubungane buvela ngokubuyiselana kuphela.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uthando nobungane, kokubili kungavela ngokuzumayo, njengothando ekuqaleni kokubona.

Kumbuzo othi, ” Uyini umngane kuwe? Ucabanga ukuthi ziyini izimpawu zobungane beqiniso? ", Izimpawu ezi-4 zivame ukukhulunywa ngazo.

Ukuxhumana. Ubungane buvumela ukushintshana, ukuzethemba, ukuziqonda, ukwabelana ngenjabulo nosizi. Ukukhipha abantu kude nesizungu, kuhlotshaniswa nenjabulo yokuhlangana futhi kungabekezelela ukungabikho kwesikhashana.

Usizo oluhlanganyelwe. Nganoma yisiphi isikhathi, abangani kufanele bakwazi ukuphendukela komunye nomunye futhi baze balulindele ucingo. Akukhona yini ngebhadi ukuthi sibale abangane bethu beqiniso? Ngokuvamile, abantu bavusa amavesi anzima ukunqoba ukubonga kumngane, okufakazela ukuzibophezela okungenasici, okubandakanya izenzo nobufakazi.

« Umngane nguye oyoba khona lapho udinga okuthile ngempela. Ungathembela kuye uma kwenzeka eshaywa kanzima » UBidart, 1997.

« Kungezikhathi zokungajabuli lapho ubona khona ngempela abangane bakho beqiniso nozakwenu. Ngoba ngezinye izikhathi sizungezwe okuningi nakho konke, futhi lapho izinto ezithile zenzeka, ithimba liyancipha, futhi yilapho ... labo abasele bangabangane beqiniso. ". UBidart, 1997.

Ubuqotho. Kuwuphawu olubonakala luyinselelo yesikhathi. Ubungane bube sebubonwa njengento ekahle, inganekwane engcwele efingqiwe yisisho esilandelayo: ” Noma ubani oyeka ukuba umngane akakaze. »

Trust. Inqamula umqondo wokuxhumana (ukungagwegwesi nobuqotho, ukugcina izimfihlo), ukusizana (ukubala ngakolunye kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani) kanye nokwethembeka (ukunamathela kokunye).

Singangeza ngokuthi ubungane budlulela ngalé kohlaka lwesimo lapho kuvela khona (abangane abavela esikoleni bazoqhubeka nokubonana kahle ngemva kokuphothula iziqu).

Ubufakazi bukhombisa ukuthi kukhona ukuthweswa iziqu kwezokuxhumana. Ekuqaleni, omunye ubhekwa njengomngane olula, bese kuba nguzakwethu, umngane noma umngane, futhi ekugcineni umngane. Phakathi kwendingiliza yabangane empeleni kunezigaba ezimbalwa ezikhulayo. Abanye bakhushulelwa “abangane”, abanye bawile. Kwesinye isikhathi imicimbi yokusungula ethile ibamba iqhaza ekunyuseleni izinga labangane. Kungaba isenzakalo esimangalisayo, izinkinga zomshado, izinkinga zomuntu siqu lapho omunye waba nendima ebalulekile. ” Umngane ungumuntu oyingqayizivele ngesikhathi esiyingqayizivele »Ufingqa uBidard. 

Emashumini ambalwa eminyaka adlule, ubungane phakathi kowesilisa nowesifazane kwakubhekwa njengento engenakwenzeka noma ekhohlisayo. Sasimbheka njengaye uhlobo olufihliwe lokukhangwa ngokocansi noma kwezothando. Namuhla kubhekwa i-80% yabantu baseNtshonalanga ukuthi "ingenzeka" futhi "indawo evamile", kodwa amaqiniso aphikisana nemibono.

Ucwaningo oluningana lubonise ukuthi amadoda nabesifazane bagqama ezixhumanisini eziningana ezihlanganisa ubungane: izikhungo zentshisekelo, ukuzwela, indlela yokubonisa imizwa, amakhodi okuxhumana, indlela ethile yokuholela ohlotsheni oluthile lokusabela noma Ukuziphatha... Ubunikazi bobulili bungaba umsuka walo mehluko ojulile. Nokho, kusobala ukuthi abantu ababili bavame ukwakha ubungane uma benezinto abafana ngazo.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukuphathwa kokukhangwa ngokocansi kuyiphuzu elibucayi lobungane bobulili obuhlukile. Ngempela, u-20 kuya ku-30% wamadoda, kanye no-10 kuya ku-20% wabesifazane bangabona ukuba khona kokukhangwa kwemvelo yocansi ngaphakathi kohlaka lobudlelwano obunobungane phakathi kwabesilisa nabesifazane.

Selokhu kwavela izinkundla zokuxhumana, ubungani be-inthanethi buye bavela, obuhlukile kunobungani obungaxhunyiwe ku-inthanethi ngokusho kwababhali abaningi. Ngokuka-Casilli, ubudlelwano obenzeka esikhaleni sokulamula, njengenethiwekhi yezenhlalo yedijithali, bungadinga ngisho negama elihlukile, ngoba lidinga izincazelo ezihlukile. Ngokungafani nobungane obungaxhunyiwe ku-inthanethi, ubungane be-inthanethi buyisenzo esimemezelayo.

Umuntu kufanele aqale asho ukuthi lowo muntu "ungumngane" noma cha ngaphambi kokuxhumana naye ngokuya ngesiteji sesibopho somphakathi.

Ku-Seneca, ubungane buhlala bungenabugovu, obungalingani ngaso sonke isikhathi nobungane be-inthanethi. U-Casilli waze waqamba uhlobo oluthile lobungane ku-inthanethi olufana “nokulungiswa komphakathi” ukuzilungisa “. Ukuzilungisa kuwumkhuba ongabonwa ezinkawini lapho izinkawu ezimbili zisuka kude neqembu ukuze zihlanzene. Intshisekelo yalesi sifaniso ehlongozwe uCasilli iwukuveza ukungabikho kwemisebenzi yobungane bangempela, kodwa kunalokho imisebenzi etholwa ndawonye ngokushintshanisa izixhumanisi, amavidiyo, njll. Lolu hlobo lwesenzo lungavumela ukugcinwa kobudlelwano obungenabungane, ukugcina ukuxhumana phakathi kwabantu ngabanye: nakuba okukha phezulu, kungavumela abantu ukuthi bagcine ubudlelwano obudinga ukutshalwa kwezimali okuncane, uma kuqhathaniswa nobudlelwano obungaxhunyiwe ku-inthanethi. . Ngakho-ke kungaba ubudlelwano "obanentshisekelo".