Ubungane besifazane: imithetho engabhaliwe

U-Anna kanye noKaterina bangabangane bakudala. Ngokuvamile badla isidlo sasemini ndawonye kanye ngenyanga, futhi u-Anna uvame ukwabelana ngokukhululekile ngalokho okwenzekayo empilweni yakhe, kuyilapho uKaterina egodliwe, kodwa uhlale ekulungele ukuphendula futhi anikeze iseluleko esiwusizo.

Lesi sikhathi kuyabonakala ukuthi uKaterina ungaphansi kwengcindezi - ngokoqobo emkhawulweni. U-Anna uqala ukubuza umngane wakhe ukuthi yini le ndaba, futhi uyabhoboza. Umyeni kaKaterina, owayengakaze ahlale isikhathi eside kunoma yimuphi umsebenzi ngaphambili, manje wanquma ukuzinikela ngokuphelele ... ekubhaleni inoveli. Ngaphansi kwalesi sizaba, akasebenzi, akazinakekeli izingane, akawunakekeli umsebenzi wasekhaya, ngoba lokhu “kuphazamisa ubuhlakani.” Konke kwawela emahlombe omkakhe, ophoqeleka ukuba ajikeleze imisebenzi emibili, akhulise izingane futhi anakekele indlu.

UKaterina wazithathela zonke izinto, futhi lokhu kuyamethusa u-Anna. Uveza ngokuqondile umbono wakhe wokuthi umyeni womngane wakhe akayena umbhali, kodwa i-parasite eyisebenzisayo nje, futhi ayikwazi ukubhala lutho oluhle ngokwakhe. Uze athi umngane wakhe kufanele afake isehlukaniso.

Isidlo sasemini siphazanyiswa ucingo oluvela kumyeni wakhe – kukhona okwenzeka esikoleni nenye yezingane. U-Katerina uyaphuka futhi ahambe.

Kamuva ngalolo suku, u-Anna uyambiza ukuze abone ukuthi umntwana ukahle yini, kodwa umngane akaphenduli. Awekho amakholi, akukho mibhalo, awekho ama-imeyili. Lihamba kanje isonto nesonto.

Oprofesa basekolishi lezokwelapha, izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zasemtholampilo uShoba Srinivasan kanye noLinda Weinberger bacaphuna le ndaba njengesibonelo sokwephula imithetho engashiwongo yobungane besifazane. Bebhekise ocwaningweni lwezazi zokusebenza kwengqondo nezazi zezokuhlalisana kwabantu, baphikisa ngokuthi kunemithetho ebunganeni, eminingi yayo ehlobene nokwethembeka, ukwethembana nokuziphatha, njengokugcina izibopho. Le “mithetho yokusebenzisana” iqinisekisa ukuzinza ebudlelwaneni.

Abacwaningi bathole ukuthi abesifazane bavame ukuba nokulindela okuphezulu kubangani babo - kakhulu kunabesilisa - futhi bafuna amazinga aphezulu okuthenjwa nokusondelana. Izinga lokusondelana ebunganini besifazane linqunywa “ngemithetho yokudalula” engavamile. Ngakho, ubungane obuseduze buhilela ukushintshana ngemizwa nezinkinga zomuntu siqu. Kodwa izimiso "zemithetho" enjalo zingase zibe yinkimbinkimbi. Futhi lapho umthetho onjalo wephulwa, ubungane bungaba sengozini.

Ukuqeda ubuhlobo obubonakala buseduze kungaba buhlungu futhi kungaqondakali ngakolunye uhlangothi. Ukuvuleleka, isifiso sokuchitha isikhathi ndawonye nokunikeza ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo kuyizici zobudlelwane obuseduze. U-Anna wayekholelwa ukuthi yena noKaterina babengabangane abakhulu, ngoba wayejwayele ukumtshela ngezinkinga zakhe nokuthola iseluleko.

Wenzani u-Anna? Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zikholelwa ukuthi wephule umthetho ongashiwongo wobungani babo: UKaterina nguye onikezayo, ongatholi iseluleko. U-Anna naye wangena endaweni ebaluleke kakhulu, yomuntu siqu yokuphila komngane wakhe: waveza ukuthi uKaterina washada nendoda enzima, futhi ngokwenza kanjalo, wayesongela ukuzicabangela kwakhe.

Obunye ubungane bungase bubonakale buqinile kodwa empeleni buntekenteke. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi abangani, ngisho nabesikhathi eside, bangashintshwa kalula kunabanye abaseduze, njengezihlobo noma abalingani bothando. Ngakho-ke, ukusondelana ebunganini kuyashintsha. Izinga layo lingancika kumongo: isibonelo, ukwanda ngezikhathi lapho abantu benemisebenzi noma izithakazelo ezifanayo, lapho bobabili abathintekayo basesigabeni esifanayo - isibonelo, bengashadile, bahlukanisile, noma bakhulisa izingane ezincane. Ukusondelana ebunganini kungakhula futhi kunciphe.

Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zisikisela ukucabangela imithetho engabhaliwe yobungane:

• Uma uzonikeza umngane wakho iseluleko esiqondile sokuxazulula inkinga yakhe, kufanele ucabange ukuthi uyasidinga yini nokuthi angawathatha kanjani amazwi akho.
• Akubona bonke ubungane obuhilela izinga eliphezulu lokungagwegwesi, ukuveza izindaba zomuntu siqu noma imizwa. Kwenzeka ukuthi sijabulele ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye ngaphandle kokuba nezingxoxo ezisuka enhliziyweni, futhi lokhu kuvamile.
• Kwesinye isikhathi ukusondelana okususelwe ekudaluleni kuyindlela eyodwa, futhi lokho kulungile nakho.
• Kungase kube lula ngomngane ukuba abe umeluleki kunokuba athole iseluleko. Ungazami ukushaya “ibhalansi”.
• Ungaphambanisi isidingo sokulalelwa ngokucela umbono wakho.
• Ubude bomuntu omaziyo akusona isibonakaliso sokusondelana. Isikhathi eside sokuxhumana singanikeza umuzwa ongamanga wokusondelana.

• Asidingi ukuthwala umthwalo wokusongela umuzwa wobunikazi bomngane, ngisho noma sikholelwa ukuthi kungcono ukuba avume ubuthakathaka bakhe (ngaphandle uma, Yebo, lokhu sekuvele kuyingxenye yobudlelwano, lapho bobabili abangani bekwazisana futhi bakulungele nokwamukela izahlulelo ezinjalo). Umngane akayena udokotela wengqondo.
• Asikho isidingo sokukhomba noma ukusola umngane ngokungashintshi lutho esimweni ngemva kokuthola iseluleko sethu.

Ngaphandle kwalapho umngane esengozini ngenxa yodlame lwasekhaya noma ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo, ungamgxeki umlingani wakhe womshado noma umlingani wakhe:

• ikakhulukazi uma thina singakuthandi (imizwa yethu kuleli cala izoba sobala),
• ngisho noma sicabanga ukuthi sinikeza ukuhlaziya okusemthethweni kokuziphatha komlingani wakhe,
• ngaphandle uma ifomethi enjalo yokwabelana ngolwazi mayelana nozakwethu isivele isiyingxenye esungulwe yamazwe amabili yobungane.

Ubungane bubalulekile enhlalakahleni yethu engokwengqondo: bunelisa isidingo sokuthandwa, ukuba yingxenye, kanye nobunikazi. Inezilungiselelo eziningi ezicashile: izinga lokunethezeka ngakunye, izinga lokuvuleleka nokuba mnandi. Ukuqonda imithetho engabhaliwe, engashiwongo ebudlelwaneni kungasindisa ubungane.

Mayelana nababhali: UShoba Srinivasan noLinda Weinberger bayizazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zasemtholampilo.