Okuqukethwe
Ngezinye izikhathi siyaqaphela ukuthi ukuphila kwethu nokuphila komkhaya wethu akulungile ngandlela-thile. Kodwa yini ngempela ebangela lokhu “okungalungile”? Phela, sifuna ukuphila kwethu kanye nabathandekayo bethu, njengasenganekwaneni, ngenjabulo kuze kube phakade. Ungayithola kanjani inkinga futhi uyilungise?
Kungani eminye imindeni iba nenkinga kuyilapho eminye ihlala inempilo? Mhlawumbe kukhona iresiphi yokuvumelana nenjabulo? UValentina Moskalenko, umlobi wencwadi ethi “I Have My Own Script,” kubhala uValentina Moskalenko, wathi: Ungawujabulisa kanjani umndeni wakho.
Ake siqale ngomndeni onezinkinga. Mhlawumbe, othile uzibona encazelweni. Emndenini onjalo, konke ukuphila kugxile enkingeni eyodwa nomthwali wayo. Isibonelo, umama noma ubaba ocindezelayo noma onamandla, ukukhashelwa omunye wabalingani, ukuhamba kwakhe emndenini, umlutha - izidakamizwa, izidakamizwa, utshwala noma imizwelo, ingqondo nanoma yisiphi esinye isifo esingelapheki somunye womndeni. Lolu hlu aluphelele, futhi ngamunye wethu angacabanga kalula ngezinkinga ezimbalwa ezengeziwe.
Ezimweni ezinjalo, izingane ezihlupheka kakhulu yilezo ezincishwa ukunakwa - phela, kugxile enkingeni enkulu yomndeni. UValentina Moskalenko uyabhala: “Kukhona okumelwe kunikelwe ngenxa yokungasebenzi kahle, futhi ukuzidela kokuqala kuwukusebenzelana komkhaya okunempilo.
Kunoma yimuphi umndeni, kufanele kube nezingxenye ezibalulekile: amandla, isikhathi somunye nomunye, ukwethembeka, ukuveza imizwa nokunye okuningi. Ake sicabangele lezi zindlela kuwo womabili amamodeli - anempilo futhi ayinkinga.
Emikhayeni enempilo, abazali banamandla okugcina ukuhleleka okuthile. Kodwa basebenzisa amandla ngokuguquguquka. "Inkinga" abazali benza ngokuzenzakalelayo futhi ngisho nangokungenasisekelo - "Kuyoba njalo ngoba ngithe", "Ngoba ngingubaba (umama)", "Endlini yami wonke umuntu uzophila ngemithetho yami."
Kuvame ukuba nokudideka phakathi kwabantu abadala abanegunya kanye nabantu abadala abazimele. U-Valentina Moskalenko uchaza umehluko. Abazali abanegunya balalela izingane namanye amalungu omkhaya ngaphambi kokwenza isinqumo esithinta wonke umuntu. Ku-autocracy, isinqumo senziwa ngumuntu oyedwa, imibono yabanye ayibhekwa.
Nemiphumela
Uma sakhulela emkhayeni onjalo, khona-ke ngolunye usuku sithola ukuthi imizwa yethu, izifiso, izidingo zethu azinandaba nanoma ubani. Futhi sivame ukukhiqiza kabusha leli phethini ekuphileni kwakamuva. Sikhetha ozakwethu “okungenzeka ngenhlanhla” abangabeki izintshisekelo zethu kunoma yini.
Isikhathi siyimali, kodwa akubona bonke abayitholayo
Emndenini onempilo, kunesikhathi sawo wonke umuntu, ngoba wonke umuntu ubalulekile futhi ubalulekile, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo siqinisekile. Emndenini ongasebenzi kahle, awukho umkhuba wokukhuluma, ukubuza ngemizwa, izithakazelo kanye nezidingo. Uma imibuzo ibuzwa, basemsebenzini: "Anjani amamaki?" Kuhlale kunezinto ezibalulekile okumelwe zenziwe kunezimpilo zasekhaya.
Ngokuvamile kwenziwa izinhlelo emikhayeni enjalo, kodwa bese ziyashintsha, izithembiso zokuchitha isikhathi nezingane azigcinwa. Abazali banikeza imiyalelo ephindwe kabili, ehambisanayo, ngenxa yokuthi ingane ingazi ukuthi kufanele yenze kanjani nokuthi isabele kanjani. “Ngikuthakasela kakhulu enikufundile ku-karate. Kodwa angikwazi ukuya emqhudelwaneni wakho - kuningi okumele ngikwenze." Noma “Ngiyakuthanda. Hamba uhambe, ungangeni endleleni."
"Abazali abanenkinga" bangathi: "Isikhathi siyimali." Kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, isidalwa esiyigugu futhi esiyigugu - ingane yakhe siqu - ayizange ithole leli jewel.
Umphumela
Izinto esizithandayo nezidingo zethu azibalulekile. Asifanele isikhathi nokunakwa. Khona-ke sithola umlingani esiphumule naye ngezikhathi ezahlukene, sijwayele ukuthi asikaze sibe namandla anele - indoda noma umfazi unomsebenzi omningi, abangane, amaphrojekthi abalulekile.
Ilungelo lokuzijabulisa
Emindenini enempilo, ngaphezu kwemisebenzi eyisibopho edingekayo - umsebenzi, ukutadisha, ukuhlanza - kukhona indawo yemidlalo, ukuphumula, nokuzijabulisa. Amacala abucayi kanye "angewona abucayi" ayalingana. Isibopho kanye nemisebenzi yabiwa phakathi kwamalungu omndeni ngokulinganayo, ngokungakhethi.
Emindenini enenkinga, akukho bhalansi. Ingane ikhula kusenesikhathi, ithatha imisebenzi yabantu abadala. Imisebenzi kamama nobaba ilengiswe kuye - isibonelo, ukufundisa abafowabo nodadewabo abancane. Ungavama ukuzwa ekhelini lezingane ezindala — «Usuvele umdala.»
Noma okunye okweqisayo: izingane zishiywa zizenzela ezabo izinto. Banesikhathi esiningi. Abazali babakhokhela ngemali, inqobo nje uma bengagxambukeli. Isiphithiphithi singenye yezinketho zobudlelwano obungenampilo emndenini. Ayikho imithetho, akekho onesibopho sanoma yini. Awekho amasiko namasiko. Ngokuvamile imindeni ihamba igqoke izingubo ezingcolile noma ezidabukile, ihlala efulethini elingahlanzekile.
Nemiphumela
Awukwazi ukuchitha isikhathi uphumule. Awukwazi ukuphumula. Kumelwe sinakekele abanye, kodwa hhayi thina. Noma inketho: kungani uthatha ibhizinisi elithile, akunangqondo.
Ingabe imizwa inendawo?
Emindenini enempilo, imizwa yabanye abantu iyaziswa, ingavezwa. Emikhayeni enezinkinga, imizwelo eminingi ayivumelekile. “Ungabhongi”, “Into ojabule kakhulu”, “Awukwazi ukuthukuthela.” Emindenini enjalo, izingane zivame ukuba necala, ukucasuka kanye namahloni ngemizwa yazo. Emindenini enempilo, yonke i-gamut yemizwa iyamukelwa: injabulo, ukudabuka, intukuthelo, ukuzola, uthando, inzondo, ukwesaba, isibindi. Singabantu abaphilayo - lesi siqubulo sikhona ngokuthula emindenini enjalo.
Nemiphumela
Sifunde ukufihla imizwa yethu yangempela hhayi kwabanye kuphela, kodwa nakithi. Futhi lokhu kusivimbela ekubeni qotho, sivuleleke, sibonise ubudlelwano nozakwethu kanye nezingane zethu esikhathini esizayo. Sidlulisa induku yokungazweli phansi esiteji.
Kudingeka Ukwethembeka
Ebudlelwaneni obunempilo, sithembekile kwabathandekayo. Izingane nabazali babelana bodwa. Imindeni engenampilo inamanga amaningi nezimfihlo eziphuma emlonyeni. Imindeni ijwayele ukuqamba amanga nokuphuma ezintweni eziwubala. Ezinye izimfihlo zigcinwa ngaphansi kokukhiywa kanye nokhiye iminyaka, zidluliselwa ezizukulwaneni ngezizukulwane, "ziphuma" ngendlela ebingalindelekile futhi ebuhlungu kakhulu. Ukugcina imfihlo kudinga amandla amaningi avela ohlelweni lomndeni. Futhi emndenini onempilo, la mandla angasetshenziselwa ukuthuthukisa.
Nemiphumela
Sifunde ukuqamba amanga hhayi nje kuphela ngendlela enkulu, kodwa nasezintweni ezincane. Ingxoxo eqotho ayitholakali kithi. Futhi sikhiqiza kabusha le modeli ebudlelwaneni bethu obengeziwe.
Ukubambisana nokukhula komuntu siqu
Emindenini enempilo, amalungu ayo asekela intuthuko yabanye, asize kulokhu. Jabulani ngokunqoba, zwelani nokwehluleka. Hlonipha imizwa nezifiso zabanye abantu. Umndeni onjalo uyazi ukuthi uyiqembu elilodwa, lapho omunye wabo bonke futhi bonke munye. Igalelo lawo wonke umuntu esizeni esivamile liyaziswa lapha.
Emindenini enenkinga, ngokuphambene nalokho, ukuthuthuka komuntu siqu akuvamile ukukhuthazwa. “Kungani udinga lokhu? Ngincamela ukuthola umsebenzi." Ukusekelwa nokuvunyelwa kungatholwa kuphela uma izenzo zelungu lomndeni elilodwa zizozuzisa umndeni. Kungani inkosikazi yanquma ukuyopenda ineminyaka engu-35? Kuyini ukusetshenziswa kwalokhu? Kungcono ngiwashe amawindi.
Nemiphumela
Sifundile futhi sikwazi ngokuphelele ukugxila kwabanye, kodwa hhayi kithina. Futhi kusukela kuleli phuzu, isinyathelo esisodwa kuya ku-codependency.
Ungaba kanjani umndeni onempilo?
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uClaudia Black, amazwi akhe acashunwe encwadini, wachaza imithetho yomndeni ongasebenzi kahle onamaphuzu amathathu "amaphuzu": ungakhulumi, ungazizwa, ungathembi. U-Valentina Moskalenko unikeza izimpawu ezingu-10 zomndeni onempilo, okufanele silwele.
Izinkinga ziyabonakala futhi ziyaxazululwa.
Ikhuthaza inkululeko yokubona, yokucabanga, yokuxoxisana, ukukhetha kanye nokusungula, ilungelo lokuba nemizwa nezifiso zabo.
Ilungu ngalinye lomndeni linenani lalo eliyingqayizivele, umehluko phakathi kwezihlobo uyaziswa.
Amalungu omndeni ayakwazi ukuzinakekela futhi awadingi ukuvikelwa ngokweqile.
Abazali benza abakushoyo, bagcine izithembiso.
Izindima emndenini ziyakhethwa, azibekwa.
Inendawo yokuzijabulisa nokuzilibazisa.
Amaphutha ayathethelelwa - bafunda kuwo.
Umndeni uvulekele imibono emisha, ukhona ukuze kuthuthukiswe indoda, hhayi ukucindezelwa.
Imithetho yomndeni iyaguquguquka, ingaxoxwa futhi ishintshwe.
Umuntu oyedwa emndenini ngelinye ilanga uthola ukuthi impilo ayinjalo. Futhi uma ezama ukuqaphela lokhu futhi akusebenzise ekuphileni kwakhe, uzothatha isinyathelo esikhulu sokululama.