Akusadingeki ukuthi sikhule sineminyaka eyi-13. Ikhulu lamashumi amabili lanikeza isintu umqondo othi "ubusha". Kodwa kusakholelwa ukuthi kuze kufike kwamashumi amathathu wonke umuntu kufanele anqume indlela yakhe yokuphila futhi ahambe ngendlela enikeziwe. Akuwona wonke umuntu ozovumelana nalokhu.
UMeg Rossoff, umbhali:
1966, esifundazweni saseMelika, ngineminyaka engu-10 ubudala.
Wonke umuntu engimaziyo unendima echazwe kahle: izingane zimamatheka ngenxa yamakhadi kaKhisimusi, obaba baya emsebenzini, omama bahlala ekhaya, noma baya emsebenzini—ababalulekile kakhulu kunabayeni babo. Abangane babiza abazali bami ngo-"Mnu" no-"Nkosikazi" futhi akekho othuka inhlamba phambi kwabadala babo.
Izwe labantu abadala laliyindawo esabekayo, engaqondakali, indawo egcwele amakhonsathi akude kakhulu nokuhlangenwe nakho kwasebuntwaneni. Ingane yabhekana nezinguquko eziyinhlekelele kuPhysiology nePsychology ngaphambi kokuthi icabange ngisho nokuba umuntu omdala.
Lapho umama enginika incwadi ethi, The Path to Womanhood, ngashaqeka. Ngangingafuni nokuwucabanga lo mhlaba engingawutholi. Umama akazange aqale ukuchaza ukuthi ubusha buyindawo engathathi hlangothi phakathi kobuntwana nokukhula, hhayi eyodwa noma enye.
Indawo egcwele izingozi, injabulo, ingozi, lapho uhlola khona amandla akho futhi uphile izimpilo ezimbalwa ezicatshangelwayo ngesikhathi esisodwa, kuze kube yilapho ukuphila kwangempela kuthatha izintambo.
Ngo-1904, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uGranville Stanley Hall saqamba igama elithi "intsha".
Ukukhula kwezimboni kanye nemfundo yomphakathi jikelele ekugcineni kwenza ukuthi izingane zingasebenzi isikhathi esigcwele kusukela eminyakeni eyi-12-13, kodwa zenze enye into.
Engxenyeni yesibili yekhulu lesi-XNUMX, iminyaka yobusha yahlotshaniswa nokuhlubuka, kanye nezimfuno ezingokomzwelo nezefilosofi ezazikade zenziwe abadala bedolobhana namadoda ahlakaniphileyo kuphela: ukuzifunela wena, incazelo nothando.
Lolu hambo oluthathu lwezengqondo ngokwesiko lwaphela lapho eneminyaka engu-20 noma engu-29. Ingqikithi yobuntu yaqedwa, kwakukhona umsebenzi kanye nozakwethu.
Kodwa hhayi kimi. Ubusha bami buqale cishe ngineminyaka eyi-15 futhi abukapheli. Lapho ngineminyaka engu-19, ngasuka eHarvard ngaya esikoleni sobuciko eLondon. Lapho ngineminyaka engu-21, ngathuthela eNew York, ngazama imisebenzi eminingana, ngethemba lokuthi omunye wayo uzongifanela. Ngajola nabafana abaningana, ngethemba lokuthi ngizohlala nomunye wabo.
Zibekele umgomo, umama wayethi, futhi awufeze. Kodwa angikwazanga ukuqhamuka negoli. Ngaqonda ukuthi ukushicilela kwakungeyona into yami, njengobuntatheli, ipolitiki, ukukhangisa ... Ngiyazi ngokuqinisekile, ngikuzame konke. Ngangidlala ibhesi eqenjini lomculo, ngihlala ezindlini zokulala, ngizihlalela emaphathini. Ufuna uthando.
Isikhathi sesidlulile. Ngagubha usuku lwami lokuzalwa lweminyaka engamashumi amathathu - ngingenaye umyeni, ngingenakhaya, isevisi enhle yamaShayina, indandatho yomshado. Ngaphandle komsebenzi ochazwe ngokucacile. Awekho amagoli akhethekile. Isoka eliyimfihlo nje nabangane abambalwa abahle. Impilo yami ibingaqinisekile, idida, ishesha. Futhi igcwele imibuzo emithathu ebalulekile:
- Ngingubani?
— Kufanele ngenzeni ngokuphila kwami?
— Ubani ozongithanda?
Lapho ngineminyaka engu-32, ngayeka umsebenzi, ngayeka indawo yokuhlala, ngaphindela eLondon. Lingakapheli isonto, ngamthanda lo mculi futhi ngahamba ngayohlala naye kwenye yezindawo ezimpofu kakhulu edolobheni.
Sasithandana njengohlanya, sahambahamba eYurophu ngamabhasi - ngoba sasingakwazi ukuqasha imoto.
Futhi uchithe ubusika bonke egone i-heater yegesi ekhishini
Sabe sesishada ngaqala ukusebenza. Ngithole umsebenzi kwezokukhangisa. Ngaxoshwa. Ngaphinde ngathola umsebenzi. Ngaxoshwa. Sekukonke, ngaxoshwa izikhathi ezinhlanu, ngokuvamile ngenxa yokungalaleli, okuyinto engiziqhenya ngayo manje.
Lapho ngineminyaka engu-39, ngase ngimdala, ngishade nomunye umuntu omdala. Lapho ngitshela umdwebi ukuthi ngifuna ingane, washaywa uvalo: «Abasebancane kakhulu kulokhu? Wayeneminyaka engu-43.
Manje umqondo othi "hlala phansi" ubonakala uyisidala kakhulu. Kuwuhlobo lwesimo esimile umphakathi ongasakwazi ukusinikeza. Ontanga yami abazi ukuthi benzeni: sebeneminyaka engu-25 bengabameli, abakhangisi noma ababalisi futhi abasafuni ukukwenza. Noma bagcina bengasebenzi. Noma usanda kudivosa.
Baphinde baziqeqeshe njengababelethisi, abahlengikazi, othisha, baqale ukwenza ukwakheka kwewebhu, babe abadlali noma bathole imali ngezinja ezihamba ngezinyawo.
Lesi simo sihlotshaniswa nezizathu zezenhlalo nezomnotho: izikweletu zasenyuvesi ezinesamba esikhulu, ukunakekelwa kwabazali asebekhulile, izingane ezingakwazi ukuphuma emzini woyise.
Umphumela ongenakugwemeka wezici ezimbili: ukwandisa iminyaka yokuphila kanye nomnotho ongakwazi ukukhula unomphela. Nokho, imiphumela yalokhu iyathakazelisa kakhulu.
Inkathi yobusha, nokufuna kwayo njalo injongo yokuphila, ixutshaniswa nenkathi yeminyaka ephakathi nendawo ngisho nokuguga.
Ukuqomisana nge-inthanethi ku-50, 60 noma 70 akusamangalisi. Njengomama abasha abaneminyaka engu-45, noma izizukulwane ezintathu zabathengi e-Zara, noma abesifazane abaneminyaka ephakathi emgqeni we-iPhone entsha, intsha yayivame ukuthatha indawo yayo ebusuku ngemuva kwama-albhamu e-Beatles.
Kunezinto engingeke ngifune ukuzikhumbula kusukela eminyakeni yami yobusha—ukungazethembi, ukushintsha kwemizwa, ukudideka. Kodwa umoya wokutholwa okusha uhlala kimi, okwenza impilo ikhanye ebusheni.
Impilo ende ivumela futhi idinga nokubheka izindlela ezintsha zokwesekwa kwezinto ezibonakalayo kanye nokuvela okusha. Ubaba womunye wabangane bakho ogubha «umhlalaphansi omfanele» ngemva kweminyaka engu-30 yenkonzo uyilungu lohlobo olusengozini yokushabalala.
Ngaba nengane kuphela ngineminyaka engu-40 ubudala. Lapho ngineminyaka engu-46, ngabhala inoveli yami yokuqala, ekugcineni ngathola engangifuna ukukwenza. Futhi yeka ukuthi kuhle kanjani ukwazi ukuthi wonke amabhizinisi ami ahlanyayo, ukulahleka kwemisebenzi, ubudlelwano obuhlulekile, zonke iziphetho ezifile kanye nokuqonda engikuzuze kanzima kuyindaba yezindaba zami.
Angisenalo ithemba noma ngifuna ukuba umuntu omdala “ofanele”. Intsha yempilo yonke — ukuguquguquka, ukuzidela, ukuvuleleka kokuhlangenwe nakho okusha. Mhlawumbe kukhona ukuqiniseka okuncane ebukhoneni obunjalo, kodwa akusoze kwaba nesicefe.
Ngo-50, ngemva kwekhefu leminyaka engu-35, ngabuyela ehhashini futhi ngathola umhlaba wonke ofanayo wabesifazane abahlala futhi basebenza eLondon, kodwa futhi bagibele amahhashi. Ngisawathanda amahhashi njengoba ngangiwenza lapho ngineminyaka engu-13.
“Ungalokothi wenze umsebenzi othile uma ungakwesabi,” kusho umeluleki wami wokuqala.
Futhi ngihlala ngilandela lesi seluleko. Ngineminyaka engu-54, nginomyeni, indodakazi eyeve eshumini nambili, izinja ezimbili nomuzi wami. Manje sekuyimpilo ezinzile, kodwa esikhathini esizayo angiyikhiphi indlwana esezintabeni ze-Himalaya noma i-skyscraper eJapane. Ngingathanda ukufunda umlando.
Umngane wami usanda kusuka endlini enhle waya endlini encane kakhulu ngenxa yezinkinga zemali. Futhi nakuba kwakukhona ukuzisola nokujabula, uyavuma ukuthi uzwa okuthile okujabulisayo - ukuzinikela okuncane kanye nesiqalo esisha.
“Kungenzeka noma yini manje,” wangitshela. Ukunyathela endaweni engaziwa kungadakwa njengoba kusabisa. Phela, kulapho, endaweni engaziwa, lapho kwenzeka khona izinto eziningi ezithakazelisayo. Iyingozi, iyajabulisa, ishintsha impilo.
Bambelela emoyeni wesiyaluyalu njengoba ukhula. Lokhu kuzoba usizo kakhulu kuwe.