Umshado awuqedwa ubuthakathaka noma ukushiyeka kwakho. Akukhona ngabantu nhlobo, kodwa mayelana nokuthi kwenzekani phakathi kwabo, kusho umelaphi womndeni wesistimu u-Anna Varga. Imbangela yezingxabano isesimisweni esiphukile sokusebenzisana. Lo chwepheshe uchaza ukuthi ukukhulumisana okubi kudala kanjani izinkinga nokuthi yini okufanele yenziwe ukuze kugcinwe ubudlelwano.
Umphakathi wenze izinguquko ezibalulekile emashumini eminyaka amuva nje. Kwakukhona inhlekelele yesikhungo somshado: cishe yonke inyunyana yesibili iyahlukana, abantu abaningi ngokwengeziwe abadali nhlobo imindeni. Lokhu kusiphoqa ukuthi sicabange kabusha ukuqonda kwethu ukuthi kusho ukuthini “impilo yomshado emnandi”. Ngaphambili, lapho umshado usekelwe indima, kwakusobala ukuthi indoda kufanele ifeze imisebenzi yayo, futhi owesifazane eyakhe, futhi lokhu kwanele ukuba umshado uqhubeke.
Namuhla, zonke izindima zixubene, futhi okubaluleke kakhulu, kuningi okulindelekile kanye nezidingo eziphezulu zekhwalithi yempilo yomzwelo ndawonye. Ngokwesibonelo, ukulindela ukuthi emshadweni kufanele sijabule umzuzu nomzuzu. Futhi uma lo muzwa ungekho, khona-ke ubuhlobo abulungile futhi bubi. Silindele ukuthi umlingani wethu abe yikho konke kithi: umngane, isithandwa, umzali, udokotela wengqondo, umlingani webhizinisi… Ngamafuphi, uzokwenza yonke imisebenzi edingekayo.
Emshadweni wesimanje, ayisekho imithetho eyamukelwa kabanzi yokuthi niphilisana kanjani kahle. Isekelwe emizweni, ubudlelwano, izincazelo ezithile. Futhi ngenxa yokuthi waba ntekenteke kakhulu, ahlakazeka kalula.
Kusebenza kanjani ukuxhumana?
Ubudlelwano buwumthombo oyinhloko wezinkinga zomndeni. Futhi ubudlelwano buwumphumela wokuziphatha kwabantu, ukuthi ukuxhumana kwabo kuhlelwe kanjani.
Akukhona ukuthi omunye wabalingani mubi. Sonke silungile ngokwanele ukuhlala ndawonye ngokujwayelekile. Wonke umuntu unamathuluzi okwakha uhlelo oluhle kakhulu lokusebenzisana emndenini. Iziguli zingaba ubudlelwano, ukuxhumana, ngakho kudinga ukushintshwa. Sihlale sigxile kwezokuxhumana. Kwenzeka emazingeni omlomo kanye nokungakhulumi.
Sonke siqonda ulwazi lomlomo cishe ngendlela efanayo, kodwa imibhalo engezansi ihluke ngokuphelele.
Kuwo wonke ukushintshana kwezokuxhumana kunezigaba ezinhlanu noma eziyisithupha ozakwethu ngokwabo abangase bangaziboni.
Emndenini ongasebenzi kahle, ngezikhathi zezinkinga zomshado, umbhalo ongezansi ubaluleke kakhulu kunombhalo. Abashadile bangase bangaqondi nakancane “lokho abaxabana ngakho.” Kodwa wonke umuntu uzikhumbula kahle ezinye zezikhalo zabo. Futhi kubo, into ebaluleke kakhulu akuyona imbangela yokungqubuzana, kodwa imibhalo engezansi - owafika nini, owashaya umnyango, owabheka ngasiphi isimo sobuso, owakhuluma ngayiphi ithoni. Kuwo wonke ukushintshana kwezokuxhumana, kunezigaba ezinhlanu noma eziyisithupha ozakwethu ngokwabo abangase bangaziboni.
Cabanga ngendoda nomfazi, banengane kanye nebhizinisi elivamile. Bavame ukuxabana futhi abakwazi ukuhlukanisa ubudlelwano bomndeni nobudlelwano bomsebenzi. Ake sithi umyeni uhamba ne-stroller, futhi ngaleso sikhathi inkosikazi iyabiza futhi icela ukuphendula izingcingo zebhizinisi, ngoba kufanele agijime ebhizinisini. Futhi uhamba nengane, akakhululekile. Baxabana kakhulu.
Yini ngempela ebangele ukungqubuzana?
Kuye umcimbi uqale ngesikhathi umkakhe eshaya ucingo. Futhi kuye, umcimbi waqala ekuqaleni, ezinyangeni eziningi ezedlule, lapho eqala ukuqonda ukuthi ibhizinisi lonke laliphezu kwakhe, ingane yayiphezu kwayo, futhi umyeni wakhe akazange abonise isinyathelo, wayengakwazi ukwenza lutho ngokwakhe. Uziqoqela le mizwa engemihle izinyanga eziyisithupha. Kodwa akazi lutho ngemizwa yakhe. Zikhona emkhakheni wokuxhumana ohluke kangaka. Futhi benza inkhulumomphendvulwano sengathi basendaweni efanayo.
Uziqongelelela le mizwa engemihle izinyanga eziyisithupha. Kodwa akazi lutho ngemizwa yakhe
Ngokudinga ukuthi umyeni wakhe aphendule izingcingo zebhizinisi, inkosikazi ithumela umlayezo ongawusho ngomlomo: "Ngizibona njengomphathi wakho." Uzibona enjalo ngempela okwamanje, ethathela kokuhlangenwe nakho kwezinyanga eziyisithupha ezedlule. Futhi umyeni, emphikisa, uthi ngalokho: “Cha, awuyena umphathi wami.” Kuwukuphika ukuzimisela kwakhe. Inkosikazi ibhekana nezimo eziningi ezimbi, kodwa ayikuqondi. Ngenxa yalokho, okuqukethwe kwengxabano kuyanyamalala, kushiye imizwelo enqunu kuphela ezovela ekuxhumaneni kwabo okulandelayo.
Bhala kabusha umlando
Ukuxhumana nokuziphatha kuyizinto ezifanayo ngokuphelele. Noma yini oyenzayo, uthumela umlayezo kumlingani wakho, uthanda noma ungathandi. Futhi ngandlela thize uyayifunda. Awazi ukuthi izofundwa kanjani nokuthi izobuthinta kanjani ubuhlobo.
Uhlelo lokuxhumana lombhangqwana lulawula izici zomuntu ngamunye, lokho abakulindele kanye nezinhloso zabo.
Insizwa iza nezikhalo ngonkosikazi ongenzi lutho. Banezingane ezimbili, kodwa akenzi lutho. Usebenza, futhi uthenga imikhiqizo, futhi uphatha yonke into, kodwa akafuni ukubamba iqhaza kulokhu.
Siyaqonda ukuthi sikhuluma ngohlelo lokuxhumana «hyperfunctional-hypofunctional». Lapho emsola kakhulu, kulapho naye engasafuni ukwenza okuthile. Uma engasanyakazi, kuba namandla futhi ekhuthele. Umbuthano wakudala wokusebenzelana okungekho muntu ojabule ngawo: abashadile abakwazi ukuphuma kuwo. Yonke le ndaba iholela esahlukaniso. Kanti ngunkosikazi othatha abantwana ahambe.
Le nsizwa ishada futhi futhi iza nesicelo esisha: umkakhe wesibili uhlale engajabule naye. Wenza konke ngaphambili nangcono kunaye.
Ngamunye wabalingani unombono wabo wezenzakalo ezimbi. Eyakho indaba ngobudlelwano obufanayo
Nangu umuntu oyedwa futhi ofanayo: kwezinye izici ufana nalokhu, kanti kwezinye uhluke ngokuphelele. Futhi hhayi ngoba kukhona okungalungile ngaye. Lezi izinhlelo ezahlukene zobudlelwano ezithuthukayo nabalingani abahlukene.
Ngamunye wethu unedatha yempokophelo engakwazi ukushintshwa. Ngokwesibonelo, psychotempo. Sizalwa nalokhu. Futhi umsebenzi wabalingani ukuxazulula le nkinga ngandlela thize. Finyelela esivumelwaneni.
Ngamunye wabalingani unombono wabo wezenzakalo ezimbi. Indaba yakho imayelana nobudlelwano obufanayo.
Ukukhuluma ngobudlelwano, umuntu udala lezi zenzakalo ngomqondo othile. Futhi uma ushintsha le ndaba, ungathonya imicimbi. Lokhu kuyingxenye yephuzu lokusebenza nomelaphi womndeni ohlelekile: ngokuxoxa kabusha indaba yabo, abashadile baphinde bacabange futhi bayibhale kabusha ngale ndlela.
Futhi uma ukhumbula futhi ucabanga ngomlando wakho, izimbangela zezingxabano, lapho uzibekela umgomo wokuxhumana okungcono, kwenzeka into emangalisayo: lezo zindawo zobuchopho ezisebenza ngokubambisana okuhle ziqala ukusebenza kangcono kuwe. Futhi ubudlelwano buyashintsha baba ngcono.
Kusukela enkulumweni ka-Anna Varga eNgqungqutheleni Yomhlaba Wonke Esebenzayo "Psychology: Izinselele Zesikhathi Sethu", eyenzeka eMoscow ngo-April 21-24, 2017.