Yini okufanele uyenze uma ukuvalelwa kwakho kukumangaze ngesikhathi sesehlukaniso? Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Ann Bouchot uncoma ngokuqinile ukuthi ubhubhane lucindezela wonke umuntu, futhi unikeza izincomo zokuthi ungasinda kanjani kulo, ngisho nokuba ngaphansi kophahla olufanayo cishe no-"ex".
Lapho kufika usizi, abanye babenomcimbi obalulekile owawuhlelelwe - isibonelo, umshado noma ... isehlukaniso. Isimo ngokwaso siyacindezela, futhi manje ingcindezi yobhubhane nakho konke okuhlangenwe nakho okuhambisana nakho kwengezwe kuso. Ungazizwa kanjani ulahlekile ngokuphelele lapha?
Ukuvalelwa yedwa kunomthelela omkhulu empilweni yengqondo, kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo nochwepheshe kwezobudlelwano bomndeni nesehlukaniso u-Anne Bouchot. Ekuqaleni, abaningi baba nokucasuka, ukudideka, intukuthelo, nokuphika. Uma lesi sikhathi siqhubeka, ukwesaba ukugula kanye nenkinga yezezimali, imizwa yesizungu, ukudumazeka kanye nesithukuthezi kuyaqina.
Faka amafutha emlilweni nasezindabeni ezingqubuzanayo nokukhathazeka kwabathandekayo, futhi sonke sisabela ngendlela ehlukile. Abanye bayagcina, abanye bathola induduzo ngokuzinikela ekusizeni omakhelwane nabantu ababajwayele asebekhulile nabasengozini enkulu. Labo abasebenza ekhaya bayaphoqeleka ukuba banakekele izingane ngesikhathi esifanayo, futhi kwezinye izimo bafunde nazo ngokoqobo ikharikhulamu yesikole. Abanikazi bamabhizinisi amancane besaba ukulahlekelwa okukhulu. Ngisho nezingane ezivele ziwuyeke umkhuba wazo ojwayelekile ziyadideka futhi zizwe ukushuba kwabadala bazo. Ukucindezeleka okuvamile kuyanda.
Kodwa kuthiwani ngalabo abasesimeni sokuhlukanisa? Ubani osanda kufaka imibhalo noma owayesezothola isigxivizo kupasipoti yakhe, noma mhlawumbe enze inqubo yenkantolo? Ikusasa manje libonakala lingaqiniseki nakakhulu. Izinkantolo zivaliwe, ithuba lokuhlangana mathupha nomeluleki wakho - isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, ummeli noma ummeli, noma mhlawumbe umngane nje owasekela noma osiza ngeseluleko - lalingasekho. Ngisho nokubamba ikholi yevidiyo akulula, ngoba wonke umndeni ukhiyelwe ekhaya. Kunzima kakhulu uma bobabili abashadile bekhona ekamelweni elilodwa.
Ukungaqiniseki kwezomnotho kwenza kungenzeki ukufika kunoma yisiphi isivumelwano sezezimali. Ukungacaci kahle ngemali engenayo kanye nomsebenzi uqobo kwenza noma yiziphi izingxoxo nezinhlelo zohambo zibe nzima.
Misa isikhashana zonke izinqumo zomhlaba. Inkinga akusona isikhathi esingcono kakhulu kubo
Esebenzisa ulwazi lwakhe lokweluleka imibhangqwana, u-Anne Bouchaud unikeza izeluleko kulabo ababanjwe yisimo sesehlukaniso ngenxa yalolu bhubhane.
1. Zinakekele. Thola izindlela zokuxhumana nabangane — ngocingo noma ngemiyalezo. Thatha isikhathi sokwehlisa umoya futhi uphefumule. Nqamula emithonjeni yezindaba ngokusemandleni akho.
2. Uma unezingane, khuluma nazo, uzichaze ukuthi kwenzekani ngolimi eziluqondayo. Isho ukuthi konke kuzodlula. Ngisho noma wesaba kakhulu, zama ukungadluliseli isimo sakho ezinganeni zakho.
3. Yenza uhlu lwezinto ezijabulisayo bese uqala ukuzenza. Hlunga ama-closets, funda izincwadi, buka amamuvi, pheka.
4. Ungathathi izinqumo ngokuxhamazela. Ungenzi amadili amakhulu. Isithukuthezi singabangela ukusabela okungenampilo, njengokulangazelela ukudla ngokweqile noma ukusebenzisa kabi utshwala. Zama ukukhuthala, shayela abangani bakho, qala idayari, uchithe isikhathi esiningi nezingane zakho, ubeke eceleni izikhathi zokuphumula, ukuhlanza kanye neminye imisebenzi yasekhaya. Ungase ukwazi ukwakha ubuhlobo obuthembekile nobunobungane nomngane wakho womshado uma uthola izindlela zokubonisa uzwela lwakho nokwazisa kuye.
5. Misa isikhashana zonke izinqumo zomhlaba. Inkinga akusona isikhathi esingcono kakhulu kubo. Mhlawumbe kuzokwazi ukuvumelana nomlingani womshado ngokumiswa kwecala, ukuhlehlisa ukuxazululwa kwezinkinga zezimali.
Ngokulandela izivumelwano, nobabili nizothola ithuba elincane lokucasulana.
6. Uma kudingekile ukuqhubeka nenqubo yesehlukaniso, ningaxoxa ngokuthi yiziphi izinyathelo zangempela ezingathathwa - isibonelo, xoxani ngokungaboni ngaso linye kanye nabameli ngefomethi yenkomfa yevidiyo.
7. Uma ungakaxhumani nochwepheshe bezehlukaniso, kungase kube kuhle ukwenza kanjalo futhi uthole iseluleko ngezindaba zomthetho nezomnotho.
8. Thola ukwesekwa. Iklayenti elilodwa lika-Bouchot, ngokwesibonelo, laba neseshini ne-psychotherapist ngaphakathi emotweni, ngoba lalingakwazi ukuthatha umhlalaphansi ekhaya.
9. Uma usahlala endlini eyodwa noshade naye, kungase kumiswe isimiso esicacile sokukhulisa umzali nokuzijabulisa. Ngokuya ngezivumelwano, bobabili bayoba nethuba elincane lokucasulana noma ukuchukuluza.
10. Uma nihlala ngokuhlukana kuyancomeka ukuthi kuxoxwe ukuthi izingane zizohlala zodwa endlini kabani. Uma isimo sivuma, ungashintshanisa ukuhlala kwabo nomunye umzali, uqaphela izimo zokuphepha.
“Sonke sibhekene nalokhu njengamanje,” kubhala u-Anne Bouchot ngalo bhubhane. “Kumele sivume ukuthi lesi simo siyinkinga yawo wonke umuntu. Phakathi nalesi sikhathi esicindezelayo, khumbula ukuthi owakwakho noma lowo owawushade naye ungaphansi kokucindezeleka okukhulu.” Uchwepheshe uphakamisa ukuthi, uma kungenzeka, basizane ukukhipha umoya futhi basinde kulesi sikhathi. Futhi-ke bobabili bazothola izindlela zokuzivumelanisa nokubhekana naleli qiniso elisha.
Mayelana Nochwepheshe: U-Ann Gold Boucheau ungudokotela wezengqondo osebenza ngesehlukaniso nokuba ngumzali.