Wonke umuntu uyaliqonda leli gama ngendlela yakhe. Abanye bakholelwa ukuthi lesi yisimo esingokwemvelo sokuthanda abantu, abanye bathi lokhu kuyimfanelo engenampilo nelimazayo. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uSharon Martin sisusa izinganekwane ezivamile ezihlotshaniswa kakhulu nalo mqondo.
Inganekwane yokuqala: ukwethembeka kusho ukusizana, ukuzwela nokunaka kumlingani
Endabeni yokuthembela ngokubambisana, zonke lezi zimfanelo ezitusekayo zifihla, okokuqala, ithuba lokuphakamisa ukuzethemba ngezindleko zomlingani. Abantu abanjalo bahlale bengabaza ukubaluleka kwendima yabo futhi, ngaphansi kwesifihla-buso esizwakalayo sokunakekelwa, bafuna ubufakazi bokuthi bayathandwa futhi bayadingeka.
Usizo nokwesekwa abakunikezayo kuwumzamo wokulawula isimo nokuba nomthelela kumlingani. Ngakho, balwa nokungakhululeki kwangaphakathi nokukhathazeka. Futhi ngokuvamile benza ngendlela elimazayo hhayi bona kuphela - ngemva kwakho konke, bakulungele ukuphefumula ngokoqobo ngokunakekela kulezo zimo lapho kungadingeki.
Othandekayo angase adinge enye into—ngokwesibonelo, ukuba yedwa. Kodwa ukubonakaliswa kokuzimela kanye nekhono lomlingani ukubhekana nazo ngokwabo kuyethusa ikakhulukazi.
Inganekwane yesibili: lokhu kwenzeka emindenini lapho omunye wabalingani ehlushwa wutshwala
Wona kanye umqondo we-codependency wavela phakathi kwezazi zokusebenza kwengqondo ngesikhathi sokufunda imindeni lapho indoda ihlushwa utshwala, futhi owesifazane ethatha indima yomsindisi nesisulu. Nokho, lesi simo sidlula imodeli eyodwa yobudlelwano.
Abantu abathambekele ekuzihlukaniseni babevame ukukhuliswa emikhayeni lapho babengatholi khona imfudumalo nokunakwa ngokwanele noma behlukunyezwa ngokomzimba. Kukhona labo okwathi ngokuvuma kwabo, bakhula nabazali abanothando ababefuna izinto ezinkulu ezinganeni zabo. Bakhuliswa ngomoya wokufuna ukuphelela futhi bafundiswa ukusiza abanye ngaphandle kwezifiso nezithakazelo.
Konke lokhu kuhlanganisa ukuncika, okokuqala kumama nobaba, okwathi ngokunconywa okungavamile nokuvunyelwa kwakwenza kwacaca enganeni ukuthi wayethandwa. Kamuva, umuntu uthatha umkhuba wokuhlala efuna ukuqinisekiswa kothando kuze kube umuntu omdala.
Inganekwane #XNUMX: Unayo noma awunayo.
Konke akucaci kahle. Iziqu zingahluka ngezikhathi ezahlukene zokuphila kwethu. Abanye abantu bazi kahle ukuthi lesi simo sibuhlungu kubo. Abanye abakuboni kabuhlungu, njengoba sebefunde ukucindezela imizwa engakhululekile. I-Codependency akuyona ukuxilongwa kwezokwelapha, akunakwenzeka ukusebenzisa imibandela ecacile kuyo futhi akunakwenzeka ukucacisa ngokunembile izinga lobunzima bayo.
Inganekwane #XNUMX: I-Codependency eyabantu ababuthakathaka kuphela.
Ngokuvamile laba kungabantu abanezimfanelo ze-stoic, abalungele ukusiza labo ababuthakathaka. Bazivumelanisa ngokuphelele nezimo zokuphila ezintsha futhi abakhonondi, ngoba banesisusa esinamandla - sokungayeki ngenxa yothandekayo. Ehlangana nomngane womshado ophethwe okunye ukulutheka, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umlutha wotshwala noma ukugembula, umuntu ucabanga kanje: “Kumelwe ngisize othandekayo wami. Ukube benginamandla, ngihlakaniphile, noma nginomusa, ngabe useshintshile kakade.” Lesi simo sengqondo sisenza siziphathe kanzima nakakhulu, nakuba isu elinjalo cishe lihlale lihluleka.
Inganekwane #XNUMX: Awukwazi ukuyiqeda
Isimo sokuthembela ndawonye asinikezwa ngokuzalwa, njengokuma kwamehlo. Ubudlelwano obunjalo buvimbela umuntu ekuthuthukisweni nasekulandeleni indlela yakhe, hhayi leyo ebekwa ngomunye umuntu, ngisho noma esondelene futhi ethandwa. Ngokushesha noma kamuva, lokhu kuzoqala ukuthwalisa omunye wenu noma nobabili, okulimaza kancane kancane ubuhlobo. Uma uthola amandla nesibindi sokuvuma izici ezincikene, lesi isinyathelo sokuqala nesibaluleke kakhulu sokuqala ukwenza izinguquko.
Mayelana Nochwepheshe: USharon Martin uyi-psychotherapist.