I-inthanethi igcwele izindaba zokuphila kanzima nabantu «abanobuthi» nemibuzo mayelana nokuthi bangashintshwa yini. U-Elena Sokolova, uDokotela we-Psychology, uchwepheshe wezinkinga zobuntu, uhlanganyela umbono wakhe.
Okokuqala, ake ngikukhumbuze: musa ukuxilonga izihlobo. Lokhu kungenziwa ngudokotela kuphela. Umsebenzi we-psychotherapist ngemfundo yomtholampilo kanye ne-psychoanalytic ukucabangela icala ngalinye elithile ngabanye futhi uzame ukuqonda ukuthi hlobo luni lomuntu oluphambi kwakhe, ukuthi ubuntu bakhe buhlelwe kanjani. Okungukuthi, ukwenza ukuxilongwa komuntu siqu.
Into eyodwa isobala: isilinganiso sezinguquko ezingenzeka sincike kakhulu ekwakhiweni kobuntu, ekujuleni kokwephulwa. Umuntu ovuthiwe, noma ngabe unezici ezithile ze-neurotic, kanye nesiguli esine-borderline noma inhlangano yomuntu siqu ye-narcissistic abantu abahluke ngokuphelele. Futhi yabo «zone of proximal development» ihlukile. Ngokwengxenye enkulu, siyakwazi ukubona amaphutha ekuziphatheni kwethu, siqaphele ukuthi kukhona okungalungile ngathi, sicele usizo, bese sisabela ngokushesha kulolu sizo.
Kodwa abantu abane-borderline kanye nenhlangano ye-narcissistic, njengomthetho, abaqapheli izinkinga zabo. Uma kukhona ezinzile, wukungazinzi. Futhi kusebenza kuyo yonke imikhakha yempilo.
Okokuqala, babhekana nobunzima obukhulu ekulawuleni imizwelo (babonakala ngobudlova, okunzima ukulawula imithelela). Okwesibili, azinzile ngokwedlulele ebudlelwaneni.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, banesifiso esimangalisayo sobudlelwane obuseduze (balungele ukunamathela kunoma ubani), futhi ngakolunye uhlangothi, babhekana nokwesaba okungaqondakali kanye nesifiso sokubaleka, ukulahla ubuhlobo. Zilukwe ngokoqobo ngezigxobo kanye nokudlulele. Futhi isici sesithathu ukungakwazi ukwenza umbono ojwayelekile futhi ozinzile ngawe. Inezicucu. Uma ucela umuntu onjalo ukuthi azichaze, uzosho into enjengokuthi: "Umama ucabanga ukuthi nginekhono kwisayensi eqondile."
Kodwa konke lokhu kuphulwa akubangeli ukukhathazeka, ngoba cishe awanandaba nempendulo. Umuntu ovuthiwe uyakwazi ukulungisa ukuziphatha kwakhe ngenxa yemilayezo yezwe langaphandle - ekuxhumaneni kwansuku zonke nalapho ehlangana nezimo ezihlukahlukene zokuphila. Futhi akukho lutho olusebenza kubo njengesifundo. Abanye bangababonisa: ulimaza, kunzima ukuba nawe, awuzilimazi wena kuphela, kodwa futhi nabathandekayo bakho. Kodwa kubona kubonakala sengathi izinkinga azikho kubo, kodwa zikwabanye. Ngakho bonke ubunzima.
Kunzima kodwa kungenzeka
Ukusebenza nabantu abanjalo kufanele kube isikhathi eside futhi kujule, akusho nje ukuvuthwa komuntu siqu kwe-psychotherapist, kodwa futhi nolwazi lwakhe oluhle lwe-psychology yomtholampilo kanye ne-psychoanalysis. Phela, sikhuluma ngezici zomlingiswa eziqinile ezavela kudala, ngesikhathi zisencane. Okunye ukwephulwa kobudlelwane phakathi kosana nomama kusebenza njengesici esilimazayo. Ezimweni «zendawo ekhubazekile» kwakheka uhlamvu oluyindida. Lezi ziphazamiso zentuthuko zakuqala zikhawulela ikhono lokushintsha. Ungalindeli ukuthuthukiswa okusheshayo.
Iziguli ezine-borderline narcissistic organisation zimelana nanoma yiluphi uhlobo lwethonya, kunzima kuzo ukwethemba i-psychotherapist. Odokotela bathi banokungalaleli kahle (kusukela ekuhambisaneni nesiguli sesiNgisi), okungukuthi, ukunamathela ekwelashweni okuthile, ikhono lokuthembela kudokotela nokulandela izincomo zakhe. Basengozini kakhulu futhi abakwazi ukubekezelela ukukhungatheka. Babona noma yikuphi okuhlangenwe nakho okusha njengokuyingozi.
Imiphi imiphumela engase ifinyelelwe emsebenzini onjalo? Uma umeluleki enesineke nolwazi olwanele, futhi isiguli sibona ukuthi sifuna ngempela ukumsiza, kancane kancane ezinye iziqhingi zobudlelwane ziboshwe. Ziba yisisekelo sokuthuthuka okuthile emizweni, ekuziphatheni. Alikho elinye ithuluzi ekwelapheni. Ungalindeli izinguquko ezinkulu. Kuzodingeka usebenze kancane, isinyathelo ngesinyathelo, ubonise isiguli ukuthi ukuthuthukiswa, noma kuncane kangakanani, kufinyelelwa ngeseshini ngayinye.
Ngokwesibonelo, isiguli ngokokuqala ngqá sakwazi ukubhekana nohlobo oluthile lomfutho olimazayo, noma okungenani sifike kudokotela, okwakungenakwenzeka ngaphambili. Futhi lena yindlela yokwelapha.
Indlela eya ekushintsheni kokuphulukisa
Isiphi iseluleko ongasinikeza imindeni nabangane babantu abanezinkinga zobuntu? Kuthiwani ngalabo abangakakulungeli ukuqeda ubuhlobo bahambe?
Uma uyabazisa ubuhlobo bakho, zama ukungasoli omunye nganoma yini, kodwa ukucabangela ngokucophelela ukuxhumana kwakho, futhi okokuqala, phendukela kuwe, izisusa zakho nezenzo. Lokhu akukhona ukusola isisulu. Kubalulekile ukukhumbula indlela yokuzivikela engokwengqondo njengokuqagela - wonke umuntu unayo. Le nqubo idala izici ezingakhululekile zokuziphatha komuntu siqu - ubugovu bomuntu, noma ulaka, noma isidingo sokugadwa - ukuthi ziboniswe kothandekayo.
Ngakho-ke, lapho sisola umuntu ngokukhohlisa, kufanelekile ukuzibuza lo mbuzo: mina ngokwami ngixhumana kanjani nabanye abantu? Ingabe ngibaphatha njengomthengi? Mhlawumbe ngilungele kuphela ubudlelwano obuthuthukisa ukuzethemba kwami noma isimo sami emphakathini? Ingabe ngiyazama ukumqonda omunye umuntu lapho ngibona sengathi uyashaya? Lokhu kushintsha kwesimo, uzwela kanye nokwenqaba kancane kancane ukuzicabangela kwethu kusivumela ukuba simqonde kangcono omunye, sithathe isikhundla sakhe futhi sizwe ukunganeliseki kwakhe nobuhlungu esingase simzwise bona singaqondile. Futhi wasabela kithi.
Kuphela ngemva komsebenzi wangaphakathi onjalo lapho kungenzeka khona ukukhuluma ngokuqondana, futhi ungazisoli wena noma omunye. Isikhundla sami asisekelwe kuphela eminyakeni eminingi yokuzijwayeza, kodwa futhi nasocwaningweni olujulile lwethiyori. Ukuthi ushintsha omunye umuntu akukhiqizi lutho. Indlela eya ekushintsheni kokuphulukisa ebudlelwaneni iwukuzishintsha wena.