Labo abathintekile bazichaza njengabalahliwe, abalimele, abalahliwe izinzwa, abangakwazi ukubona ukuthi konke sekuphelile, ukuqhubeka nempilo yabo ngaphandle komlingani wabo futhi baphinde baxhumane nemikhuba yabo yomphakathi.

• Ngokuvamile, izinzwa ziyashintshwa, injabulo iyancipha noma ingabi khona. Isihloko singene esimweni sokufikelwa ukukhathazeka nosizi lapho kuzoba nzima ukuphuma khona.
• Umuntu akawasekeli amafomula enziwe ngomumo athi ithimba lakhe limguqule kabusha njengokuthi ” zama ukuziphazamisa "," amenze abe nomona "Noma i-classical enkulu" kuzodlula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ".
• Isihloko sinomqondo wokuminza: "ulahlekelwa unyawo lwakhe", "ubambe umoya" futhi "uzizwa ecwila".
• Uhlala ecabanga i-flashback engenzeka futhi ubonakala emope esikhathini esidlule. Akazicabangi izehlakalo ezilandelayo.

Lezi zimpawu ziba namandla kakhulu lapho ukuqhuma kunobudlova futhi kungazelelwe. Into efanayo uma ukuhlukana kungenziwanga ubuso nobuso. Nokho, eqinisweni lezi zimpawu azibangelwa uthando kodwa ekuluthweni.

Abafana bangase bathinteke kakhulu kunamantombazane ngemva kokuhlukana futhi babe nesikhathi esinzima sokuzilungisa. Izinkolelo-ze zabesilisa (ukuba namandla, ukulawula yonke into, ukungabi sengozini) zibakhuthaza ukuba bathathe isimo esikhohlisayo sokuzola, esandisa isikhathi sokuxolelwa.

Isikhathi sokuhlukana siyinkathi engcuphe yokubhekana nokuphuzwa kotshwala, izidakamizwa noma imithi, ebonwa njengendlela yokushweleza ngokungemthetho ukuhlupheka okuhlobene nokuhlukana. 

I-inthanethi kanye nomakhalekhukhwini namuhla inikeza ithuba lokuhlehlisa ukusabela kwe-interlocutor futhi aphule ngaphandle kokuthatha izingozi eziningi kakhulu. Uma siphambi komuntu othile, sithatha yonke imizwa yakhe: ukudabuka, ukumangala, ukuphoxeka, ukudumala ...

Kodwa kunodlame olwesabekayo kosalayo. Lesi sakamuva sithatha isinqumo ngaphandle kokukwazi ukuveza ulaka lwaso, umunyu waso. Ukuhlukana esidlangalaleni ezinkundleni zokuxhumana kuyisinyathelo esisodwa esibheke ebugwalani: isimo sokuthi “njengezithandani” sishintsha kungazelelwe sibe “abashadile” noma, okuxakayo, sibe “kuyinkimbinkimbi”, kungazelelwe uzakwenu kanye nokwaziwa kwabanye.

Entsheni noma kubantu abadala abasebasha, umuzwa wesizungu, ukuhlupheka nokukhathazeka kufana nokuthi umcabango wokuzibulala ungamthinta noma umqede amandla. Ubudlelwano benziwe ngendlela efanele futhi bondla i-narcissism yakhe kangangokuthi uzizwa ekhathele ngokuphelele. Akasafanele lutho, futhi ucabanga ukuthi uthando alulutho. Kungenzeka ukuthi osemusha abe nolaka kakhulu ngakuye.

Umndeni ubaluleke kakhulu phakathi nalesi siqephu esibuhlungu. Lesi yisikhathi sokuthi lalela ngaphandle kokwahlulela, mnike ukunakwa okuningi, wobubele ngaphandle kokungena ezimfihlo zakhe. Kubalulekile futhi ukuyeka umgomo osemusha ovuthiwe owawucatshangwa. 

Ngemva kwalokho, ukuhlukana kubonakala njengenkathi yokunciphisa ubuhlungu nokulawula okuthile ezimpilweni zabantu ngabanye. Yenza futhi ukuthi:

• Yazi izindaba ezintsha zothando nenjabulo entsha.
• Cwenga izifiso zakho.
• Thola amakhono angcono okuxhumana, ikakhulukazi ngokukhuluma ngemizwa yakho.
• Buza umhlaba wakho wangaphakathi, ubekezelele, uthande "ongcono".
• Qaphela ukuthi ubuhlungu bokuhlukana bungase bube bufushane kunobuhlungu bokungahlukani.

Izinhlungu zothando ziyakhuthaza. Bonke abathandi abalimele bazizwa benesidingo sokuthululela emkhiqizweni wobuciko noma wombhalo. Indlela eya ku-sublimation ibonakala iyindlela yokuphunyuka ekhulisa ubuhlungu, uhlobo oluthile lokujabulela ukuhlupheka, ngaphandle kokuqeda ubuhlungu.

« Okokugcina, kuyivelakancane impela ukuthi sishiyane kahle, ngoba, ukube besiphila kahle, besingeke sishiyane », uMarcel Proust, u-Albertine wanyamalala (1925).

« Uthando alukaze luthinte kakhulu njengasekudumazekeni kwalo, ezinhlungwini zalo. Uthando ngezinye izikhathi luwukulindela okungapheli komunye, kuyilapho inzondo iyinto eqinisekile. Phakathi kwalokhu okubili, izigaba zokulinda, ukungabaza, amathemba nokuphelelwa ithemba kuhlasela isihloko. »uDidier Lauru.