Okuqukethwe
Imilenze engashefiwe, ukugoqa kanye nama-stretch marks… Ukwakheka komzimba kuhlotshaniswa abaningi nesithombe esinyanyekayo kuphela. Kodwa kungani konke lokhu kubonakala kungasikhangi nhlobo? Sesabani lapho silahla wona lowo mbono wokunyakaza? Kungani sicabanga ukuthi ukuhambisana nemibono yabanye abantu kungcono kunokulandela imibono yethu yobuhle?
Kungani sidinga ubuhle bomzimba?
Ngicabanga ukuthi kubalulekile ukuqala ngokucacisa ukuthi ukwenza kahle komzimba njengokunyakaza kwenzani. Futhi ngalokhu, ake sibuyele emuva isinyathelo futhi sicabangele inkinga eyaba isiqalo sokubukeka kwayo.
Inkinga enkulu yabaningi bethu ukuthi isimo sethu sengqondo esibi ngomzimba wethu kanye "nokushiyeka" kwawo sithatha izinsiza zethu ezibalulekile: amandla, isikhathi, imali.
Silungisa izinkinga esingakwazi ukuzilawula kancane kunalokho okuvame ukukholelwa. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukulungiswa "kokushiyeka" komzimba kuwukutshalwa kwezimali okungenanzuzo, uma sidweba izifaniso nebhizinisi. Sinikezwa ukutshala yonke into esinayo ebhizinisini eliyingozi kakhulu. Singathonya imiphumela yayo ngokungaqondile kuphela. Futhi akekho onikeza noma yiziphi iziqinisekiso, ikakhulukazi esikhathini eside, esizozithola futhi sigcine esiphupha ngakho.
Futhi umqondo oyinhloko wokuphila kahle komzimba ukuthi akudingeki ukuthi utshale "ku-venture fund" yokubukeka: sinamanye amaphrojekthi amaningi esingatshala kuwo. Ukufaneleka komzimba kusiza abantu ukuba baphile emphakathini lapho imizimba yabo ingahlangani. «izindinganiso». Ukusinda enzondweni ewela phezu kwabo ngaphandle. Futhi ubhekane naleyo ebacindezela ngaphakathi.
Sinamandla amancane okulawula umzimba kunalokho abezindaba abazama ukusitshela khona.
I-body positivity isinika amathuluzi okubhekana nokugxeka kwangaphakathi, okuvame ukukhuliswa kwabesifazane kusukela ebuntwaneni. Njengoba umfundi wesiteshi sami socingo ekubeka ngokuhlakanipha: “Ingxenye yokuqala yokuphila kwakho bakutshela ukuthi yini engalungile ngawe, kanti ingxenye yesibili bazama ukuthengisa izimali ezizosiza ekulungiseni.” Ngokuqondene "nokuzitika" kanye "nenkulumo-ze ekhuluphele", okuvame ukusolwa ngokusebenza kahle komzimba, le misho ngokwayo, ibonakala kimi, ifana namafomula okukhulisa umzali aphelelwe yisikhathi njengokuthi "ungayonakalisa ingane ngothando nokunaka."
Okokuqala, umuntu ngeke “aphangwe” ngokumnika insiza. Okwesibili, ukuba nomzimba omuhle ukukhuthaza indlela yokuphila enempilo engokwengqondo. Okwesithathu, futhi, sinokulawula okuncane kakhulu emzimbeni kunokuba abezindaba bezama ukusitshela ngezihloko zabo ezinjengokuthi "Ungawanciphisa kanjani amaqakala ezinsukwini ezi-5." Umzimba awuyona ingubo engashintshwa ngokushesha uma ingekho imfashini kule nkathi. Ifakiwe ku-"I" yethu. Umzimba uyingxenye yesakhiwo sethu, hhayi into esingayisebenzisa ngokuthanda kwethu.
Izinto zabesifazane kakhulu
Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi ukunyakaza komzimba okuhle kuvela emibonweni nasezindabeni zobufazi futhi namuhla iyaqhubeka nokuba yingxenye ebalulekile ye-ajenda yayo. Kunoma yisiphi isithangami, kunoma yimuphi umagazini, isihloko sokudla nomzimba sizoba cishe ngowesifazane kuphela: 98% yabantu abakhathalela izindaba ezihlobene nabesifazane.
Yini ngokwesiko efakiwe ku-ajenda yabesilisa? Ukuhamba emhlabeni wonke, ibhizinisi, umsebenzi, izincwadi, ibhizinisi, ubuciko, indalo. Futhi yini esohlelweni lwabesifazane? "Qala uzihlanze, noma ngabe kusho ukuthini, bese, Cinderella, ungaya ebholeni."
Ngokugxilisa nokuvala ukunaka kwabesifazane esihlokweni sokuzishintsha, bancishwa ithuba lokuthonya umhlaba ngandlela thize. Uma sithi ubufazi alusadingeki, seluphelelwe yisikhathi manje sonke sesinamalungelo alinganayo — kuhle kubhekwe izibalo. Mangaki amadoda kanye nabesifazane abangaki ababambe iqhaza embonini yobuhle kanye nezinkathazo zokondleka komzimba? Sizobona ngokushesha ukungafani okukhulu.
Esimisweni sezinzalamizi, owesifazane uyinto. Into inezimfanelo ezithile nemisebenzi ewusizo. Uma uyinto, into okufanele ihlale ine "isethulo", bese uba umuntu ongasetshenziswa. Yile ndlela "isiko lobudlova" elizalwa ngayo, futhi lincike kulo mbhalo.
Ngokwesibonelo, muva nje ngihlangane nesihloko* esinezibalo ezesabekayo zenani lezingane ezisencane ezithengiswa ebugqilini bobulili. Futhi u-99% wabo ngamantombazane. Ngisho no-1% wabafana abakulesi zimoto kusobala ukuthi akuwona owabantu besifazane. Uma sithi ubulili abunandaba emacaleni anjalo, obani-ke labo abakhokhela “ilungelo” lokudlwengula lezi zingane? Kungenzeka yini ukuthi kungaba umuntu wanoma ibuphi ubulili? Kungenzeka yini ukucabanga ngowesifazane othenga “inkonzo” enjalo futhi abuyele ekhaya kubo njengokungathi akwenzekanga lutho?
Ukwesaba, icala, ukuzinyeza - leli ijele lapho abesifazane beboshiwe ngenxa yokukhathazeka ngomzimba kanye nokubaluleka kwawo.
Umphakathi sekuyisikhathi eside futhi uphikelela ulwa nobulili besifazane kanye nokubonakaliswa kwayo okuncane, nokho, "ilungelo lobulili" besilisa liye lalinganiswa cishe nezinga lesidingo esiyisisekelo. Iphambili ekulweni nobulili besifazane umzimba**. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kuyadingeka ukuba abe sexy-okungukuthi, ukukhombisa ubulili ukuheha amadoda.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, imikhuba ehlongozwayo ukuthi isetshenziselwe ukufeza lo mgomo (imingcele, ukudla, ukuhlinzwa kwepulasitiki, izinqubo zobuhle ezibuhlungu, izicathulo nezingubo ezingakhululekile) azifaki nhlobo emizweni yobulili bomzimba ngowesifazane ngokwakhe. Lokhu kuboniswa kahle yimiyalezo yabesifazane ezinkundleni ezihlukahlukene: «Umyeni wami wathi ngidinga ukuncipha, akasangifuni. Noma: «Ngesaba ukuthi akekho ozongithanda» nokunye. Ezinguqulweni ezidabukisa kakhulu: “Yimaphi amaphilisi ezinhlungu okufanele aphuze lapho yonke into ibuhlungu ngemva kokubeletha, futhi umyeni ufuna ubulili.”
Ukwesaba, icala, ukungabaza - leli yijele lapho abesifazane beboshiwe ngenxa yokukhathazeka ngomzimba kanye nokubaluleka kwabo ngomzimba kuphela. Kunezinkulungwane nezigidi zazo - labo abakulolu gibe ngempela. Ngokwezibalo zaseMelika, u-53% wamantombazane aneminyaka eyishumi nantathu asuke enganelisekile ngemizimba yawo, kanti uma eseneminyaka engu-17 asuke eseba ngu-78%. Futhi-ke, lokhu kubeka engcupheni enkulu ekuthuthukisweni kokuphazamiseka kwemikhuba yokudla ***.
Kungani ukuba nomzimba omuhle kubangela intukuthelo
Mhlawumbe kunokwesaba okukhulu ekuhlaseleni okuwela ekuhlelweni komzimba. Kuyethusa ukulahlekelwa lokho otshale kukho isikhathi eside. Umbhikisho onesivunguvungu ubangelwa umbono olula, obonakala sengathi: masihloniphane kungakhathaliseki ukuthi sibukeka kanjani. Masingawadedeli amagama ahlambalazayo futhi singasebenzisi ubukhulu, ubukhulu bomzimba njengenhlamba. Phela igama elithi «amafutha» seliphenduke inhlamba kubantu besifazane. Isihlahla esikhuluphele siyincazelo nje, futhi ikati elikhuluphele lihle kakhulu, ngisho nendoda ekhuluphele ingase izwakale “njengeqinile” ngezinye izikhathi.
Kodwa uma umzimba uyeka ukuba uphawu lokuphakama, uma singasakwazi ukuqhosha ngokuthi sizacile, khona-ke singazizwa kanjani singcono ngokuziqhathanisa nabanye?
Iziqondiso zishintshile. Futhi mhlawumbe akufanele ubheke labo ababi kakhulu noma abangcono. Mhlawumbe sekuyisikhathi sokubheka ngaphakathi futhi sithole ukuthi yini enye esithakazelisayo kithi, ngaphandle kwesibalo, ukubukeka?
Ngalo mqondo, ukuqiniseka komzimba kusinikeza inkululeko entsha—inkululeko yokuzithuthukisa, ukuzithuthukisa. Usinika ithuba lokuthi ekugcineni siyeke ukulahlekelwa isisindo, senze, sigqokele othile kanye nomuntu, futhi ekugcineni senze okuthile okuthakazelisayo ngempela - ukuhamba, umsebenzi, ubuciko. Ngeyami nami.
* https://now.org/now-foundation/love-your-body/love-your-body-whats-it-all-about/get-the-facts/
** Umzimba, ukudla, ubulili kanye nokukhathazeka. Yini ekhathaza owesifazane wesimanje. Ucwaningo lwe-Clinical psychologist. Lapina Julia. I-Alpina engeyona eqanjiwe, 2020
*** https://mediautopia.ru/story/obeshhanie-luchshej-zhizni-kak-deti-popadayut-v-seks-rabstvo/