Umuntu othandekayo uvame ukucasuka: indlela yokuthola ulimi oluvamile

Ukucasuka kungabhidliza ubudlelwano obuqine kakhulu. Kodwa lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho ngokuvamile kufihla eminye imizwa nezidingo. Indlela yokuzibona nendlela yokusiza othandekayo ovame ukucasuka, kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Elena Tukhareli.

“Bhala izikhalo esihlabathini, qopha izenzo ezinhle ngemabula,” kusho imbongi engumFulentshi uPierre Boiste. Kodwa ingabe kulula lokho ngempela ukulandela? Ukuthi sizizwa kanjani ngokucasuka kuncike embonweni wethu ngezwe, ekuzethembeni, ekubeni khona kwezinto eziyinkimbinkimbi nezilindelwe ezingamanga, kanye nasebudlelwaneni nabanye.

Asikwazi ukuqeda ngokuphelele ukucasuka ezimpilweni zethu, ziyingxenye yemizwa yethu ecebile. Kodwa ungazibona, usebenze ngazo futhi uzisebenzise “njengokukhahlela komlingo” ukuze uzazi futhi uzithuthukise.

Ukucasula nokucasula, sifunda ukubona, ukwakha nokuvikela imingcele yalokho okuvunyelwe. Ngakho siqala ukubona ukuthi yini eyamukelekayo ekuziphatheni kwabanye kithi, nokuthi yini engamukelekile.

Ubani onalokho "okubuhlungu"

Ukucasuka kusebenza njengohlobo lwesibani: kubonisa lapho ncamashi umuntu "elimaza", kuqokomisa ukwesaba kwakhe, izimo zengqondo, izinto ezilindelekile, eziyinkimbinkimbi. Sithola ulwazi oluningi ngathi nangabanye uma siqaphela ukuthi ubani osabela kabukhali kulokho, ubani ocasulwe yini.

Ukuzizwa akwakhi, kodwa ukuxilonga. Emphakathini, ukuvinjelwa kwemizwelo “emibi” enamandla kuyafaneleka, futhi ukubonisa kwabo ngokucasuka akwamukelekile - khumbula isaga esimayelana nowoniwe namanzi. Ngakho-ke, isimo sengqondo ngowoniwe sibuye sibe sibi.

Ukucasuka kungasenza sithukuthele. Futhi, yena, unikeza amandla okuvikela imingcele yakhe futhi afune ubulungisa. Kodwa-ke, kubalulekile ukuthi sikwenze ngendlela enobungani bemvelo, silawule ukubonakaliswa kokucasuka - uma imizwa ithatha amandla, lo muzwa uzosikhukhumeza ngokuphelele, futhi isimo sizophuma ekulawuleni.

Yini ongayenza uma uvame ukucasukela abanye

  • Bhekana nokulindelwe okungenangqondo. Ngokuvamile silindela ukuba abanye benze okusilungele. Ngokuvamile zonke lezi zifiso zikhona emakhanda ethu kuphela: asihlanganyeli ngazo, asizibiki njengento ebalulekile. Ngakho-ke ukuxhumana kwethu nabanye kuphenduka "umdlalo wokuqagela". Isibonelo, intombazane ilindele ukuthi indoda ihlale ibonisa usuku nge-bouquet, kodwa ithatha kalula futhi ayikhulumi ngakho. Ngolunye usuku oluhle efika ngaphandle kwezimbali, lokho akulindele akuthetheleleki - kuphakama ukucasuka.
  • Kudingeka ufunde ukukhuluma ngokukhululekile ngezinto ezibalulekile kuwe, ukuxoxisana nomlingani, abangani, izihlobo. Ukweqiwa okwengeziwe, kuba nezizathu ezengeziwe zokucasulwa.
  • Zama ukuqaphela ukuthi hlobo luni lwesidingo olumbozwa ukucasuka ngaleso sikhathi, ngoba ngokuvamile isidingo esithile esingagcwaliseki “sicasha” ngemva kwaso. Ngokwesibonelo, umama osekhulile ucasulwa indodakazi yakhe engavamile ukufika. Kodwa ngemuva kwalokhu kucasuka kunesidingo sokuxhumana nabantu, okuyinto umama angenayo ngenxa yokuthatha umhlalaphansi. Ungakwazi ukugcwalisa lesi sidingo ngezinye izindlela: ukusiza umama ukuthi athole imisebenzi kanye nabantu abasha obajwayele endaweni eshintshile. Futhi, mhlawumbe, ukuzonda indodakazi kuzophela.

Yini ongayenza uma othandekayo evame ukucasulwa nguwe?

  • Okokuqala, ngokuzola, ngokukhululekile, ngaphandle kokushisa kothando, zama ukuchaza lokho ozizwayo nokubonayo kulesi simo. Kungcono ukusebenzisa “I-I-statements”, okungukuthi, ukukhuluma egameni lakho, ngaphandle kokusola, ukuhlola uzakwethu nokulebula. Khuluma ngemizwa yakho, hhayi eyakhe. Isibonelo, esikhundleni sokuthi: “Uhlala uhoxa kuwe ngangokunokwenzeka…” — ungathi: “Ngiyathukuthela lapho kufanele ngikhiphe amazwi kuwe”, “Ngiphatheka kabi uma ngilinda isikhathi eside njalo uqala ukukhuluma nami futhi… «.
  • Cabanga: kusho ukuthini ukona kwakhe kuwe? Kungani usabele kanjalo kuye? Yini ekunikeza ukusabela okunjalo ezikhalweni? Phela, asiphenduli nje ngokomzwelo ekuziphatheni okuthile, amazwi abanye, kuyilapho ngenkuthalo singakunaki okunye.
  • Uma isimo ngokucasuka siphindaphindwa njalo, thola ukuthi yisiphi isidingo umuntu azama ukusanelisa ngale ndlela. Ngokuvamile abantu abanakho ukunakwa, ukuqashelwa, ukuxhumana nomphakathi. Uma uzakwethu enethuba lokuvala lezi zidingo ngezinye izindlela, ukucasuka ngeke kusebenze. Zamani ukuthola ndawonye indlela yokufeza lokhu.
  • Yamukela ukuthi wena nomuntu ninezinga elihlukile lokuzwela izimo ezilimazayo. Okubonakala kujwayelekile kuwe kungase kucasule omunye umuntu. Ngamunye wethu unemibono yakhe mayelana nemingcele yalokho okuvunyelwe kanye nezimiso zokuziphatha. Mhlawumbe uyazi ngezihloko ezibuhlungu zalo muntu okungafanele uzithinte phambi kwakhe.
  • Khuluma futhi ukhulume. Thola ukuthi usibona kanjani isimo - kungenzeka ukuthi uphuthelwe okuthile. Kunoma ikuphi, imibono nemibono yakho ngeke iqondane 100%.

Njengomthetho, uma ufisa, ungathola ithuba lokukhuluma ngokukhululekile, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo ungalimazi imizwa yomuntu futhi uchaze ukuthi ubheka okwenzeka ngendlela ehlukile. Ukucacisa isimo akusho ukuxolisa nokuvuma icala. Kumayelana nengxoxo, ukuxhumana okuvulekile, mayelana nokwethembana kanye nokuthola isixazululo esinelisa kokubili.

shiya impendulo