Okuqukethwe
Ukukhuluma emshadweni kuyinto ejabulisayo, kodwa kudinga umthwalo wemfanelo omkhulu. Futhi akulula neze ukunikeza inkulumo ukuze abasanda kushada nabavakashi bajabulele ingqondo yakho nobuqotho, futhi bangaphoxeki ngenxa yamahlaya angesihle noma isifiso esingafanele “sokubeletha izingane eziyi-10.”
Njengoba akuwona wonke umuntu onamakhono okukhuluma obala, futhi singaba novalo emicimbini engathi sína, sikucebisa ukuthi ulungiselele i-toast, ucabangele imithetho ethile.
Yiqiniso, wonke umuntu uyazi okuthile: isibonelo, awukwazi ukuza nenkulumo ngomzuzu wokugcina, uphuze utshwala ngaphambi kwenkulumo, futhi usebenzise ulimi olunenhlamba ngokuhalalisela. Kodwa sizokhuluma ngamanye ama-nuances.
Ungadonsi ithosti
Okokuqala, akuwena kuphela isivakashi kulo mshado, futhi ngemva kwakho kukhona umugqa walabo abafuna ukuhalalisela abasanda kushada. Okwesibili, inkulumo yakho kufanele ibe nombono, umqondo obalulekile, futhi ingahlanganisi ukulandisa kabusha kohlu lonke lweziqephu ezivela ekuphileni, ukucabanga kwefilosofi namagama okuhlukanisa.
Ngakho, ngokusho kukaDiane Gottsman, umsunguli wesikole sokuziphatha saseTexas, i-toast enhle ayihlali ngaphezu kwemizuzu engu-7. Abanye ochwepheshe bakholelwa ukuthi kufanele kuthathe imizuzu emi-2 kuye kwengama-5-6. Into esemqoka ukuthi inkulumo kufanele ibe nengqondo futhi ibe namandla.
Ungangabazi ukukhuluma
Kwenzeka ukuthi isikhathi sokwenza i-toast emshadweni sinqunyelwe ngenxa yenani lezimenywa noma ngenxa yemibandela yokugubha, noma abahleli bedwebe uhlelo oluthile lwemidlalo. Gcina lokhu engqondweni futhi uzame ukungaphoqeleli inkulumo ngaphandle uma uceliwe. Uma uthatha ezinye zezinkinga zokuhlela iholide, uzonikeza abasanda kushada ukwesekwa okwengeziwe kunokuba ugqekeza umbhobho ukuze ubafisele injabulo nempilo.
Ungafaki amahlaya abantu abaningi abangeke bawaqonde.
Ngokuvamile, inani elikhulu labantu libuthana emshadweni: phakathi kwabo kukhona bobabili abangane bombhangqwana ongabazi nabo, nezihlobo zabo. Futhi bayoba namahloni ngamahlaya aqondakalayo kuphela kuwe nabasanda kushada kanye nombuthano omncane wabantu. Ingabe kuyadingeka ukuhleka ekuphenduleni lesi sisho? Kwashiwo ngokuhlekisa noma cha? Akucaci kahle.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma «abantu bangaphandle» uthole amahlaya akho, kungenza izinto zibe zimbi nakakhulu. Cishe ubungeke ufune ukuthi ugogo womkhwenyana oneminyaka engu-80 ubudala athole mayelana nezigigaba zobusha bakhe obuneziyaluyalu phakathi nomshado?
Ungakhulumi ngama-ex
Ngisho noma bobabili umakoti nomkhwenyana bahlala behlalisana kahle nabangane babo bangaphambili, ababenendima ebalulekile ngendlela yabo ekuphileni kwabo, lesi akusona isizathu sokusho amagama abo, okwenza abasanda kushada babe novalo. Manje ugubha ukuzalwa komndeni omusha, ujabulela ukuthi abasanda kushada bathole omunye nomunye futhi banquma ukuthatha okubalulekile, okungenani ngokomthetho, isinyathelo. Kungcono ukugxila kukho.
Ungazami ukuhlekisa
Kuyo yonke imishado kuba nesivakashi esijabulisa abantu ngezindaba ezihlekisayo kanye nokuphawula usuku lonke. Akumangalisi ukuthi indima yakhe «enkazimulweni» ibonakala iheha. Nokho, ngomzamo wokusondela kulo, iphutha lakho eliyingozi lingase liqambe amanga.
“Uwazi amandla akho nobuthakathaka bakho kangcono kunanoma ubani omunye. Ungazami ukuhlekisa uma ungakwazi ukukwenza uwedwa, kusho uchwepheshe wezokuziphatha uNick Layton. "Lapho ungabaza, khetha njalo ubuqotho esikhundleni samahlaya."
Ungakhulumi ngezingane zakusasa
Lo mthetho ubonakala ungokwemvelo, akunjalo? Noma kunjalo, abasanda kushada ngokuvamile bayaphoqeleka ukuba balalele iseluleko nezibikezelo mayelana nezingane zabo ezingakahlelwa. Futhi hhayi ezihlotsheni kuphela.
Ngokusho kochwepheshe bezokuziphatha uThomas Farley, akuyona nje indaba yokungahloniphi: «Amagama anjengokuthi 'Angikwazi ukulinda uze ube nendodakazi enhle kangaka' azokwenza umbhangqwana udabuke lapho ubuka amavidiyo omshado, uma egcina elwa nobunyumba.
Ungafundi ocingweni lwakho
Yiqiniso, akunakwenzeka ukuthi ubheke ephepheni noma ocingweni lapho inkulumo irekhodwa kuyo yonke i-toast. Kudingeka okungenani ukhumbule kancane ukuthi uzokhuluma ngani ukuze uhlale ubheka izethameli futhi ungabukeki ungavikelekile.
Ngesikhathi esifanayo, uma ukhetha phakathi kwefoni nokuphrinta, kungcono ukukhetha okokugcina, ngisho noma kubonakala sengathi akuhloniphekile. “Ungawufundi umbhalo ocingweni lwakho,” kusho umbhali wezinkulumo uCaitlin Peterson. - Okuvelele kungashintsha umbala ebusweni bakho ezithombeni nakumavidiyo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, awufuni ukuthi ukunaka kwakho kulahleke phakathi nenkulumo ngenxa yesaziso somlayezo we-Instagram” (inhlangano eyeqisayo evinjelwe eRussia).
Unganikeli i-toast komunye wabashadile
Mhlawumbe ungumngane noma isihlobo sombhangqwana oyedwa kuphela: wazi okuningi ngaye, kodwa cishe lutho ngomlingani wakhe. Futhi noma kunjalo, lokhu kuwumkhosi wabantu ababili, ngakho-ke i-toast kufanele inikezelwe kubo bobabili.
Kuzodingeka wenze umzamo, mhlawumbe ufune ulwazi olwengeziwe mayelana nomlingani womngane wakho, kodwa umsebenzi wakho uzokhokha: abasanda kushada bayokwazisa ukuthi awuzange uzibe noma yimuphi wabo.
Ungadonsi ukunaka
“Ekuzameni ukuzwakala kuhlekisa noma kuhlakaniphile, izikhulumi ziyakhohlwa ukuthi imizuzu yazo emihlanu ekukhanyeni akukona ngempela okumayelana nabo, kodwa mayelana nabasanda kushada,” kusho uVictoria Wellman, umsunguli kanye nomqondisi wokudala we-Public Talk Lab. “Ezinkulumweni zomshado, yonke into eshiwoyo noma eyenziwayo kufanele ibe ngeyokusiza umakoti nomkhwenyana.”
Asikho isidingo sokungena ezindabeni zomuntu siqu phakathi kwakho noma uzikhumbuze kaningi ukuthi uzithanda kangakanani. Yakho «I» futhi «mina» kufanele ibe ngaphansi, ngoba lokhu akuwona umshado wakho.