Izindlela Eziyisi-6 Zokugwema Ukukhubeka Phakathi Nengxoxo Enzima

Isithukuthezi sokukhuluma yitemu elisuka kungqondongqondo yomtholampilo elisho ukugula kwengqondo. Kodwa umqondo ofanayo uvame ukusetshenziselwa ukuchaza ukuziphatha okukhethekile kwenkulumo yomuntu onempilo. Futhi kulokhu, isizathu esiyinhloko sokudideka okunjalo nokuthula okuphoqelelwe yimizwa.

Uma ngenza ukubonisana mayelana nokuvinjwa kwenkulumo, ngizwa izikhalazo ezimbili kaningi kunezinye. Amanye amaklayenti abona ngokudabukisayo ukuthi awakwazanga ukuphendula ophikisana naye ngokwanele engxoxweni (“Bengingazi ukuthi ngizophendula ngithini kulokhu”, “Ngivele ngathula. Futhi manje ngikhathazekile”, “Ngizizwa sengathi ngizivumele phansi"); abanye bakhathazeke ngokungapheli mayelana nokwehluleka okungenzeka (“Kungenzekani uma ngingakwazi ukuphendula umbuzo?”, “Kungenzekani uma ngisho umbhedo?”, “Kuthiwani uma ngibukeka ngiyisiwula?”).

Ngisho nabantu abanolwazi olunzulu lokuxhumana, umsebenzi wabo ohlotshaniswa nesidingo sokukhuluma okuningi futhi kaningi, bangabhekana nenkinga enjalo. 

“Angazi ukuthi ngingayiphendula kanjani ngokushesha inkulumo enokhahlo ebhekiswe kimina. Ngingathanda ukuminyanisa futhi ngiqhwa, bese ezitebhisini ngithole ukuthi ngithini nokuthi ngingaphendula kanjani, "umqondisi odumile uVladimir Valentinovich Menshov wake wahlanganyela engxoxweni. 

Izimo ezibalulekile emphakathini: ukukhuluma esidlangalaleni, izingxoxo namakhasimende, abaphathi nabanye abantu ababalulekile kithi, abaphikisanayo yizinkulumo eziyinkimbinkimbi. Zibonakala ngobusha, ukungaqiniseki kanye, yiqiniso, izingozi zomphakathi. Okungajabulisi kakhulu okuyingozi "yokulahlekelwa ubuso".

Kunzima ukungakhulumi, kunzima ukuthula

Uhlobo lokuthula olunzima kakhulu ngokwengqondo kubantu abaningi ukuthula kwengqondo. Lesi isikhathi esifushane somsebenzi wengqondo lapho sizama khona ukuthola okuqukethwe kanye nesimo sempendulo noma isitatimende sethu. Futhi ngeke sikwenze ngokushesha. Ngezikhathi ezinjengalezi, sizizwa sisengozini enkulu.

Uma ukuthula okunjalo kuthatha imizuzwana emihlanu noma ngaphezulu phakathi nengxoxo nenkulumo, kuvame ukuholela ekuhlulekeni kokukhulumisana: kucekela phansi ukuthintana, kudideke umlaleli noma izethameli, futhi kukhulisa ukushuba kwesikhulumi kwangaphakathi. Ngenxa yalokho, konke lokhu kungathinta kabi isithombe salowo okhulumayo, bese kuba nokuzethemba kwakhe.

Ngokwesiko lethu, ukuthula kuthathwa njengokulahlekelwa ukuzilawula kwezokuxhumana futhi akuthathwa njengensiza. Uma kuqhathaniswa, ngesiko lamaJapane, ukuthula, noma i-timmoku, kuyisu elihle lokuxhumana elihlanganisa ikhono lokukhuluma “ngaphandle kwamagama.” Ngaphakathi kwamasiko aseNtshonalanga, ukuthula kuvame ukubonakala njengokulahlekelwa, impikiswano eqinisekisa ukwehluleka nokungakwazi komuntu. Ukuze ulondoloze ubuso, ubukeke njengochwepheshe, udinga ukuphendula ngokushesha futhi ngokunembile, noma yikuphi ukubambezeleka kwenkulumo akwamukeleki futhi kuthathwa njengokuziphatha okungafaneleki. Eqinisweni, inkinga ye-stupor ayikho ezingeni lokwazi, kodwa ijule kakhulu. 

Ukuthukuthela akuveli enkulumweni, kodwa emicabangweni 

Omunye wabangane bami wake wabelana ngokuthi into enzima kakhulu kuye izingxoxo nozakwethu abathile ngesikhathi semicimbi yebhizinisi. Lapho abantu abaningi abangajwayelekile bebuthana etafuleni elilodwa futhi wonke umuntu eqala ukwabelana ngolwazi lomuntu siqu: ubani futhi kuphi owayephumule, ubani futhi wafundani, wabukela ...

Uthi: “Futhi imicabango yami ibonakala iqhwa noma ayikwazi ukuma emgqeni ovamile ohambisanayo. Ngiqale ngikhulume bese ngiduka ngingazelele, iketango liyanqamuka ... ngiqhubeka nengxoxo ngobunzima, ngiyakhubeka, njengokungathi nami anginasiqiniseko sokuthi ngikhuluma ngani. Angazi ukuthi kungani lokhu kwenzeka…”

Phakathi nengxoxo ebalulekile, engavamile, noma esongela igunya lethu, siba nokucindezeleka okungokomzwelo okunamandla. Uhlelo lokulawula imizwelo luqala ukubusa uhlelo lokucabanga. Futhi lokhu kusho ukuthi esimweni sokucindezeleka okunamandla ngokomzwelo, umuntu unamandla amancane okucabanga, ukusebenzisa ulwazi lwakhe, ukudala amaketanga okucabanga nokulawula inkulumo yakhe. Lapho sicindezelekile ngokomzwelo, kuba nzima ngathi ukukhuluma ngisho nangezinto ezilula, ingasaphathwa eyethula iphrojekthi ethile noma sikholise othile ngombono wethu. 

Ungazisiza kanjani ukukhuluma

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sasekhaya u-Lev Semenovich Vygotsky, owafunda izici zokukhiqiza izitatimende, waphawula ukuthi uhlelo lwethu lwenkulumo (lokho esihlela ukukusho nokuthi kanjani) lusengozini kakhulu. "Ufana nefu elikwazi ukuhwamuka, noma linetha amagama." Futhi umsebenzi wesikhulumi, ukuqhubeka nesingathekiso sososayensi, ukudala izimo zezulu ezifanele zokukhiqiza inkulumo. Kanjani?

Zinike isikhathi sokuzishuna

Zonke izingxoxo eziyimpumelelo ziqala emiqondweni yabaxoxisana nangaphambi kokuba bahlangane. Ukungena ekukhulumisaneni okuyinkimbinkimbi nemicabango enesiphithiphithi, engaqondile kuwubudedengu. Kulokhu, ngisho nesici sokucindezeleka esingabalulekile (isibonelo, umnyango ovulekile ehhovisi) singaholela ekuhlulekeni kokuxhumana lapho isikhulumi singase singaphinde silulame. Ukuze ungalahleki phakathi nengxoxo enzima noma uphinde uthole ikhono lokukhuluma uma kwenzeka u-stupor, thatha imizuzu embalwa ukulalela othintana naye kanye nomuntu okhuluma naye. Ahlale athule. Zibuze imibuzo elula. Iyini inhloso yengxoxo yami? Ngizokhuluma ngayiphi indima (umama, ongaphansi, umphathi, umeluleki)? Nginesibopho ngani kule ngxoxo? Ngizokhuluma nobani? Yini engalindelwa kulo muntu noma izithameli? Ukuze uziqinise ngaphakathi, khumbula ulwazi lwakho oluyimpumelelo lokuxhumana. 

Yenza isimo sibe esijwayelekile ngangokunokwenzeka

Yinto entsha eyimbangela evamile yokwehluleka kwenkulumo. Umfundisi onokuhlangenwe nakho angakwazi ukuxhumana kahle nozakwabo noma abafundi ngezihloko zesayensi, kodwa ngezihloko ezifanayo uzodideka, isibonelo, nomsebenzi osebenza efektri. Izimo ezingajwayelekile noma ezingavamile zokuxhumana (i-interlocutor entsha, indawo yengxoxo engaziwa, ukusabela okungalindelekile komphikisi) kuholela ekucindezelekeni ngokomzwelo futhi, ngenxa yalokho, ekuhlulekeni kwezinqubo zokucabanga kanye nenkulumo. Ukunciphisa ubungozi bokuquleka, kubalulekile ukwenza isimo sokuxhumana sibe esijwayelekile ngangokunokwenzeka. Cabanga nge-interlocutor, indawo yokuxhumana. Zibuze mayelana ne-force majeure engenzeka, cabanga ngezindlela zokuphuma kuzo kusengaphambili. 

Bheka lowo okhuluma naye njengomuntu ojwayelekile 

Lapho behlanganyela ezingxoxweni ezinzima, abantu bavame ukunika abaxhumanisi babo amandla amakhulu: noma ukubenza bacabange (“Muhle kakhulu, uhlakaniphe kakhulu, angilutho uma ngiqhathaniswa naye”) noma ukubafaka amademoni (“Mubi, unobuthi, uyangifisela ukulimaza, kungilimaza «). Isithombe esihle ngokwedlulele noma esibi ngokwedlulele sozakwethu emqondweni womuntu siphenduka sibe isiqhumane esivusa futhi siqinise ukusabela okungokomzwelo futhi siholele esiphithiphithini emicabangweni nasekuqulekeni.

Ukuze ungaweli ngaphansi kwethonya lesithombe esingakhi se-interlocutor futhi ngeze ukuthi ungazikhohlisi, kubalulekile ukuhlola ngokweqiniso umphikisi wakho. Zikhumbuze ukuthi lona ngumuntu ojwayelekile onamandla ngandlela thize, obuthakathaka ngandlela thize, oyingozi ngandlela thize, owusizo ngandlela thize. Imibuzo ekhethekile izokusiza ukuthi ulalele i-interlocutor ethile. Ubani umkhulumeli wami? Yini ebalulekile kuye? Yini ayilwela ngobuqotho? Iliphi isu lokuxhumana ajwayele ukulisebenzisa? 

Yeka imicabango edala ukungezwani okukhulu kwemizwa

“Lapho kimina ngibona sengathi ngeke ngikwazi ukuphimisa kahle leli gama noma lelo, uvalo lwami lokuduka luyakhula. Futhi, kunjalo, ngiyadideka. Futhi kuvele ukuthi isibikezelo sami siyafezeka,” kuphawula elinye lamakhasimende ami. Ukukhiqizwa kwezitatimende kuyinqubo yengqondo eyinkimbinkimbi evinjwa kalula noma ngemicabango engemihle noma okulindelekile okungenangqondo.

Ukuze ulondoloze ikhono lakho lokukhuluma, kubalulekile ukushintsha imicabango engakhi ngesikhathi futhi uzikhulule emthwalweni wemfanelo ongadingekile. Yini ngempela okufanele iyekwe: kusukela kumphumela omuhle wenkulumo ("Ngizokhuluma ngaphandle kwephutha elilodwa"), kusukela kumiphumela emihle kakhulu ("Sizovumelana emhlanganweni wokuqala"), kusukela ekuthembeleni ekuhlolweni kwabantu bangaphandle ("Yini ezokwenza bacabanga ngami!”). Ngokushesha nje lapho uzikhulula ekuthwaleni umthwalo wemfanelo wezinto ezingancikile kuwe, kuzoba lula kakhulu ukukhuluma.

Hlaziya izingxoxo ngendlela efanele 

Ukuzindla ngekhwalithi akusizi nje kuphela ukufunda isipiliyoni nokuhlela ingxoxo elandelayo, kodwa futhi kusebenza njengesisekelo sokwakha ukuzethemba ekukhulumeni. Abantu abaningi bakhuluma kabi ngokwehluleka kwabo kwenkulumo futhi bekhuluma ngabo njengababambe iqhaza kwezokuxhumana. “Ngihlale ngikhathazekile. Angikwazi ukuxhuma amagama amabili. Ngiwenza amaphutha ngaso sonke isikhathi,” basho. Ngakho, abantu bakha futhi baqinise isithombe sabo njengesikhulumi esingaphumeleli. Futhi ngomqondo onjalo wokuzicabangela akunakwenzeka ukukhuluma ngokuzethemba futhi ngaphandle kokungezwani. Ukuzibona okungalungile nakho kuholela eqinisweni lokuthi umuntu uqala ukugwema izimo eziningi zokuxhumana, azincishe umkhuba wokukhuluma - futhi aziqhubele emjikelezweni ononya. Lapho uhlaziya inkhulumomphendvulwano noma inkulumo, kubalulekile ukwenza izinto ezintathu: qaphela hhayi kuphela lokho okungazange kuphumelele, kodwa futhi nalokho okuhambe kahle, futhi ufinyelele iziphetho zekusasa.

Nweba i-repertoire yezimo namafomula okuziphatha kwenkulumo 

Esimeni esicindezelayo, kunzima ngathi ukudala izitatimende zangempela, ngokuvamile azikho izisetshenziswa zengqondo ezanele zalokhu. Ngakho-ke, kubaluleke kakhulu ukwakha ibhange lamaphethini enkulumo ezimweni eziyinkimbinkimbi zokuxhumana. Isibonelo, ungathola kusengaphambili noma uzenzele ezakho izinhlobo zezimpendulo zemibuzo engakhululekile, izifanekiso zamazwana namahlaya ezingase zibe usizo kuwe engxoxweni encane, izifanekiso zezincazelo zemiqondo eyinkimbinkimbi yobungcweti ... Akwanele ukufunda lezi zitatimende. kuwe noma uzibhale phansi. Kudingeka bakhulunywe, okungcono esimweni sangempela sokuxhumana.

Noma yikuphi, ngisho nesikhulumi esinolwazi kakhulu, singadideka ngemibuzo engakhululekile noma enzima, izinkulumo ezinonya ze-interlocutor kanye nokudideka kwabo. Ezikhathini zokwehluleka kwenkulumo, kubaluleke kakhulu kunangaphambili ukuba sohlangothini lwakho, ukungakhethi ukuzigxeka, kodwa ukuziyala nokuzijwayeza. Futhi kulokhu, ifu lakho lemicabango ngokuqinisekile lizonisa amagama.