Okuqukethwe
Okubalulekile ukulwela ukufuna uthando wukuhlangana nomuntu ozosamukela ngalokho esiyikho. Uma uvumelana nanoma yini encane, zilungiselele ukudumazeka okukhulu. Ochwepheshe bethu baqambe izimo eziyisithupha zempilo kanye nezici zobuntu okungaba yiphutha ukuyeka ngenxa yobudlelwano.
1. Ukuxhumana kwakho nomndeni nabangane
“Uma umngane wakho womshado ekuthanda, uyokwenza umzamo wokuphatha abangane bakho nabathandekayo bakho ngomusa nangenhlonipho,” kusho uChristina Wilke, umelaphi womkhaya ePennsylvania. Lokhu kusho ukuthi ngeke acasuke futhi enze ubuso omuncu ekuphenduleni isicelo sokuya eholidini lomndeni elibalulekile nabazali bakho. Ngeke akhulume amazwi abhuqayo lapho exoxa ngezinkinga empilweni yomuntu siqu yentombi yakho eseduze.
“Awukwazi ukuvele uchithe ubungani beminyaka noma ukusondelana nezihlobo ngokutshelwa wumuntu othandana naye,” kuchaza ungoti. “Futhi mancane amathuba okuthi ukwazi ukwakha ubuhlobo bokwethembana nomuntu okuphoqa ukuthi ukhethe phakathi kwakhe nalabo obathandayo ngendlela yakho.”
2. Ukushiyeka kwakho
Sonke singena ebudlelwaneni nenani elithile lomthwalo. Wonke umuntu unesethi yakhe ehlukile yamaphutha akhe futhi achaza impilo.
Uma enye ingxenye yenqaba ukuvuma ubuthakathaka bakho, ngokushesha noma kamuva uzoba nezingxabano.
“Umuntu ofanelekela isikhathi sakho namandla uyothola indlela yokuthanda yonke into ngawe, kuhlanganise nokungapheleli kwakho,” kuphawula uBetsy Ross, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseMassachusetts. - Ukubona okuhle kuphela kumlingani, ukungazinaki izimfanelo zakhe ezingathandeki kakhulu, kuyingozi: akekho umuntu oyedwa ekuphileni kwansuku zonke ongakwazi ukuhlala engenakulinganiswa kukho konke isikhathi eside. Kwesinye isikhathi, ngeke ukwazi ukungaboni izicathulo ziphonswa phakathi nendawo yephasishi, izitsha ezingcolile kusinki, noma ukuphawula okungenangqondo nganoma yisiphi isikhathi. Futhi uma enye ingxenye yenqaba ukuqaphela ubuthakathaka bakho, ngokushesha noma kamuva uzoba nezingxabano.
3. Amanani
“Uma ufuna ubuhlobo obuqinile, ungalokothi uguqule izindinganiso zakho,” kuxwayisa umqeqeshi wezehlukaniso uKira Gould. — Uthando lweqiniso lusekelwe engxoxweni yabantu abaqotho kubo. Ukusuka ekuzameni ukuba ungabi yilokho oyikho ukuze ujabulise umlingani wakho, ukhathala ngokushesha.
Isifiso sokuthandwa nokwamukelwa akufanele siye ekulimazeni "mina" weqiniso.
Ukuphila amanga kuyasithena amandla. Ikakhulukazi, ukushintsha umbono wakho womndeni, wesizotha nokuzethemba, (un)ingokomoya, noma izindaba zokuphepha kwezomnotho ngokuvuna izinkolelo zozakwenu kuyindlela efile evame ukuholela ekubhidlikeni kobudlelwano. Abaningi bethu basondelene futhi baqonde isifiso somhlaba wonke sokuthandwa nokwamukelwa, kodwa lesi sidingo akufanele siye ekulimazeni kweqiniso lethu elithi «I».
4. Imigomo yokuphila
Imigomo obunayo ngaphambi kokuthi uhlangane nenye ingxenye yakho akufanele ishintshe kakhulu ngoba manje usungomunye wabashadikazi.
“Yebo, ningaphupha nindawonye futhi nenze izinhlelo ezihlangene zekusasa, kodwa akufanele zivimbele imigomo yokuphila kwembulunga yonke,” kusho u-Amy Kipp, umelaphi womndeni waseTexas. “Izinhloso zakho kumele zibumbane, zingaqhudelani. Uma ubulokhu ugxile emisebenzini, umlingani wakho kufanele asekele izixazululo ezizokusiza emsebenzini wakho.
Uma ukuzalwa kwezingane yilokho obukade uphupha ngakho, akufanele uhlukane naleli phupho ukuze wenze umlingani wakho ajabule. Izinkinga ezinjalo ezibalulekile kufanele kuxoxwe ngazo ekuqaleni kobudlelwano, ukuze wonke umuntu azicacisele ukuthi imigomo yenu iyafana yini.”
5. Izimfanelo ezikwenza ukhethekile
Bathini abangani bakho ngawe uma bethula kothile embuthanweni wabo? Ukuthi unomusa futhi uyabacabangela abanye? Uhlakaniphe ngendlela emangalisayo futhi uyahlekisa?
“Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi iziphi izimfanelo zenu ezikhanyayo, eziyingqayizivele, ningazivumeli zishabalale futhi zife ekuphileni kwenu ndawonye,” kweluleka uMarni Feuerman, umelaphi womkhaya waseFlorida. — Uma abantu abaningi bebone imfanelo yakho njengenhle, ungayishintshi ngoba umuntu oyedwa, umlingani wakho, uyakugxeka.
Izinto zokuzilibazisa zilungele ubudlelwano: injabulo esiyithola ngokwenza esikuthandayo ibhebhezela intshiseko
Mhlawumbe unomona ngawe, unobungane futhi ukhululekile, kubangani bakho. Noma uthambekele ekubenila futhi ahlele yonke into, futhi ukuzenzela kwakho nothando lwenkululeko kuyamcasula. Indlela eyodwa noma enye, kodwa uma umlingani ekholelwa ukuthi kukhona okudingayo "ukulungiswa" kuwe, thatha lokhu njengophawu oluyisixwayiso: kufanelekile ukuqhubeka nobuhlobo obunjalo nhlobo.
6. Izinkanuko zakho
Ungene ebholeni noma unikela enhlanganweni esiza abantulayo ngempelasonto, kodwa kamuva nje ubulokhu uyeka leyo misebenzi kakhulu, ukhetha ukuchitha isikhathi nozakwenu. Ekuqaleni kobudlelwane, phakathi nenkathi yezinsuku zothando nokwazana, ushintsho olunjalo ezintweni eziza kuqala lungokwemvelo.
“Kunzima ukuthi abathandanayo bahlukane, noma kuyisikhashana nje. Kodwa-ke, ungaziyeki izinkanuko ngokunciphisa impilo kulobu budlelwano obusafufusa, kuxwayisa uDebra Campbell, udokotela wezengqondo womndeni waseMelbourne. - Isithandwa singase sibe omunye wabantu ababaluleke kakhulu empilweni yakho, kepha ukuxhumana nezinye izinto zothando, izinto zokuzilibazisa, ezemidlalo, amaphrojekthi wokudala kuyadingeka.
Izinto zokuzilibazisa zilungele kuphela ubudlelwano bomuntu siqu: injabulo nokwaneliseka esikuthola ngokwenza esikuthandayo kubhebhezela intshiseko. Ngezikhathi ezinjalo, sisesimweni esihle kakhulu futhi ngenxa yalokho sikhanga kakhulu kumlingani futhi siyathakazelisa kithina. Ungalokothi ulahle ithemba ngalokho okukujabulisayo.”