Indlela yokukhuluma nengane encane: Izimiso ezi-3 ezibalulekile

Okwangempela okutholwe ekuqaleni kwaleli khulunyaka kwaba ucwaningo olwenziwa ongoti bezengqondo ezithuthukayo baseNyuvesi yaseKansas (USA) uBetty Hart noTodd Risley olunquma kusengaphambili impumelelo yomuntu hhayi ngamakhono azalwa nawo, hhayi ngesimo somnotho somndeni, hhayi ngohlanga. futhi hhayi ngobulili, kodwa ngenani lamagama akhulunywa ngawo eminyakeni yokuqala yokuphila¹.

Akusizi ukuhlalisa ingane phambi kwe-TV noma uvule i-audiobook amahora amaningana: ukuxhumana nomuntu omdala kubaluleke kakhulu.

Kunjalo, ukuthi “yeka” izikhathi eziyizigidi ezingamashumi amathathu ngeke kusize ingane ukuba ikhule ibe umuntu omdala okhaliphile, okhiqizayo, futhi ozinzile ngokomzwelo. Kubalulekile ukuthi lokhu kuxhumana kube nenjongo, nokuthi inkulumo iyinkimbinkimbi futhi ihlukahlukene.

Ngaphandle kokusebenzelana nabanye, ikhono lokufunda liba buthaka. “Ngokungafani nojeke ozogcina noma yini oyithela kuwo, ubuchopho obungenampendulo bufana nesisefo,” kuphawula uDana Suskind. "Ulimi alukwazi ukufundwa nje, kodwa kuphela ngokusabela (okungcono) ukusabela kwabanye kanye nokuxhumana nabantu."

UDkt. Suskind wafingqa ucwaningo lwakamuva emkhakheni wokukhula kusenesikhathi futhi wenza uhlelo lokuxhumana phakathi komzali nengane oluzoba nengxenye ekuthuthukisweni okungcono kakhulu kobuchopho bengane. Isu lakhe liqukethe izimiso ezintathu: ukulalela ingane, ukuxhumana naye kaningi, ukuthuthukisa inkhulumomphendvulwano.

Ukwenza ngokwezifiso ingane

Sikhuluma ngesifiso esiqotho somzali sokuqaphela konke okuthakazelisa ingane futhi akhulume naye ngalesi sihloko. Ngamanye amazwi, udinga ukubheka ohlangothini olufanayo nelomntwana.

Naka umsebenzi wakhe. Ngokwesibonelo, umuntu omdala onezinhloso ezinhle uhlala phansi nencwadi ethandwa ingane ayimeme ukuba ilalele. Kodwa ingane ayiphenduli, iqhubeka nokwakha umbhoshongo wamabhuloki ahlakazekile phansi. Abazali bayaphinda futhi: “Woza lapha, uhlale phansi. Bheka ukuthi iyiphi incwadi ethokozisayo. Manje ngifundela wena."

Konke kubonakala kuhamba kahle, akunjalo? Incwadi yabantu abadala abanothando. Yini enye edingwa ingane? Mhlawumbe into eyodwa kuphela: ukunaka kwabazali emsebenzini lapho ingane ngokwayo inesithakazelo khona okwamanje.

Ukulalela ingane kusho ukunaka ekwenzayo nokuhlanganyela emisebenzini yayo. Lokhu kuqinisa ukuxhumana futhi kusiza ukuthuthukisa amakhono ahilelekile emdlalweni, futhi ngokusebenzisana ngamazwi, ukuthuthukisa ubuchopho bakhe.

Iqiniso liwukuthi ingane ingagxila kuphela kulokho okuthandayo. Uma uzama ukushintsha ukunaka kwakhe komunye umsebenzi, ubuchopho kufanele busebenzise amandla amaningi engeziwe.

Ikakhulukazi, ukuhlola kuye kwabonisa ukuthi uma ingane kufanele ihlanganyele emsebenzini ongathakazelisi kangako kuye, cishe ngeke iwakhumbule amagama asetshenziswa ngaleso sikhathi.².

Yiba sezingeni elifanayo nengane yakho. Hlala naye phansi ngenkathi udlala, mbambe emathangeni akho ngenkathi ufunda, hlala etafuleni elilodwa ngenkathi udla, noma uphakamise ingane yakho ukuze ibuke umhlaba kusukela ekuphakameni kwakho.

Yenza inkulumo yakho ibe lula. Njengoba nje izingane zidonsa ukunaka ngemisindo, nabazali baziheha ngokushintsha iphimbo noma ivolumu yezwi labo. I-Lisping ibuye isize izingqondo zezingane zifunde ulimi.

Ucwaningo lwakamuva luthole ukuthi izingane ezineminyaka emibili ubudala ezalashelwa phakathi kwezinyanga eziyi-11 neziyi-14 zaziwazi amagama aphindwe kabili kunalawo ayekhulunywe “ngendlela yabantu abadala.”

Amagama alula, aqondakalayo adonsela ukunaka kwengane ngokushesha kulokho okushiwoyo nokuthi ubani okhulumayo, eyikhuthaza ukuba icindezele ukunaka kwayo, ihileleke futhi ikhulume. Kuye kwafakazelwa ngokuhlolwa ukuthi izingane “zifunda” amagama eziwezwa kaningi futhi zilalele isikhathi eside imisindo eziyizwile ngaphambili.

Ukuxhumana okusebenzayo

Isho ngokuzwakalayo konke okwenzayo. Ukuphawula okunjalo kungenye indlela "yokuzungeza" ingane ngenkulumo.. Akwandisi nje kuphela isilulumagama, kodwa futhi kukhombisa ubudlelwano phakathi komsindo (igama) nesenzo noma into elibhekise kuyo.

“Asifake inabukeni elisha…. Imhlophe ngaphandle futhi iluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka ngaphakathi. Futhi hhayi emanzi. Bheka. Yomile futhi ithambe kakhulu." “Thola izixubho! Elakho libubende kanti elikababa liluhlaza. Manje cindezela unamathisele, cindezela kancane. Futhi sizohlanza, phezulu naphansi. I-Ticklish?

Sebenzisa amazwana adlulayo. Zama hhayi kuphela ukuchaza imisebenzi yakho, kodwa futhi uphawule ngezenzo zomntwana: “O, uthole izihluthulelo zikamama wakho. Ngicela ungawafaki emlonyeni. Azikwazi ukuhlafunwa. Akukhona ukudla lokhu. Ingabe uyayivula imoto yakho ngokhiye? Izikhiye zivula umnyango. Asivule nabo umnyango."

Gwema izabizwana. Izabizwana azikwazi ukubonakala, ngaphandle kokuthi zicatshangelwe, bese uma wazi ukuthi imayelana nani. Yena… yena…? Ingane ayazi ukuthi ukhuluma ngani. Hhayi "Ngiyayithanda", kodwa "Ngithanda umdwebo wakho".

Isengezo, chaza imishwana yakhe. Lapho ifunda ulimi, ingane isebenzisa izingxenye zamagama nemisho engaphelele. Esimweni sokuxhumana nomntwana, kuyadingeka ukugcwalisa izikhala ezinjalo ngokuphinda imishwana esevele iqediwe. Ukwengezwa kokuthi: "Inja idabukile" kuzoba ukuthi: "Inja yakho idabukile."

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ubunkimbinkimbi benkulumo buyanda. Esikhundleni sokuthi: “Wozani, ake sithi,” sithi: “Amehlo akho asenamathelene. Sekuhlwile futhi ukhathele." Izengezo, imishwana enemininingwane neyokwakha ikuvumela ukuthi ube nezinyathelo ezimbalwa ngaphambi kwamakhono okuxhumana omntanakho, umkhuthaze ekuxhumaneni okuyinkimbinkimbi nokuguquguqukayo.

Ukuthuthukiswa Kwezingxoxo

Inkhulumomphendvulwano ihlanganisa ukucobelelana ngamazwi. Lona umthetho wegolide wokuxhumana phakathi kwabazali nezingane, okubaluleke kakhulu izindlela ezintathu zokuthuthukisa ubuchopho obuncane. Ungakwazi ukufeza ukuxhumana okusebenzayo ngokulalela lokho okuthatha ukunaka kwengane, futhi ukhulume nayo ngakho ngangokunokwenzeka.

Linda ngesineke impendulo. Engxoxweni, kubaluleke kakhulu ukunamathela ekushintshaneni kwezindima. Ukugcwalisa isimo sobuso nokushukuma komzimba ngamazwi - okokuqala okucatshangwayo, bese kulingisa futhi, ekugcineni, okwangempela, ingane ingakwazi ukukuthatha isikhathi eside kakhulu.

Isikhathi eside kangangokuthi umama noma ubaba ufuna ukuphendula ngakho. Kodwa ungajahi ukuphula inkhulumomphendvulwano, nikeza ingane isikhathi sokuthola igama elifanele.

Amagama athi “yini” kanye “yini” avimbela inkhulumomphendvulwano. "Ibhola linjani?" "Ithini inkomo?" Imibuzo enjalo ayifaki isandla ekuqoqweni kwamagama, ngoba ikhuthaza ingane ukuba ikhumbule amagama eyazi kakade.

Imibuzo ye-Yebo noma cha ingena esigabeni esifanayo: ayisizi ekugcineni ingxoxo futhi ayikufundisi lutho olusha. Ngokuphambene, imibuzo enjengokuthi “kanjani” noma “kungani” imvumela ukuba aphendule ngamagama ahlukahlukene, ihilela imicabango nemibono ehlukahlukene.

Embuzweni othi "kungani" akunakwenzeka ukunqekuzisa ikhanda noma ukukhomba ngomunwe. "Kanjani?" futhi ngani?" qala inqubo yokucabanga, egcina iholela ekhonweni lokuxazulula izinkinga.

¹ A. Weisleder, A. Fernald «Ukukhuluma nezingane kubalulekile: Ulwazi lolimi lwakuqala luqinisa ukucubungula nokwakha ulwazimagama». Psychological Science, 2013, №24.

² G. Hollich, K. Hirsh-Pasek, kanye no-RM Golinkoff «Ukuphula umgoqo wolimi: Imodeli yemfelandawonye yezimo eziphuthumayo yemvelaphi yokufunda kwamagama», Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development 65.3, №262 (2000).