Izinto eziyisi-6 okufanele uzazi ngobudlelwano obunempilo

“Ubudlelwano obunempilo akumele busebenze. Futhi uma kusafanele usebenze, sekuyisikhathi sokuhlakazeka. “Kufanele sibe nokuhambisana okukhulu. Uma kudingeka ukwelashwa, ubuhlobo buphelile. ” "Umlingani kumele azi ukuthi yini engiyifunayo nokuthi yini engiyidingayo." «Imibhangqwana ejabulayo ayilokothi ixabane; izingxabano zichitha ubudlelwano."

Nazi izibonelo ezimbalwa zemibono eyiphutha mayelana nobudlelwano obunempilo. Ngicabanga ukuthi kubalulekile ukuwakhumbula, ngoba imicabango ithonya indlela esiziphatha ngayo nesibona ngayo inyunyana. Ngokucabanga ukuthi ukwelapha kungokwalabo abasondelene nesehlukaniso kuphela futhi abanezinkinga zangempela, ungase uphuthelwe indlela yokuthuthukisa ubuhlobo. Ukukholelwa ukuthi umlingani kufanele aqagele ukuthi yini oyidingayo, awukhulumi ngezifiso ngokuqondile, kodwa ushaye ihlathi, uzizwe unganelisekile futhi ucasukile. Ekugcineni, ucabanga ukuthi awukho umzamo odingekayo ukuze uthuthukise ubuhlobo, uzozama ukubuqeda ngesikhathi sokuqala sokungqubuzana, nakuba kungase kuqinise isibopho sakho.

Izimo zethu zengqondo zingakusiza ukuthi usondele kumlingani wakho, kodwa futhi zingakuphoqa ukuthi uhambe futhi uzizwe udabukile. Ochwepheshe bahlonza izimpawu ezimbalwa ezibalulekile zobudlelwano obunempilo wonke umuntu okufanele azi ngazo.

1. Ubudlelwano obunempilo abuhlali bulinganiselwe

Ngokusho komelaphi womndeni uMara Hirschfeld, imibhangqwana ayisekeli njalo ngokulinganayo: lesi silinganiso singase singabi ngu-50/50, kodwa kunalokho 90/10. Ake sithi umkakho unomsebenzi omningi, futhi kufanele ahlale ehhovisi nsuku zonke hhayi kuze kube sebusuku. Ngalesi sikhathi, umyeni unakekela yonke imisebenzi yasekhaya futhi anakekele nezingane. Umama womyeni wami kutholakala ukuthi unomdlavuza ngenyanga ezayo futhi udinga ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo nosizo endlini yonke. Bese kubalwa unkosikazi kulolu hlelo. Into eyinhloko ukuthi bobabili abalingani basekelana ngezikhathi ezinzima futhi bakhumbule ukuthi isilinganiso esinjalo asikho kuze kube phakade.

U-Hirschfeld uqinisekile ukuthi udinga ukuhlola ngokucophelela ukuthi zingakanani izinsiza ozisebenzisayo njengamanje ebuhlotsheni, futhi ukhulume ngazo ngokukhululekile. Kubalulekile futhi ukulondoloza ukwethenjwa komkhaya futhi ungazami ukubona inhloso embi kuyo yonke into. Ngakho-ke, ebuhlotsheni obunempilo, umlingani akacabangi ukuthi “usemsebenzini ngoba enganakile,” kodwa “kufanele akwenze lokhu ngempela.”

2. Lobu budlelwano bubuye bube nezingxabano.

Thina, abantu, siyinkimbinkimbi, wonke umuntu unezinkolelo zakhe, izifiso, imicabango nezidingo, okusho ukuthi izingxabano ekukhulumisaneni azikwazi ukugwema. Ngisho namawele afanayo ane-DNA efanayo, akhulela emndenini owodwa, ngokuvamile anesimo esihluke ngokuphelele.

Kodwa, ngokusho kwesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uClinton Power, kumbhangqwana onempilo, abalingani bahlale bexoxa ngalokho okwenzekile, ngoba ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ukungqubuzana okungaxazululeki kuba kubi kakhulu, futhi abashadile bathola ukuzisola nokucasuka.

3. Abashadile bathembekile ezifungweni zabo zomshado

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uPeter Pearson sikholelwa ukuthi labo ababhala izifungo zabo zomshado kakade sebenayo iresiphi ephelele yomshado. Lezi zithembiso zingcono kunezeluleko ezinikezwa abasanda kushada ngababathandayo. Izifungo ezinjalo zinquma ukuba ndawonye ngenjabulo nasosizini, futhi zikukhumbuze ukuthi uhlale ungumlingani onothando.

Izithembiso eziningi kunzima ukuzigcina: isibonelo, hlala ubona okuhle kuphela kumlingani. Kodwa ngisho noma kumbhangqwana onempilo omunye womshado enezikhathi ezinzima, owesibili uzomsekela njalo - yile ndlela ubudlelwano obuqinile obakhiwe ngayo.

4. Uzakwethu njalo uza kuqala

Ngamanye amazwi, kumbhangqwana onjalo bayakwazi ukubeka phambili, futhi umlingani uzohlala ebaluleke kakhulu kunabanye abantu nemicimbi, uClinton Power ukholelwa. Ake sithi ubuzohlangana nabangane, kodwa umlingani wakho ufuna ukuhlala ekhaya. Ngakho uhlela kabusha umhlangano futhi uchithe isikhathi naye. Noma umngane womshado ufuna ukubukela ifilimu ongenasithakazelo kuyo, kodwa unquma ukuyibuka ndawonye noma kunjalo ukuze nichithe lesi sikhathi nindawonye. Uma evuma ukuthi akasazizwa exhumene nawe muva nje, ukhansela zonke izinhlelo zakho zokuba naye.

5. Ngisho nobudlelwano obuhle bungaba buhlungu.

UMara Hirschfeld uthi omunye wozakwethu kwesinye isikhathi angaphawula ngendlela eyindida, kanti omunye uyazivikela. Ukumemeza noma ukudelela kuleli cala kuyindlela yokuzivikela. Ngokuvamile, isizathu siwukuthi umlingani wakho wahlukunyezwa umzali esemncane, futhi manje usezwela iphimbo lomunye umuntu nesimo sobuso, kanye nokuphawula okuhlaziyayo.

Umelaphi ukholelwa ukuthi sivame ukusabela ngokweqile ezimweni lapho sizizwa singathandwa, singafunwa, noma singakufanelekeli ukunakwa—ngamafuphi, lezo ezisikhumbuza ukuhlukumezeka kwakudala. Ubuchopho buphendula ngendlela ekhethekile kuma-triggers ahlotshaniswa nobuntwana kanye nalabo abasikhulisayo. “Uma ukuxhumana nabazali bekungazinzile noma kungalindelekile, lokhu kungathinta umbono wezwe. Umuntu angase abe nomuzwa wokuthi umhlaba awuphephile futhi abantu abathenjwa,” kuchaza yena.

6. Abalingani bayavikelana

UClinton Power uqinisekile ukuthi enhlanganweni enjalo, abashadile abavikelani kuphela ekuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu, kodwa futhi bazinakekele. Abasoze balimazana phakathi kwabantu noma ngemva kweminyango evaliwe.

Ngokusho kwamandla, uma ubuhlobo bakho bunempilo ngempela, awusoze wathatha uhlangothi lomuntu ohlasela umlingani wakho, kodwa, ngokuphambene nalokho, phuthuma ukuvikela othandekayo wakho. Futhi uma isimo siphakamisa imibuzo, xoxa ngayo nomlingani wakho mathupha, hhayi phambi kwawo wonke umuntu. Uma othile exabana nesithandwa sakho, ngeke udlale indima yokuba umlamuleli, kodwa uzokweluleka ukuthi uxazulule zonke izinkinga ngokuqondile.

Kafushane, inyunyana enempilo yileyo lapho bobabili abalingani bezimisele ukufaka izingozi ezingokomzwelo futhi basebenze njalo ebuhlotsheni ngothando nangesineke. Kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo, kukhona indawo yakho kokubili amaphutha nokuthethelela. Kubalulekile ukuvuma ukuthi wena nomlingani wakho aniphelele futhi lokho kulungile. Ubudlelwano akudingekile ukuba buphelele ukuze lusanelise futhi benze ukuphila kube nenjongo. Yebo, ukungqubuzana nokungaqondi ngezinye izikhathi kuyenzeka, kodwa uma inyunyana yakhelwe phezu kokwethenjwa nokusekelwa, ingabhekwa njengenempilo.