Okuqukethwe
Ubunye obuhle, ubuhlobo obakhelwe othandweni kuphela, bungenye yezinganekwane eziyinhloko. Imibono enjalo eyiphutha ingaphenduka izingibe ezingathi sína endleleni yomshado. Kubalulekile ukulandelela phansi futhi uqede lezi zinganekwane ngesikhathi - kodwa hhayi ukuze ucwiliswe olwandle lokugxeka futhi uyeke ukukholelwa othandweni, kodwa ukuze usize umshado "usebenze" kangcono.
1. Uthando lulodwa lwanele ukugcina izinto zihamba kahle.
Inhlansi yothando, umshado osheshayo kanye nesehlukaniso esisheshayo esifanayo eminyakeni embalwa. Konke kuba yisizathu sokuxabana: umsebenzi, ikhaya, abangane ...
Abasanda kushada uLily noMax babenendaba efanayo yothando. Ungusozimali, ungumculi. Unomoya ophansi futhi ulinganisela, uyaqhuma futhi akacabangi. Ngacabanga: njengoba sithandana, konke kuzohamba kahle, konke kuzoba njengoba kufanele! ukhononda kubangani bakhe ngemuva kwesehlukaniso.
“Ayisekho inganekwane ekhohlisayo, ebuhlungu nelimazayo,” kusho uchwepheshe wemishado u-Anna-Maria Bernardini. “Uthando lulodwa alwanele ukugcina abashadikazi bemi ngezinyawo. Uthando luwumfutho wokuqala, kodwa isikebhe kufanele sibe namandla, futhi kubalulekile ukuthi uhlale ugcwalisa uphethiloli.”
I-London Metropolitan University yenza ucwaningo phakathi kwemibhangqwana ehlala ndawonye iminyaka eminingi. Bayavuma ukuthi impumelelo yomshado wabo incike kakhulu ebuqothweni nasemoyeni wokubambisana kunasekushisekeleni.
Sibheka uthando lwezothando njengesithako esiyinhloko somshado ojabulisayo, kodwa lokhu akulungile. Umshado uyinkontileka, uye wabonakala emakhulwini amaningi eminyaka ngaphambi kokuba uthando luthathwe njengengxenye eyinhloko yawo. Yebo, uthando lungaqhubeka uma lushintsha lube ubudlelwano obuphumelelayo obusekelwe kumagugu okwabelwana ngawo nokuhloniphana.
2. Kudingeka senze konke ndawonye
Kukhona imibhangqwana okuthiwa "inomphefumulo owodwa emizimbeni emibili." Indoda nomfazi benza yonke into ndawonye futhi ngisho nangokweqile abakwazi ukucabanga ikhefu ebuhlotsheni. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, lokhu kuwumqondo omuhle abaningi abawufisayo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukusulwa kokungafani, ukuzincisha indawo yomuntu siqu nendawo yokuhlala enemibandela kungasho ukufa kwesifiso sobulili. Okuphakela uthando akuphakeli isifiso.
Isazi sefilosofi u-Umberto Galimberti siyachaza: “Sithanda umuntu osiletha ekujuleni nasekucasheni kakhulu kwethu. Sikhangwa yilokho esingakwazi ukusondela kukho, okusibalekelayo. Lena indlela yothando.
Umbhali wencwadi ethi “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus” UJohn Grey wengeza umcabango wakhe: “Inkanuko iyaqubuka lapho umlingani enza okuthile ngaphandle kwakho, eyimfihlo futhi esikhundleni sokusondelana, kuba okungaqondakali, okungaqondakali.”
Into esemqoka ukugcina isikhala sakho. Cabanga ngobudlelwano nozakwethu njengesuite yamakamelo aneminyango eminingi engavulwa noma ivalwe, kodwa engalokothi ikhiye.
3. Umshado into eza kuqala kuhilela ukwethembeka
Sisothandweni. Siyakhuthazwa ukuthi uma sesishadile, siyohlale sithembekile komunye nomunye ngemicabango, ngamazwi nangezenzo. Kodwa ingabe kunjalo ngempela?
Umshado awuwona umgomo, awuvikeli ekufisweni, awukuqedi ngomzuzu owodwa ukukhangwa umuntu angamazi. Ukwethembeka kuwukukhetha okuqaphelayo: sinquma ukuthi akekho futhi akukho lutho olubalulekile ngaphandle komlingani wethu, futhi usuku nosuku siqhubeka nokukhetha othandekayo.
“Nganginozakwethu engangimthanda ngempela,” kusho uMaria oneminyaka engu-32. Ngazama nokumyenga. Ngabe sengicabanga: “Umshado wami ufana nejele kimi!” Kungaleso sikhathi kuphela lapho ngabona khona ukuthi akukho okubalulekile, ngaphandle kobuhlobo bethu nomyeni wami, ukumethemba nobubele.”
4. Ukuba nezingane kuyawuqinisa umshado
Izinga lenhlalakahle yomndeni liyancipha ngemva kokuzalwa kwezingane futhi alibuyeli ezikhundleni zalo zangaphambili kuze kube yilapho inzalo ekhulile ishiya indlu ukuze iqale ukuphila okuzimele. Amanye amadoda aziwa ngokuzizwa ekhashelwe ngemva kokuzalwa kwendodana, futhi abanye besifazane bayabalahla abayeni babo futhi bagxile ngokugcwele endimeni yabo entsha yokuba ngumama. Uma umshado usuwohloka, ukuthola umntwana kungaba utshani lokugcina.
UJohn Gray uphikisa encwadini yakhe ukuthi ukunakwa okufunwa izingane ngokuvamile kuba umthombo wokucindezeleka nezingxabano. Ngakho-ke, ubuhlobo bombhangqwana kufanele buqine ngaphambi kokuba “ukuhlolwa kwengane” kubehlele. Kumele wazi ukuthi ukufika komntwana kuzoshintsha yonke into, futhi ukulungele ukwamukela le nselelo.
5. Wonke umuntu uzakhela imodeli yomndeni wakhe
Abantu abaningi bacabanga ukuthi ngomshado, ungaqala yonke into kusukela ekuqaleni, ushiye okwedlule bese uqala umndeni omusha. Ingabe abazali bakho babengamahippie? Intombazane ekhulele konakele izozakhela owayo umuzi omncane kodwa oqinile. Ukuphila komkhaya kwakusekelwe ekuqineni nasekuyalweni? Ikhasi liyaphendulwa, linikeza indawo uthando nobubele. Empilweni ayinjalo. Akulula kangako ukuqeda lawo maphethini omndeni, ngokusho esasiphila ngawo ebuntwaneni. Izingane zilingisa ukuziphatha kwabazali bazo noma zenze okuphambene, ngokuvamile ngaphandle kokuqaphela.
“Ngalwela umndeni wesintu, umshado esontweni kanye nokubhapathizwa kwezingane. Nginekhaya elihle, ngiyilungu lezinhlangano ezimbili ezisiza abantulayo, u-Anna oneminyaka engu-38 ubudala uyahlanganyela. “Kodwa kubukeka sengathi nsuku zonke ngizwa uhleko lukamama, engigxeka ngokuba yingxenye “yesistimu”. Futhi angikwazi ukuziqhenya ngengikuzuzile ngenxa yalokhu. ”
Okufanele ngikwenze? Yamukela imfuzo noma uyinqobe kancane kancane? Isixazululo sisendleleni umbhangqwana ohamba ngayo, ushintsha iqiniso elivamile usuku nosuku, ngoba uthando (futhi akufanele sikhohlwe lokhu) aluyona nje ingxenye yomshado, kodwa futhi inhloso yalo.