I-narcissist isebenzisa zonke izindlela zokulawula labo abaseduze naye. Lapho edinga izaba zokukutshela noma ukukutshela ukuthi ushintshe indlela oziphatha ngayo, uzogxuma ngawo wonke amathuba. Ngeshwa, ngokuvamile asikuqapheli lokhu ngaso leso sikhathi. Ekusebenzelaneni ne-narcissist, imithetho yomdlalo ishintsha njalo, futhi sithola kuphela ngalokhu lapho siyephula singaqondile.
AmaNarcisists ahlala ejeziswa ngokwephula imithetho. Bangase bathethise noma baqale ukunganaki. Ukusunduza kude nawe okwesikhashana, noma ukumane ubonise ukunganeliseki njalo futhi uzame ukubangela umuzwa wecala ngokuphula "imithetho" ngokukhohlisa.
Kungaba nezinketho eziningi "zokujeziswa", kodwa zonke azijabulisi kakhulu. Ngakho-ke, sizama "ukuqagela" le mithetho kusengaphambili ukuze singayiphuli futhi singacasuli othandekayo. Ngenxa yalokho, ‘sihamba ngamazwane’ lapho sikhuluma naye. Lokhu kuziphatha kungaholela ekukhathazekeni nasekuphazamisekeni kokucindezeleka kwangemva kokuhlukumezeka.
Kunezibonelo eziningi “zemithetho” ebekwa ama-narcisists. Isibonelo, umlingani akajabuli ukuthi ugqoka ngendlela evusa inkanuko noma, ngokuphambene, uhloniphekile. Uthethiselwa ibhulukwe elimjuluko noma ama-flip flop nanoma yini enye, njengokugqoka izingubo eziluhlaza.
Uzakwethu one-narcissistic angase alawule ngisho nokudla kwakho, isibonelo ngokubuza ngokukusola, “Kungani udla lokhu?” Angase angayithandi indlela esihamba ngayo, esikhuluma ngayo, esinikeza ngayo isikhathi. Ufuna ukulawula ukuphila kwethu konke emininingwaneni emincane kakhulu.
“Ziningi izindaba engizizwile kumakhasimende mayelana nemithetho eyahlukene ebekwa ama-narciss for abathandekayo. Ungahambi ngaphandle kwezicathulo, ungasuli izandla zakho ezimanzi ebhulukweni lakho. Ungathumeli umbhalo, vele ushayele. Ungawudli ushukela, udle ucezu lwekhekhe. Akumele ube ngowokuqala ukuvakasha. Ungalokothi uphuze. Fika njalo kusasele imizuzu emi-5. Ungalokothi uthathe ikhadi lesikweletu, ikhadi lasebhange kuphela. Ngaso sonke isikhathi thatha ikhadi lesikweletu kuphela,” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uShari Stynes.
Ngokudabukisayo, ama-narcissists ayabikezelwa ekuphambukeni kwawo kanye nokuguquguquka. Ekuziphatheni komunye nomunye wabo, amaphethini athile aphindaphindiwe. Elinye lala maphethini ukungabikezeli kwemithetho eshintsha ngaso sonke isikhathi. Izinguquko zinezizathu ezithile.
Enye yazo ukuthi ama-narcisists azibheka njengabaphakeme kunabanye futhi aqinisekile ukuthi azi kangcono kunathi "ukwenza kanjani". Yingakho bekholelwa ukuthi banelungelo lokubekela abanye imithetho. Umuntu onobugovu kuphela ocabanga ukuthi wonke umuntu oseduze kwakhe kufanele alalele izimfuno zakhe ezingafanele.
Isizathu sesibili ukuthi i-narcissist idinga ukuveza isisulu (umlingani, ingane, uzakwethu) njengomuntu "omubi". Ngokombono we-narcissist, siba “babi” ngokwephula imithetho yakhe. Kudingeka azizwe eyisisulu, futhi uyaqiniseka ukuthi unalo lonke ilungelo lokusijezisa. Le mizwa ijwayeleke kakhulu kuma-narcissists.
Kungani umuntu omdala etshela omunye ukuthi agqokeni, adleni, ashayele kanjani? Lokhu kungenzeka kuphela uma ekholelwa ukuthi unelungelo lokunquma ukuthi yini engcono kakhulu.
“Uma umuntu osondelene naye engumuntu othanda ukunandisa futhi uzama ukumjabulisa ukuze ungaxabanisi, ngingakunikeza iseluleko esisodwa kuphela: yeka. Zibekele eyakho imithetho futhi uyilandele. Vumela lo muntu ahlele amahlazo, athukuthele, azame ukukukhohlisa. Kuyibhizinisi lakhe. Phinda ulawule impilo yakho futhi unganqotshwa imizamo yokukhohlisa,” kufingqa uShari Stines.