Unikeza umngane amathikithi okuya eshashalazini, futhi akaneliseki ngezihlalo ehholo. Ukusiza ozakwenu abhale indatshana, kodwa akazithandi izibonelo ozikhethile. Futhi ngokushesha noma kamuva uqala ukuzibuza: ingabe kufanelekile ukwenza okuthile kulabo abangasho ngisho nokubonga ekuphenduleni? Kungani laba bantu bahlale befuna ukubamba kukho konke ababenzela kona? Yisiphi isizathu sokungakwazi kwabo ukubonga, lokhu kuhlobene kanjani nethemba nenjabulo, futhi kungenzeka yini ukunqoba ukunganeliseki kwaphakade?
Abangabongi futhi abaneshwa
Ukhansele izinhlelo zokusekela umngane wakho okucele ukuba wenze kanjalo. Usizo lwalungelula kuwe, futhi ubulindele ukuthi okungenani uzobongwa, uthumele incwadi noma i-SMS. Kodwa cha, kwaba khona ukuthula okuphelele. Lapho ekugcineni umngane ephendula ezinsukwini ezimbalwa kamuva, akazange abhale nhlobo lokho obukulindele.
Ugibele umngane wakho ukuya ekhaya ngosuku lwemvula. Asikwazanga ukupaka emnyango: yayingekho nje indawo. Kwadingeka ngimehlise ngaphesheya komgwaqo. Wathi ephuma emotweni wakubuka ngeso elibi qede wagaklaza isicabha. Akazange abonge, futhi emhlanganweni olandelayo akazange abingelele. Futhi manje ulahlekile: kubonakala sengathi udinga ukuxolisa, kodwa ngani? Wone ngani?
Ungalichaza kanjani iqiniso lokuthi uzizwa unecala nakuba ungabongwanga? Kungani abanye abantu befuna futhi bebeka izinga eliphezulu kangangokuthi singasoze sabanelise?
Ukungabongi kuba yingxenye yobuntu, kodwa naphezu kwalokhu, umuntu angashintsha uma efisa.
U-Charlotte Witvliet waseHope College eMichigan kanye nozakwabo bathola ukuthi abanye abantu abanawo amandla okubonga. Abacwaningi bachaza ikhono lokubonga njengomzwelo ojulile womphakathi “obangelwa ukuqaphela ukuthi sithole okuthile okuyigugu kumuntu osenzele umusa.”
Uma ukubonga kuwuphawu lobuntu, khona-ke umuntu ongabongiyo akakuphathi ukuphila ngokwako ngokwazisa. Njengomthetho, abantu abanjalo abajabuli njalo. Ukunganeliseki njalo akubavumeli ukuba babone ukuthi yiziphi izipho ezilethwa ukuphila nabanye. Akunandaba noma bahle emsebenzini wabo, bahle, bahlakaniphile, abajabule neze.
Njengoba ucwaningo lukaVitvliet lubonisile, abantu abanekhono eliphezulu lokubonga ababoni ukungqubuzana phakathi kwabantu njengokwehluleka, kodwa njengamathuba okukhula abafunda kukho. Kodwa labo abahlale benganelisekile ngakho konke bazimisele ukubheka amaphutha kunoma yiziphi izenzo. Yingakho umuntu ongabongi engasoze alwazisa usizo lwakho.
Ingozi ukuthi abantu abangakwazi ukuzwa ukubonga bakubona njengesiphetho ngokwakho ukukhombisa abanye ukuthi babenze kabi. Ukungabongi kuba yingxenye yobuntu, kodwa naphezu kwalokhu, umuntu angashintsha uma efisa.
Okokuqala, kufanelekile ukucabanga ukuthi labo abazama ukusiza abantu abanjalo bazokhathala ngokuzumayo ukuba bahle ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kwesinye isikhathi bavele badinwe yikho. Ukungabongi kubangela ukungabongi okufanayo, kuyilapho ebudlelwaneni obujwayelekile abantu bayasiza futhi babonge labo abenza okufanayo kubo.
Ungakufunda kanjani ukuthi “ngiyabonga”
Yini ebangela lo mshini? Lapho befuna impendulo yalo mbuzo, ososayensi baye bahlola izici ezingandisa ikhono lokuthola ukubonga. Bahlole izindlela ezahlukahlukene ezihlokweni: kokubili “ukubala ukubonga kuze kube isiphetho”, nokubhala izincwadi zokubonga, kanye nokugcina “idayari yokubonga”. Kuvele ukuthi inhlalakahle kanye nenhlalakahle yalabo ababambe iqhaza ezivivinyweni ngcono ngenxa yokulandela imodeli entsha enhle, ehlobene ngokuqondile nemizwa yokubonga.
Ingabe ukuhlakulela amandla okubonga nakho kungaba nomthelela ekhonweni…ukwethemba? Ngokungafani nokubonga, okuhlotshaniswa nomvuzo osheshayo, ithemba “liwukulindela okuhle komphumela wesikhathi esizayo ofiselekayo.” Ukungakwazi okungapheli ukuzwa ukubonga akuthinti kuphela ikhono lokubona okuhle esikhathini esidlule, kodwa futhi nokholo lokuthi umuntu angathola umvuzo esikhathini esizayo. Kalula nje, abantu abalindele ukuba abanye babaphathe kahle, ngakho bayayeka ukuthembela kulokho.
Ukuthambekela kokubonga kungashukumisa ikhono lokuba nethemba lokuhle futhi lijabule. Ngemva kokusungula lokhu, ososayensi benza uchungechunge lwezifundo lapho ababambiqhaza bahlukaniswa ngamaqembu amabili. Amalungu eqembu lokuqala kwakudingeka achaze ngokuningiliziwe ukuthi yini ngempela afuna ukuyifinyelela esikhathini esizayo, nakuba engakwazi ukulawula inqubo yokufinyelela umgomo. Kwakufanele bakhulume ngamacala esikhathi esedlule lapho benethemba lokuthi okuthile kuyenzeka.
Elinye iqembu lakhumbula futhi lachaza izimo ngokwalokho okwenzeka kulo. Yiziphi izifundo abazifundayo, yiziphi izinyathelo abazenzayo ukuze bathole ababekufuna, ingabe bakhula ngokomoya, baba namandla. Khona-ke kwakufanele babonise ukuthi babonga bani futhi ngani.
Ungafunda ukubonga, into esemqoka ukukhomba nokubona inkinga. Bese uqala ukuthi ngiyabonga
Kuvele ukuthi ukuthambekela kokuzwa ukubonga kwakuphezulu kulabo abaceliwe ukuba babhale mayelana nolwazi lokubonga. Ngokuvamile, ukuhlolwa kubonise ukuthi kungenzeka ukushintsha. Abantu abahlale bethola amaphutha kulabo abazama ukubasiza bangafunda ukubona okuhle futhi bathi ngiyabonga ngakho.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, abacwaningi bathola ukuthi, cishe, abantu abangakwazi ukubonga, bathola isipiliyoni esibi ebuntwaneni: babethemba othile, kodwa abazange bathole usizo nokusekelwa. Leli phethini selibambe iqhaza, futhi bajwayele ukungalindeli lutho oluhle kunoma ubani.
Ukuphindaphinda njalo kwesixhumanisi "okulindelekile okubi - imiphumela emibi" kuholela eqinisweni lokuthi ngisho nezihlobo ziyeka ukusiza laba bantu, ngoba awufuni ukwenza okuthile kumuntu ongeke ajabule ukusiza, noma ngisho nokusabela. ukucasuka noma ukucasuka.
Ukwaneliseka ebudlelwaneni kuncike endleleni abantu abaphathana ngayo. Ungafunda ukubonga, into esemqoka ukukhomba nokubona inkinga. Bese uqala ukuthi ngiyabonga.
Mayelana Nochwepheshe: USusan Kraus Witborn uyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo kanye nombhali we-In Search of Satisfaction.